This person's friend is dealing with some issues and they don't know how to respond to their friend.

Hello,

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It's definitely a difficult one to maneuver. In a relationship like this one, it is important to make sure you are taking care of your needs. It is really easy to slip into a mindset of "they need me" or "they don't have anyone else", but that just as easily turns into sacrificing your own health and well-being for someone else who isn't taking that into account. Your friend is obviously struggling, but instead of leaning on you for support, he has thrown the weight of his struggle entirely onto you. As cold as it may sound, you are not responsible for his mental health. You are not responsible for his well-being. You are not responsible for him. He is. His family is. You are his friend, and you can love him and care for him, but you need to do that within the boundaries of your relationship and your own needs. It is not your job to parent him through his mental health. It is draining you, and you can't keep that up.

From here, I think it is best to give yourself some space to recover, but before doing that, I suggest having a conversation with him about his actions and words and how they've been affecting you. Make him aware that you care about him and you're there for him, but that if he isn't going to take any steps to improve then you need to take a step back. He needs to understand that you are a person with struggles and feelings of your own and that right now it's getting to be a little too much for you to handle. Set boundaries with him. Explain what you are and are not comfortable with. He might get upset and start saying you don't care about him or something similar, but don't feed into it. If he responds like that, shut it down. He does not get to tell you how you feel or how his actions affect you. If he wants to disrespect you and your friendship like that, then you don't have to participate in the conversation anymore.

Honey, it is so easy to slip into an unhealthy relationship, and so many people stay in unhealthy relationships to protect the other person. I'm not saying you need to cut him out of your life, but you do need to take yourself into consideration, and he needs a reality check. In no way am I invalidating his experience, but it isn't healthy for either of you to continue in the way you have been. From a place like his, it's very easy to lose sight of other people and their lives. It's easy to get lost in the bubble of your own hurt and struggle, and when someone comes into the bubble with you, it's even easier to forget that they have lives outside the bubble. In his mind, you are in his bubble, and that's all that matters. He needs to remember that you are not confined to his bubble, and hopefully one day he'll learn that neither is he.

Love him and support him in the ways you can, but don't forget to tend to your own needs as well. Set clear boundaries as to what you both can do in your relationship and make clear your feelings on his words and actions. It takes a lot of time and effort to rise up from a place like that, and he will need his support system around him to do that, but he needs to be willing to make the effort. It is possible.

I hope this helps, love. Message us again anytime!

Best,

The Advice Column Team