In the beginning Goddess Fish created 21 magical fish. Now only 14 remained. Near the shattered ruins that had once been their home planet, the survivors floated together in a gloomy huddle. Their mood was dark despite their victory over the smarties.

Voices were raised so they could talk over the sound of Destiny Fish and Normal Crawfish weeping. The topic of discussion was the future of the war.

"They have no armies left, now is the time to strike! We should seek out every planet they're hidden on and shatter each one like they did ours," growled Kinetic Fish.

"There's too many, too spread out. Even with me and Gate Fish working nonstop they'll rebuild before we get them all and then it's only a matter of time before we lose another fish," Divination Fish said.

"I say we stop fighting. Let’s just leave and go to another part of the universe, so far away that they never bother us again. I'm done with Fighting and killing," sent Mental Fish to everyone’s mind.

"Na, we can’t go too far away. I've told you before, the other parts of the universe are weird… uncomfortable," Gate fish shuddered at a memory, "I'd rather tell the Smarties we’re done and offer peace before going out there."

"Cowards." DNA Jellyfish spat.

Gate fish spun on him, "Huh?!? You wanna fight!?" Tempers and spells flared to life.

"Enough!" World fish shouted, catching everyone’s attention, "I have an idea," he said in a much quieter tone. Those four words really got everyone's attention. World Fish was the fish with the best ideas after all.

Seeing all eyes on him, World Fish shared his idea, "When the goddess created us, all knew that we were special. No creature back then would even dare to imagine doing what the Smarties have done. Back then, non-fish would stay in their little holes and cower in fear. As is right; that is how it should be. All should instinctively know that fish are the greatest power in the universe and should be respected as such. But they don’t. They have forgotten. It has been a very long time since Goddess Fish was around to remind them.

Now, to help them recall, we could simply go on a rampage, crushing and destroying non-fish around the universe one after the other until it was once more ingrained within their very souls to fear us fish. It would take a long time, yes, but that method would work quite well. However, I have a more elegant solution to this problem. One that, if we combine our powers and work together, will quickly and efficiently solve all of our problems. My friends, I propose we revive Goddess Fish."

The others all reacted to that, some gasped, some frowned, and others looked at World Fish like he was crazy.

Destiny Fish shook away tears and spoke up. "Not sure what you mean dude, Goddess is already coming back. It's like, the most destined thing ever.”

“It’s not gonna be quick or efficient either,” Divination Fish said, “It won’t be for another trillion years or so. The universe needs to be thick enough with soul energy for her egg to form," She looked at the floating remains of the Smarty's fleet. "If you're suggesting we go out and massacre living creatures to release their souls and increase the soul density, I’m telling you now, there aren't even enough souls in the universe right now to make that work. Even in the weird parts of the universe that Gate Fish mentioned. We can only wait for the cycle of life and death to create enough new souls over time."

World Fish waited for silence before speaking again, “You are both right. She is coming back and normally all we would have to do is wait for her. However, I believe there is a way we can artificially raise the soul density in one area so that the Goddess's egg can form ahead of schedule. Allow me to explain: First, what we need to do is…" World Fish passionately waved his fins about as he explained the details of his plan. The magic fish listened in awe at his evil madness. The more he explained the more it sounded crazy enough to work. World fish truly had the best ideas.

“Now what do you say, comrades? Shall we do it? Shall we revive Goddess and instil the fear of fish into the universe once more!?” World Fish shouted, puffing himself up. The Magic Fish burst into cheers of agreement, even Destiny Fish and Normal Crawfish.

“Excellent,” World Fish Grinned, “Now we just needed somewhere to set it all up. Any suggestions?”

Destiny Fish leapt in shock when a tugging sensation pulled at his fin. He frowned down at a red string of destiny tied around his fin which pointed off somewhere into space. Weird, he didn’t remember tying any strings to anything. It reminded him of the trick he used to use to inform himself of when Wally was paddling out onto the lake.

Did you reincarnate bro? Destiny Fish thought, looking off in the direction the string pointed. Memories of his time on Earth with Wally filled his mind. The memories gave him a brilliant idea, “OH EARTH!” He blurted out loud. The other fish turned to look at him, “Dudes!” he shouted, “I just thought of the sweetest location for the plan! Earth’s moon!”

With animated enthusiasm, Destiny Fish described how sweet Earth was and how ideal a location its moon would be. Gate Fish opened a portal and they all swam through to have a look. The others nodded and patted Destiny Fish on the back.

“Yes, this will do nicely,” Grinned World Fish, “Shall we begin?”

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Wow! They’re coming to Earth? That’s so cool. Guys, it’s Narration fish again, hi!. This is pretty much the end of WTF part one. I guess we’ll call it: ummm… “The Battle of Chook’s Creek.” Yeah, that works!. One last thing before we leave though. I present to you: The Red Strings of Destiny.

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The Red Strings of Destiny

“DESTINED TO MEET AGAIN!” Destiny Fish called out the magic words activating his most powerful spell.

Despite the disadvantageous starting position, the spell used omniscient cosmic destiny calculations to instantly sort through countless possible destinies. It then formulated a step-by-step plan to destine the reunion of Destiny Fish and Wally that not only had a 95.225% chance to succeed, but also a 100% chance to be epic. It got to work right away.

Step 1: Preserve Wally’s soul.

There was no way to save Wally’s body. The man had simply abused it too much for it to stand any chance of recovery. So the strings did the next best thing. Enormous amounts of red string shot out of Destiny Fish’s wand, wrapping around his soul and emulating ectoplasmite, the metal that can preserve souls.

Step 2: Gift Tomas a copy of “Night Monsters”

Wally’s soul wasn’t the only one targeted, Strings flew out across the Australian bushland, snuck into the church of the wolf compound, entered Tomas' body and wrapped themselves around his soul as he took an afternoon nap.

A few strings poked out of his chest and turned on his game box. Then they entered a coupon code that would gift him the game. Night Monster’s hunting mechanics were the perfect trigger to stimulate Tomas’ hunting instincts and activate his dormant powers. The game was left up on the screen for him to discover after he woke up.

Step 3: Bore a tunnel through space/Turn on Fred’s space TV

Strings flew up, out of Earth’s atmosphere towards planet Bryan. Bryan was much too far away for the strings to make it in time for what they needed to do, so they formed a drill and tunnelled a hole through the fabric of space from Earth to Bryan, shortening the trip from billions of light years to a few kilometres.

This was a crude and violent method of space travel that could potentially collapse the universe in on itself ending all existence. Luckily, this time, it didn’t. The universe managed to seal up the damage and the red strings continued flying down towards the Hungry Hippo University campus, where they entered Fred’s dorm, switched on his space TV, and then hid under his bed among his secret boxes.

As he sat down on the bed, eyes glued to the documentary on World fish, the strings snuck up the other side of his bed and entered his body from behind, wrapping around his soul.

Step 4: Attach Wally to Destiny Fish

The last strings to leave the wand turned back and entered Destiny Fish's own body, wrapping around his soul. Destiny Fish was aware of the strings but didn’t give them much thought. His magic typically did its own thing and was best left alone. Besides, he was too distraught about his bro dying to worry about strings around his soul.

A single string, 2 metres in length, tied one of its ends to Wally’s soul and the other to Destiny Fish’s. Now Wally followed Destiny Fish everywhere.

This cheered Destiny Fish up and ultimately gave him the inspiration needed to sculpt the statue of Goddess Fish on the bottom of his lake.

Step 5: Manipulate internet search results.

The night before he was told of his impending sacrifice, red strings reached out from Tomas’ sleeping body and pressed the power button on his computer. They then used their elite hacking skillz to mess with his web browser so that he was guaranteed to come across the news article that would eventually lead him to Chook’s Creek the next day.

Step 6: Split time into two/ Hide the crown.

Smarty’s got it all wrong. The most fearsome magic in the universe is not vegetable magic, it is destiny magic. No doubt about it.

Early in the morning before Tomas’ sacrifice, The red strings of destiny unwound and exited en masse from Tomas’ body. They wove themselves into a pair of hands. The two hands floated through the church compound and found the Matriarch’s changing room. There, they reached out and grabbed the concept of time and began ripping it into two. They strained and snapped under the pressure of the momentous conceptual task they undertook. But slowly and steadily, a tear formed in time, splitting it into two exact copies of itself. A single woven hand floated in each timeline.

In one timeline, the strings unwove and divided into two. Half returned to Tomas’ soul, the other half snuck over to The Matriarch's room, entered her body and took root within her soul as well. Now both Tomas and The Matriarch would show up as containing fish magic on any magic scanners.

In the other timeline, the strings grabbed the Matriarch's crown and snuck it through the compound, eventually hiding it under Head Priest Roy’s bed. This ensured that she wouldn't get struck by lightning in this timeline.

Step 7: Mess with Fred’s alarm.

There was no way Fred was going to wake up on time without his alarm on the morning of the invention convention. He had stayed up way too late worrying about the next day. He dreaded how sleepy he was going to be the next day as he diligently checked and double-checked the alarm on his smarty phone, setting another one, just to be safe.

The moment he went to sleep, red strings reached out and turned all of his alarms off. Unbeknownst to Fred, this saved his life from Weather Fish's wrath.

Step 8: Lure a Yeti.

Destiny Fish cut the string connecting him and Wally after leaving Earth, Leaving Wally’s soul free to roam. The red strings wrapped around it began dragging him deep into the Australian outback.

No Yowies lived near the church of the wolf’s compound as the Matriarch had hunted them all. This means the strings had to cover quite some distance to reach one. The closest one slept by a billabong several hundreds of kilometres away.

The strings were able to reach it in a few moments, however, luring it back was going to take some time. They wove themselves together into a fabric air horn and honked at the Yowie, waking it. It spotted the floating bundle of string and gave chase. For an entire day and night it chased the strings, never giving up until in the morning the strings lured it to a tree by a river where Tomas had hung his robes and sandals.

The bundle of strings floated up into the sky, out of the Yowie’s sight and left it to eat Tomas' clothes in frustration.

Step 9: Reveal Fred’s secret/ Mess with Fred’s alarm, again.

While the Yeti was delaying Tomas’ arrival to Chook’s Creek, red strings of destiny got to work making Fred miserable. In order to reveal Fred’s phobia the strings grabbed his phone while he slept and used their elite hacking skillz/ basic Smarty web design skills to create a fake “10 ways to tell if your teammate is secretly afraid of fish,'' online article using some very ‘Fred specific’ example and posted it online.

Edison browsed so much junk online that he didn’t even need to be manipulated into finding the article. He did so on his own and quickly put 2 and 2 together regarding Fred’s phobia. After some deep thought on what he had learned, he decided to use this knowledge to further the team's success via torturing Fred.

Then just to make it worse for Fred, the red strings repeatedly woke him up by messing with his alarms. He got mad enough to improve the ship’s scanner. The Little Girls team then discovered Fish magic on Earth and off they went.

Luckily the scanner only scanned things outside the ship. It would have been disastrous if Fred learned that he too had been infected by fish magic.

Step 10: Drag soul into body.

This step was simple, while Wanda was staring at Tomas’ soul, the red strings dragged Wally’s soul into the empty body.

Step 11: Turn on Edison’s space WiFi.

This step required a little bit of stealth. While Fred was getting into his battle suit, red strings shot out of his back and quickly typed into the computer console. Using Einstein’s password to dismiss the ban on Edisons’s WiFi.

This was a suitable distraction to keep Fred in the fight for longer down on Earth.

Step 12: Give Destiny Fish an Idea.

With a gentle tugging on his fin, Destiny Fish remembered Earth and its beautiful moon. The perfect place for World Fish’s plan.

Step 13: Turn on sedatives/ Crash flying saucer into the lake.

The red strings messed up this step. They were supposed to turn on the sedatives unnoticed but Fred opened his eyes at an inopportune moment, catching them red-handed (red-stringed). This lowered the success chance of the plan down to 72.66% as Fred would definitely become antagonistic to the plan once he woke.

Fortunately, that wouldn’t be for some time. Med-pools were able to provide the nutrients required to sustain someone for 20 years if needed. It’s not really recommended as the person within the tank would still grow older despite the continuous healing they received, albeit at a slower rate. As it turns out, 20 years was exactly the amount of time needed to set up on the moon for phase two of the plan to reunite Destiny Fish and Wally, so the strings turned off all safety measures that could potentially wake the four up. A task easily achieved using the ship’s horrible computer menus.

Then with the destined four all tucked in, the strings took a hold of the ship's flight controls and flew it to Lake Fortune. Without stopping, the F.S. Wibble Wobble crashed straight down into the lake, sinking to its depths. There it sat dormant for the next 20 years.

The end of WTF part 1: The Battle of Chook’s Creek.

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Wow… 20 years. That's a long time. Speaking of long times, see y’all in like, 6 months to a year when the author finally finishes part 2!

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