Exams were kicking my ass and I lost motivation with writing. I still enjoy writing this story but I just kinda hit a rut and wasn't sure what to do. I'm still wanting to write and enjoy writing but I just sit at my computer and find I have no idea what to write. I wish I could give you guys a higher-quality chapter but I just don't think I have it in me right now. I hope you enjoy it anyway though.

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You still felt sick, remembering the way your children's flesh bent and gave to your hands. How easily their bones snapped and made way for your digging teeth. Remembered the way their blood filled your mouth and the scent flooded everything around it.

You could hear their bones snap, could hear their screams, could feel the muscle tearing under your shaking hands. You were haunted by the memories, retching and emptying the contents of your stomach. There wasn't much, just the remnants of the deer and water.

You were gasping for air, trying to regain your breath and senses. Everything had gone numb as you relived the trauma. You couldn't smell anything other than their blood, couldn't hear anything other than their screams, couldn't feel anything except their skin tearing.

You felt bile rise to your throat again, falling over and resting your head on the ground with your arms wound around your stomach. You felt so unbelievably sick with yourself. You couldn't keep up this lie. This lie that you were a perfect being, a perfect mother, that you hadn't killed your own children.

Please, Please, make it stop. You begged and begged. You could vaguely register the fact that you were crying, but everything else was a swirling, writhing mess of pain, disgust, and nausea.

You didn't know how long it had been, only laying there writhing on the ground in your cave. A noise finally broke through the screams. A call of your name, a moment passed. And then another, louder call of your name.

A shake to your body, and you gripped onto the new feeling. Clutching onto the newcomer's hand. "Mother," came a distorted voice. You groaned, shaking, as you tried to stand only to fall back onto the ground. "Mother!" The voice was stronger now. The sights, sounds, and smells around you seemed to fade back into existence.

You could smell the musk of the man in front of you, could feel the dirt under your knees, could even feel your eyes finally open. A blurry, pale figure knelt beside your pitiful figure.

"Akaza?" You choked out, gripping the fabric you could now feel fervently. "Mother, what's going on?" His voice was filled with worry, hands hovering above your frame as he tried to figure out where to place them.

"Memories," you gurgled, having difficulty articulating your thoughts and words properly. It was infuriating, trying so desperately to return to the world of the living, but being stuck hearing, smelling, and seeing your biggest mistake.

Your mistake? Having joined the Demon Slayers in the first place. Ignorance is bliss after all. But had you not done so, you wouldn't be where you are now. You would have never discovered that you could help demons, and never have been able to save Rengoku, or anyone else.

Your children would have been stuck on the street, or brothels, or in factories. They would have never been given the loving home you were able to provide had you died those hundreds of years ago.

"Help," you gasped, clawing at his clothing. Akaza looked down at you, covered in your own blood. He could see the countless scratches covering your body, and could smell the distinct scent your blood carried.

He stayed kneeling, gently resting his hand on your shoulder. "How do I help you, Mother?" A noise came from the back of your throat as you tried to use his body to help you stand. He repressed a grunt at your weight, gripping under your arms to help you stand.

He stood with you, having you drape over him. He grunted as he attempted to adjust you on his back. With every movement, you groaned, and at that point, he could feel the drool pool from your parted lips.

He grimaced at the feeling but ignored it in favor of getting you to the only person he knew could fix this. "Ya know you were supposed to meet me tonight. Tamayo is here with the others," he filled the silence, hoping to elicit some sort of reaction.

You simply groaned in response, attempting to find the words through the haze that seemed to fill your head. Everything sounded blurred. The words mixing and melding together into a jumbled mess. It was frustrating and you were trying desperately to regain some semblance of functioning.

Akaza turned to look at you, his concern growing at your current state. "Mother?" He gently shook you. Your head lolled, giving him no response. Shit, he thought, hurrying his steps. He knew Tamayo should be able to help you, distress flooding him.

If Tanjiro were nearby he'd have been able to smell the distress rolling off Akaza as he rushed as gently as possible to Tamayo. Akaza couldn't hold back his shudder, however, when he felt your drool drip onto his shoulder. Ew, ew, ew, he chanted as he picked up the pace to reach Tamayo.

He vaulted over a group of bushes, being met with Yushiro and Tamayo staring at him, the children huddled in a pile together asleep. "Help her," he rushed and slid you off of his back. Tamayo's face contorted and she rushed over to your slumped body.

She saw you covered in your own blood, seeing the fierce scratches that covered your arms and neck. She knelt next to you, slowly opening one of your eyes and seeing them clouded and dilated. "Mother," Tamayo spoke, shaking you gently. Your eye lazily migrated towards the sound of her voice.

She frowned deeply, turning toward Yushiro. "I need you to get me some cold water. Cold. Maybe we can shock her system and bring her back." Yushiro nodded and ran off. Akaza looked between the both of you.

"What the fuck is going on?" Akaza growled, resisting the desire to hurt Tamayo. "She's essentially gone into shock. She's gone pretty far, she's stuck in whatever memory caused her to be like this. I haven't seen this since she first turned me."

Akaza grit his teeth, fists clenching as he began to pace. He didn't know what was going on and it was pissing him off. He wanted to punch something, but you would be upset if he did that and woke up the youngsters.

He needed to do something, anything. He wanted to help you, but he didn't understand what was happening. Even Tamayo didn't seem to fully understand. And as Akaza was about to punch a tree, Yushiro came rushing through and handed Tamayo a large container filled with what Akaza assumed was water.

Tamayo looked up at Yushiro, then turned to Akaza. "You might want to look away," she spoke softly and turned away from him. Akaza looked at her incredulously. What the hell is she about to do to mother? He grunted but didn't turn away.

He watched as Tamayo opened the bottle and poured it onto your face. You gasped and spluttered. Coughing and choking violently. Eyes only half opening. "Akaza," you choked, rolling over and trying to sit up. Akaza rushed over. "It's okay mother. I'm right here, and so are Tamayo and Yushiro."

He gripped your hand, supporting your weight as you leaned against him. You coughed a few more times, trying to rid your lungs of water. You clenched Akaza's arm with your unoccupied hand. "Tamayo and Yushiro?" Your eyes were still unfocused but they were looking in his direction. "Yes, they got your letter. They brought everyone else."

You seemed to stare at Akaza for a moment before your head lolled back. "Tamayo," you whispered. "Yes, mother?" Tamayo spoke as she rushed forward and knelt next to you. "Why are you here?" You questioned, trying to figure out what was going on. "You sent us a letter? You said that the leader of the Demon Slayers would offer us Assylum." She was confused by your response, hoping that the letter wasn't a trick.

"Oh," you leaned forward, grasping her hand. "It's true. I'm just very disoriented."

"No shit," Akaza griped. "It's been two days since the meeting. Pretty sure Rengoku is going stir crazy," Akaza groused and he frowned deeply. "Two days?" You murmured. Your head snapped up "what's happened during those two days?" You clenched onto Akaza's pant leg, staring intensely at him.

"Nothing of note. I watched Rengoku for a few hours. He's depressed that you haven't gone to see him. He's sat outside on his engawa every night, waiting for you." Akaza didn't really want to tell you about Rengoku, but you probably would have punched him if he withheld that information.

You attempted to stand, but stumbled and fell into Tamayo. She steadied you and caught Akaza's glare as she did so. She glared right back, meeting the older Demon's glare. You trembled as you tried to stand on your own again. It took a moment but you were able to gain your balance.

"I need to... I need to leave," you attempted to walk away, only to trip and almost fall. Had it not been for Yushiro catching you. "You won't be going anywhere. You've lost quite a bit of blood and you need to rest."

Akaza stared at Yushiro, aghast at the tone with which he used to speak to you. "Don't speak to her like that," Akaza snarled defensively. You waved it off, stumbling away. "Mother!" Akaza and Tamayo cried together.

Akaza turned, glaring at her, and ran after you. She stared after the pair, huffing indignantly. "What a spoiled brat," Yushiro spat staring off into the direction you'd walked in. Tamayo huffed in reply but said nothing else. "We should wake the children. We'll have to wait for mother to return, however, as I'm unsure as to where the estate is."

Yushiro nodded and went to wake everyone up. He wasn't very polite in his waking, shaking the children aggressively until they swatted him away. Tamayo was much sweeter, gently shaking the children's shoulders and speaking softly to them.

Everyone was awake, asking where they were and what was going on. "Mother is here," Tamayo spoke whilst a sweet smile covered her face. Sasori's head shot up, "where!?" She had greatly missed you while you were separated.

"Right here!" You called as you walked back into the clearing. Akaza trailed behind you, a grimace on his features. He was not pleased with everyone being here and taking your attention. Sasori cried out as she slammed into your body, hugging you tightly and sobbing.

You moved to your knees, everyone else rushing after her and collapsing into your arms. You kissed their foreheads, trying to hug everyone all at once. "Oh my darlings," you mumbled as they all cried in your arms.

Arita stood a few paces away, wringing his hands together and shifting his weight from foot to foot. Your gaze softened as you looked at him, raising your hand out to him and inviting him into your embrace. He surged forward, wailing as he grasped onto your clothing.

"We missed you so much!" Arita cried, hands fisting your shirt, his knuckles white from the force of his grip. You smiled, gently caressing his hair. "I miss you all so much too. Oh, I've been so sad without all of you," you looked at them softly.

You stayed in the hug for quite some time, "time to get up sweets," you spoke softly as you stood slowly. They whined but relented and removed themselves. As they stepped back from you, they all collectively gasped. "Mother!" the oldest two shrieked. You stared at them curiously.

Sasori rushed up, gently tugging you down and gently pressing her hand into your neck. You hissed, jerking away. You gently slid your own hand up, only to hear another collective gasp. You felt the horrid scratch marks across your neck and then looked down at your arms to see similar scratches.

You then vaguely remembered doing this to yourself. Sometimes you went into what you preferred to call a "coma." This was when you would repeatedly relive a terrible memory and couldn't consciously end the cycle.

You sighed but said nothing. "She'll be fine," Tamayo spoke for you. You smiled at her and returned your attention back to the young children. "Would you all like to go to your new home?" You questioned. They stared owlishly at you, before yelling their agreeance.

You smiled turning and beginning to walk away. "Well then, let's go," you called back and waved your arm to beckon them onwards.

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I hope you all enjoyed it, I should be back to my regular-ish updating schedule. I started a new job and am working with more horses now, but because that's restricted to daytime I should have plenty of time to work on updates.

I should be able to update weekly.

✨Do you all want a Christmas special?✨