Twas the morning of Christmas when all through the town

Not a creature was stirring, not even a clown

Except for, of course, the queen clown of them all

Maven Alice, the demon, still hooked on the mall

She was enraptured by clothes and by books that were free

Tearing through shops with such fervor and glee

She ate such fine foods, drank fruit juice with ice

And raided the game store for fresh maps and dice

Yet as she paraded past shop after shop

Her ears took attention of the strangest backdrop

There was music, she heard, not noticed before

That was set to a truly most terrible score

Mariah Carey, on blast, singing praise of the season

All pumped up with cheer for nary a reason

It seared Allie’s soul, it boiled her blood

And hate filled her heart like a great bursting flood

Alice gnashed and she seethed, “What a terrible sound!

“There must be a way to see that noise drowned!”

Cheshire popped into a view with a hand on her chin

“When,” mused the cat, “did that singing begin?”

Alice hated the holidays, Christ’s Mass most of all

She’d hated it since she was ever so small

Was it trauma, one wonders, or contrarian edge?

Perhaps it was both, but her past we won’t dredge

Anymore, say at least, than was already planned

In last book and the next in Act One: Wonderland

She raged and she ranted about what she had heard

But then a thought came to mind and to speech she was spurred

“Wait,” she called out, “now why are we rhyming?

“And just as important, who’s dictating this timing?”

Alice looked ‘round and beheld awful sights

Ornaments, wreaths, and blinking Christmas lights

The whole mall was ablaze with holiday cheer

But Alice the Scrooge looked on with a sneer

"This situation is fucked, and I know who’s to blame

"It’s Nyara, that ass, with yet another sick game!"

“She’s done it this time, she’s gone too far I say!

“All the stockings and singing and bells of a sleigh!

“I hate it, I hate it, I hate Christmas the most!

“I’d scream it aloud to every Christmas movie ghost!”

Then came a new sound that rose from below

From the mall’s first floor came a hearty “Ho ho ho!”

Alice rushed to the railing and gripped it knuckles white

And saw yet another horrid holiday fright

It was Santa, oh yes, a fake mall Santa Claus

And at last Alice realized this broke setting laws

“It’s not real, it can’t be,” she said to the cat

“It’s too silly and stupid to take just at that!

“God’s cruel and a troll, always pulling our yokes

“But would she ruin her setting for a bunch of cheap jokes?”

"If it's non-canon, let's fuck!" the catgirl insisted

For her Christmas wish was to be firmly fisted

"No, sex is cringe," said the cringe demon doll

"Now get in my shadow, we're leaving the mall."

So they rushed from the mall and out to the street

Where snow fell from the sky and laid a soft white sheet

Maven’s heart, cold and black, nearly warmed at the sight

But she clung to her hatred and her petty, grumpish spite

The whole city was festive, overflowing with merry

But that just made Alice ever more wary

She raced to the temple, to the Myriad’s tree

And found something worse: a decorating spree

Christmas had claimed it, from bottom to top

And the horrors of Christmas would simply not stop

Inside were gathered a most unlikely array

Artificers and imps and even the fae

They were smiling and feasting like they’d always been friends

Like they hadn’t tried to bring each other dark, grisly ends

They offered gifts and warm tidings, a place at the table

A roast beast to cut, like out of a fable

And at last with a sigh the demoness relented

To attending this banquet she found most demented

"I will devour God and sit on her throne

“Now silence the music and pass me that scone."