Celibate (adjective): abstaining from intercourse; unmarried

“You know, your hair is so soft and gorgeous! You could totally get guys if you actually did something to it!”

She had laughed—a soft, muffled sound that quickly vanished as she started up the blender. The thunderous crushing of the ice and coffee had swallowed the lingering echoes of the older woman’s comment, but the unbearable awkwardness she felt in that moment still rang in her ears hours later.

Sighing, she slipped into her desk chair and looked into a mirror she kept by her laptop. The person staring back at her seemed much older than yesterday. How long had those creases been there? Had she always looked so tired?

Her hand went up to her hair. It was soft and silky between her fingers, exactly as her colleague said. But as backhanded as her compliment sounded, it was true that she never styled it—not at the cafe, not at home, and not at college either.

She just… never cared enough to.

Another wave of hesitation clouded her mind, a fog that hadn’t stopped haunting her since she stepped into the world of adulthood. Her high school self had declared biology as her major, her passion, the love of her life that would complete her as a person.

The young woman reached onto a familiar bookshelf and pulled out a thick volume on genes and heredity, flipping to a page about telomere structures. Across the lesson were numerous charts and diagrams, smiling up at her as if their colors could create a rainbow through her cloudy mood.

A bitter laugh escaped her throat. Why did the textbook suddenly seem like fiction?