Her ship docked with his ship that waited for them above K’aldi. The sound of the airlock opening and then hissing as the corridor between the ships filled with air was satisfying. Hale breathed out the air he held in his lungs and loosened his grip on the steering yoke. Settling in his chair, he looked over to Zaya sitting beside him. She tilted her head all the way back as she finished off the small amount of wine left in her glass. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. Seeing her like that brought many flashbacks of their past entanglements. He had to turn away and left her side, making his way to the couch instead. He sat down first, and then he stretched out on the sofa. He crossed his arms beneath his head and closed his eyes with the intention of falling asleep.

He could have gone back to his own ship, but he didn’t want to be alone right now. So, stupid.

He already knew he would regret not leaving.

Hale sensed Zaya’s presence near him, and when he opened his eyes, she lingered over him, her dark eyes staring hungrily for—

“You sure you want to sleep right now?” Zaya asked him.

There was only one possible reason for why she said that. “I’m pretty tired. Aren’t you?”

Zaya frowned, disappointed by his response. “I suppose I am. If you need anything, I’ll be in the back room.” She grabbed a bottle of wine from the compartment and closed it.

“Goodnight,” he muttered.

She didn’t say it in return and left him alone in the bridge. Apparently, she got the message that he didn’t want what she did. With the level of alcohol in his bloodstream, he was lucky that he could form a sentence. But over the years, his body had become accustomed to it. He turned over on the couch and laid on his side facing the main viewport. For a few minutes he gazed at the stars, while trying to fall asleep.

Any one time he closed his eyes, a bloodied image of Talia haunted his mind. Her bruised neck. The cuts he carved out in her delicate skin. He did that to her.

Maybe Talia wasn’t the most innocent girl, but there had been a softness to her touch and kindness within her eyes like Pandora had. She had no business being involved with him, but Zaya had insisted that he be the one to kill her. It was his own fault that his emotions overwhelmed him and that he lost all sense of professionalism. But Talia reminded him of Pandora from the moment he met her eyes. He could hardly blame himself.

There was never a night that Pandora didn’t cross his mind. Tonight, it was worse somehow. His thoughts would alternate between being flooded of images of Talia and Pandora.

He could never hurt Pandora like that, right?

Then he realized that he had hurt Pandora. Not physically. But he had hurt her heart. He shouldn’t have told her he loved her then. He thought he had said it for her, but he wasn’t sure of that anymore. Almost immediately after he said that he left her without much of a warning. He could do nothing but imagine the emotional whiplash he abandoned her with. Sharpened guilt repeatedly ran through his heart, shattering his remaining feelings of security.

Hale began to shiver from the coldness within his own body. He hated it— how he couldn’t restrain his emotions. His helpless tears froze on his cheeks. He was thankful Zaya had left, he never wanted anyone to see him this way. Who he really was inside was something to hide forever.

He lay on his back again to stare at the ceiling. Sure, he was exhausted and could barely keep his eyes open, but the idea of sleep tormented him. The possibility of having a vivid dream about Talia or Pandora dying was too unbearable. Thinking about them was one thing, but seeing them in a dream would evoke the same sensations brought by reality.

Why could he still hurt? He had drunk too much as it was. Any more and he would run the risk of blood poisoning. Yet, he didn’t mind. He couldn’t fathom sleeping in this state. He had long run out of his sleeping pills, and Zaya never carried any, though he would look anyway. Hale pushed himself up from the sofa and searched through Zaya’s compartments. He found some allergy pills but nothing that would be strong enough to really knock him out. Walking to the end of the compartments, he decided to resign to alcohol. Zaya always was fully stocked in that regard. Hale attempted to open the compartment.

She locked it, he thought.

Why would she pick tonight of all nights to hide her alcohol from him. He could go get some drinks from his own ship, but he wanted to know why she did that. Maybe locking it was to keep him out, but she usually left it wide open. Something weird was going on.

He walked down the hallway and stood in front of her door. With his fist, he pounded on the door… over and over. He rested his head against the wall as he hit the door. She was a hard sleeper. He remembered.

His fist swung forwards to slam against the door. He expected the door to be waiting for him. But his fist collided with air and the smooth skin of her hands.

Zaya cursed at him before passing through the threshold. “What do you want, Hale?”

“Why’d you lock me out?” He met her eyes directly, holding her there before him.

She moved closer, imperceptibly like a gentle breeze. She leaned against the door frame in her grey robe. “Lock you out of where? My room?”

“No. The alcohol. I—I need some.”

Her eyebrows raised in concern. “Oh, Hale. Are you okay?”

“Can you please open it?” Hale pleaded, disregarding her question.

Zaya took a singular step forward and lightly gripped his forearm. “I locked the compartment on purpose. I was afraid you might—” she closed her eyes tightly, causing her eyelids to wrinkle. “I thought you might hurt yourself.”

“You weren’t just trying to save money then?”

“No!” Zaya said adamantly. “I was worried. You acted like everything was fine. But I knew it wasn’t.”

She could be worried for him? He wasn’t ready to believe that. “I appreciate the concern.”

Zaya reached for his face and cupped his cheek in her hand. Her fingertips wound through the edges of his hair. His head leaned into her hand. She was good with her hands.

“Come inside for a bit. I have a bottle of wine. One glass would probably be okay,” she said, stroking his face with her hand.

“I don’t know. It would probably be better if I didn’t.”

“Hale.” Her voice was firm. “Let me help you. Don’t suffer alone.”

He nodded. “A glass of wine won’t be enough.”

She pulled away her hand that had supported his face and exchanged it for her pointer finger. She scratched the underside of his chin as if he were her pet. She used to do that often. Then Zaya ran her finger down his neck and across his bare chest.

“There are… other ways.” Zaya smiled and led him inside her room.

He sat beside her on the bed. His posture was straight, and his hands were in his lap.

Zaya crawled behind him and began to massage his shoulders. “You’re way too tense.”

He leaned his head forward, and she moved her hands to the base of his neck. In spite of her longer nails, she could really dig deep into the sorest parts of his upper back and shoulders. It felt too relaxing for him to push her away. Her intentions weren’t pure. There was no way they were. But she was helping him unwind like she said she would.

Zaya squeezed his shoulders, as she leaned against his back, bringing her lips to his ear. “What do you think?”

“You’re doing—” She pressed her thumb against the sorest part of his upper back, and he closed his lips to suppress a moan. He couldn’t breathe either because then she would know that she was affecting him so. Zaya knew him better than anyone else in the galaxy. She knew how he liked to be touched.

“It’s weird to be like this again. I used to give you massages all the time,” she said.

After a few successful breaths of silence, Hale was confident enough to speak. “How do you remember?”

“Remember what?”

“You seem to remember exactly where I’m sore.”

She pressed her fingers into his skin. “Why would I forget? When you’d come back from work, you’d always be tense. Just like this. You need to learn to relax on the job. And drink way more water.”

She made him smile. “I feel like I’ve been brought back to the past.”

“Like five years ago?”

He hummed no. “More like seven. Then you were nice to me.”

She chuckled. “That was before everything went down.”

He reached both hands behind himself and grabbed her wrists. “Honestly, though, why are you doing this?”

Zaya crawled off the bed and stood in front of him closely. “I saw how you looked back there, and it scared me. I’ve never seen you like that before.”

He looked to the side at her satin pillows. “Pretend like that didn’t happen. I’m just not in a good place currently.”

“Don’t you want to tell me why?” She pulled his face back to her.

“It wouldn’t make me feel different. The problems that I have can’t be fixed. At this point, all I can do is run. And find ways to escape temporarily. I’m still alive.”

Zaya tilted his head back and ran her fingers through his hair, pulling gently with each movement. “An escape. I can help with that.” She pressed her forehead to his. “C’mon. I know you’ve thought about it.” Zaya scratched her nails against his scalp.

“I’m not sure.” He couldn’t decide where to put his hands. On her waist or by his side?

Zaya untied the drawstring of her robe and let the heavy fabric roll off her body onto the floor. With his eyes, he traced up her muscular legs embellished with silver vines. She wore a blue-black slip dress that covered just enough to endlessly tease him. Zaya situated her body between his legs and brought her face forward to meet his. Without a word, she kissed him, while clenching her hands around his neck. Hale could have believed they were in the past. Her movements were almost aggressive like she had once been long ago when she claimed she loved him. This wasn’t love though. He knew what that felt like.

Ending her kiss, Zaya cupped his face with her hands and spoke onto his lips with her own. His eyes were closed, but he knew she was smiling. She spoke two words onto his lips, telling him simply what she wanted from him tonight.

* * * *

The taste of his fair skin was diffused with fresh salts left over from his perspiration. She traced the outline of his shoulder with her mouth, awaiting his answer. She noticed how different his body felt, his muscles harder and his skin a little rougher than before. He had grown to be more powerful. She could sense the strength he held within his shoulders and arms, within his entire being. She wanted that power solely for herself tonight.

Though merely seconds had passed, she was dying for answer. Hale sat there on the edge of the bed leaning against her. His perfect chest rose and fell beneath her hand in constant rhythm. She could smell the sweet wine on his breath. Her favorite wine. His lips had tasted of it too. If only he would answer, then she might taste him again and again.

Zaya lifted her head to be level with his and looked him in the eyes. She wasn’t sure what his eyes were saying. The whites of his eyes were red and glossy, but he grinned. She was caught in a slight trance by his lips. Memories upon memories, flashback upon flashback of his gorgeous mouth. That mouth of his could both provoke great anger or divine pleasure within her.

She decided to kiss him once more. She had grown tired of waiting for him.

“Zaya,” he whispered, “wait.”

She pulled back. “Don’t you want me?”

He turned his head away from her, but she pulled him back to face her immediately.

“I know you, Hale. You would have walked away if you didn’t. Whoever else you’re thinking about get them out of you head. You’re with me.” Zaya, of course, knew who he was thinking of, but she wasn’t about to say her name.

“It’s just—”

“Maybe you need something to drink,” Zaya said abruptly. She stepped over to her nightstand with the wine.

Exactly two glasses sat beside the bottle of her favorite wine. She filled Hale’s glass hallway and brought it to him. His hands eagerly accepted the drink. She knew he wouldn’t be able to say no. Hale didn’t even bother to finish his sentence before he started consuming the wine. He was a step away from inhaling it the way he drank it.

“Let me know if you would like some more,” Zaya mentioned. She ran her fingers through his hair fondly. Zaya couldn’t help sliding her tongue across her lips from watching him swallow the wine and thinking about drinking that flavor from his mouth.

He held up the glass to her. “Just a little?”

She patted the top of his head. “Of course.”

While he sipped on the wine, Zaya crawled onto the bed and lay down behind him. She didn’t want to make Hale feel uncomfortable by staring at him. She didn’t know what else to do though. His back was nice to look at.

When he was done, Hale set the glass on the nightstand and crawled over to her. He remained on his knees beside her on the mattress. He leaned over and briefly kissed her like he was testing the waters with her. He moved over her and remained there, completely focused on her. Zaya reached up and caressed his cheek with her thumb. He closed his eyes and kissed her palm. This was his way of telling her he was ready. That’s how she took it anyway. She sat up, pushing him upwards with her hands. He sat on the bed and stretched out his legs and supported his upper body with his arms. Zaya parted her legs over his lap to get closer to him.

He pressed his lips to hers, enveloping them between his, overwhelming her with the sweetness of wine. There was no one else she had craved for so long. His affection reminded her of their past, but also felt new somehow.

Hale gripped her waist and pushed her over onto her back. He dragged his lips over her chest. The warmth of his breaths whispered down her skin. He was moving fast… like he flipped a switch and suddenly he needed her. She needed him more than he could ever know. Forget flying. He could take her higher than any ship could if he really wanted to. But that would require her to be more extreme.

Zaya lifted her head to his ear. “Stop holding back. I’m not like her.” She dug her nails deep into his skin, in hopes that he might get the hint.

She felt him smile onto her chest and he nodded. As soon as she made it known to him, he changed his pace to suit her desires. He wrestled the tiny navy slip off her body, breaking the straps on her shoulders. Her skin stung from the chafing straps, but it was only the beginning of his gift to her.

“Tell me exactly what you want,” Hale murmured softly.

She was stunned. In their past, he had all but demanded him to take the lead and she follow. Zaya could have cared less for why he was giving up control. What mattered in this moment was herself, her own pleasure. Finally.

* * * *

Hale ripped off the clear packaging of a protein bar he had found in Zaya’s cooled compartment. His stomach had been growling the past hour, and his migraine was only causing him to feel more nauseated. He hadn’t eaten in almost two days. Only one bar was supposed to be consumed each day, but when he finished eating, he had gone through three total. Hale burned the wrappers in his hand to dispose of all evidence. Zaya probably didn’t want him eating her food because she had very little. But he didn’t carry any in his ship currently. He would have to get some at his next stop.

Hale lay his back against the armrest of the couch. And he closed his eyes to fall back asleep. The ship floated silently in space above K’aldi. Inside, everything was quiet now. Zaya was in the other room, sleeping soundlessly. She never snored. He wished he could have slept like that after everything was done. The job she hired for him was only part of yesterday’s workout. He should have slept the whole day, but instead he rested about two hours.

But he couldn’t sleep right now. Trying was a waste of his drained energy reserves. Zaya’s ship was no longer a place he could feel comfortable. Not right now. When he thought about last night, his skin grew cold until it went numb. Zaya was someone he cared about. But he had broken his loyalty to someone else by sleeping with Zaya. There wasn’t a place on him that wasn’t touched by Zaya. He had the marks to prove it. Along his neck, chest, arms… everywhere.

His back— he squinted his eyes thinking about what he saw in the mirror earlier— was the worst. Why did she have to keep her nails so sharp?

Years ago, he would have been shirtless right now, wanting her to marvel at the evidence of their passion. But now he covered himself up. He didn’t want to look at any of the marks. Each one would vividly remind him of a specific moment he wanted to seal in his subconscious mind, never to be accessed again by his consciousness.

Nothing that had happened was to satisfy himself. He had done that to appease her. She still hadn’t given him the money, nor did she tell him where it was. And that wasn’t a careless error. Last night, he didn’t have the strength to fight with her. That’s what would have happened if he had talked back. That’s what always happened. Confronting her would have been better though. At least he wouldn’t be suffering from regret and guilt. He had given Zaya all he had, knowing that she was using him. Knowing that she didn’t really want him, only what he could do for her.

He wasn’t okay with that anymore.

But once he left, he would be too busy to think any more about Zaya. And that was fine with him. She never cared whether or not they were both satisfied. Zaya would never feel fulfilled that way. She acted as though he was controlling and cared only for himself when that couldn’t have been farther from the truth. He just wasn’t the submissive type that she liked. But she never had accepted that.

“Good morning, Hale,” Zaya announced, entering the bridge. She wore her long robe.

He nearly jumped. How didn’t he hear her coming?

“You alive?” She asked.

“Yeah, I was waiting for you to wake up. I didn’t get my payment yet. So, I couldn’t leave.”

Zaya placed her hands on her hips. “You would have left before I woke then, if I hadn’t?”

Immediately, he said to himself. But what he said to her was completely opposite. “I couldn’t. I didn’t mean that.”

She glared at him. “Just making sure.”

Zaya went back down the hallway and returned a few minutes later. She handed him a crystal-clear card with the data lasered on in blue. “Here. I meant to give it to you last night.”

“No problem.” He looked at it for a few moments before putting it inside his pockets.

Zaya sat down on the cocktail table in front of him. She placed a hand on his knee. “Thank you… for everything.”

He wanted to push her hand off him, in hatred for her touch. All he wanted was to get away from this place. “Glad I could work with you again.” He tried to sound distant.

“Where are you off to next?”

He stood up from the sofa and began collecting his things about the room. He’d rather not say. “I’m not completely sure. Just going to pay off some guys first.”

“Say hi to Trey for me then.”

Hale didn’t say anything else to her after that. Except goodbye. Once he retrieved every piece of clothing and his weapons, he returned to his own ship quickly. That might have been the last time he ever saw Zaya, but he wasn’t bothered by that one bit.