december 25. how long has it been ever since your argument? a week? you forgot.

laying in bed was one thing, but missing out on class was another. you were so behind in everything. a mere glance at your homework unmotivated you.

not only did you lose your closest friends since highschool, but the guy you've been chasing after. and it all happened to be your fault.

you couldn't blame anyone else even if you wanted to because deep down, it was all your fault. if you wanted to blame anyone else it wouldn't be right.

all of this would've been avoidable if you listened to lumine and aether. even if they were wrong, you could've avoided so much if you didn't talk to pantalone in the first place.

you were stupid. you knew it was too good to be true when you kept your friend group until college. all your previous friendships ended horribly because of you. everyone took advantage of how nice you were. they all ended up leaving you when they realized how annoying you truly were. so when childe, lumine, aether, and zhongli stuck with you until college, you were more than happy.

you finally had good friends, but you didn't know your friendships would end that way. if you knew how they'd end, you would've distanced yourself from them earlier.

rolling around in bed, you stared at your nightstand. there lies a metallic ring both you and pantalone own. you almost forgot you had matching rings with him. he probably threw it away after he blocked me.

reaching for your phone, you finally realized the time. 4:46 am. how long have you been awake for? 3 days?

you wanted to sleep but you couldn't bring yourself to close your eyes. staying awake and scrolling through social media was your coping mechanism.

you haven't even gone to take an actual shower. you only went to the bathroom to use the toilet and you were out of there afterwards.

it was the same cycle everyday. you'd stay up until sunrise and leave your bed whenever you needed to use the toilet.

it was fucking pathetic.

checking your inbox to see if anyone messaged you, you frowned when you were met with 'no older notifications'.

not even a 'hey wya im worried ab you' or anything. you sighed.

shutting your phone off, you threw it on your nightstand. maybe you should try getting a few hours of sleep. maybe all your problems would be solved once you woke up.