Alright. The e z p z first fight of the new area has been completed as easily as expected. Good job, I guess. Just don’t forget that the first battle of a new area is always way easier than the last battles of the previous area.

Anyways.

Congratulations! You cleared the stage!

Stage 1-1: Ruining Feline Beach Vacations

Completion: ★★★

Enemies Defeated: all of them again, like always. Why do I even bother keeping this enemies defeated thing? I should just remove it since only the rewards matter.

Rewards: The usual stuff, but also new crafting recipes for beach-themed furniture, and a couple of new crafting materials: pool noodles and wiggling tentacles. You also unlocked the calamari ingredient for cooking with and stuff.

Exploration Report

Area: Sand Castle (since we skipped over setting this part up I just automatically sent them onto a new area to explore since we kept reusing the old one)

Status: Complete

Report: Because Cami and Mariet were being too lewd, aka being themselves, and trying to make this series X-rated, I sent them together on the new exploration. And because they were… you know, still in the mood when I sent them out… they didn’t really get anything done. Most of their time during the exploration was spent making out on the beach and… doing other things that I’m not going to describe here. By the time they finally realized they should probably actually explore the giant thematic sand castle dungeon we set up to go with this new ocean/beach area, you were already done fighting, so they didn’t get to actually explore at all. Well… they didn’t get to explore anything other than each other’s bodies.

Reward: Nothing since they wasted all their time being perverts instead of exploring.

OKAY. DONE.

No more getting distracted and forgetting to do this until it’s too late and I have to do multiple of these at once!

(triumphant smug emoji of me with muscles here)

And just like that, we were back at the house with a new pile of loot sitting in front of me from the battle.

That made me realize something.

We really needed a sort of storage area.

Up until now, all the loot gained from battles and explorations was basically just tossed together onto a giant pile sitting outside in the grass. It was like an outside hoarder’s stash. We needed a chest to put everything in, or maybe a dungeon, or… wait.

I looked at Vala with expectant eyes.

Vala, noticing my expression, only tilted her head in response. “What’s up, hubby? Wa-wait… calling you that is actually too embarrassing.”

“No, please, call me it again,” I replied.

“But—it’s embarrassing.”

“I need to hear it again.”

“Then—then… hu-hubby…”

I clutched at my shirt over where my heart was, feeling as if I was about to die from joy. To be called something so cute and cheesy out of nowhere by one of my wives—was there anything better worth living for? “Thank you, wifey.”

“Wi-wifey?! That’s—that’s too powerful!”

“Now you know how I felt.”

“So… this is the power of cute pet names between lovers…”

“We should start using them more often. Everybody can have a unique pet name for each other.”

“Wouldn’t that get… really out of control pretty quickly? If each person has a unique pet name for everybody else… then there would be hundreds of names to keep track of! That would be too confusing!”

“You have a point.”

“But it might work if we all have a unique name for you.”

“That’s not fair to everybody else. Either we all get unique names for each other, or none of us do.”

What is this, pet name communism?

Also it’s completely disregarding reality. You realize that Honey already has a pet name for you, right, Muffin? And the doggo sisters all call you Master.

“That’s true…”

“Oh! Idea!” Vala announced. “What if we come up with pet names for you, and those are the ones that people see us use, and then it’s implied in the background that we all have pet names for each other too, but we don’t always use them around you so that there isn’t any confusion about a hundred different names getting used?”

She has a point. Then readers get the experience of there being a bunch of pet names for you without getting confused from there being hundreds of different names between everybody. But there’s also the implication of us having pet names for each other in the background still, so it’s all still fair and equal.

As expected from my creator.

“Heh, it’s been a while since you’ve called me your creator. Oh! Wait! You could call me that! Your nickname for me could be ‘Creator!’”

I don’t let Drake get full of himself and I won’t let you get full of yourself, either. Consider being referenced as my creator as a rare fanservice treat for you… Creator.

Vala wore a smug smile on her face while I shrugged. “I guess that’s fine then, not that I know why we’re caring about readers who don’t exist,” I said.

Someday you’re going to live out that meme of the shocked electric rat monster that lives in a ball.

Us: there are readers

You: there are no readers

Readers: exist

You: *shocked face*

“Uh-huh. So, what’s your pet name for me?”

Non-virgin virgin.

“I set the bar too low. I should have expected that.”

skill issue

I turned to Vala. “And you?”

“Umm.” Vala tapped her finger against her lips as she thought about it. “I like hubby, but… I’m a weeb, so… and I’ve called you this before, so… ‘Husbando.’ You’re Husbando now!”

“Husbando, the dragon’s husband.”

“Heh. It’s cute when you put it that way. It’s like being my husband is the title you’ve unlocked and have equipped to show after your name. I wonder what sort of stat boosts you get from using it as a title…”

She made it too easy for me sometimes. “I get to be happy and love my life every single day. That’s the stat boost I get.”

Vala turned red almost instantly. “When… when you say stuff like that… it makes me really wanna kiss you.”

“Then kiss me.”

That was what I said, anyways. But right after saying it, I was the one who kissed her first by gently holding her by her chin, tilting her head back, and bringing my lips down against her own.

By the time our kiss was over, Vala’s eyes were spinning around and she was incoherently mumbling and giggling to herself.

“Damn, I’m good at this,” I said.

You know, I was actually about to begrudgingly praise you for being smooth and romantic and for once, but then you ruined it by saying that, you narcissistic non-virgin virgin.

“Skill issue.”

god i hate u sometimes

“Love you too, Window.”

l-love… you too…

wait.

What are your nicknames for us, huh?

I crossed my arms over my chest and confidently declared, “Vala is ‘Super Awesome Best Dragon Wife,’ and you can be, ‘Boobs.’”

i WILL end you

“Listen, nicknames are things that aren’t supposed to be forced. They’re supposed to naturally happen. When you try to force them, they don’t feel as legitimate. Vala has called me her husbando before, so it works. You’ve called me non-virgin virgin a million and one times before, so that also works. But I haven’t really given either of you nicknames before. And if I’m going to use nicknames for either of you, then I want them to be good nicknames, not nicknames I forced myself to come up with on the spot. You deserve better than rushed nicknames.”

god i hate it when you remind me why i love u

“You’re welcome. Now, there’s a lot we have to do, so let’s not get any more distracted. And speaking of distractions, let me get back to why I originally got Vala’s attention. Vala.”

Vala shook her head until the red was gone from her. “Ye-yeah?”

“You’re a dragon.”

“Yep. I am.”

“We have a pile of loot just sitting here out in the open.”

“Yep. We do.”

“I don’t mean to apply a racial stereotype or anything to you, but I’m going to anyways by asking, shouldn’t you feel like an instinct to tuck all of this away in a hoard or something? Why don’t we have a dragon’s cave to hoard all of our treasure in?”

“Because you and the others are my treasure, and this whole pocket universe is my hoard.”

“I love you.”

“Where—where’d that come from all of a sudden?”

“From you making me love you even more.”

“Heh. Score.”

“I’ll let you score even more tonight, if…”

Vala gulped, her cheeks reddening again. “I-if…?”

“If… you handle all this loot sitting around for me so that it stops ruining the view.”

“But! But! That’s work!” Vala cried, sounding utterly betrayed by my offer. “I wanna score tonight, too, but—but… I don’t wanna have to work for it! Can’t I just play vidya and be cute in your general proximity instead?!”

Woah… Vala is going full gamer girl gremlin mode… I haven’t seen this in forever…

“No work, no scoring,” I said. “Also, you realize you could just snap your fingers and it would be instantly dealt with, right?”

“But that’s still work!” Vala whined. “In order for it to work, I have to visualize what I want to happen, and then I have to use my powers to make it become reality! But if I visualize that, then that means I’m spending time not visualizing us playing vidya together! It means I’m not visualizing us kissing! It means I’m not visualizing you grabbing me by my horns and—and… h-heh… I—I mean… it means time I’m not visualizing wholesome cute forehead kisses…”

She exposed her weakness to me, so it was time to go in for the kill. That was why I leaned in and gently whispered into her ear, “If you take care of it for me, then when I let you ‘score’ tonight, your horns will be my personal handlebars.”

Vala didn’t say anything, but I did hear her fingers snap. Checking to confirm, the pile of loot was gone and there was a new cave entrance with a sign hanging above it that read, “The Dragon’s Hoard.” Her face was also pure red.

“Good girl,” I whispered again before pulling away from her ear, giving her a single kiss on her forehead.

Somehow, she turned even redder as she stood there in perfect stillness.

“Now, have fun thinking about tonight. I’m gonna go get some other things done first.”

Still silent, Vala slowly nodded her head before going back to imitating a red statue.

Now then, with Vala properly flustered, I went over to an empty space in the grass next to where the cows’ trebuchet tower was.

It was finally time to create the tower that I had all the materials for without realizing it for far too long.

But, before I could do that, somebody else wanted attention.

And that somebody was a cow.

I almost got knocked over when one of the cows brushed up against my side with too much force. Though, I doubted it was intentional. I figured she was just bigger and more forceful than she was aware. I assumed most big things, people, and animals were that way.

“Careful there,” I said, giving her a pat on her side which prompted her to nuzzle the side of her head up against the side of my chest. “You in the mood for some new neighbors? I figure these ones should go with you pretty well.”

The cow let out a gentle moo before nodding her head.

“Sometimes I forget that all of you can actually perfectly understand me.”

She mooed again.

“By the way, this might be an awkward question if you’re not, but are you the one who’s going to turn into a girl—well, human-looking girl, once I upgrade your tower?”

She nodded again.

“Well, nice to meet you then, future wife. I would say you’re already my wife, but… it feels kind of wrong to call you my wife when you’re still only an animal. I hope you understand.”

Once again, she nodded, and then she lifted up her head to lick the side of my head.

“Thanks for being understanding. And don’t worry. Once you look like a human, I’ll call you my wife until you’re sick and tired of it.”

She gave me two licks that time before pressing her body up against me again, nearly knocking me over for the second time.

“Also, I figure I should warn you now, but… look. I’m not an internet degenerate like Vala and Window, but I’ve seen the memes before. I know people stereotype humanoid cows as girls with massive chests. So, try not to flaunt them too much around Cami, alright? I don’t want her to take more emotional damage than necessary. Not that any emotional damage is necessary. Just try not to make her too jealous.”

The cow nodded a couple of times in response.

“Good girl.” I gave the top of her head a couple of pats before opening up the construction window next. From there, I was able to navigate to the tower that I wanted to finally build.

Charger Tower

Required Materials: Ram Lance, Royal Cat Coats (x50), Wood (x200), Stone (x250), Hard Cat Bones (x100)

This tower is home to rams who will charge headfirst into the enemy! They won’t last long in sustained battles, but they do a ton of damage by charging into enemies at the start of battle! And similar to the bees, they can move all around the battlefield instead of being stationed in a single spot!

It felt like so long ago that I first saw the window for the charger tower, and yet I was only just building it.

“Rams and cows get along, right?” I asked. “Wait… rams are male sheep, aren’t they? And here I thought everything was girl-focused.”

The tower animals have both men and women and everything else. But the ones who get turned into humans are always girls to be waifus.

“But it’s a ram tower, and rams are male sheep.”

And? It’s (current year). Girls can be rams, too, if they want.

I shrugged. “Fair enough. Alright, then let’s place the building here and—”

Before I could even finish what I was saying, the usual beavers, led by Tabitha, popped up out from the ground and got to work with creating a construction zone for the tower.

Window might have removed official timers from the construction menu, but I figured it would still be done in time for the battle the next day.

And because it would be a shame to go to the beach right before getting a bunch of new additions, the beach trip for fun could wait until after the rams were with us.

In that case, it was time to check up on a couple of others. I wasn’t planning on it, but after meeting up with the cow, it only felt right to.

“Wanna join me for a walk?” I asked.

The cow nodded and mooed before licking my face that time.

So, with a cow companion at my side, we walked over to the slime tower.

Most of the towers had inhabitants. There was a physical building and then those who lived inside of it.

But not the slime tower.

For the slime tower, the tower was its inhabitant, and there was only one of them—her. And she was a giant slime with a smiley face on the front of her body.

“Hey, bed,” I said, remembering the time that I used her as a bed. She seriously made a great bed.

The living tower might not have been able to talk, but she was able to express emotion with that minimalist face of hers.

“I just thought of something. Are you able to move around?”

The giant slime nodded with her entire body before hopping up into the air… and then crashing down into the ground, causing everything nearby to shake.

I probably would have fallen over if the cow didn’t catch me with her body.

“Well, that’s confirmed,” I said. And just like with the cow, my mind couldn’t resist thinking about her turning into a humanoid girl. “So, when you evolve… are you going to turn into a giant girl made out of slime?”

The slime only blinked at me, seemingly unsure of her fate herself.

I wasn’t sure how things were going to work out if she turned into a giant woman… but the idea of that was kind of exciting at the same time.

Being around Vala and Window and all of their weird fetishes must have been rubbing off on me.

“Anyways, if you can move, want to hang out with us for a bit?” I asked the slime. “It’s not fair if I only hang out with my wives and not my future wives.”

With a wide smile spread out across the front of her slimy body, the slime hopped after me and the cow to go to our next destination.

Now, the next tower I went to was one I spent some time at before.

The bee tower.

As soon as I got close, the bees flew over to me to rub up against me for a moment, but all of them save for one—their leader—flew back to the tower and the flowers around it after their display of affection.

“How’s the pollinating going?” I asked the remaining bee.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t understand her all that easily. She could still… kind of nod, but not as clearly as the cow, and she didn’t have an expressive face like the slime.

She still tried to be expressive, though, and she surprised me by pointing at us and then pointing at the ground underneath us. Then she flew off back to her tower.

I had no idea what was going on. Well, I had no idea until she started going back and forth between us and the tower were various objects.

First was a blanket she set out on the ground.

Then there were four small stools too small for anybody but the bees.

Then there was a basket.

And finally, there were four cups and a pot of tea.

The bee then stood atop the chair she set out for herself and raised her arms to try and express something. I had no idea what she was trying to say, so just clapped for her instead which seemed to be enough since she wiggled her butt. I figured that was a tell she was happy since there was no other reason to be doing it at the moment.

“I appreciate you setting up a sudden picnic for us, but these chairs might be a bit too small for us,” I told the bee.

She waved some of her legs around as if telling us not to worry about it before pointing down at our seats.

Now, the bees were about as large as medium-sized dogs, so it wasn’t like she wanted us to sit down on stools no bigger than our fingers. But the stools were still only appropriately sized for children at best.

But that didn’t matter.

She was confident in the stools, and I was confident in my wives and future wives, so I sat down on the child-sized seat regardless.

The cow then sat down on hers, most of her body sitting off of it due to how large she was.

And then there was the slime.

The slime… obviously couldn’t even try to sit on the chair, so all she did was wiggle forward a little bit to place some of her slime on top of it while more than ninety-nine percent of it remained on the ground behind it.

With an attempt at a satisfied-looking nod, the bee poured each of us a cup of tea with honey and then set them down in front of us. Once we were taken care of, she returned to her stool, sat down atop it, and crossed some of her legs over each other before picking up her own cup of tea to sip at it in a very regal way.

As for me, I picked up my mug and looked down into it.

It smelled great.

And I loved honey.

But.

There was something strange about being served tea with honey by a bee. After all, honey was basically bee vomit. Not technically as honey didn’t actually enter a bee’s digestive tract, but… still close enough to feel like it.

While that would normally never bother me, it just felt a bit weird since there was a high chance it came from the bee who served it to me. It wasn’t just honey, it might have been her honey.

That meant drinking tea that had something from the inside of my future wife’s body in it.

In a way, it felt both disturbing and extremely kinky.

But I was a man who had no intention of disappointing my wives nor my future wives.

When a drink was lovingly prepared for me to give me a surprise picnic, how could I possibly turn it down?

I brought the cup up to my mouth and took a slow sip of the hot tea, and the honey flavor within it was unlike anything I ever tasted before. It was beyond rich, not too sweet, and added a sort of perfect—

I could have gone on praising how amazing the tea tasted…

But then I saw the cow somehow holding her own cup up to drink from.

Cow hooves were not made for holding things.

Yet.

She was holding the mug with a single hoof.

Then I looked at the slime.

The slime… was not holding the mug at all, yet it was somehow floating in front of the slime’s face so that she could easily drink it nonetheless.

None of it made any sense, and yet, I felt so proud of them.

“My future wives are all so impressive,” I said before taking another sip of tea. “I really am the luckiest man in the universe.”

Having a sudden tea party with a cow, slime, and bee wasn’t on my list of things to do, but it was better than everything else I had planned anyways.