That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not:

Castle 49 - That time I was reincarnated into another world and found a Princess

I spared one glance back at the dead body of Juan to make sure he wasn't about to resurrect or become a zombie ghost. After about 15 seconds, I was sure everything would be fine, so I continued backwards, into the room before the Boss Patio.

Wanda fell into step behind me, and we entered the hall. Everything looked the same as the last time I'd been here, with a few minor differences. The bodies of the guards had been lined up and covered in sheets by the Dungeon Goblins, who were busy mopping up the blood. They looked surprised to see us again, but hurried back to their work. I did the morally correct thing and ignored the help, but left a tip on the nearest statue.

"Bonbon," I said, addressing the elf chef. She looked up from the secret passage in the stone floor, a short staircase leading into darkness below. "What did you find?"

She looked up at me as if I'd surprised her out of a hardcore gaming session, or some equivalent trance-like behavior.

"I was just leaning on one of these statues, and must have triggered some kind of hidden switch," she explained, gesturing to a statue of a cool dragon that was misaligned from the others. I noticed that his sunglasses were tilted down so that he was making a cool expression over them. That must have been the switch Bonbon was referring to.

"The statue slid to the side, and this:" she indicated the hole in the ground with a wave of her hand, "was underneath."

I looked at the hole, walking over to it. The edges were neat stone, not some kind of crudely-dug pit or anything like that. This was part of the dungeon's planned layout. Which meant...

"Treasure Room! Score!" I declared, doing a cannonball into the hole. My knees impacted and shattered several of the steps as I rolled into the dark tunnels below. I went to activate [Nightvision], which was probably one of my skills, I don't remember, but before I had the chance, the motion detector went off, igniting a line of torches to light my way.

The hallway was pretty cramped, the ceiling low enough that you would have to stoop down to avoid scraping your head against the wall. I didn't feel like it, so I just activated [Noclip] and walked forward normally, my forehead phasing through the stone. It was a short walk before it opened into another round, low-ceilinged room. My eyes lit up in delight as I saw the object in the center of the room.

It was a real-life treasure chest! Red wood, gold trim, and one of those big rounded tops. A comically-large keyhole big enough to stick my thumb into decorated the front. Uh oh. I hoped it was one of those ornamental keyholes, because there hadn't been a single comically-large keyhole falling from the sky in this entire dungeon.

"Is it safe down there?" Bonbon asked, then after a hesitation, "For normal people, I mean."

I gave her a verbal thumbs-up, and she ventured down with Wanda close behind.

"Oh! This is... a treasure room?"

I nodded, patting the treasure chest affectionately. I wondered what it might have in it! A lot of treasure chests were full of gold, or coins, but sometimes they only had cheap crap like potions that could magically heal your wounds in an instant or grant you magic power. It hope it was something useful like a sword!

Unable to wait any longer, I kicked the side of the chest. When nothing happened, I bent over, feeling a bit betrayed, and manually lifted the lid. Confetti and poison darts burst out of the chest, slightly annoying me as it got in my face. I brushed them away and peered into the chest. T-this was!

"Huh?" Bonbon asked, leaning over my shoulder once it was safe. She froze, her eyes going wide. "Oh no... this is..."

Wanda peered around my other shoulder, resting her chin lazily on my arm. "Wan? A doll?"

I shrugged her off my shoulder and shot her my best incredulous look. I knew I shouldn't expect much from a doggirl, but her lack of culture still shocked me. A doll??? This was more than a doll, it was-

"The Princess," Bonbon said, her voice quiet with equal parts reverence and fear. "One of the Twelve Icons."

I turned to her, my incredulous look changing to one of confusion. I glanced back at the chest to make sure there weren't other items hidden in it that might be mixing up my comrades. But no, there was only a single item in the chest. I lifted it out of the chest, making sure to keep it in its protective glass case out of respect. Next to me, Bonbon quickly made either a bunch of panicked hand movements, or quickly executed a few ninja jutsus.

"H-Hiro-san, be careful with that! It's-"

"It's Princess Marie-Chan," I told her, holding up the figurine within the case. It was in mint condition! The Princess was posed in a battle stance, holding her axe high over her head. Her combat dress was depicted in full dynamic stylings, the skirt whipping around, the ribbons floating with the motion of her swing. They even modeled individual strands of hair, and her ribbons! The color hadn't diminished at all, from the bright pink of her hair to the blues and oranges of her outfit. The crown and axe even had a metallic sheen!

"She's from PokketHeroes," I explained happily. "Enigma released some limited-edition figurines a couple years back. They were pretty rare, but everybody in my class was super into them. One of my friends had the full set, but I only had a few."

"I... the Holy Icon..." Bonbon began, reaching out as if to ensure I didn't drop it. Hmm... I wonder if... I tilted the case, peering under her skirt and causing Bonbon to let out an inarticulate noise and reach for the case. W-wait a minute! Had I just seen? I tilted and shifted the cube to get better light from one of the torches, revealing a flash of blue and white. No way...

"Whoah," I muttered nervously. "This is the shimapan version. This is like... REALLY rare! I heard they only made like 50 of these total."

I nodded, tossing it carefully into my [Dimension Box]. "It makes sense why the [Demon Lord] would want this. They're super rare.

"That's not..." Bonbon said, sighing. Wanda looked at Bonbon curiously.

"Wan... what are you guys talking about? I've never heard of either of those, wan."

Bonbon looked from me to Wanda, her expression conflicted, and somewhat guilty, for some reason. She hung her head, sighing. Her ears drooped down as she shook her head.

"I... I guess it'd be better to tell you about it. It's meant to be a secret, but it's probably better that you know, so that you don't try to sell it at a pawn shop or something."

I instantly cancelled my online auction listing for the figurine, closing my [Mental Cellphone] at once.

"Yeah," I replied innocently. "That'd be terrible, huh?"

She gave me a suspicious look, but couldn't prove anything, so I just smiled back.

"Anyways... the statuette that you, um..." she blinked in my direction, "tossed into your [Dimension Box]... is called 'The Princess'. She's one of the Twelve Icons of--"

"Hold on a second," I interrupted. Something desperately important had just occurred to me. "This story... will it be long and boring?"

Bonbon hesitated, her ears twitching as if I'd offended her or something. "It's... not..."

"Wan," Wanda replied sagely. "Consider your audience."

Bonbon looked from her to me, then sighed again, placing her hand on her forehead and brushing away a loose strand of hair.

"In that case, yeah. It's long and boring."

I nodded. Somehow, I knew that'd be the case. "Alright," I told her. "Let's wait until we get back to the Adventurer's Guild."

One scene change later, we'd arrived at the Adventurer's Guild. I'd tried to keep a low profile when we entered. After killing a few Adventurers in a bar fight and shouting that I'd defeated one of the [Elite Fours] once just to get it out of my system, we found a secluded table near the back of the tavern floor, near the air hockey. It was pretty quiet tonight, and the animatronic animal golems were singing a slow song about friendship.

I'd had Bonbon use her unique Arte to create us a pepperoni pizza, earning us a few looks from the kitchen staff, who were probably admiring our sense of taste. I sat down as Wanda came back with two pitchers of beer, along with a cocktail for Bonbon and some blue drink for me. I wasn't sure what was in it, but blue was my favorite flavor, so I wasn't about to complain.

"Alright," I told Bonbon, gesturing with a slice of pizza. "Go ahead."

The elf finished her bite of pizza, blinking the stars out of her eyes. She looked down longingly at the rest of her slice, but nodded and took a deep breath. "What I'm about to tell you is a secret known only to twelve Royal Families around the world. You can't repeat it to anybody, okay?"

I nodded to her. Wanda leaned on one elbow, setting her beer pitcher down on the table with a loud thunk. "Wan, then how do you know about it?"

"Uh," Bonbon stammered, looking around nervously, probably to make sure nobody was listening in and no other reason. "I heard it from some old guy in a tavern."

"That makes sense," I told her, headpatting Wanda to reassure her. "Old men in taverns always have to tell the truth."

"Y-yeah," Bonbon replied, sweating happily. "Uh, anyways. The, um, Twelve Icons are holy objects. The [Demon Lord] is tracking them down, but we cannot allow him to collect all twelve. He's already gathered up The Dragon, the Tempest Turtle, the Lady of Vines, and the Battle Catbus. We cannot allow him to collect the rest."

That seemed kind of rude to me, but I'm sure there was some good reason. "Why not?" I asked Bonbon, wondering whether the [Demon Lord] might have a hot daughter he'd trade for The Princess.

"Because," Bonbon whispered, her voice low and hushed. "The Twelve Icons supposedly have a secret ability, should any one person gather all of them. We can't let that happen."

Wanda's eyes lit up, and darted momentarily to the spot where I usually summon my [Dimension Box] to.

"Wan," she muttered. "What power?"

Bonbon took a deep breath, and I helpfully cast a light spell to illuminate her face from below for dramatic effect.

"They grant the power of Godhood."