That Time I Got Sent to Another World Where All of the Girls Are Super Hot and Super Into Me Because I Am Super Strong and Have Very Powerful Abilities that God Gave to Me Because Me and Them Were Friends When I Was in Grade School and God Is Actually A Loli Who is Also in Love with Me Because I Am A Super Epic Person Who Will Defeat The Demon Lord Who Threatens The Entire World but the Demon Lord Actually is in Love With Me and the Demon Lord is a Super Hot Busty Babe Who is Actually Just Trying to Get My Attention Because I Have a Cellphone That Can Contact the Internet and Can Get Anything Shipped To Me Within 2 Days But I Barely Need It Because I Am Actually the Most Strongest Guy Alive Because I Have Super Strong Powers Like Being Able to Lift Your Mom Really Easily Which is Nearly Impossible Because Your Mom is So Fat But is Actually A Secret Anime Busty Babe Who is Really into Me Because I Am Super Cool and Better Than Your Dad Because He is Super Lame Which I Am Not:

Interlude 1.27D - In Which The Demon Lord Receives Some News

The Demon Lord stared down at Knight-Commander Max Generico, two glowing red eyes hovering in the featureless void that filled the entire room. The captive commander cowered before the Demon Lord, wondering what kind of dire fate awaited him. He flexed his shoulder, straining at the ropes binding him to the chair. The Demon Lord's eyes shifted slightly, as if he had drawn the monster's attention. He froze at once.

There was a shifting in the darkness, and his warrior instincts screamed out to him, to no avail. The attack happened too quickly for him to see, or even comprehend, and in an instant, the ropes were lying limp on the ground.

The Knight-Commander quickly took stock of the situation. He was free... and per the Isekai-Geneva Conventions, all of his weapons and equipment were in an unlocked chest a few feet away. He glanced at the chest in a way that he hoped wasn't obvious, then turned back to the Demon Lord, who seemed to have lost interest in him, and was now looking at the jukebox. The eyes shifted, and a loud footstep echoed through the darkness, as the Demon Lord walked over to the machine and began presumably pushing buttons.

Generico activated [Sneak Supremacy] and made his way to the chest, lifting his legs in an exaggerated tiptoe to channel the full force of his Skill. He reached out, his fingers touching the latch of the chest, and the music suddenly changed, from kitschy, obnoxious holiday music to a theme more befitting the Demon Lord: "Hooked on a Feeling" as performed by David Hasselhoff. Generico's heart pounded in his chest, as the Demon Lord's eyes shifted slightly.

"It won't matter. You can't hurt me."

A sharp kidney stone of terror shot straight through Generico's bladder. He slammed open the latch and stuck his hand into the chest, instantly equipping all of his armor and equipment. The Knight Commander turned and brandished his broadsword in the general direction of the Demon Lord. He stared at the red eyes and quickly activated his appraisal skill: [Enemy Appraisal].

Demon Lord

[CANNOT APPRAISE]

"W-what?!"

The Demon Lord shook his head. "I'm on the Do-Not-Appraise list. It's no use, as I said."

Generico grit his teeth, his sword wavering. He probably was in over his head. Against the Demon Lord, he was as a slice of chocolate cake in a fat man's fridge. He knew the end was coming, it was just a matter of how long it would take. Still... he squeezed the hilt of his weapon, steadying his grip. He'd show the Demon Lord that this cake had fangs.

"DIE MONSTER! YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD!" he roared, charging towards the eyes and bringing his sword back for a mighty blow.

"Wow, rude." the Demon Lord replied, and then, their eye flashed purple for a moment.

"[Evil Eye: Cringe]"

***

"How about this:" a much younger Max Generico said, tugging at the collar of his fantasy isekai middle-school uniform, "if I score first in the test coming up, you have to go out with me!"

His crush laughed, but not unpleasantly. She tossed her hair and said "wink", to indicating that she was winking beneath her knight's helm, which covered her face entirely.

"Okay, sure. If you come in first place, we can go out."

Max pumped his fist and ran back to his friends to report his success. His generic friend shook his head.

"You really think you're gonna get first? You usually have trouble even passing."

"I'm gonna ace it!" he replied cockily, holding up two tickets with pictures of two giraffes getting married. "I already bought tickets to that new play that's opening up! It cost my entire lunch money for the rest of the week, but I have a secret weapon that'll let me win no problem!"

"Oh? What's that?"

There was a long pause, and his friends exchanged a long, sorrowful look, like birds who had to tell their adopted child turtle that he would never be able to fly. "But... the next test coming up is Geography. We don't have a Geometry test for another two weeks..."

"What?"

Max looked down, and time had shifted. The teacher was passing out the graded tests. His crush glanced back at him as the teacher approached his desk. A pit opened in Max's stomach. The older man raised an eyebrow, and passed back Max's test. Facedown.

Slowly, Max reached out and grabbed the sheet of paper...

***

The Demon Lord watched as the Knight-Commander in front of him writhed and twitched, forced to relive all of his most embarrassing moments under the power of the [Evil Eye].

"K-kill me..." Generico groaned, turning his shaky hands to bring the blade of his sword to his own neck.

"[Sword Repellant]," the Demon Lord intoned, and the sword immediately melted out of Generico's hands, fading into mist. Generico shot the Demon Lord a betrayed, horrified look.

"I have not given you permission to die," the Demon Lord informed him. "You still have a purpose."

The eyes drew closer, hovering a mere foot from Generico's face. The Knight-Commander twitched and sputtered, sweating profusely; the memories stirred up by the [Evil Eye: Cringe] were still fresh in his mind.

"W-what?" he asked, disoriented.

The Demon Lord's eyes curled into a smile. "You are the last hope of the Pablum Empire. You cannot hope to defeat me... but that doesn't mean you can't check my advance."

"I-I... I don't--"

"You don't understand. I know." The Demon Lord's eyes withdrew, and turned away. From the glow of the eyes, Generico had only the impression of a giant set of devil horns, and a kick-ass looking crown with knives and skulls on it, but nothing more.

"I do not wish to bring death and destruction," the Demon Lord monologued. "As badass as dropping giant meteors and summoning fountains of fire or tsunamis of molten glass are, it is not my will to end lives needlessly. All of this blood I've had other people shed on my behalf... it is in service of my goal."

Generico blinked, slowly regaining his composure one haggard breath at a time. "The... the Princess?" he asked.

"That's right," the Demon Lord replied. "The Princess. Once I have the Princess, all of this business with the Empire can be resolved."

"It'll never happen," Generico groaned, shaking his head. "Emperor Pablo loves her more than life itself."

"I know." The Demon Lord turned back to Generico, stepping forward ominously, in time to the "OOGA CHAKAS" coming from the jukebox. "He's chosen the Princess over life time after time, spending the lives of his soldiers like pennies in a gumball machine. I can't imagine he would change his mind over a few thousand more. Even when the sword is turned to him, I find it hard to picture him changing his stance on this. He possesses a will befitting an Emperor."

"Quarters..." Generico said. The Demon Lord stopped mid-monologue.

"What."

"You don't use... pennies in a gumball machine. You use quarters."

The Demon Lord stared down at him for a moment in silence, then continued, activating [Improv Supremacy] to steer back to the speech he had memorized.

"No... I shall give no quarter. Not until I get what I want. The Emperor will not yield, on this we agree. But he doesn't have to. You..."

The Demon Lord drew in close, his eyes bathing Generico in a dull red glow. The Knight-Commander drew back in alarm. The monster was close enough that he could smell its breath, an unholy combination of wood fire and bubble-gum.

"You know where the Princess is, don't you?"

Generico's widened. "H-how did?"

"I have my ways," the Demon Lord replied archly, deactivating [Knowledge: Meta]. "So, as I said, you are the last hope for your Empire. If you tell me where the Princess is, I can call this whole war off."

"She's safe," Generico declared, puffing his chest out defiantly. "Even if you burn down every village and some of the noble villas, you'll never find her."

The Demon Lord sighed. "If you've hidden her, then I'm afraid I'll have to try harder to coerce the Emperor. To start with... everybody shall have to pay a 15% tax on their earnings, which I'll use to build eyesore brutalist architecture that never gets used.

"Ha! You think that will break our spirit?"

"No," the Demon Lord admitted. "So my next step will be to mandate that all public restrooms must use one-ply toilet paper."

Generico winced. "Nngh... You monster... Then you'd have to use twice as much! And it'll still be less comfortable."

"There's more..." the Demon Lord continued, watching as Generico began to shudder. "Once I take over your pitiful country, I will declare that all pizza must be served without cheese."

"NO!" Generico shouted. "Pizza without cheese is just a flatbread! But... nnnghh..."

He writhed as if he were under the effect of the [Evil Eye] again, but held firm. The Demon Lord watched him for a few seconds, then sighed.

"I didn't want to have to use this," the Demon Lord said mournfully, "But you've forced my hand. You will get to witness one of the most potent interrogation techniques of my homeland. Brace yourself."

Knight-Commander Max Generico bit his tongue, ready to hold out against the worst pain imaginable. He clenched his fist, straightened his back, and tightened his buttocks, standing stalwart against what was to come.

A glyph appeared in midair, glowing and swirling like some badass Seal of Solomon type shit. The shadows withdrew, allowing light to fill the room once more, as the darkness coalesced into a featureless figure, nothing but a horned head, a neck, and a solid shape from shoulders to floor. The glowing red eyes stared out (from the head area), the only feature that was not pitch black. A shadowy claw emerged from the mass of darkness, and slowly reached into the seal. The fingertips disappeared as they crossed, leaving a rippling of air.

The hand withdrew, holding a porcelain bowl, which was full of steaming rice, with a fried pork cutlet and gooey egg deposited on top. Generico had never seen anything like it before. Wasn't rice... bird food? Despite this, his stomach growled.

"Katsudon," the Demon Lord announced. He set the bowl on top of the table and a second hand emerged, guiding Generico to sit down. The Knight-Commander hesitantly equipped his personal fork and prodded the bowl.

"What..."

"Eat."

Flinching, the Knight-Commander stabbed his fork in the bowl and took a bite. The flavor erupted in his mouth, like nothing he'd ever tasted before. His hand shook, the fork clattering from his fingers as tears formed in his eyes. He looked up and was surprised to see the Demon Lord leaning over the table, a foot from his face.

"If you don't tell me where the Princess is, a lot of people will be hurt," the Demon Lord explained. "How do you think your mother would feel about that?"

The tears began to well up in Generico's eyes, and he let out a quiet whimper. Underneath the veil of [Advanced Darkness], the Demon Lord grinned a smile.

*****

"She is being transferred to a dungeon near the Badass Isekai LitRPG Starter Village," the Demon Lord announced to his generals. "I can't afford to go that far myself, so have one of my [Elite Fours] lead an expedition."

Dread Commander Grimnasty exchanged a look with a messenger who had just arrived.

"About that, my lord..."

The Demon Lord turned his attention to the Dread Commander, who flinched despite himself.

"I'm afraid that... somebody has subjugated Skeletony," Grimnasty whispered.

The Demon Lord's eyes narrowed. "Skeletony..." they growled, the darkness at the foot of the figure roiling. They began to rise higher, and their [Weather Control] skill took effect, as storm clouds rolled into the camp with a low purr of distant thunder. The Demon Lord looked down at the messenger, eyes blazing in what was probably fury.

"Skeletony..." he repeated. "Who was that, again?"