You know it seems like every time it's my turn to talk to everyone, I'm freaking the fuck out.

And I am freaking out because last time after the guys and I got back, I went to bed with Tory, and in my sleep, I made the executive decision to let her make all the moves today and that I would go along with it.

As stated last night, the thought of that scares me because I know Tory wants to have sex.

Trust me, it's not that I don't want to have sex with Tory. I do.

I have never been someone's first though.

And Tory is too important to me to fuck it up with sex.

But, if it's what she really wants, and she makes a move or tells me tonight, then I'm going to give it to her.

But first things first.

After breakfast, we all went to get ready, but while it was Tory's turn in the shower, I made my way down the hall from the guest room, to Olivia and Mason's and knocked.

Olivia opened the door. "Mason is still in the shower." She nodded.

"I can hear. I uh, actually came to talk to you though."

"Oh, come on in." She opened the door further and closed it behind me.

I sighed and sat on their bed.

"What's the matter?" She crossed her arms.

"Do you have a condom?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Yes, I do." She nodded. "Why?"

"Because if it's what she really wants, I'm going to give it to her. I didn't expect this to happen, so I didn't bring anyway, and I don't want to ruin the mood if I set it by going to the store and buying some."

She smiled, walked over, reached into her end stand drawer and handed me a few.

"Thank you." I nodded.

"Hey." She sat down next to me and put her hand on my shoulder. "Just go slow, OK?" She nodded. "Take your time, explain to her how it's going to go so it's not so much of a shock, tell her what you're doing before you do it."

I gave her a small smile. "You know I wouldn't be functioning without you, right?"

"Ben." She shook her head. "You're a good boyfriend. I just talk you through. You're doing really good."

"Love you."

"Love you." She smiled. "OH." She got up and grabbed her purse. "Your tickets. Does she know where you're taking her yet?"

I shook my head. "Just to a museum.

"She's going to love it." She nodded.

"You, OK?" Mason came walking into their room.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Just, needed to grab something. She's probably just about ready." I got up.

He smiled. "Don't be nervous." HE shook his head. "Have a good time dude."

"Love you both." I smiled and walked back down to the guest room.

Tory was all dressed in tight jeans, a t-shirt and cardigan.

"You look gorgeous." I smiled and closed the door behind me.

She turned and smiled. "Havannah and Abby taught me how to do this thing when my hairs wet called scrunching." She nodded. "You use mousse and get and like, crinkle your hair."

"Well babe, it looks amazing." I nodded. "You ready to go?"

She nodded.

Her and I headed out and 20 minutes later we walked up to the Museum.

"Are you kidding me?" She smiled.

I shook my head. "Welcome to the American Museum of Natural History."

"Oh my god." She smiled started jumping and clapping. "We're really spending the day here."

"We are." I smiled. "There is a space show in there that I really want to see."

"Oh my god." She grabbed my hand and literally started running to the door.

I think she may have slightly injured my arm with how hard she pulled me, but seeing her face light up when we walked in to the museum was 100% worth it.

She turned around and smiled up at me. "Ben this is seriously so amazing." She wrapped her arm over my shoulders and just kissed me in the entrance of this museum, "Thank you, so much."

"Are you happy." I smiled.

"Uh, yes! Look at this place." She spun around. "This is like heaven to me."

"I told you it was something that you would like." I nodded.

"Lets go find the space show." She nodded.

"You don't want to look the Extinct and Endangered exhibit?" I gave her a look.

"We have all day, and you want to see space, so let's go find space." She smiled.

She grabbed my hand, we got a map, and we went to find the space show. Stars upon stars, planets, the moon. It was amazing. Mason would love this thing.

Her and I walked around for a while, a few hours actually, looking at sculptures, skeletons, and finally around 4:00 we made our way around to the place she was waiting for.

The hall of ocean life

Now, I have seen Tory many different ways. Drunk, shy, , happy, focused, you name it. But the only way I could actually describe the way she walked around looking at the marine life and ocean ecosystems, the look on her face, the shine in her eyes, the small smile she had as she stood there just looking for a few minutes at each of them, was simple. Mesmerized.

The look. That was one I want to save for a life time.

So, I snapped a picture like I normally do when she's super interested and happy.

And I sent it to Olivia.

I love that look. I'm taking it she's had a good day?

She's had an amazing day. Thank you for helping me.

Any time kid.

"You're going to be a great marine biologist, you know that?" I nodded.

"It's amazing." She shook her head just looking at the biggest whale.

"Olivia actually helped me with this. She ordered our tickets so I could surprise you."

"I love her." She smiled. "But now I am sad, because this was the last thing to see."

"Well, that just means we're going to have to come back to New York to visit Ol, Mason and Connor go see another Museum." I smiled.

"Ok." She smiled. "But, after 6 hours here, I'm going to assume someone is hungry?"

"Oh my god, I'm starving." I whined.

"Dinner?" She pursed her lips.

"Dinner." I nodded.

So that's what we did. We went and caught a cab, made our reservation on time, and the entire time I felt like I was going to pass out.

Because now, there's one more thing I know she wants.

Today has been my dream day.

Perfect Ben, in perfect New York, and the perfect dinner.

But Ben being so quiet in the cab after getting dessert at Dana's, I'm concerned.

"What's wrong?" I sighed.

"You know it's not that I don't want to, right?" He squeezed my hand.

"Huh?" I raised my eyebrows.

"The guys, they talked to me last night. I'm sorry I keep shutting you down. I want to have sex, I do." He nodded. "Just, I don't want it to be like every other time I've had sex. I want it to be special. I know it means a lot to you. And you mean a lot to me."

I LOVE that he is upfront and honest with me even if it makes him palm sweatingly uncomfortable.

I gave him a small smile and kissed his cheek. "Ben, we haven't even done it yet, and it's already special to me. And, that's because it's going to be with you."

He let out a small smile. "Really?"

I nodded.

He cleared his throat. "I uh. I have been thinking though." He nodded.

"About?"

"Well, you've waited. And, we'll be alone tonight like I promised. I mean, Mason and Olivia will be in their room. We'll have our own room, so, I was thinking that, if you really want to and you feel like you're actually ready, that, we could have sex tonight." He looked over at me.

"Really?"

"If you want to."

"Ben it's not a question of if I want to. It's if you want to too." I nodded.

"Tor, the problem was never if I wanted to. Of course, I want to. I just, I wanted you to think it the whole way through. I've watched you for the past few months, and when you do something, you throw your whole heart in to it, sometimes, sex when you're not ready it can take a mental toll on someone. And I am sorry if I made you feel like I don't want you. I promise you, I've never wanted someone more than I do you."

My smile grew. "OK." I nodded.

"Yeah?" He raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah."

"Alright. Then, when we get there, I'm going to take you to our room, I'm going to show you how much you mean to me." He smiled.

And as excited I am, I am terrified.

When we got back, yelled to Olivia and Mason that we were back, and then asked me to wait a few minutes.

He came out and got me and took me back to our guest room.

No one else was back yet though.

He sat right now on our bed with a smile.

But now, as he reaches for me his expression turned serious. "Come here."

Once I'm close enough he wraps his arm around my waist, my hands go behind his neck, and he pulls me in closer so I'm standing between his legs.

He rests his chin on my stomach and looks up at me. "Are you absolutely sure this is what you want?"

I nodded.

He pulls away and tugs the bottom of my shirt. "Can I take this off?"

I nodded.

He pulled the top up and over me and tossed it on the floor along with my cardigan.

He wraps both his arms around my waist. "You are so gorgeous." He kisses each side of my chest before he lays back and pulls me right down on top of him.

"Since I know it's killing you, you can do whatever you want with me before I take my time with you." He reached down and squeezed my butt.

I smiled, slid off him, and down onto the floor to my knees, and this time, I took his shirt off and went straight to his jeans.

Pulled them and his boxers right off his feet.

"You are so straight to the point that it is unfathomable, and I love it. So much." He sighed as I wrapped my hand around it and lightly stroked. "Shit." He sat up and leaned on his forearms.

I rolled my tongue over his length, swirled it around his tip, and slowly slid him into my mouth.

"Oh my god." He lightly threw his head back.

I took him in deeper, and this time, I threw in a little hum.

"Fuck Tory." He reached down and wrapped his hands in my hair. "I love it when you do that." He started slowly pulling my mouth off then sliding it back on.

I honestly love it when he takes control of it. I don't know why, but I do.

But after I gagged, he pulled me completely off, and pulled me back up his body.

He flipped us over, so he was on top of me, and moved us up the bed before he threw the blanket over us.

"Why'd you stop me?" I looked up at him.

"Because if I come while you're doing that, I'm not going to last very long. I want to wait until I'm inside you." He nodded and kissed me.

"Am I laying on a towel?" I shifted.

"Just a precaution. Just, lay back and relax. Let me take care of you. OK?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. "OK."

I say OK, but the reality is that I'm actually trembling right now.

I shouldn't be.

We've done this before.

I've gone down on him.

He's gone down on me.

I shouldn't be shaking.

But I am shaking because the only word going through my head is 'pain.'

"Tor, you've got to breathe." He lightly bit my neck.

I gasped.

Apparently along with shaking, I was holding my breath.

He pulled his face out of my neck and looked down at me. "Babe, we don't have to do this tonight." He shook his head.

"I want to." I nodded. "I do, just, keep going."

"Are you sure? You're shaking." His face sank.

"Just, nervous. I'm OK." I gave him a small smile.

"And you'll tell me to stop if-"

"I promise, I will tell you to stop if I change my mind or I'm uncomfortable."

"Thank you." He leaned down and kissed me.

He pressed himself down on me and slowly thrust his hips against mine, and I have no clue why, but I couldn't help it.

I grabbed his hair and pulled him closer.

A wild, sloppy kiss. Tongues, teeth, gasps and moans as his hands roam my body, touching me everywhere he could reach.

And then he pulled away from my mouth, kissed down to my chest, pulled the straps of my bra off, unclasped the front buckle, tossed it on the floor, and lightly rolled his tongue against each of my nipples and pulled one into his mouth.

I began to shift underneath him. My body actually feels restless despite how terrified I actually am.

He shifts back up to my mouth, pulling my bottom lip between his teeth before he slips his tongue back in and circles it around mine.

His hand skims from my chest, down my side to the button of my jeans and zipper, undoing them and pushing his hand inside, and the minute he presses a finger against my clit, my body lit on fire.

"Jesus Victoria, you really do want this." He groaned and kissed me as his finger worked its magic.

I moaned into his mouth and nodded.

I actually love it when he calls me Victoria.

He pulled away and looked down at me. "I'm going to put a finger in. OK?"

I cleared my throat and nodded.

He leaned down and started kissing my neck as he slowly slid a finger inside me.

The more he pumped his finger and rubbed his thumb against me, the more relaxed my body felt.

He continued for a few more minutes until he pulled out of my neck.

"Is it OK to add another?" He pursed his lips.

"Oh god, yes." I threw my head back.

He let out a small smirk, and I felt myself spread more as he added a second finger.

He pumped them in and out steadily for a few minutes before he kissed his way down my body until he pulled my jeans and panties off and he's laying between my thighs.

"Focus on my mouth, OK?" He looked up at me.

I can't tell you how fast I nodded.

He dipped his head, and ran his tongue right along my center, circling it around my clit while his fingers went at a punishingly slow pace.

He looked back up at me. "I'm going to add one more. OK?"

My eyes got wide, and I pursed my lips.

"Never mind." He shook his head.

"No. No do it." I nodded.

"Are you sure?" He raised his eyebrows.

"I'm sure."

"Just relax your body, breathe, and just focus on my mouth. Grab my hair if you need to." He nodded. "Actually, just grab my hair right now. Pull my head back if it's too much, OK?"

I took a deep breath and buried my fingers in his hair.

"That's my girl." He kissed the inside of my thigh and right back to what he was doing.

But this time, when he circled his tongue, he sucked my clit right between his lips.

When he did it, I could feel the slight sting of the third finger, and my body tensed right up.

Not from pain, but from shock.

"Baby breathe." He mumbled against my skin.

I let go of the breath, but they were coming out shallow.

As he worked his fingers slowly in and out of me, he reached up between my legs with his other hand and started running his fingers softly down my sides and back up to squeeze my chest. Then back down.

I don't know, but him doing that put my body at ease, but my mind was still racing 100 miles per minute, but after a few times, he started slightly curling his fingers, and I felt the tingle start ripping through my stomach.

"Ben." I moaned and gripped his hair harder. "Ben I'm going to-"

"Do it baby, come for me." He started moving his fingers and tongue faster.

My hips started coming off the bed, but he used the hand that was gliding down my sides, grabbed my hip, pushed me back down, and squeezed.

"Fuck." I threw my head back when my toes started to curl. "Babe." I gripped his hair tighter and pulled his head closer.

"Yes." He groaned, and then he did it. The thing that has been making me completely fall apart.

It's actually the thing I've been doing. I got the idea from him, I asked him if it would work on him, he told me to see if it did, and well, it did.

He pulled my clit into his mouth, sucked, and let out a low hum, and I completely fell apart.

"Shit!" I moaned and let go of his hair.

I threw my arms over my eyes because the colors that lit behind my eyelids were so bright, I thought I went blind.

I felt him slow down, slowly pull his fingers out, and crawl back up my body.

He moved my arms off my face. "Tory I need you to open your eyes so I know you're OK." He sighed.

My eyes shot open, my arms went around his neck, and I pulled him down to kiss me. "I'm OK." I nodded.

"Are you sure you want to keep going?"

"I want to keep going."

Now the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach is back.

He nodded, reached up to the night stand, and grabbed a small yellow package.

"Don't think I'm crazy, but I need you to close your eyes. Just for a minute."

"Why." I pursed my lips.

"Because I don't want you to look down while I'm putting this on, see it right up against you, and you get more nervous. Please just do this for me." He nodded.

I nodded and closed my eyes.

I felt him sit back and rise to his knees.

I heard the foil tear and some faint snaps before he dropped slightly back down on me and the blanket was over us again.

"You can open them." I felt him kiss my cheek.

"3 words, OK?" He sighed.

I nodded.

"Slower. Gentle. Stop." He nodded.

"OK." I whispered.

"Remember, relax, and breathe."

I nodded.

"I'm going to go really slow, a little at a time, and once I'm the full way in, I'm stopping until you tell me I can move again."

"OK."

He put forearms on the bed by my head, so he was basically laying on top of me, and grabbed it with the other.

He slowly glided it against my entrance a few times.

"You're 100% sure babe?"

"I'm 100% sure."

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and lightly pushed his tip in and pulled back out.

Small sting, not too bad.

I wrapped my arms around his back when he slid back in, but a little deeper this time.

OK, pressure, but manageable.

He slowly pulled back out, and slowly slid in a little deeper.

OK. OK OK Ow.

I clenched my eyes shut as he slowly pulled out and slid in deeper, but this time, it wasn't gliding in smoothly. Something was stopping him.

He took a deep breath, and used a little more force, and then there was a sting so sharp that my thighs tried to close, I gasped, and I really just buried my face into his shoulder to muffle the whimpers coming out of my mouth.

"Do you want me to stop?"

I could literally hear the concern in his voice.

I squeezed my arms around his back tighter and shook my head.

"Tory, I need you to look at me, please." He sighed.

I pulled away and opened my eyes.

He took a deep breath, wiped his hand on the towel, and wiped under my eyes. "I need to hear you say it. Do you want me to stop?"

"No." I choked out.

He closed his eyes and nodded.

He cleared his throat and kissed me. "OK. Then I need you to breathe. I'm not going to pull the whole way out again. I just needed to do that to get used to how tight you are and try to loosen you up a little bit. But it's not working because you're so tense." He shook his head. "So, what I want you to do is just look at me. OK? Don't take your eyes off of mine, focus on your breathing. When I pull back, let out a breath. When I go back in, breathe in." He nodded.

I cleared my throat and nodded.

"Now breathe in."

I took a deep breath in.

"Now breathe out." He started pulling back. "Eyes on mine."

I let out a breath and wiped my face.