The Head Elf Investigator T.I.B. was on the street speed walking to the alleged crime scene of the human Queen’s kidnapping. There was without a moment to spare, for according to the clock above they had a clean sixty minutes to solve the mystery of her location. This was the make or break case of a career. Either become a hero or the Elf civilization would collapse.

TIB had a gut feeling that this case was already over. The most logical thing was that a bloodthirsty royal family had set up a pretext for an invasion. The next most logical step of the mystery would be an escaping plan, however before they did that they owed the entire race at least a pass at the clinic. Maybe the Queen had really gone crazy, and was just hiding in a wall, or above a ceiling. The Elf pushed through double action doors to the plastic surgery clinic, rehab, and prison facility. Maybe she actually had been nabbed, and war really could be avoided after all.

“I need a doctor,” said TIB, pushing into a crowded entry.

Elves rushed all around, some screamed, some yelled at ones who sobbed, while others tried to work a crime scene.

“Hello everyone I’m Them Investigative Brains here to take charge as top ranked Elf in tier list of investigating” announced TIB.

“Well get to work quickly because we are doomed depending on our human army on payroll to save us” another Elf shrieked.

“The Hive-mind has already sent our mercenaries on a tricky mission unknowingly acting as our distraction, so remember we are just waiting for the signal” said another giving an embrace.

“Does anyone know what room the Queen was sleeping in?” TIB interrupted.

“No” said the lot of Elves.

“Does anyone know where the receptionist or Dr. Hobgoblin are at? Time is of the enhance” TIB yelled.

“Nope,” said the crowd.

“Well where are we escaping from?”

“That depends on your social tier standing, and if you can pay. I offer a 10% discount to the next cheapest escaping a siege service” said a business Elf stepping forward.

“Out of my way” said TIB pushing past deeper into the clinic's underbelly.

They came to a three way intersection marked by ceiling signs, heading left for beds. No markers identified any names of those that were occupied. TBI scanned for open doors, as they checked the locks one, by one, but everything was locked. The floor was still moist from being mopped, and sleeked under shoes. The hall bent again to another long stretch of doors. Dim crystal lights flickered low on battery. At the very dead ended hallway a single door was open, and the light was still on.

The Elf sprinted forward reaching inside. The small room was dark black TIB searched the wall blind for a switch.

"ZaAap!" said a switch that TIB flipped.

Electricity flowed from battery stones brightening the room. The electrified wires traveled quickly along a web that ran over the floor. It reached a shadow that sparked revealing an electrocution chair coming alive with raw power. The detective didn't need to turn to know it was all over.

"The Hive has decided I need to be terminated, despite doing everything I can?" asked TIB.

The Elf turned to see a tall slender shadow surrounded by an equally shady entourage behind.

In the intervening time the Queen had found herself gagged and couch bound next to a roaring fire. She could see lots of logs forming a cabin, more stacked next to the chimney, and a ton hoarded items. Her body had been dumped in the corner near stacks of empty boxes.

“GGGGRRRRRR!” She raged thrashing about.

The front door creaked open, stopping her movement. A masked figure stood in matching camouflage to the snowed forest behind him. He extended a bloodied hunting knife next to a bulging crotch stained the same color. He crouched down with the blade doing a stealthy sweep of the single room structure in QCB mode.

The Queen thrashed harder, grasping at any chance of escape, but it was in vain for the man creaked closer and closer drawing his dagger. He stood over her now casting shadow and ripped off his mask letting it go.

“Hello there prisoner I’m Killin Hood” he announced in cheerful tone, cleaning off the blade on his shoulder blade.

The Queen rolled her eyes, her body further signaled to the man she very much wanted to be unrestrained to inflict verbal wounds.

“You might have heard of my more famous cousin, however me and my gang actually have principles and a code unlike him, and that is why we are having a turf war” he began.

Queen Elizibethy pretended to fall asleep as the man began his monologue.

“Our men don’t handle any gold or crystals in order to remain morally pure, for my dear we are warriors who only deal in death, and soon you will find yourself tied to the railroad tracks to lure your brood into our forest to another trap” he finished twirling a mustache.

The Queen gagged on her gag at the smell of the man who filled her nostrils. She had smelled the same smell of hormonal animal piss at the royal fair.

“I’m a hunter that likes to play with his food before he eats it” said Killin Hood licking his lips.

The Queen was silent, she had figured out that her captivator could have been much worse. This guy was just a bum, and a loser, all talk. A real man would have started into whatever got him off hours ago. He had already reequipped his snow camo ski mask to hid a head lone balded, and the mustache still protruded.

“Unlike those killed by the crown you will be treated with some respect, and decency until we execute you” he said, sheathing his blade.

“In the meantime you have total freedom here, just don’t go getting yourself lost so very far out here in a frozen wood because if I can't find you when I return here in six days, well before than anyway outside you will long be dead he said, removing the chew toy from her mouth.

"Anyhow I have a ransom letter to deploy, and to acquire a train schedule for reference of where to tie you to die" cackled the madman.

He had finished cutting off the ropes that bound her, bounding back swiftly somewhere outdoors, and left no time for a swing. The wicked cold winds had already replaced his presence from the opening freezing her awake. She ran to the door as it blew slammed shut in her face.

“BANG!”

“Aha” the Queen jumped, fell, and scrunched back against the nearest wall.

The suns had begun to set on the edges of the sky turning maroon. Dust blew tumble weeds along dunes on the outskirts of Elf city. Here the King, and his army had gathered, besieging the Elves. If the Queen was not returned then he would order an attack in thirty five minutes, sticking to an ultimatum he had already issued.

“The tension is eating away at my stomach can’t we take the city yet pretty please it’s almost dark” said Cap.

“Negative, for what if the Queen is miraculously returned before then we will look like fools. It's better to get her out in good health before we run in” finished King Emperor Galaxy General (it was a new title he was trying out).

“Good point the Queen actually has gotten herself trapped” said Cap.

“Duh” said Edward.

“Hello there hungry, hungry humanity out there in our dessert we welcome you! Anyhow do we have a deal for you, it turns out our Elven city has been on the market for a long time now, however we would like to offer you a discount of %17 if you King Edward can come alone to purchase the key to the city” a loud advertisement blared across the valley.

The King walked from the bunker HQ full of plans. This was a dangerous mission, it could be a trap, but luckily he had a contingency. A heavily armored car driven by a corpse that had died several times racing, now crawled to the King's feet. The door popped open automatically, due to the driver and car having become molded together many crashes and zombie revives ago.

“Driver stop at bunker #18 so that I can deliver a quick message” said the King climbing into the backseat of the car.

The car pulled to bunker #18 and blew the horn many times. An Elf that looked like all the others emerged from a dark concrete man made hole poured into the dirt.

“It’s time for war, and ransacking or is the low-ball you scoffed at going to be good now” said the man playing with his hook.

“Yes it’s a fine deal, totally fair to the utmost degree, I will call my contacts right now telling them the cash is good, and to let you walk into the city undisturbed in return for a window to escape of us to escape in the same manner” stammered the Elf in suit.

"You forget that my mother has been kidnapped how am I to know tat she hasn't been stashed onto one of the waiting airships. No my friend the condition is that everything on your end will go through a border search before it leaves to prevent theft of the Queen" said Edward.

"That makes perfect sense to me, I hope they feel the same" gulped Elf.