No one looked particularly hopeful as they all watched Loclen and me get ready for the latest debate about whether we should continue after Juniper or double back. We were still in the hollow we had camped in the day before but it had been even more cramped than the one we piled into on the first night of our pursuit. There were also a few small holes in the ceiling and the day promised to be cloudy with possible snow. We only had enough food for a couple more days and there wasn’t time to gather much as we tried to follow the tracks as quick as we could. Hunting was also next to useless given that we didn’t have fire to cook the meat. Even we had the ability to do cook it would have wasted time or we could have lost the tracks in the unfamiliar woods while we hunted for game.

But I didn’t want to give up. Didn’t want to fail again. Besides this whole thing had been my idea and Ulo would never let it rest if we came back without even spotting Juniper and her kidnapper.

It was more than a bit crazy that we hadn’t seen hide nor hair of the kidnapper yet. From the single set of tracks it seemed like whoever it was had been carrying Juniper—and whatever they already had on them—since they grabbed her. Running the whole time too. That meant whoever it was had an insane amount of endurance, a unique blessing, or both.

But they couldn’t have a unique blessing because only whisper women had those and they could light a fire. It didn’t make sense. Perhaps they had just gotten even more of a head start than we had assumed, but it was still odd that they weren’t allowing Juniper to walk. Put the burden of carrying her weight back on her.

It was enough that Loclen had started grumbling theories that whoever we were following might not even have Juniper despite the fact that there had been no other tracks from her hidey hole and she hadn’t been there. Loclen’s other grumblings about the lack of fire and supplies, going after an unknown threat, and now the possibility of a storm had gradually pushed things until I couldn’t keep everyone going on the desire to help Juniper alone.

“We should go back.” Loclen kept her head held high despite pushing for us to admit defeat. “Using the shadow paths to keep off the cold isn’t going to keep us all from getting frostbite if this keeps up.”

That had been my idea. We couldn’t sleep in the shadow paths but they didn’t have a temperature, neither hot or cold, which made warming up in them better than the snowy woods when we rested. Our blankets and bedrolls helped to keep off the worst of the cold while we slept but that wasn’t quite the same as getting truly warm. I didn’t want to admit it, but it was true that no one was sleeping well and it was only a matter of time before someone slipped up on the preventative measures and got frostbite. Or fell asleep in the shadows paths, which was arguably worse. I kept having near flashbacks to being frozen as well but no one needed to know that either, even if Prevna seemed to have started to pick up on it through her own tiredness and focus to find Juniper.

Logically, I could agree with Loclen’s points and the need to turn around. Could put together the two days of food we had left and the two days it had taken us to get this far but the tracks were right there and the kidnapper would get even further away every step we took in the wrong direction. There’d be even less hope of getting Juniper back then.

“We need to keep going. Unless you want to abandon Juniper,” I said.

Prevna flinched next to me and I ground my teeth together at the unintentional dig at her. She had started trying to convince me to turn back the night before. The betrayal had come out of nowhere until I remembered how practical she could be when it came to survival. There wasn’t a lot of practicality in freezing and starving to death in pursuit of someone we weren’t likely to catch if things remained as they were.

Still, the change in her attitude stung and I was consciously trying to regulate my tongue so I didn’t ruin things like I had with Fellen. We could disagree, we had before and gotten through it, but it felt like she thought everything had gotten out of hand. Like I had already failed.

Failure was a bitter taste I was already sick of from needing to be rescued from the festerlings by the Ghost Hounds to failing to tie all the knots on the door flap before giving into the musical sleep. It tasted even worse when Prevna was the one spoon feeding it to me.

Loclen crossed her arms. “We won’t be abandoning her. The storm birds can cover a lot more ground than we can. Faster. Returning will give them one less to worry about and divide their attention.”

“They could lose the tracks from above and the birds can’t land without a clearing.”

“We’ve been going in one direction!” Loclen made a sharp gesture to indicate it. “That’s not hard to follow.”

My jaw clenched tighter. “And if the harp plays again?”

She held her ground. “Then the Rookery can also send people along the ground. Either way they’ll have fire starters and longer legs and be more prepared than we are freezing to death in a hole in the ground.”

“They’ll be days behind. We’re already on the trail. If the birds are so great they’ll be able to catch up to us and then Juniper, but if not, we’re her best chance.”

“We’ll just be a liability that slows them down.”

“You’re a coward.”

Loclen looked started like she was going to lean forward to hit me before she caught herself and her chin lifted higher. “Not all of us get to ignore death. If you’re so eager go and get yourself frozen solid again.”

My fingers clenched, released, clenched again. My arguments were weaker than they normally were because I knew she was right. I’d never admit it outright but it was true. If the kidnapper had been slower or had less of a head start maybe our pursuit could have made a difference but as it was…

If the Rookery or the Seedling Palace had to pick between saving seven seedlings or saving one the numbers would tilt things in our favor. But if we returned and they only had to worry about one then they’d be more inclined to still go after Juniper despite the disadvantages. If Barra was awake they wouldn’t even need to bother with the tracks. She could lead them straight to Juniper—unless they came after us first.

Gentle fingers touched my arm. “Gimley…”

I threw off the blanket I was wrapped in and strode out of the hollow. I didn’t want to be calmed or reasoned with. Prevna could pull me down into both if I let her. Breck glanced over from where she was leaned up against the entrance but didn’t say anything as I continued past her and another argument burst up behind me.

Failure if we returned. Failure if we continued following the tracks.

If things stayed as they were.

I cast about for different things I could use or change. Anything to get rid of the bitter taste that was determined to coat my tongue no matter which way I turned. Breck was enough of a daredevil that she’d probably be willing to continue even if everyone else returned but she had her limits as well. Nii had fallen into silent judgment, refusing to give vocal support to either side but from her small reactions I’d seen it seemed liked she favored returning. Loclen had timed the argument while Ento and Idra were in the shadows so she could layout all her points without Idra screaming in her face. If nothing else, Idra was as determined to keep going as me. But Ento could talk her into being reasonable if she felt like it.

We could split up. Some returning and some continuing on but that wouldn’t solve much of anything except make it so both groups could find smaller hollows to sleep in. Both more vulnerable to predators in the woods and less body heat to protect against the cold. It could even make it more difficult for other rescuers to decide which group to go after. Say they found the group returning to the camp, would those rescuers make the returning group come with them to rescue us or would they take the time to escort them back to the Rookery? More time lost, more wasted resources.

So then. All or nothing. We all return or we all continue on. Could I stomach it?

What else could be changed? Speed up our travel or somehow slow down the kidnapper’s. The latter could only happen through random chance or Juniper waking up from whatever stupor she was in. For the former the only choices I knew of were riding elk or storm birds or stepping through the shadows.

We didn’t have elk or storm birds. We had shadows.

I glanced at the sky. For another few hours until the clouds enough blocked out enough light to make it near impossible to find one dark enough to pass through. A few hours was more than enough to travel near instantaneously to wherever Juniper was but it wasn’t near enough if we could still only travel to trees within eyesight.

Juniper had traveled to a tree out of sight. Haphazardly and by accident, and she didn’t go all that far, but she had done it that evening she got stuck in the shadow paths when twilight fell. If she could do it, I could do it too.

And maybe if I at least laid eyes on her this whole stupid thing wouldn’t be such a failure.

The noise behind me quieted down as I climbed the bank of the stream that made the hollow we had taken over. Prevna found me as I was eying the darkest shadow nearby and she was just as preceptive as always.

“Don’t you dare.”

I refused to turn and look at her. If I did I’d probably given in and agree to return to the Rookery. “You think I can do it?”

“We’re not whisper women yet. You don’t have to solve everything.”

“What about Juniper? We don’t know if they’ll send out birds after her or if they’ll be able to catch the kidnapper.”

“You didn’t cause this mess. You won’t be failing if you don’t fix it.” Prevna tried to force some levity into her voice. “Let’s just go back. From one horror to another, I’d really not see you as an icicle again and you’re already halfway there.”

I kept my gaze on the shadow. I could feel the moment slipping closer and closer to the same feeling I had when Fellen and I stood across from each other in another snowy forest. Her demanding something I couldn’t give, the tenuous balance between protecting her and protecting myself and trying to keep straight which action would do which. The same feeling I had when Grandmother kept asking and asking why I clung to the healer’s beads until I hacked them off.

I wasn’t even sure where things had gone wrong. She wanted me to return to the Rookery. That was the smart choice. The safe choice.

But it would mean stopping in the middle. Giving up. Failure.

I couldn’t even spin it as a strategic retreat in my mind since I knew as soon as I stepped into the Rookery I’d have no more control over the situation. No other way to spin it. Someone else would take over and we’d be shuffled off to the side and reduced to hoping. Praying. Pleading.

And enough had been taken from me already. Was I supposed to stomach inaction as well?

I did look at Prevna then. Just a tilt of my head so I could see her profile. She didn’t like whatever she saw in my eyes.

“Don’t you dare leave.”

“Do you think you can do it?” A note of something I refused to name entered my voice but she didn’t answer that question either. Which was enough of an answer.

“Gimley—”

Prevna reached for me and I caught her wrist. No chance for poison or a regular request. “I’ll be back. From one horror to another.”

I stepped into the shadows and, because I wasn’t skilled enough to take anyone with me, when I stood on the oil slick floor I was alone.