raiden

Everything's fucked up.

My eyes remain glued to the door. The door Cloud had walked out of less than ten minutes ago. I want to go after him, but part of me holds back. I wasn't a stranger to Cloud's temper and I knew forcing him to talk when he didn't want to would ultimately reap no benefits, but it hurt.

It hurt to find his hidden bag — to entertain the idea that he was just going to disappear. It hurt to know that he had been planning this for so long. It hurt to know that I could've woken up one day and he wouldn't have been there. It hurt to know that I was still deathly afraid that he'd just vanish before my eyes. The bag amplified those feelings, bringing the fear forward.

But at the same time, Cloud's icy gaze was still fresh in my mind and it was killing me. Knowing that I was the reason behind it only made me feel worse. I shouldn't have gone through his past and now I was suffering the consequences of that choice. Paired with the already-added paranoia, I was losing my mind.

My wolf wanted to go find its mate, to bring him back home, and to make him realize that everything will be alright. To make him want to stay. But my conscience screams at me to give him space. You fucked up, Raiden, now let him work through his own feelings and then talk to him. The two sides of me were at war. It was like the devil and angel on my shoulder or an ongoing tug-of-war battle. The two conflicting thoughts were driving me crazy and I needed to get out of the house.

Which was how I ended up at the clearing Maia and I had taken Nara and Cloud to.

Sitting on the ground, I rest my head on my knees and squeeze my eyes shut, forcing my wolf back. If I could temporarily shut off my brain I would, but this would have to be the next best thing.

"How could you be so fucking stupid?" I scold myself quietly. "I'm supposed to be gaining his trust, not pushing him away!"

You promised you would give him a better life.

I exhale shakily, a frown carving its way onto my face.

The longer I sit out here, the more upset I grow. The only thing that manages to temporarily make me forget about my self-pity is the sound of groaning coming to a ways away. Having been so focused on my own issues, I hadn't realized the other scent lingering in the air.

The other very familiar scent.

Slowly standing up, I quietly walk in the direction of the groans until I'm met with the sight of Beta Reo. His hands are gripping his black hair roughly and his figure is hunched over, shielding his eyes from my view.

"Beta...?" I say hesitantly.

As if he's just realized that I'm here, the beta's head snaps up, revealing his red-looking eyes. Instantly, his surprise is replaced by a glare, but it's different from the usual ones he's given me.

"Leave," he growls out, his voice more hoarse than usual.

"Are you oka—"

His grip on his hair tightens again and the shade of red in his eyes darkens slightly. His mouth opens just enough for me to see his fangs before they sink into his bottom lip. His eyes squeeze shut and I stand there for a few minutes and watch him hesitantly.

I didn't want to leave him when he was clearly going through something, but I also didn't know how to help him or if I was even safe for that matter.

When his eyes finally open, the redness isn't as strong as before.

"Beta Reo—"

"LEAVE!" His voice booms in a commanding tone. One that makes my wolf want to turn around and go back home. But as I stare down at him, I find myself fighting against the command.

"Not until I know that you're alright," I tell him. "It's your vampire right?"

Instinctively, I reach down toward him. The beta is quick to smack my hand away, but I don't miss the way his eyes flash.

"Fuck off," he snarls. "If you want to help then you'd leave."

Will you be okay if I do?

His eyes close once again and I watch as he takes deep breaths. We sit there — well, I stand — in silence until he reopens his eyes. The red is gone from them and he appears much calmer. Without a word, the beta moves to stand up causing my brows to furrow.

"Wait—" I reach for him.

Beta Reo smacks my hand away and stops to glare at me. "You should've been gone."

"You clearly weren't okay, I just wanted—"

"You wanted to what, Raiden? What help could have been? What help were you? You should've left when I told you or hell, even linked Tatum or your sister for fucks sake. It isn't your job to try and 'help' me so know your damn place."

The outburst takes me by surprise, but he spares no time before continuing to walk back in the direction of the pack.

"Hold on," I call out to him. "Why did you go out of control like that?"

The Beta sighs and glances at me. The familiar annoyance is back in his gaze, but I don't let it deter me.

"I'm a hybrid. Shit happens," he says and to most, I'm sure he would've sounded like his normal asshole self, but there's an emotion laced into his words that I can't quite make out.

So I watch as his form disappears, but I can't stop the sad expression from overtaking my face. Judging by the way he acted, this wasn't some new occurrence meaning that he had been struggling with his vampire side for some time now.

Did the alpha know? It wouldn't surprise me if he did, seeing how close those two were. But at the same time, I knew Beta Reo wasn't the type of person to go out of his way and talk about his problems and issues — especially regarding his hybridism. His vampire side wasn't something we got to see too often and even though nobody ever specifically said anything, I believe that it's because the beta doesn't like what he is.

Between growing up and watching as he began to hide it more and the conversation we had in the car, it wasn't unusual that I had come to that belief. Was this why he didn't believe he had a mate? Or was it something more than that?

The more questions that I thought of, the more confused I began to become. I know that the likelihood of Beta Reo ever answering any of my questions was none and I know the man had a strong disliking for me, but I still can't help but feel sad as I watch his tired figure disappear.