We were mostly quiet in the car, only the sound of the radio in the background as I stared out the window, wondering why what we had spoken about at the diner affected me so much.

I guess I didn't think about long term much. In general, I tried not to. Because for the longest time I never even looked forward to the future.

I did want to be with him of course, and I couldn't imagine not being with him now, but the whole thing about kids and the future and stuff like that.

It was scary. The thought of it all. It was overwhelming too.

Dating, breaking up, marriage, divorce, kids, child maintenance.

I wanted to put my mind off for a moment.

To stop overthinking, to just shut the hell up and not fall back into a dark place even when things were going good but thats not how the world worked did it? You could have everything you want and more and still be depressed.

Sometimes I wondered if I was the problem. Everything I did. Thought. Said. It just, it all was a mess. I was a mess.

I only zone back into the real world when the car stops, and I blink, looking to see that we'd just parked at the the college parking lot.

I open the door, and get out, taking my bag, putting it over my shoulders and walk around the car.

Since we'd already had to bring the project over the weekend to the university hall, we just had to go there now and meet up with our professor since today was our day to present our work.

And to think about it, time flew by.

We had so many months to work in this moment. And here we were today, here, ready to present something Karsen and I had created together.

"Hello there."

I look over to see none other than my new friend, Brenton, "Hello." I say, and he winks, I don't force a smile, but I know my expression is warm, not cold, merely a small tip of my lips.

"You seem more monotonous than usual." Brent comments as we walk side by side and I look over at him, raising a brow. "What exactly is there to say?"

"I don't know, tell me about your life lately."

"Im not in the mood." I say dryly, life being the last topic in my head right now. Life meant everything, like the future too, and the future was scaring me right now.

I get to my first class eventually in step with Brenton, only sending a brief nod in his direction before I push the doors open and let it close behind me, ignoring everything around me for the rest of the day.

===

Its exactly one thirty when I am walking to the hall where all our art work was displayed to be evaluated and marked. And I was walking alone, holding my bags over my shoulders, looking at my feet to show people that I did not want to speak no matter the circumstances.

Today was not the best day. Surprisingly, it wasn't the worst either. I've had worser days, and I knew I did, I just tried to ignore those days lately because reminiscing on those days made me more depressed and lately i'd been happier.

But pushing things away didn't mean it wasn't there. It meant it was way at the back and eventually you'd find it and would have to address it.

I didn't want to do that.

I push the double doors open, almost turning back and walking right out when I see how crowded it was in here, and I'd realized most students were probably bunking their classes just to hang around here as an excuse.

I roll my eyes, continuing to walk further in, looking for the Label J2 on the wall, where was our sculpture was displayed, and eventually when I do get there, I'm partially surprised and thankful Karsen isn't here yet.

I tried to be intentionally a few minutes late so I could avoid the conversation on my distance and focus on our assignment instead, but this was a good close second I guess.

I pull a chair over, sitting on it, and looking up at the display that was covered by a white tarp for now.

They were somewhere by the F row, and so I had some time to go over the explanation and meaning of the work, and so I did just that, taking my notes out of my bag and getting comfortable before I begin to review it all.

And thats when the anxious feeling starts to arise.

Six months.

I hope this goes well.

I really do.

We put so much effort into this. It had to be perfect.

Time passes by quicker than I wanted it to. And suddenly Ms Dickens is in front of me with a board and papers on it and I blink at her.

She smiles at me, that soft smile that I remember she sent me the very first time she put Karsen and I together.

"He's not that bad, right?" She says almost knowingly, a twinkle in her eyes, like a mother who told their daughter she'd end up with the boy next door and now they're expecting their first kid or something.

I struggle to let my lips rest and they quirk up ever so slightly.

"He's... bearable." Its a joke, even if I sound serious, and she chuckles softly to herself.

"So where is the man of the hour?"

"No cl-"

I hear him before I see him, his quick interjection of, "Im here!" And a soft brush of his shoulder, and he's hair is damp and I know he had some stuff to sort out before one of his big games, which was tomorrow.

"Ah." Ms Dickens says, and soon after Mr Templeman follows and I almost shoot him daggers.

He set the assignment. But then again, if he didn't, my boyfriend wouldn't have been my boyfriend.

Karsen drops his bag down beside the chairs and clears his throat.

"Hello." He says, to both Ms Dickens and Mr Templeman and they both smile widely at the golden boy. "Hello Mr Krist, how are you?"

"Muscles are sore, but we're ready for this."

We? He may be but I was ready to throw up.

"Then do show and tell." Ms Dickens encourages, and so I walk first, forcing myself to look at the art because right now that was where all our focus should be.

I pull the white tarp down, and I feel my eyes widen in awe even if i'd seen it hundreds of times, but in this light, on display, I knew, if they didn't love it, at least I know I did.

Im just about to speak when he does, and I whip around at the sound of my name.

"I think this was a part of everything I felt for Adrienne when I met her." He says, and his words makes me blink a little bashfully.

Did he just tell everyone he desired me or something?

"And I don't mean, sexually." He clears up any confusion, scratching the back of his head, he knows I'm staring at him but he not once looks over at me, "I was drawn to Adrienne, and desired her company, or desired to see her face, I just had a desire for her in general and it confused me, desire was the first emotion I felt with her, and so I created it with her."

I stared at him because I wasn't ready for that to come out of his mouth.

Also, I think it was because no one had ever wanted me in their life just because. No exact reason, but just because they wanted me there. And that was Karsen, he had no exact reason, he just wanted me.

It makes me feel a little warm inside. But also, its a bit of an overwhelming concept. You can want for a temporary amount of time. Nothing is set in stone.

The thoughts make me nibble at the inside of my cheek.

I see Mr Templeman assess the sculpture, marking and nodding as he walks around, but I see the way Ms Dickens looks at Karsen with a smile and then looks over at me.

And I know im blushing but I don't smile.

That is until she mouths.

"The art is beguiling, and he's a keeper."

Thats when I break.

And I smile.