So after John B died I kinda lost my shit. As any normal person would.

When you loose your twin, everything tends to go to hell.

First off, JJ and I broke up one night while I was crossed and out of my mind and apparently hooked up with some other person.

I don't blame him. Im messed up and unreliable. At least its a good reason.

I've always had depression but it had not been as bad before. This time it was like a fucking truck.

John B was gone. Now Im guessing you wouldn't know how it feels to loose a twin. It's pretty rare.

Loosing a sibling or family member or even friend sucks in an unexplainable way. But loosing a twin is like loosing the other half of you. Well I guess that kind of is what it is.

Your other person, the only person who will ever truly understand you, the main person you'll always run to when something happens, the one who has put up with your shit since literally the womb, the one who's gone through it all with you, and the person who will, or would, always be there for you, is gone.

It's like half of you is dead inside and you'll never get it back.

Anyways, back to the rest of my life besides my dead twin brother.

The Pogues still stayed by me for some reason. Even JJ after we broke up. Obviously it wasn't the same but at least our friendship wasn't completely ruined.

John B dying was kind of the throwing point of me going into foster care. Thankfully, the day DCS came to pick me up, Popes parents randomly decided to become my legal guardian.

Hey, I mean, I'll take it.

They let me stay at the Chateau if I wanted or stay at their house. They were incredibly nice to me, considering all the things I had put their son through.

Most of the days I was either drunk, high, or laying in bed doing absolutely jack-shit. There was the occasional time where Kie got me to go get coffee with her, or Pope got me out on the boat, or even when JJ somehow managed to get me surfing, just me and him.

Those were about the only days out of the rest of the summer that I liked.

Now they had managed to get me back at the Château. They apparently had something set up since we didn't have a funeral for JB.

Since we couldn't find the body, and hell, I didn't even have an actual parent who cared enough to put the money into it, we didn't have a funeral.

Kie was practically dragging me to the Château. I had been there since JB died but only about twice.

Once I got a couple of John B's bandanas and shirts because I missed him and wanted him to be with me. I even got a necklace that he used to wear all the time when we were younger and now I wear it everyday.

The second time I went, it wasn't on purpose. I had gotten in trouble with cops and managed to run away, but the Château was the only place that I could be safe. So I crashed there like old times.

Pope was carving a somewhat heart into a tree. JJ had a blowtorch and an iron stick that he was burning.

After Pope was completely done with the heart, JJ burned into the tree, 2003 at the top left of the heart, 2020 at the top right, and in the middle- John B Routledge. At the bottom, he finished, P4L, Pogues for life.

All of it was done in silence until JJ put the finishing touches.

Then he backed up and held up his flask. "To John B."

"And to Sarah." Kie said quietly. Sarah obviously had become part of our group and meant a lot to us now, but she had gotten her funeral.

Nevertheless, we didn't backfire on Kie. Sarah still deserved the small words.

JJ drunk his flask and Pope drunk out of his beer can he had.

Kie had a box in her hand that had things of John B's and put it in the hole at the bottom of the tree. She put a couple of flowers on top of it before they buried it.

We stayed at the Château that night. Well not all night, but Kie and I sat on the hammock for a while, JJ sat on the tree where the hammock was hanging, and Pope sat on the ground against the tree.

We didn't even talk, the only noise being JJ's wood carving.

Just before it was complete pitch black outside, Kie got up, careful not to tip over the hammock though.

"I need to get going before my parents loose their minds." She said. Pope stood up too.

"Yeah I need to also." He added. "(Y/N), you comin?" He asked me.

I shook my head. "I think I'm going to stay here for a while." I told him. I don't know why. I just felt like it.

Pope nodded before him and Kie walked away, leaving the Château to their own good, maybe not perfect, but good homes.

I don't think JJ had the nerves to say anything.

I knew he had been staying at the Château for a while because his dad managed himself back in jail again and his own house had more bad memories for him than mine. He didn't want me to know he was staying there but I did.

I didn't care that he stayed there, though. He could live at the Château for the rest of his life if he wanted.

I stared out at the water for a while before standing up. JJ watched me walk towards the Château until I was on the deck.

I turned around, "Are you coming or not?", I asked before going inside.

I dodged JB's room, walking into my own. I had left some clothes here and taken some to Pope's.

While changing into more comfortable clothes to sleep in, I heard the door finally open, telling me that JJ had come in.

I had put on a pair of boxers, and I pulled on an old shirt that went almost to the end of the boxers before I laid down in my bed.

I knew JJ would sleep on the pull out couch or any of the other places to sleep in our house. He could manage himself in this house.

I tried to sleep for the longest time. I even took melatonin, though I still stayed up for an hour and couldn't manage. It had been a problem since John B died.

I wanted to go sleep with JJ but didn't. I'd rather not sleep than make it more confusing.

Finally, at about 3 in the morning, I fell asleep.

😭