Kopfkino (noun): the act of playing through an entire scenario in your mind

To melt into welcoming arms, to feel warmth draped over her back, to sigh woefully at last… relieved, grateful, and safe. To speak of all troubles in the day, careless and sloppy, freed from worry of how her words sounded to others. To scream and cry like a baby. To throw herself into the open and never fear the consequences.

She often replayed this scene over and over in her head.

The figure in her imagination never had a face. She’d tried attaching familiar silhouettes to it—her friends, family, acquaintances, and once or twice a fictional character—but the daydream wouldn’t feel right.

A slow, burning hunger developed not from her stomach, but her chest. Yet, all she tasted was bitterness; realization that no such scenario could possibly exist. To love so genuinely and so unconditionally was a concept too romantic and brave for her, an endless train of what-ifs and doubts always fencing off her heart to the world. She would never let herself be vulnerable to the idea of trust.

How ironic then, to hope for something nonexistent.