《Make Me STAY》i hate to admit
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It was bound to happen eventually.
Rose had been expecting, waiting, for Chan to finally have a proper conversation with her. She knew that her soulmate was a busy man but as weeks passed by the weight hanging above their heads got heavier and she watched with bated breath for it to drop.
It still managed to take her by surprise though.
"Stop it! Just stop... being okay with this all the time!"
Rose blinked in shock at her soulmate. They were in his studio and Chan had just told her that he had to cancel their date night to attend a last-minute meeting. They hadn't had anything special planned, just a movie and takeout at home, but this wasn't the first time this had happened. Every time Rose said the same thing.
"That's okay. I understand. Your work is important."
But apparently, that wasn't the reaction Chan wanted from her.
"You're important too! How can you be okay with me constantly cancelling on you? Don't you want to spend time with me? Why did you even bother coming back?!"
It took a moment for her to recover from the hit she felt from Chan's words. The hurt morphed into anger, and she shouted right back at him.
"Maybe I shouldn't have! Your right. What was the point if we are not going to spend any time together? I mean, since I returned it's just been one mess after another. Don't you care?!"
Aside from the whole Hyunjin thing, videos of Chan and his soulmate at the airport had gone viral. The reaction had been mixed. While there was support for them, the hate was louder. Arguments were made that Rose had put Chan in danger, that she was weak for needing him to rescue her, that the reason she hid her face was that she was so ugly Chan was embarrassed to be seen with her, and the classic: she wasn't good enough for him.
"Care? Oh, I care. You're the one who cared so little that you left me!"
"I was trying to save your career!"
"You! - wait, what?"
The two stared at each other, Chan in confusion and Rose like a deer in headlights, while their anger fizzled out.
"Rose... what do you mean?"
"Nothing."
Part of her wanted to confess everything she had been keeping from him, but instead, she put on a mask to keep herself from breaking. Chan stepped towards her and cupped her face in his hands.
"No. No mask. You promised."
One of the things they had talked about after being reunited was the mask Rose would wear to disguise how she was truly feeling. Chan had asked her not to use it, at least with him, and she had agreed.
"Sorry."
"I had a feeling, more than a feeling really... I was pretty sure that was why you left."
Rose looked at him with wide eyes.
"What? How...?"
"JYP said something to you, didn't he?"
"He said a lot of things."
"It must have been bad if you thought the only way forward was to leave me."
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As she stared into her soulmate's eye, Rose broke. Tears started running down her cheeks and Chan pulled her into a hug. After she had calmed down and they had gotten comfortable on the sofa, she told him everything JYP had said to her. Chan listened without interrupting as his suspicions were confirmed and afterwards, he just had one question.
"Why did you think that my career was more important than my relationship with you?"
"Don't you understand? What you do is important. Music is important. The influence you have... you could change the world. You have already changed people's lives. I know, because, well, you changed mine."
"And you didn't think that I could still do that with you by my side?"
"With me, but without them... would you want to?"
"Either way, was it your choice to make?"
"No. I know that it was wrong of me but at the time I thought - I didn't see..."
"I know."
Rose looked down at her lap where their hands were linked, and she played with Chan's fingers as she spoke.
"I would've come back, after a few years when your position was stronger, more stable... I already waited two years for you I thought I could manage a few more."
"But I couldn't."
Her head shot up to look at her soulmate.
Chan freed one of his hands from her grip and tucked her hair behind her ear before gently stroking her cheek, a sad smile on his lips.
"You find that surprising - have I not made it clear how much I love you? Rose, my sweet, sweet Rose, you - you are my life. Although it might not seem like it, you stole a piece of my heart the first moment I saw you, and now... and now I give it to you freely."
For a while, Rose just stared at Chan. Just when he decided to speak again, she grabbed his head in her hands and captured his lips in a passionate kiss. After his initial surprise wore off, Chan wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer to him. But it wasn't close enough. Her hands fell to his shoulders, and she rearranged herself so that she was straddling his lap.
It was the most passionate moment between the two since Rose's return. Even sharing a bed, the most they had exchanged were light kisses and hugs. Although Chan had liked to pretend that everything was forgiven and forgotten, there was a distance between the two that hadn't been there before.
Rose wore that she could feel their bond starting to heal as they kissed. The spark between them from before began to fizzle back to life. She was smiling as she pulled away.
"I love you, too. So much it hurts."
More tears ran down Rose's cheeks and Chan wiped them away.
"I don't think I've ever seen you cry so much before."
"I didn't think I could feel. Before you. I didn't think anyone could make me feel anything. It was like I had built up these walls that I couldn't knock down by myself and it worried me. I worried that I would never to able to connect to anyone."
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"And now?"
"They crumbled the minute I met you. It was scary and overwhelming, but... you're worth it."
Chan brushed his lips against hers before resting their foreheads together.
"I'll be your wall. I told you; I'll protect you."
"And I'll protect you too - by your side! We can protect each other, side by side."
"Forever."
For a while, they lay on the sofa together, wrapped in each other's arms, basking in the feeling of their newly strengthened connection. Rose rested her head on Chan's shoulder, her hand on his chest, as she listened to his heartbeat. The feeling of his muscles beneath her hand and his arms wrapped around her brought one particular word to mind.
If any word could be used to describe her soulmate it was strong. Not just physically. He had an inner strength that was reassuring to those around him. It was part of what made him such a great leader. Rose couldn't believe what she had but this beautifully kind man through.
Rose pushed herself up so that she could look at her soulmate.
"Chan... I'll never lie to you again."
"I'll be honest with you too."
"I... I have to tell you. You may have forgiven me, but I haven't - can't - forgive myself for what I did to you, how I treated you, what I said -"
"Rose, I'm sorry."
"- to you - what? Why? You didn't do anything wrong."
"Didn't I?"
"No. Chan -"
"This all started because I wanted to go public and despite you telling me over and over that, you didn't want to, I selfishly put -"
"What? No, that's not -"
"- my wants before yours and pushed you until... until it broke us. I'm as much to blame as you are."
"I - I - "
"Do you forgive me?"
"Of course, I do! I knew why you wanted to go public so badly. I understood it. I did. I saw how it affected you every time you had to cover your soul-mark in public... I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you wanted."
"I can't blame you for not wanting to be in the public eye. I don't. I know I forced your hand."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"Well, you left so that I wouldn't go public with my soul-bond, but I did it anyway, and I did it because then I knew you wouldn't have a reason to stay away."
"I... I thought it was spontaneous."
"I'm so -"
Rose sat up and moved off of Chan so that they were sitting separately on the sofa.
"You mean, it was planned?"
"I know it was bad of me, but I was desperate, not that that's an excuse... I'm so sorry. I promise I'll do everything in my power to keep you out of the limelight. No one will find out who you are -"
"It's okay. What's done is done. Whatever happens, I can handle it, if you're beside me."
"Thank you. Are you still you for our date night?"
"I thought you had a meeting?"
"Some things are more important."
They stared at each other for a moment before Rose reached out and whacked Chan on the arm.
"You charmer. Was there ever a meeting?"
"There was..."
Rose looked at him disbelievingly.
"You didn't make it up?
"I promise! They were very happy when I said I already had plans tonight."
They picked up food on the way home and settled on the sofa to watch a movie. After eating, Rose lay down with her head in Chan's lap and tried not to fall asleep as he ran his fingers through her hair.
"Ooh, movie night! Can I join?"
The soulmates glanced at each other, and she just shrugged and smiled, making Chan sigh.
"Fine."
Rose went to sit up so Changbin could sit on the sofa too.
"No, no, don't move."
She let out a little yelp in surprise as the rapper lifted her legs and sat down before placing them over his lap.
A few minutes later someone else entered the apartment. Rose looked up as Felix came and sat on the floor in front of them.
"I heard it was movie night with Noona!"
Rose ruffled his hair, while Chan made a noise of contempt.
"Um, your favourite Hyungs are here too, Felix. Don't you care about us anymore? It's always Noona this, Noona that."
"That's because Noona gives better hugs than you, Hyung."
Chan gasped at Jisung's words. The rapper had just walked in and decided to join them.
"Is that so?"
After gently pushing Rose to sit up, the leader grabbed Jisung from where he was standing next to the sofa and pulled the younger Idol onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him tightly. As the younger rapper squirmed trying to escape, Rose moved out of the range of fire and closer to Changbin. The older rapper decided to copy his leader and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his lap and trapping her in a hug making her laugh.
"Binnie! Lixie save me!"
Felix failed in his attempt as Changbin got an arm around him. Holding both of them with one arm each, the rapper kissed them both on the cheek and cackled evilly.
"Aha, I have you both now!"
On the other end of the sofa, Chan was mostly in the same position but with Jisung and Hyunjin. The dancer had heard the commotion and tried to help. The leader was having a little more of a struggle to hold onto his captures as they both fought back.
"If you hadn't stopped going to the gym you could get out of this, Sungie."
"Shut up."
Jisung pouted as he gave in and sat still as Chan kissed his cheek.
Hyunjin, however, managed to escape his hold before the leader could land one on him. Unluckily for him, he ran straight into Minho who had come looking for Felix. The dancer caught Hyunjin, who didn't dare fight back against him, before turning to the others with a raised eyebrow.
"Seems I'm missing out on all the fun."
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