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RAIDEN ||

My pups was gone for majority of the day, I didn't know what he was doing and I knew he was right about having to socialize with his pack and get some work done, but I missed him so much.

There was only so much TV I could watch and only so many books to read before I started twiddling my thumbs, anxiously waiting for him to return.

I knew I could have just left the room and searched for him, but I was serious about needing time away from people today.

I've completely had my fill of people since meeting my alpha wolf and I didn't want to overdo it and have another anxiety attack.

The moment my leg started shaking, I knew I had to do something to calm my nerves as I was growing increasingly anxious over my mates absence.

Getting up, I walk over to the walk in closet, going to my side. I noticed after he left, that my little one had completely cleared the left side of his closet, making room for my things.

As soon as I grab my scarf out, I walked back to the bed. Sitting down, I quickly roll it into a ball the best I could, before extending my claws to bring myself some comfort.

Pressing one hand down, I sink my claws into the soft fabric, before dragging it upwards, only to repeat the action with my other hand. The relieving feeling of the knitted fibers washes over me as my muscles begin to relax, my back and shoulders working in tune with my hands to knead into the fabric bringing a sense of comfort to my whole being.

I close my eyes as Onyx starts to purr in his own comfortability. The beauty of kneading washing over him as well.

Before I knew it, I started purring with him as I slowly laid back onto the bed, sinking into the soft pillow underneath my head and the wonderfully thick comforter under my body.

My simple act of comfort completely washing away my previous anxiousness as I purr even louder, soaking in the reassurance that I would always be ok as long as I could alter my way of thinking or feeling.

The moment I heard the bedroom door open, I crack one eye open as his scent hit me. My purr never letting up, the sight of my mate bringing me another wave of comfort.

"Hey, are you ok?" He asks gently, his eyes locked on the scarf I was kneading on my legs. I nod in response and motion for him to come to me.

When he's close enough to the bed, I let my scarf go and grab his hand, pulling him onto the bed. Laying on his side, facing me, I wrapped my arms around his waist as I stared into his eyes.

Not wanting the feeling of comfortability to end, I gently start kneading into my pups shirt behind him, which caused him to arch his back and press his chest into mine.

"What are you doing?" He whispered and I closed my eyes, trying to stay in this moment.

"Kneading." I whispered back.

"What is that?"

"What I'm doing." I whispered again, not trying to hide the amusement behind my sarcastic answer.

"I can feel what you're doing Raiden, but why are you doing it?" He chuckled causing me to release my own.

"It helps calm me down."

"Is this a Raiden thing or a feline thing?" He asks, I could totally hear the smile in his voice.

"Shhhh pups, just be here with me. Nomore talking please."

There was a few minutes of silence before I felt his forehead lean against mine and his breath tickled my lips.

"Ok." He whispered again as he wrapped his own arms around my waist and my smile widened, knowing my mate was taking what I needed from him so seriously.

Thank you Gods and Goddesses for giving me such an understanding mate.

I laid here with my mate for what felt like forever, my purr never letting up as I continued to soak in the contentment every beat of his heart brought me.

Every now and then, he would chuckle when my claws would slip through the fabric of his shirt, sliding across his back as I kept kneading into him.

"Raiden?"

My eyes flutter open before closing again when I heard my leopards voice.

"Hi Onyx, how are you?"

"I'm good, better."

"You never told me how your talk with Maddox went." I say as I grip onto Dylan's shirt even tighter.

"Do you want me to take my shirt off Raid?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No love, keep it on. Don't mind me."

"That's kind of hard when you're tearing apart my shirt." He laughed, causing me to laugh along with him.

"Maddox wants me to mark him."

My whole sense of comfortability was gone as soon as Onyx said those 6 words. Something so simple seemed so stressful all of a sudden.

"Do you want to mark him Onyx?"

"Yes and no." He answers, lowering his ears, giving off pure nervousness.

"What do you mean yes and no?" I ask as I open my eyes again to see Dylan staring at me.

"I'm still upset with him Raiden."

"Why?"

"What he did Raiden! What his human did!"

Dang it.. he's still upset about what happened to us. What Dylan did to us. I blame the Gods and Goddesses for making our beasts so much more emotional than us. If Onyx didn't feel so deeply, he would be able to forgive Maddox the way I've forgiven Dylan.

"That's the problem Raiden. You forgive too easily, I may feel deeper than you, but I'm not a fool for love. Maddox is my mate, but what he and Dylan did was wrong."

"Onyx, please don't blame Maddox for Dylan's actions. He didn't have much say in what happened to us."

"But he didn't do much to stop it!"

"What could he have done?"

"Forced the shift, forced control, anything, but he didn't try hard enough. He didn't try and I don't know how I feel about it. I thought I was over it, I thought I forgave him, but when he asked me to mark him, I realized I wasn't actually over everything."

I listened to my leopard intently as I watched Dylan now sit up on the bed, his eyes never left mine. He knew I was talking to Onyx, but he didn't say anything, he just watched.

"Do you really think I forgave Dylan too easily?"

"Yes."

"Really?" I ask in disbelief.

"I love you Raiden, you're my best friend and the best human I could have been blessed with, but what our mates did shouldn't have been forgiven so easily and I blame our hearts for that. We wanted the love of our mates so much, for so long, that we overlooked things that shouldn't have been overlooked."

"Raiden?" Dylan asks, causing me to focus on him as I ponder Onyx's words.

"Yes Dylan?"

"Why are you calling me by my name? What's wrong? What are you talking to Onyx about?"

"You and Maddox." I answer truthfully, not able to lie to his beautiful face.

"Why? Is he still mad at us?" He asks leaning closer and grabbing my hand. "I'm so sorry Raiden. I'm sorry for what happened, tell Onyx I'm sorry too."

"I don't doubt that he's truly sorry Raiden, but I think you forgave him too fast. He needs to work for your love, he needs to suffer for it. He needs to beg for your forgiveness, not gain it so easily."

"Raiden, did you tell Onyx that I'm sorry for what happened? Please tell him that... Do you believe me that I'm sorry?" Dylan asks frantically just as Onyx voice floods my mind again.

"I love you Raiden, so much, more than life, but you need to make sure Dylan understands how much you've suffered. Maddox told me some terrible things Raiden.. The things Dylan thought about us while you were suffering in those cells, the things he called us, how he wanted to reject us if he could.."

"What? He wanted to reject us?"

"Yes Raiden and he wanted to reject us when you were suffering in those cells of all times. Some of the things Maddox told me are too horrible to repeat. Dylan didn't love you the way you loved him in the beginning."

"But maybe that's because he was scared you know, scared of being mated to a man. He told me how much that scared him. He told-"

"Raiden! That's not all..."

"Well what else is there?"

"He didn't accept us because he wanted us... he accepted us because he couldn't reject us."

"W-what?"

"Maddox told me that Dylan wanted to reject us, but he didn't because he knew it would hurt him. Knew it would make him weaker than what he already is. He didn't keep our bond because he wanted to, he kept our bond because he was forced to."

Silence fell between my link with my leopard and the room I shared with my mate.

"If he could have rejected us without weakening himself, he would have."

"Raiden?" Dylan asks again and I look at him one more time. Staring into those eyes that I've come to love so much. He watched me with so many different emotions flowing through those eyes.

I slowly pulled my hand from his before scooting away from him, desperately trying to find any form of love in his eyes. Any form of love for me, but Onyx's words kept playing in my mind.

He didn't keep our bond because he wanted to, he kept it because he was forced to. If he could have rejected us without weakening himself, he would have...

"Raiden?" Dylan asks again, reaching for my hand but I quickly pull away from his grasp. He frowns.

"What's wrong?"

"Maddox..." I breathed out before taking a deep breath.

"My wolf? That Maddox? He's ok Raiden... is that why you're worried?" Dylan asks, scooting closer to me, but I scoot away again.

"Maddox told Onyx that you.... that you.." I couldn't even get the words before I felt tears building in my eyes.

"What did Maddox tell Onyx? What aren't you telling me? I'm so confused Raiden."

"And I'm terrified." I say plainly, holding his gaze as his frown deepens.

"Why? Why are you terrified?"

I try so hard to search his soul. I desperately wanted Onyx to be wrong, I didn't want to believe what he said, but why would Maddox lie about something like that? Why would he lie?

That's something I would lie to hide, but he didn't hide it, he told Onyx the truth, it had to be the truth. It had to be.

Dylan wanted to reject me.. he didn't want me from the beginning, he didn't want me when I was in the cells, he was thinking of rejecting me while I was hopelessly loving him. He was hating me while I was falling apart, missing my leopard, losing my other half, starving, cold, miserable..... alone.

I was dying and he was thinking of rejecting me.. no, no it can't be true.

Not the man in front of me, not the man that lets me hold him. Not the man that kissed me first, that hugged me first, that cuddled me first, that blushes everytime I praise him, the man that gave me a home. The man that I love... the man I've given so much of myself to without pause, without hesitation.

My Dylan, my pups, my love, my alpha wolf.

NO... it can't be true, but what if it is?

What if it is....

"Did you want to reject me Dylan?" The words come flying out of my mouth before I can even think about them.

He flinched at my tone before quickly shaking his head.

"No, no Raiden. I don't want to reject you."

"But did you want to? In the past?"

"Y-yes, but that was in the beginning. Like when we first met in the woods, where-"

"Did you want to reject me when I was cells? When you locked me down there?" I ask cutting him off and he swallows.

"Raiden..." he whispers and I shake my head this time.

"Tell me the truth because Maddox already told Onyx." I whisper, trying my best to hold back the tears that now wanted to fall.

His lip started to tremble as he scooted closer to me again, his hand started to shake while he reached out and touched my chest. I took in a sharp breath as his hand connected to the fabric over my heart.

"Raiden, please..." his fist clenched my shirt as his other hand grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me into him and resting his forehead against mine.

"Dylan..." I growl quietly, hating myself for allowing him to pull me closer.

"No, no Raiden... not Dylan, pups, baby, love, little wolf, anything but Dylan.... Please."

"Tell me the truth." I breathe out again, hoping it would be a lie but I knew it wasn't. By his body language right now, it wasn't.

"P-please Raiden... don't leave me, don't reject me... please, I'm a fucking idiot, a dumbass. Everything terrible, that's what I am. I'm so sorry for what I've done. Please, please don't do this." His grip tightens on the back of my neck and he presses his forehead into mine even harder. My eyes close as I suck in a shaky breath.

"Tell me Dylan.. now."

"No, you're going to reject me. You're going to hate me. No, no I'm not telling you anything." His voice was laced with desperation as he literally clung to me. I reached up and grabbed his hand behind my neck and slowly pulled it away from my body.

He fought me the whole time, not wanting to let me go, not wanting to tell me the truth, but I knew the truth. I knew and it hurt, it hurt so fucking bad.

How could he think of rejecting me when I was in so much pain? Pain he caused! Where was his remorse when I was in those cells?

All of the wolves here.. nobody cared until my brother showed up. Nobody apologized or felt bad until they found out that Rome was my brother.

"Dylan." I say, my voice was becoming more leveled as I finally pulled his hand from my neck and placed it onto his leg.

"No Raiden... pups, baby, lo-"

"Your name is Dylan! Not pups, not baby, not love, I reserve those nicknames for people who deserve them."

He pulled his head from mine and looked into my eyes as I seen his tears now falling freely.

"I don't deserve them?" He asks and I shake my head.

"No, because you wanted to reject me. You wanted to cause me heartache when you already were the cause of so much more."

"But I didn't reject you, I never rejected you... we're right here together, it never happened. Whatever Maddox told Onyx is a fucking lie!" He yelled, his emotions starting to take over, but I didn't let his little outburst phase me as I continued to stare into his eyes.

"Dylan."

"No!" He yelled again, immediately cutting me off, not wanting to hear his name come from the one person he's come to accept.

"Did you want to reject me?"

"No, I didn't!"

"Did you want to reject me?"

"No, I didn't!"

"Did you keep our bond only because you didn't want to grow weak?"

"No, I-" He yells for the last time before stopping abruptly, staring deeper into my eyes before his face twists up with emotion and he hangs his head.

"That's what I thought." I said, snatching his hand from my shirt, getting off the bed before walking towards the closet and grabbing my dufflebag.

"Raiden wait please." He begs climbing off the bed after me, then stops as he frantically watches me pack my clothes back into my bag.

"You're not leaving me." I ignore his sudden tone of seriousness as I continue to pack.

"You're not leaving me." I continue to ignore as I move past him before going into the bathroom to grab my toiletries.

"Raiden Silas! You're not leaving me!" He growls and I finally look at him again, to see his eyes glowing. Maddox was clearly distressed as much as Dylan was.

"I'm not rejecting you Dylan, but I am leaving this room."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am, so you can either find me a seperate room or I can go back to the forest. It's really up to you."

"You're my mate, I won't allow you to leave!"

His little temper tantrum had now grown to a new level, as he tried to command me again, knowing his aura wouldn't affect me.

"I don't have to ask for your permission Dylan.. find me a seperate room or I'm leaving and before you say anything, we both know you can't stop me..... unless you use your little poison again." I knew I went too far with my words just now, but I didn't care anymore.

Dylan's anger disappears as fast as it appeared while his face now shows the guilt he's felt the past month.

"If I find you a seperate room, will you reject me?" He whispers, his lip trembling once again.

I shake my head in response.

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't, that all depends on you Dylan."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that all depends on you." I say, emphasizing every word. Minutes go by before he nods in agreement, his eyes brimming with tears again as I walk past him, dufflebag in hand.

The thought of the gift I wanted to give Dylan hit me, so I make my way back to the closet.

"You're staying?" Dylan asks, smiling a little through his sadness, but I shake my head once again.

"Nope, just want to give you this. I made this for you the first day I laid eyes on you." I explain handing him the wooden craved wolf. He takes it and his tears instantly build again.

"It took me hours to carve that for you, I hope you enjoy it Dylan."

I moved past him once again and made my way to the door with him right on my heels. I know I told him I wanted a seperate room and he probably figured he would show me there, but I didn't want to be near him anymore.

Onyx was right, I forgave him too easily without knowing the full scope of things.

Grabbing the door handle, I open it before looking at Dylan for the last time in the room we shared.

"Don't follow me Dylan, I'll find my own way."

"But-"

"I said I'll find my own way."

"Can I at least show you where the extra room is just in case you get lost?"

"No, I don't want to be around you right now. You're not the man I thought you were."

With that, I walk out of his room and shut the door behind me.

Dylan would be earning my love from now on.

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