It's already Thursday, and tomorrow everyone is going to leave for winter break. Except me. Usually it didn't bother me. I was happy to spend time alone, with no one bothering me and on my back, demanding my attention. Now? I fucking hate the idea of her leaving. Even if it is just for two weeks. It's probably going to be the longest two weeks in my life.

Between our exams and hockey, we barely saw each other. We had hooked up twice after our moment in the library, and it's definitely not enough for me. And I don't even mean sex! I miss talking to her, watching movies with her, doing anything with her because she makes even the shittiest things better. We have been messaging each other a ton these days! We joke, we flirt, we talk about anything and everything at the same time. I feel carefree and happy when she's around, and I talk. I really talk, I tell her things I usually keep to myself. It's the weirdest thing ever!

"Thompson, ready to go?" I turn my head and stare at Drake as if I am seeing him for the first time in my life.

"What?"

He rolls his eyes, fixing his sports bag he already has draped over his shoulder. "I asked if you're ready to go. Everyone left already."

I look around the locker room, and my eyes go wide. I was so lost in my own head that I didn't even hear the other guys leaving. Ava's presence in my life has screwed up my mind big time. Or is it her absence? I shake my head and stand up from the bench, pulling up the hood of my hoodie. I pick up my sports bag from the floor, zip it and walk over to Drake. He smirks, pushes the door open and I follow him outside. I have a very strange feeling in my head, as if he stayed behind on purpose because he wants to talk.

"What are your plans for winter break?" Benson asks, as we stroll down the hallway to the exit.

"No plans. I'm staying here."

"Must be lonely."

"I've gotten used to it. Summer breaks are the only ones when I go home."

He glances at me sideways, looking me up and down. Man! There is no need for your pity! I'm totally fine with not seeing my family, and I actually feel way more content when I'm alone. Or when I'm with Ava, but that's not going to happen. She already told me how much she misses her dad, and how happy she is to finally go home for more than a couple of days.

I open the door and cold air hits my face. I shiver, goosebumps spreading all over my skin. It's too fucking cold! "Colton?"

I stop in my tracks and veer to my right, gawking at Drake. "Yeah?" Here we go! My gut is never wrong.

"Listen, I'm not the prying type, and I'm most definitely not a fucking gossip, but I'm attentive. I see things, I hear things and I make assumptions." Benson shifts, becoming serious at once. "Is something going on between you and Ava?"

Bingo! The honesty of my answer depends on one thing only. What does he want to know? Does he have feelings for her?

"Maybe."

"No matter what you think right now, she's just my friend," he says, straightening his back and squaring his shoulders. "Yes, we had sex, but that's in the past, I have no lingering feelings for her, nothing. I'm asking you this because I care about her, and I don't want her to get hurt."

"Why would I hurt her?"

"Um... because it's you." I chortle, instantly realizing he's not joking. "Colt, I have known you since our first year here, and your reputation long before we became teammates. Have you ever had a girlfriend? Or any type of committed relationship?"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I ask, feeling perplexed.

"Everything... Two years ago her ex did a number on her, and she hasn't had a boyfriend since." Drake licks his lips, looking away and staring at something behind my back. "She was a girl who was ready to lose herself in her guy, but now she refuses to be with anyone after him. So if she lets you get close to her, it means something. And I don't want you to fuck her up even more than her ex did."

"I'm not going to hurt her." He opens his mouth, but I don't let him interrupt me. "She's different, and I-I really like her."

Drake is silent for a moment, but then he breaks into a smile. "Good to know. Even if it sounds sick, despite the things that happened between us, she's really like a sister to me."

"Definitely sick." I comment, guffawing. Sliding my hands in my pockets, I hold his gaze, a question lingers on the tip of my tongue. "What did he do?"

"Ask her yourself. It will show how much she trusts you."

"Greeeeeeaaaaaat." I huff, my fingertips itching. I want to smoke, badly. And I haven't done it in months! The possibility of her not trusting me scares the shit out of me.

"Look, I obviously could tell you, but... that breakup affected her way more than she thinks. Ava, on her high horse, believes she's over it, but she's not." Drake tells me, taking a deep breath. "Her refusal to go to the ice rink proves it."

"Wait... She told me that the ice rink and her don't get along. Is it because of her ex?"

"Yes." He nods. "Ava loved being on the ice. You have no idea how many times she and Layla would play against me when we were kids. Helping me practice, skating with me, or just trying to fucking dance and sing, having fun and being her usual easygoing self. That idiot ruined that for her. Games are the only times she will agree to be close to the ice."

We both fall silent, looking at each other and saying nothing. The wheels in my head work fast, and the only possible conclusion comes to my mind. "Is he a hockey player?"

"You are quick." Drake grins, chuckling. "He plays for Michigan State."

"Who is he?" They are our worst rivals. I know every dude from that team.

"Jefferson." Benson snarls, grimacing and poking his tongue into his cheek. "He's a fucking douche."

"If he hurt a girl like her, he's more than just a douche." I vaguely remember him since he is two years younger than me, but I will make sure he REMEMBERS me after our next game.

"Oh, I know that look... and I don't feel sorry for him. At all."

"As you should." I laugh quietly, step closer and extend my hand to Drake. He takes it, but pulls me in instead, hugging me briefly and stepping back.

"Thank you for being honest, Colt."

"You too." I give him a smile. "Now I know something new about the girl I like."

"You make it sound as if she's..." Drake's jaw drops open, and he eyes me as if I turned into Shrek, no less. "Is she the first girl you have ever liked?"

I bite my inner cheek in annoyance, furrowing my brow and looking away. He's too fucking irritating. "Yes."

"Dude! Are you for real? That's amazing!"

"It's embarrassing."

"No, you dumbass! It means she's special. Maybe even THE ONE." I blink. Then blink. And blink. And blink. Is he fucking serious?! I'm 21, and she's just 18, is he really implying we're going to get married and have babies?!

"I'm done with this conversation." I turn on my heels and storm away from Benson who is choking on his laughter. Unlocking my car, I toss my bag in the backseat and then go to my door and slide inside. Only now realizing I'm smiling. Good Lord, I need a reality check. For real.

Starting the engine, I think about her last message. She's leaving as soon as her classes end, and considering my classes I won't have a chance to see her at all. Two weeks without Ava? I will be doomed.

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Sitting in my car, I watch Helen. I don't see her often, but when I do, her baby bump looks bigger than the last time. Anyone would think she would be nervous, worried about her life as a single mom, but she's absolutely unaffected. She's cheerful and smiley, enjoying her pregnancy to no end. Is it weird that I expected her to be broken? Maybe.

She doesn't know I'm here. She is sitting on a bench, chatting with her colleague and sipping her drink. All my desire for her disappeared. Just like I expected. Once I was done with her two months ago, I stopped caring. She's just another woman I hooked up with, nothing else. And maybe someone I help from time to time, because I promised to be there for her. Though her calls and messages became pretty rare, sometimes I even forget she exists.

I shift my gaze to see what she's looking at and see my mom walking out of the office building. My lips stretch into a smile, the same reaction I always have when I see her. My mom is my whole world, always there for me no matter what. Always in the stands to support me, even if she's busy with her gallery. Her love is unconditional, and I'm beyond grateful for everything she does for me. Unlike my father, she really cares.

Mom notices Helen and pivots in her direction. They talk, Mom smiles affectionately and caresses Helen's baby bump, saying something to her. I chuckle, shaking my head. Why is she so nice to everyone? I often think it's her weak spot. She always wants to see the best in people, even people that are full of shit... like my father dearest for example.

My mother waves her hand, whirls around and saunters to my car. She asked me to give her a ride, just because she knew I was free and she wanted us to spend some time together. 'Creating bonds between kids and parents is essential. You need to know you can trust me, with absolutely anything. Even your darkest secrets are safe with me.' Not that I'm very talkative, but with her? I can talk for hours. About hockey. About my studies. Anything. She wants to know everything and she's incredibly genuine. I know she asks, not because she's obligated to know about my life, but because she loves me. And I love her.

"Did you miss me?" She opens the door and slips inside, raking her gaze over my face. "You should have come with me. It makes Dad happy when you show up at his office. He thinks you're interested in his business."

"In his dreams." I start the engine, and my mom laughs heartily. "Where do you want to go next?"

"Well, your father refused to join us, because he has an urgent call with one of his clients from Japan. So... we're free to go wherever we want. It shouldn't even be fancy."

We glance at each other, and nod knowingly. "Sundaes at McDonalds?"

"Sounds amazing." Mom chirps, buckling the seatbelt and nestling more comfortably. This woman knows me like the back of her hand, and more so, she even shares some of my guilty pleasures. She's the best mom in the world!

Driving away from the office building, I notice Helen's gaze on the car. Her lips pursed into a thin line and she's frowning. Is she so unhappy to see me or my mom? Is she worried I'm going to tell my parents how she let me fuck her in my car? No thanks, it was one of the worst experiences I ever had. Wouldn't have wanted to repeat it, not even for a million dollars. But what if it's about my mom? She was only nice to her, why does my father's secretary look so pissed? Fuck! This shit is weird, and I have a pretty bad feeling about it. Just because.

🏒💥🏒💥🏒

Fuck! What time is it? I breathe heavily, my whole body covered in sweat. Being alone isn't good for me. It's the third time this week I fell asleep in my bed watching Sherlock, and then woke up because I dreamt about my past. Getting dangerously close to memories I want to forget... ones that I tried to erase... to destroy ... because they bring only pain and sorrow. Nothing else.

I grab my phone from my bedside table and stare at the screen. 4am. It's even earlier than the last time, dammit! I climb off of my bed and head to the kitchen. I need a glass of water to chase away this sticky feeling of hopelessness. Things started coming back and I'm not okay. I'm not ready to face the demons of my past... not when it's Christmas Eve in four days... not when I need to be at my father's stupid party next month. If I survive it without punching him in his face, it will be a miracle. He shouldn't have asked her to call me. He would have made things much better than they were if he called me himself. I would have argued, I would have cursed, but I would have come and played the role of the perfect son. But after Helen's call? I'm ready to kill him with my bare hands, and kick that slut out of his company. He shouldn't have kept her close... not after everything. He could support her, give her money, anything... just put her in her place... No. That's not what great Eric Thompson does. Pathetic fucker.

Chugging two glasses of cold water, I drag myself back to my bedroom. I'm yawning, so maybe if I hide under the covers, I will fall asleep? It would be really great because I'm having headaches almost daily now, all because of my lack of sleep. My apartment is dark, and hardly any sounds reach it from the street. I feel so alone, as I have never felt in my life. Because I know the difference now... what it means when you have someone who makes your days better. Someone who makes you feel alive and who makes you smile a thousand times a day, even if usually you're grumpy and hate everyone. It's different from what I had with my mom, because Ava isn't compelled to like me... she isn't tied to me with any bonds, except her own desire to spend her time with me. And it's something that turns my world upside down, giving me hope and filling me with happiness and warmth. Not something I'm used to, but I definitely don't have anything against it and only pray I won't fuck it up.

Advancing my bed, I close my laptop that I had been watching Sherlock on before I fell asleep, put it on the floor and slide under the covers. Her scent is no longer here, and I miss it. I miss everything about her, and it is driving me nuts. I can't touch her, kiss her or just be with her. Winter break chose the worst time ever to start. I mean it.

Taking my phone from my bedside table, I unlock it, intending to turn off my alarm I had set for 8am, but I do nothing. I have two unread messages, which came when my 'Do not disturb' mode started, well past 12am. One is from Ava, the other one is from... Drake? What the fuck?

Opening her message first, I read it and freeze. Is she for real? Then, I open Drake's message, realizing instantly that she takes no shit when she wants something. I quickly type my answers to both of them, put my phone on the bedside table and close my eyes. Drifting off to sleep while being happy and hopeful isn't something I'm used to, but it feels amazing.