That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not:

Answer 42 - That time I was reincarnated into another world and encountered my first Dungeon Boss

I held my katana at the ready as I scrutinized the Boss Chamber, scanning every inch using my [Clairvoyance] skill. It was a wide, rectangular chamber with a single entrance, the one I'd come through. The door led to a small platform that was now covered with the knocked-down doors. A small set of stone, dragonless stairs led down to the larger room of the chamber, which had several statues of dragons lining the smooth stone walls, but no living ones to speak of.

There were a bunch of arches creating a kind of hallway along the edges of the room, which my [Appraisal (but secretly infinite knowledge)] skill called an 'arcade'. That seemed like bullshit to me, though, because there were no games at all. There were no dragons, either, despite the fact that there were three stories worth of these hallways bordering the massive chamber.

I looked up at the roof, taking in the arched ceilings, which were decorated by some badass-looking skulls in a non-draconic floral pattern. I gave it half a nod of approval, but also frowned.

No matter how I looked at it, this room was missing something, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

The younger of the two men looked up at me, blinking in surprise and pausing in his fight against the last two guards. The two guards were frozen mid-cringe, holding their weapons up in a desperate defense, their focus shifted to me.

"Uh, dragons?" the swordsman asked, looking over at the hornier man of the pair, who was still leaning against a statue with his arms crossed, like a total badass.

"Y-you must be a [Platinum Rank] [Adventurer], right?!" one of the guards interrupted, turning towards me and blubbering with equal parts fear and hope.

"Uh, yes," I lied, realizing that this guy would definitely kick me out of the dungeon if I told him the truth.

The guard turned to shoot a triumphant look at the swordsman. "Ha! You hear that?! You're done for, you damn [Dem-"

The guard's head flew off, leaving a spiraling trail of blood as it spun through the air. I quickly took a photo using my [Camera] Cell Phone Arte, because it looked cool as heck.

"No!" Bonbon shouted from behind me. I glanced back and saw that both she and Wanda had entered the room behind me.

"[Demon] soldiers, wan..." Wanda growled, her eyes glaring at them. Huh? Demon?

I looked at the pair a bit closer.

The swordsman didn't look much like a demon. He looked pretty human to me, about my age, even. Dark, spiky hair, tan skin, green eyes, cocky expression, nothing that really shouted [Demonic]... He was wearing a set of crystal-studded platemail that I could tell was pretty high-spec based on how ornate it looked, complete with crystal cufflinks and RGB under-pauldron glow.

He lifted his black-bladed sword to his shoulder and looked over at me, as if sizing me up. I decided to size him up as well, and activated [Appraisal (but secretly infinite knowledge)] to appraise him and read his appraisal status.

Juan Pluswan

Active Title: [Elite Four]

Faction: Demon Lord's Army

Level: 18

EXP: 680/3000

Skill Points: 25

Gold Stars: 16

Gacha Coins: 300

HP: 5640/5640

MP: 269/300

SP: 5682/6400

FP: 5/6

Attributes [Guard A]:

Stranth: 11

Dexterity: 11

Swoleness: 11

Magic: 2

Karma: 51

Mojo: 6

Luck:26

Skills:

[Adaptive Skill - Supremacy] [Adaptive Resistance - Invulnerability] [Adaptive Talent - Supremacy] [Adaptive Weapon - Supremacy] [Foresight] [Divine Blessing] [Envy] [Icon of Envy]

Titles:

[Copycat] [Oneupsman] [Visibly Superior] [Great Warrior] [Sword Saint] [Demon Lord's Soldier] [Counter Master] [Bully] [Human Disaster] [Monster Disaster] [Demi-human Disaster] [Elf Slaughterer] [Demon Killer] [Icon of Envy] [Diamond Rank Adventurer] [Hero] [Fallen Hero] [Artes Master] [Underdog]

Adaptive Artes:

[Plus One] [Plus Ultra] [Plus Max] [Plus Infinite]

This guy's status... was so weak! I wasn't sure what his skills did, exactly, but he didn't even have ten of them. He seemed to be holding his own against these guards pretty decently, but my personal underestimate of his strength was pretty much that he was trash. Still, he was a part of the [Elite Four] somehow, which meant that he was a bad guy. That meant that I could legally murder him, and would even get rewarded for it!

I grinned a smile at him, and his eyes narrowed, clearly displeased at my joviality. What a punk. I opened my mouth to say a cool one-liner, but was interrupted by the taste of candy corn filling my mouth. At first I thought that Juan had appraised me back, but noticed that he was busy taking his rage out on the last remaining living guard, cutting him in half vertically with some fancy wind-cutter blade swing of his sword.

I glanced over at the other guy.

The guy in the back... he looked pretty old, probably at least 26. His horns erupted from the front sides of his forehead, sweeping back about level his hairline so that the points were stabbing out behind him and embedded into the stone of the statue. His silver hair was combed back, ending in a shaggy cut about shoulder-length. He had a scar across either his eye, his cheek, or the bridge of his nose, depending on what kind of mood the animator was in at the time.

His eyes were closed, and he was chewing on a toothpick like nothing important was going on, which was a clear sign that he was somebody you didn't want to fuck with. The fact that he was wearing a dress shirt and slacks in the middle of a dungeon only supported this. Huh... this guy might be the bigger problem of the two... I'd better appraise him as well! I did so, using my appraisal skill [Appraisal (but secretly infinite knowledge)]:

ERROR:

Cannot Appraise. Error Code (410): Target has transcended [Candidate System]. Candidacy Pending.

I looked up at him, my eyes widening. This guy didn't even have a status?! What a loser! I chuckled to myself. I guess you should only judge books by their cover, not people. It didn't look like I had anything to worry about. There was no real danger here, not for me anyways.

"Alright," I said casually. "I'll ask you again. Where are my [Yellow Dragons]?"

"The hell are you even talking about?" Juan demanded, yanking his sword out of the body of one of the guards, which I guess he'd stabbed just for fun or something.

"I need to get a Princess in my harem, so I have to kill dragons," I explained, slowly enunciating each word as if I were speaking to a child.

The swordsman stared at me in open awe, shaking his head at my obvious power and muttering something under his breath. Sensing that I'd get no answers from him, I looked instead at the older guy, who still hadn't moved. However, it was Bonbon who broke the silence, and my heart.

"Hiro-san," she replied carefully. "There... are no dragons here."

H-huh?! What had she just said? My entire silhouette turned white and I turned to her jerkily, shifting instantly from one key frame to the next with no in-betweening. No dragons?! This... this couldn't be true, could it?

"W-wha?" I managed, desperately slapping my mental fists at my status page to activate my [Emotional Damage Invulnerability].

She gave me a wan smile (TL Note: as opposed to Wanda's 'wan!' smiles) and shook her head.

"There never were any dragons. It was something made up by the Pablum Empire. The guards told me. They just wanted to keep [Adventurers] away from the dungeon."

I fell to my knees, devastated. But... my plan... now what was I going to do? With no [Yellow Dragons] to kill, I would have to put in actual effort to get [Gold Rank]. No matter how I looked at it, my Princess-in-Harem future was rushing further and further away. I... I couldn't handle this. I!

I felt movement behind me, and Wanda dropped down suddenly, throwing her arms around my neck and plopping her chin down on my shoulder. W-wha? She was s-so close! I'd had a lot of almost-hugs and almost-handholds and indirect kisses, but my mind bluescreened entirely as I felt the heat and softness of her body behind me. She rubbed her cheek against mine, clearly giving absolutely zero fucks about personal space, which for some reason wasn't bothering me at the moment.

"Maaaasterrr~" she slurred, chuckling a bit as she pointed one finger sluggishly towards Juan. "Do you know what these guys are after, wan?"

I frowned, my mind reactivating at her expository question. What they were after? Well, they were probably here for the dragons too, right? That'd explain why they killed the guards, after all. Anybody would react that way if they found out they'd been tricked. I was just disappointed I hadn't been able to kill any myself.

"They're after... a Princess, wan~" she giggled. "That's what the Empire was trying to hide here."

A.... Princess? As in, a Princess? Here in the dungeon? As in, kidnapped by this Evil Empire and hidden in this Dungeon behind a Boss Battle? My mind froze, and my body moved on its own, unbuckling my Wanda belt and standing back to my feet, katana in hand. I took a step towards them, earning a smile from the swordsman, who stepped forward to match me.

"Then... if I kill you guys... I get to rescue the Princess!" I declared.

"I... I'm not sure if that's how it works," Bonbon stammered, incorrectly.

"I said 'rescue', not 'kidnap' " I replied, using [Alter Reality] to make it so that it was true retroactively.

"As if I'd lose," Juan laughed, flourishing his blade around to show off how cool he was. I felt my throat tighten. D-damn. He'd succeeded; that was really cool-looking. We hadn't even started yet, and I was already on the back foot. This fight might not be so easy after all...

"I'd be careful if I were you, Juan," the older guy warned, without shifting at all from his current position. "This guy's no pushover."

Juan rolled his eyes, wiping his bloody sword off on a monogrammed handkerchief.

"Yeah, yeah, look at me shaking in my boots," he laughed.

I glanced down and noticed that his boots weren't shaking at all. Wait a minute... this guy was mocking me! Now he'd really done it! I clenched my sword tighter in my fist. I'd show him!

"You know how my [Cheat Skill] works, right Taro?" he continued, directing the question towards the older man. In response, his comrade just cracked one eye open, giving him a lazy, bored glare.

"Yeah. But I bet you're going to tell us all about it in a few minutes, anyways."

Juan laughed, crouching down into a combat stance as the boss battle music began to play.

"Damn straight."