They say that love tends to inspire the most amazing stories. That is a fact and true to that fact, the goddess of love sat with her nose buried deep in the gossips her cupids brought her. She sat sieving through the stories in her heavenly paper and growing increasingly annoyed with each passing moment.

“What a load of crap!”

She crumbled the paper in her hands and tossed it away. It was not there! The story she was looking for was not there! Fuming, she stabbed her chocolate cake and shoved it in her mouth and chewed.

How annoying! Why is it not there! The most important story was missing! Just what was it?! For the past few months, she had this disgustingly appalling feeling that someone was scheming a precious intrigue right under her nose and she had no idea who was it and worse, what they were doing. It shimmered somewhere in the back of her mind but…

“Aaaaarrrgh!”

She smashed her table with her forehead. If she can’t find it, she will have to beat it out to the surface!

[*SLAM!*]

[You have dealt critical damage to the Table. The table has been erased from existence.]

“You lowly piece of shit! You can’t even manage one measly headbutt?! How am I supposed to work in such conditions?!”

She screamed, waving her hands in the air.

“Dear customer, could you please calm down, you are disturbing our other guests.”

A horrified servant came to pester her. She was about to unload her frustration on the unassuming woman when her eyes caught a curious sight. It cannot be! Launched from her chair like a rocket, the goddess run through the café’s garden in her golden high heels, jumped over the fence and landed, putting her target in a perfect headlock.

“My cute Sheri-Sheri, where have you been! I missed you so much!”

Sherltion, the god of vengeance paused for a moment to gaze at the tiny hands wrapped around his neck. Esme, the goddess of love hanged on his neck while her feet dangled on his back, her pink dress fluttering in the wind. It gave his magnificent body the appearance of having a pink, girly cape. Since they often came to work together, he quickly learned that the best way to deal with this annoyance was to ignore her. Which he did and continued his stroll.

“I see you’ve been using your sword, Sheri-Sheri. Without. Me.”

The god of vengeance yet again ignored her. Just like he always did. Although…

Aha! This was it! This was the source of that annoying feeling. He knew something! She put all her strength into an arm choke.

“Come on you bastard! Spill the beans or I swear I will rip your head off! H-hey!”

Sherltion’s enormous palm reach over his shoulders and closed around the little goddess head. With a slight tug, he peeled her off his back and brought her face to level with his face. For a brief moment she trashed around in his grasp like the scared kitten she was, assaulting everything with her fingernails but finding it futile she calmed and just hanged in his grasp with her arms closed. She also tried to turn her face away from him but since he held her head, only her body turned at an odd angle.

“What do you want Esme?”

“You’ve been working without me, and you don’t want to tell me what you did. You are hiding something!”

She pointed at him, accusing him of the greatest crime in her eyes. Keeping secrets.

“A city full of demonic humans was found. As they were blaspheming against the gods and their creation, I had to do my duty.”

“Bullshit! You never bother with such crap! You always get one of your servants to do it.”

Esme’s eyes grew larger as realization struck her.

“You were summoned! Somebody had the rights and the balls to summon… mmmm!”

With his other hand sealing the mouth of this pink, gossiping parasite, Sherltion cast a vary look around them. He couldn’t sense anyone, but he still teleported them to his domain. No point in tempting luck. That bitch had her cronies everywhere.

“You are meddling in something you shouldn’t. You best forget what you think you know and go your own way. Give me your word you won’t speak…”

Esme’s foot collided with his cheek with a force enough to wipe out an entire continent. It didn’t do any noticeable damage but was strong enough for the god of vengeance to release her mouth.

“Leave it alone?! Like hell I will! This is the best scoop I got since you eloped with that stiff goddess of justice. You better confess what is going on or I’ll tell everyone that you raped me! You dragged me to your domain, and you raped me! You know what she’ll do if she hears that, right? I’ll start screaming in one, two… mmmm!”

How did this come to be? Sherltion pondered as he gagged the little pest. He made sure to follow his word and not to interfere with her plans but since Esme sniffed out something, there could be no hiding it from anyone. There was a reason why everyone behind her back called her the goddess of gossip. Although, now that he thought of it, this could be useful. He promised he won’t involve himself in getting vengeance on her behalf but with Esme, yes, with Esme this was a different story.

“Alright.”

He smiled.

“I’ll tell you everything but first stop screaming and promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

Esme’s eyes became large and eager. If he weren’t holding her by her head, she would vigorously nod it in agreement.

“I do not know if you remember but…”

***

Who would have guess. All, all this happening right under her nose! Esme paced back and forth, biting her own thumb. To her left, an oblivious mortal snored in his bed. A mortal marked by gods and death. How could they start without her! To excluded her from such a marvelous intrigue! How unfair!

But now that she got the gist of it, how would she even… oh. That was perfect. Just the blessing she could give to such a man. Giggling, she pressed her finger against the mortal’s forehead and waited until her mark burned into his soul. Done! Now, all that left was to wait.

***

Awoken by the smell of burnt skin, Joe sat up with a crossbow in his hands. The room was dark and empty. The charms he set were left untouched and the familiar sounds coming from the outside corridor told him the friendly neighborhood tentacle kept watch.

So, a bad dream? Maybe. He had no idea what disturbed him, but it probably wasn’t anything important. Since his mana pool still had more than a half left to recover after he serviced that maid, he just shook his head and fell back to his pillow.

Unbeknownst to him, a troubled tentacle was franticly trying to wipe off something that attached itself to Joe’s status screen. Unfortunately, no matter how much she scrubbed, the damn thing did not want to go away. And all it took was a moment carelessness. She just took her eye of Joe for a moment to appreciate the new cookies he gave her.

Darkness, nervously chomped at another crumbly victim. It wasn’t that bad. Not at all. Perhaps slightly annoying but, she put another cookie into her maw, if he uses it right this may be even useful. She tried to convince herself as she one more read the glowing title.

[Since you like having so many women around you, the goddess of love blessed you in your endeavors. You receive the prestigious and unique title of ~Harem King~.]

[Harem King]

* One with many needs. Because one woman is not enough, you tend to collect more along the way. +30% positive affinity in the eyes of females, regardless of their species. -60% affinity in the eyes of males. Warning: may cause some individuals to act hostile towards you without any apparent reason.

* Based on the number of slaves in your harem, unlocks additional skills and effects. Currently available: Protection of the harem king, Hands off my hubby, That which goes Boink, Knotting the uber knot. Collect and romance more slaves to unlock additional benefits.

* Due to your preference, you are unable to buy, have or receive male slaves. Any male slaves in you possession will be released. Any male slaves received will be released.

* To retain the title, you must conquer at least one heart a year. (The target of your conquest must recognize you as their love interest for this to count. Conquering the same target is possible if her affinity towards you drops below certain level.

* Warning: Choosing a single woman as the love of your life will result in instant death. You can marry however many you want but best not play any favors. The other ladies won’t like it.

* Warning: Your harem may turn against you if you refuse to satisfy their needs.

* Warning: As a harem king you must to provide a certain level of comfort and protection to all your possessions. Failure to do so will result in your harem turning against you. Depending on the situation it may result in bodily harm or death.

* You are not married to any of the seven available candidates. Consider marrying some. Advancing a slave to the position of your wife will grant them a level of freedom unavailable to others and unlock more benefits for you and your harem. (Slave seal and direct orders remain in effect but your wives can, by popular vote, overrule some of your orders towards others and, if situation requires it, they can outright ignore your orders. For this option to activate you need to have at least three wives.) Warning: Forcing an unwilling candidate to marry you will turn your harem against you. Instant death is possible.

“Oh dear, oh dear… he won’t get angry, won’t he?”

Darkness sat and fiddled her tentacles. What she saw when she peeked through Joe’s memories told her he may not be too thrilled when he sees that.

“Dear, oh dear….”