Was it one, or two? Shit.

I reached for the notes I had taken last night, desperate to do something to take my mind off what was happening behind the closed door just out of my sight.

2 spoons sugar, my scratched writing read. It was barely legible from how tightly I had been holding the pen in my hand. At least I hadn't snapped it like I had the last one I was using to record the previous Earth recipe Zev had walked me through.

Right, I nodded to myself, confident I was following the recipe correctly.

Reaching across the counter, I grabbed the jar filled with rock sugar, a healthier alternative to the human version the recipe used, and searched for the measure I had witnessed Zev use. Finding it, I measured out the appropriate amount and dumped it into the bowl holding the other contents needed to make pancakes, a sweet breakfast food humans enjoyed. Twisting the lid back on the glass container, I went to place it back in its designated location, knowing Zev was a stickler for organization.

Before I could safely place it on the countertop, a drawn-out breathy moan reached my ears.

Jerking uncomfortably at the sound, the glass slipped from my fingers and fell to the floor, shattering. Suddenly, the giddy excitement my dragon had been feeling in preparation to feed our mate switched to anger and hurt.

An involuntary growl left my lips as my eyes locked onto the broken glass and sugar that now coated the floor at my feet. I rose my foot and it off as my dragon was tried to force me to turn my eyes towards the door the sound had originated from. He knew the surge of anger the sight would bring would give him the upper hand he needed to take control and barge in there.

Gritting my teeth together, I crouched down and began to pick up the sharp pieces of glass. The action was better at calming my dragon down than I would have expected, making it easier to bear having to hear the noises that followed the first and gradually grew in volume. That was until the sight of blood and broken glass started replaying the memories of Zev grinding Neas's hand into porcelain as tears streamed down her face. What made my stomach twist further in nauseous was the memory of how amusing I had found the sight at the time, laughing at her pain with my dragon who now hid his face in shame.

Guilt twisted my heart. I had laughed and encouraged it. Why? Because I let the wrong people dig their way into my mind. I had put the burden of guilt on her for actions she didn't commit. We had all turned her into a scapegoat for the atrocities other women had committed against us or other men.

For once, my dragon backed down on his own, curling up and hiding in the recess of my mind. He felt unworthy of going anywhere near the warmth Nea's end of the bond radiated. He didn't want to taint it.

The only other time I had ever felt unworthy was when I had watched my father's back disappear into the thicket after he abandoned me in the wild. Mother had finally gotten him to get rid of the runt, his only child. She had others with her other husbands, but only one with my father.

And it was a disappointing one, too.

She had been trying to get him to abandon me ever since I was born weighing half the weight of an average baby. Her want to be rid of the shame I brought the family only grew when I didn't shift by the age it was expected I would.

I tightened my hold on the large piece of glass I had just picked up. I didn't ease it any when my skin gave way, letting the sharp edge cut into it like the soft butter I had melting in the pan on the countertop burner. I clenched my eyes shut, trying to block out the images my dragon sent to the front of my mind as punishment.

It had been years since I last recalled the final memories I had of my father.

* * *

I stumbled over the thick root sticking out of the wet soil. The recent rainfall had left the dirt soft, making it impossible to regain my footing. Regardless of how widely I failed my arm, I couldn't stop myself from falling.

With a groan of pain, I landed on my butt.

"Careful, Jaxon! You'll end up with another broken bone!"

I flinched back at his barked chastisement. It was harsher than the firm and disappointed voice he loved to typically employ. Dad had been acting weird since yesterday.

My head hung in shame as I got to my feet, masking any pain I felt from the fall. I didn't have much meat on my bones to cushion my landing. Any excitement I felt at dad inviting me along to go hunting with him vanished as I recalled the night before.

I had turned 10 yesterday. Dad had stayed up till the sun rose this morning, yet there was still no sign of my dragon. I was used to the disappointment that came with each year that I didn't shift at that point, what I wasn't used to, was seeing the utter devastation in his eyes. He probably was dreading another year of arguing with mother on why they shouldn't exile me from the family.

Gathering my arrows that had fallen out of my holder when I stumbled forward, I put them back in place before turning towards dad with my head hung.

"Sorry, dad."

He didn't say anything for a few moments before releasing a tired sigh.

"Come on, we don't have long for me to teach you everything," he said, placing a hand on my unwashed head and ruffling the oily mess.

Mother didn't allow me inside the manor. I didn't have access to a working washroom that I could bath in. I had to make do with the river a few minutes walk into the wooded area in the back. It had sufficed until one of my sisters had spotted me bathing naked and reported it to my mother, I was lashed before being banned from bathing in natural waters on the property, leaving me nowhere to go. I tried using the water given to the wildlife in the barn I resorted to sleeping in at night to keep myself clean, but it wasn't as effective as I'd like, oftentimes contaminated by slimy saliva.

I tried to pull my head away without making it obvious. I didn't want to have to witness dad wiping his hand after touching me. It was something my siblings went out of their way to exaggerate and do when accidentally running into me, making their disgust at me clear. Dad never took part, even when some of mother's other husbands did, but he also didn't step in and make them stop.

He shook his head, seeing my red cheeks. It only made them grow brighter as my shame grew along with his disappointment. He tried to hide it with a soft smile, but I wasn't a stupid kid anymore, I was ten.

I had always felt ashamed to have to force my father to hang his head. I was the only one out of all of mother's children that he had fathered. Mother's other partners had fathered multiple children. They all brought honour to the family name in bother strength and intelligence, while I only brought shame.

Hiking up the bow I had slung over my shoulder, I straightened my shoulders and picked up my pace to keep up with dad. I wasn't going to disappoint him today by falling behind.

I was going to make him proud.

For the next few hours, while the sun stayed high in the sky, dad taught me the basics of hunting, gathering, and creating shelter. At first, I was confused as to why I had to learn this. Dragons didn't survive in the wilderness like Fae, so why was I being taught their ways?

It didn't take long for the thrill and excitement to make me forget my concerns. It had been so long since I had a chance to be alone with my dad, no judging eyes watching our every move, that I didn't even think to consider it odd that he was suddenly able to spend an entire afternoon with me when he usually could only manage to carve out a few minutes here or there every day.

"Raise your elbow higher, keep your back straight."

I closed one eye as I narrowed the other onto the small furred creature in my line of sight. Adjusting my stance accordingly to dad's instructions, I locked the tip of my arrow over the small creatures beating heart.

"Now," at dad's whispered instruction, I released the string, letting the arrow fly through the air.

With a soft thud, it hit its mark.

A smile erupted on my face. "Did you see that dad! I hit it right in the heart!" I shouted over my shoulder without a glance as I ran towards where my slaughtered prize lay dead.

Most dragons my age had already had their first kill hunting in their dragon forms, but this was the first time for me. Although grim and gruesome, I couldn't help but feel joy at being able to share the experience with my peers, even if the circumstances varied.

I was crouching at the side of the bleeding creature before I noticed something was amiss.

"Dad?" I called out, raising my head and looking back towards him when the silence in the air became too loud.

My brows furrowed when all I saw was green foliage. He was nowhere in sight.

"Dad?" I called again as I rose to my feet, my kill forgotten.

Nothing but silence answered my call.

* * *

I had wandered for three days in search of him. It took two to realize that we hadn't gotten separated by mistake, the memories of angered threats mother had made to leave dad in the past if he didn't get rid of me were slow to sink in as reality. At first, I was in denial, unable to believe he would choose that horrible woman over me, but over the next day, it became harder and harder to explain away his final lessons in survival.

He had taken me into the wilderness to abandon me like mother always wanted.

Dragons didn't make room for the weak, they weeded them out, striving to eliminate them from the gene pool.

When I hadn't shifted by the age of five, no one stopped to consider that it may have been due to me being blessed as a golden dragon. They were known to face their first shift with the arrival of puberty around the age of 11 or 12, but that was a lost and unknown fact considering they were at that point in time consider a myth since we only knew of them from tales. There was no reason for anyone to think a runt like me could turn out to be one.

I couldn't help a grim smile from curling my lips up.

If only mother knew that she only had to wait another week for me to shift into a creature so powerful and rare that our family's name would have been known throughout the realm if word had gotten out.

I didn't even know what I was until I had run into Cassius one fateful day. He had recognized me as one the moment his eyes had laid eyes on me when he had found me with my bloody foot trapped in his hunter's trap. It was only a matter of hours before my body was being overtaken by a fever as my shift came on. Cassius had helped me through the process without complication, his calm words and knowledge steadying.

Speaking of Cassius.... another moan had me remembering the man's decree. He intended to impregnate Nea.

My hand tightened on the bloody shard in my hand. My dragon revolted against the idea of anyone but us laying claim to her womb, but his gratitude for Cassius's care and guidance when I was a lost and abandoned child left to fend for myself had conflicting emotions rising.

Until I focused on the tranquil hum that radiated from Nea again.

It was something I hadn't felt until yesterday. It was something I found myself enjoying. The thought of the warmth radiating from her end turning into fear again had me making up my mind.

I was grateful that Cassius had taken me in, acting like an older brother while I grew under his care when I had no one else to turn to, but I wasn't going to let him damage our mate any more than we already had.

I had a feeling that any more damage we caused to her would be irreparable.

My dragon snapped at me at the thought of ruining our relationship with Nea more than I already had.

Another loud moan snapped me out of my thoughts. I jerked as the pain in my had registered at once. Hissing, I rose. Grabbing a clean dishcloth, I pressed it against my hand and headed over to the sink. Running cold water, I washed the blood off my hand while ignoring the post-sex words the two were exchanging.

I had a feeling they weren't done. I was proven right only minutes later.

Turning my attention back to the task at hand, I tried to block out the two behind the closed door as well as my dragon who was hell-bent on sending me down a spiral of guilt. I prepared a feast of food following Zev's instructions while keeping my ears open for the opportunity was waiting for.

I was becoming doubtful that it would come by the time I was done making everything else and finishing with the eggs, but that was before Ares's faint words reached my ears.

"I'm going to take a quick shower. Your free to join me if you'd like, little one."

From Ares's soft chuckle, I could just picture Nea's red face as she darted her head side to side adamantly.

When I heard the bathroom door lock shut, I turned off the burner cooking the eggs. The few blackened specks told me they were done anyways. Setting the spatula onto the counter, I waited for the shower to start before making my move.