Shin could so clearly remember the days he spent languishing in ennui, filled with self-pity over the fact that he alone amongst the residents of Shinki Itten seemed to lack a job. ‘Day-to-day, Shinki Itten doesn’t need someone Scheming’ was the keystone quote, as the kobold recalled.

Well, Shinki Itten actually had needed someone on-site Scheming for precisely one day now, and Shin was ready to be unemployed again.

It wasn’t that he longed for idle days of pondering fish, sweeping leaves and having his random thoughts immortalized in writing like pearls of great wisdom. As far as possible from it. And it wasn’t that he found his new focus on counter-Scheming to be distasteful work. Again: as far as possible from it.

Which was the entire issue, wasn’t it?

Shin’s devious imagination had become the first line of defense against a mind (or minds) just as sneaky and skulking as his own, and an enormous part of him absolutely loved it. But if he allowed himself to become wrapped up in the dramatics, to lose himself in the dance of lunge and counter-riposte? That would erase any and all differences between Shin and the Players he had decisively confirmed that he hated.

The stakes of this game weren’t a simple win or lose, a little paper crown for him to parade around with or a consolation sticker with ‘Better Luck Next Time!’ scrawled on it. Shin had to play this game because if he didn’t? People he loved would die. Twenty of them already had.

In short, Shin having a job to do and Shinki Itten being in peril were locked in a sort of counter-balance. And if him being bored meant safer, more secure lives for his neighbors? Shin could live with that. He’d just start sweeping the path to the shrine twice a day.

Still, he wasn’t about to pretend that there wasn’t a certain dark-natured song in his heart this morning. Now that the bay was properly blockaded and the Wild Children had all land-based routes through the zone within their jaws, Shinki Itten’s most pressing security issues had been addressed. That just left the more nebulous issues, and more specifically the question that had Shin so excited that he’d bounded out of the giant ball of kobolds a full three hours before anyone else that morning.

‘How would I undermine a Sanctuary?’

In theory, it should be impossible. Right? Players could not attack Citizens while they were inside Sanctuaries, period. But the Red Players and their boats had already proven the mighty shield of Sanctuary had a fatal flaw in that one little word: ‘Attack’. Crashing a ship into a dock wasn’t an attack, it was a mistake! Sure, lots of innocent citizens wound up injured or killed, but that didn’t make it an attack.

There was a certain cruel beauty to the logic of it, and Shin had to know how far it went. Shin knew that there were at least some protections in place for that sort of thing; Players being unable to shoot a fireball or the like indiscriminately inside a Sanctuary was frequently given as an example in the readily available information. But could a Player step into a crowded market and fire an arrow straight up into the air?

Bex leaned against her practice staff, taking a moment to wipe the sweat from her brow. “...Sorry, what’s the difference again?”

“With the fireball, it’s the Player’s direct action that causes harm,” Shin suggested. “But with the arrow, their actual action was technically to aim an attack away from any bystanders. By a certain thinking, it’s gravity that reverses the course of the arrow and turns it into a harmful action.”

“Hm.” Bex breezed through a formation, striking the weighted head of her training weapon against the practice dummy. “It doesn’t matter what you intended. The System stops you from firing a weapon while inside a Sanctuary.”

Shin scribbled his thoughts on the matter down. “What counts as a weapon, then?”

Bex lowered her staff, her head tilted. “Huh?”

“I mean, there must be a line between weapon and non-weapon somewhere. An arrow is a weapon, sure. But a whole ship isn’t?”

The girl lowered her weapon even further. “...Huh.”

“And furthermore,” Shin pressed on, “I get that intent seems to matter. But does that mean you could trick someone who only had good intentions into causing harm?”

“What? How?”

“I mean, I haven’t thought about it much.” Shin had thought about it a lot. “But suppose Guy One hated Guy Two. Could Guy One put poison in Guy Two’s drink?”

“No,” Bex declared, confident in her assessment. “Definitely not.”

“Okay, but what if Guy One went to Guy Two’s friend, Guy Three? One gives Three a bottle of poisoned booze he knows Three hates, but Two loves. Could Three give the bottle to Two, not realizing that his friend was going to drink poison?”

Bex flattened her ears. “I…guess I don’t know?”

Shin had more to say on the matter. “And what if it wasn’t even poison, per se? Maybe Guy Two is deathly allergic to nuts. One gives Three a dessert with nuts hidden inside, anticipating that he’ll share it with Two. Sanctuaries don’t protect citizens against accidents, after all. People still fall down or choke or accidentally eat something they shouldn’t have all the time.” The kobold whipped his tail back and forth, these nagging thoughts making him wriggle with impatient energy. “How many steps of removal does it take for a forbidden assault to become an everyday accident?”

“Jesus Christ, Shin.” Bex shook her head, starting to screw apart her practice staff. “I know that you have to ask these questions? That they’re super important for the safety of Shinki Itten? But sometimes when I’m done talking with you, I feel like I have to go and immediately hug my mom.”

“Yes, I know. I am a giant bummer now.”

“As long as you know~!”

“Can I ask just one more question? And then I promise we’ll talk about something less dire?”

The honorary kobold grinned as she continued putting away her training equipment. “Go for it. Dire me up.”

“What was the name of the item you bought that lets you appear like a citizen?”

Bex paused long enough to pull her weighted vest, flapping the neck of her undershirt to work up a bit of a breeze. “You mean my Roleplayers’ Mantle?”

That was it. “What would happen if a Red Player used one of those?”

“A Red Player with a Roleplayers’ Mantle?” Bex snorted at the thought. “I don’t know, they’d die of embarrassment the moment they turned it on? Thinking roleplaying sucks is, like, the founding belief of Red Players.”

“But just suppose they did,” Shin insisted. “How could it make them seem like citizens when they have a giant bloody eye floating over their heads? Would it just get rid of the eye entirely?”

Bex shook her head. “Definitely not. The Crimson Eye is the definitive punishment for becoming a Red Player. The Mantle might be able to…I don’t know, change it somehow, but it would still be there. No idea how.”

Curious. Vaguely unsettling, and curious.

Well, on to livelier matters. “Tell me about your new Class!”

The girl let out a good-natured huff at that, clearly still pleased with her achievement yet just as plainly a touch frustrated. “Honestly? It’s all a bit over my head. Having a Unique Class is a lot more complicated than just being an Adventurer, that’s for sure.”

Shin tilted his head. “How so?”

Bex shouldered her workout bag, shifting her weight from side to side as she mulled how best to put the issue into words. “Okay, so: Legendary Classes. That’s the Class Rank below Unique, right? Super duper rare, basically more than any Player could ever hope for. Yeah?” When Shin nodded, the girl continued on. “Well, they aren’t just special and powerful. They’re also pretty infamous for being mystery boxes.

Shin’s head was coming dangerously close to his shoulder at this point. “So, what, they don’t spell things out for you?”

“Oh man, they sure don’t.” Bex brightened as a thought occurred to her. “Okay, this is the famous example. There’s this Player, Great Garland? He hits the Legendary Class Last King of Battle, like, three years after the Magica launches. It has all of these amazing skills that activate ‘In Battle’, yeah? But none of them will work when he’s fighting; his Legendary Class is effectively as strong as a Rare one. The dude gives up eventually, deletes his character and starts over.”

“Let me guess,” Shin piped in, his tail wagging. “‘Battle’ refers to a place, not combat.”

“Yeah, well, you’re clearly smarter than Great Garland.” Bex shook her head in bemusement. “It wasn’t until someone hit Pinnacle Master Archaeology that the ‘Ruins of Ancient Battle’ were discovered.” Bex waved her hand dismissively. “Basically this long-lost technologically advanced civilization. Not my thing. Bad flavor fit for Magica. Super derivative. Way too many weird looking golems.”

“But the point being,” Shin mused, “If Garland had figured out the secret in his Class, he’d have been able to use its full potential.” The kobold tapped at his chin, considering that.

Oh wait shit did HIS Class have any secrets in it?! “Status!”

—————————————————————————————————

Name: Shin

Race: Kobold (Monster)

Class: “Tactician” (Lvl 20)

Description: Formerly a meaningless mongrel, now a mostly meaningless kobold, Shin is suspiciously adept at turning lucky breaks into obscene windfalls. A sneaky little git, what Shin lacks in refined strategic sensibilities he nearly makes up for in underhanded cunning and shameless opportunism.

Having overthrown his rightful masters through acts of cowardly deceit, Shin has managed to wheedle and cheat his way to a seat of real (if minimal) power. Whether or not he can maintain this facade will rely entirely on his continued ability to turn straw into gold-painted straw.

Shin is apparently a special Schemer now. Oooo~! Does he want a special little hat? Does he do a special little dance? Shin is still a Schemer, through and through, no matter what anyone else claims. Trash is trash, and a dog in fine clothing is still a damn dog.

Having pulled up his Big Boy Pants and strutted around for everyone to see how big and smart he is, Shin has finally waggled his flea-bitten ass in the face of one foe too many. Surely now he will receive the merciless spanking he so clearly deserves, right? Right?!

NEW! [[You fucking guys, for real, this is exactly why I said I should be able to issue formal complaints. But noooo, they said, semi-sentient manifestations of the System can’t have access to the email server! Semi-sentient manifestations of the System can’t have employee codes! Semi-sentient manifestations of the System can’t get Health Insurance! This fucking punk Shin is probably going to fuck a bunch of shit up but no one will come down into my squalor long enough for me to fucking warn them. Fuck you I’m getting drunk]]

Stats:

Str: 10 Agi: 16 Tgh: 20 Int: 22 Wis: 22 Prs: 50

Traits: Enhanced Senses (Kobold), Ranged Expertise, Ranged Specialization (Recurve Bow) Armor Proficiency (Medium), Simple Proficiency *hic!*

Class Features: Advanced Leadership *gulp* (Auras Known: Inspiring, Careful, Bold, Crafty), A Certain Low Cunning, Advanced Opportunism, Combat Savant, Ruse de Guerre, Perfidy

———————

Advanced Leadership: Whether *gulp* through experience, guile, or just personal magnitude, it’s you that all eyes turn to when battle is begun. Your very presence bolsters your allies, granting continuous bonuses based on your qualities as a leader.

*gulp hic!* As your experience as a leader has grown, so too has your ability to inspire those who live and die under your banner. One Leadership Aura at a time may be boosted to an Advanced Aura, granting increased boons and/or additional effects

Inspiring: Allies gain a 15% boost to Experience gained Bold: Allies deal increased damage, based on the Schemer’s Intelligence or Presence modifier Careful: If up to one *hic!* source would cause an ally to take increased damage, they take flat damage instead Crafty: The Traits of allies are increased in efficacy. The Class Cooldowns of allies are modestly decreased.

NEW! [[fuckin leader yeah right what does he lead himself to the toilet maybe hahahaha]]

A Certain Low Cunning: You were born among the trash, not the tactics room, and no one would ever mistake you for some grand strategist. But when everything is on the line, and the only strategy *hic!* that matters is “Survive”, trash will often stand tall while tactics fall flat.

Your Intelligence Modifier is increased by your Presence or Wisdom Modifier, whichever is higher. In addition, whenever you would gain Advantage you may choose to grant an opponent Disadvantage instead.

Advanced Opportunism: They say that a hero never kicks a foe while they’re down. You say that a winner never lets a *hic!* foe get back up again. You’ve learned that your enemies will defeat themselves, if you let them, and you’re all too happy to oblige.

Whenever an opponent gains Disadvantage, you *hic!* gain access to a contextual suite of reactions and effects. The strength of these effects scale with your level and three Mental Stats, opposed by your target’s level, Mental Stats and mental state.

NEW! [[lay off my shit craig you’re the sheet fo a fukkin druid you dont even know what my life is jus go back and tell that fugk guy how to turn into a moose ango fuck other mooses becse you both fuck mooses jus go back to yor fukn room]]

At Level 20, the suite of Opportunism effects is expanded to include Advanced Tricks. Activating an Advanced Trick requires the Schemer to have Advantage and the opponent (or opponents) to have Disadvantage, and unless otherwise stated will consume both statuses. Advanced Tricks *hic!* may only be activated outside of combat, and activating a second Advanced Trick automatically ends the effects of any that are already in effect.

Combat Savant: The greatest minds of the battlefield spend years crafting their martial art in the High Academies and monastic orders of the world, honing the ability to use their keen intellect itself *hic!* as a weapon. You,

NEW! [[shuda just been a vendr screen like dad wnder if hed be proud sob]]

on the other hand, were the top of your class at the School of Hard Knocks, learning suspiciously similar lessons with every filthy fight for your flea-bitten life.

You may use your Intelligence Modifier *hic!* in place of your Agility Modifier during combat

Ruse de Guerre: The history books are filled with the victories of peerless generals, outlining their crimson-cut paths *hic!* through legend, and the taverns are filled with songs of the brave and heroic deeds that created those victories. But the Schemer understands that victories are not always about brave and heroic deeds. And while it seems unlikely that any taverns will be filled with any songs about your conniving, backstabbing, and thoroughly underhanded tactics, the history books will mark them as victories all the same. *hic!*

NEW! [[why ys mss wine bottle yshould nvite yr frind mr whsky im go both ways im a 9ties guy]]

By activating this ability, you may invert a single Leadership Aura from an ally-affecting buff to an *hic!* enemy-affecting debuff. While using Ruse de Guerre, you may not gain the benefits of Advantage.

Perfidy: It is sometimes said that when one chooses the field of battle, one has already won that battle. But a true Schemer doesn’t go to war unless they have chosen not only the field of battle, but also its date *hic!* and preferably the knowledge that it’s going to happen at all.

*hic!* When turning hostile against a neutral or friendly foe, or in direct violation of a ceasefire with an otherwise hostile opponent, Ruse de Guerre is automatically activated without its usual costs.*hic!*

NEW! [[srsly yur the wrst shin fukin go an fuk ughwo oh fuck oh jesus its comin up bleg blarg bleg blech sob sob sob]]

—————————————————————————————————

Um, yeah. Just an apparently sapient Character Sheet that hated him and was drinking itself into oblivion. And had a roommate? And had, if he wasn’t very much mistaken, vomited all over his Status Screen.

If there was some sort of riddle in all that, Shin wasn’t interested in solving it.

The Schemer waved away his inebriated prompt, eager to hear about some Class details that came with slightly less emotional baggage. “So Exemplar has some sort of mystery built into it?”

Bex huffed again. “Calling it a ‘mystery’ is generous. My Status Screen is just stuffed to the lungs with redactions. It’s, like, half blanked out text!”

“Really? No clever wordplay or riddles or anything?”

“Nope.” Bex hung her head in a mock show of overblown sadness. “Zero wordplay.”

Shit. Shin could really go for some wordplay. “So does your Class just not work unless you figure it out, then? Like that other guy?”

“Oh nah, it’s not that bad!” Bex puffed out her chest in pride. “I’m still a Unique Class! Even without any of my extra abilities, I’m still effectively a Epic Plus Plus Paladin. Like, knocking on the roof of Legendary Paladin. That’s still super rare. Like, Top One Hundred rare. And even without any riddles, I think I might actually have two leads.”

“Really?” Shin’s tail began to wriggle again. “What are they?”

“Well, first off!” Bex extended out her hand with a flourish, a cascade of pearlescent stars extending out in a banner. “I can cast Level Zero spells. All of them. Divine, sure, but also Arcane, Nature, Mystic, Ki…if you name it, and it’s essentially a worthless effect?” The honorary kobold cocked a finger gun. “I’m your girl.”

“I mean, I think that sounds pretty incredible?” Shin enthused, his tail picking up speed. “Isn’t that something only specific Bards and Sages can do? And even then they still have to pick and choose, right? I am absolutely certain we could find a way to break having access to the full suite of Crap Spells.”

Bex tried to play aloof, but her own tail waggles and twitching ears betrayed her own growing excitement. “Maybe, I guess! But it doesn’t stop there.” She made a show of brushing the non-existent dust off of her shirt. “I have Spell Slots all the way up to Level Ten.”

Shin let that particular tidbit wash over him. “...Remind me, what’s the highest Level of spell?”

“Um, it’s Ten.” Bex giggled, no longer bothering to hide her excitement. “That’s crazy, right? I mean sure, it’s just one Slot a day, but on a full featured combat class? That’s unheard of!”

“But you don’t actually know any Level Ten spells, right?” Shin tapped his fingers together in distraction. “Those have to be hard to find, right? I bet we could get you some lower ones though; Level Five or at least Four would be–”

“Oh! Oh, um, no,” Bex waved her hands, a bit of her excitement fading away. “Sorry, I should have said. Vargas let me try with some Level Three scrolls, and I can’t actually learn any spells. Not yet, at least; maybe that’s the secret I’m supposed to figure out.”

“Huh.” Shin scratched at his chin. “So you’ve got the Spell Slots of an Archmage, but the Spells of a Level One Mega Bard. Is that the jist?”

Bex nodded, her glee somewhat mollified. “Ayup.”

The Schemer flashed a double thumbs up. “That is still amazing and you’re the coolest.”

“Haha, thanks!” The girl grinned at Shin, then paused. “Oh, wait. I should tell you about my other clue. It’s actually a lot weirder.”

Shin’s tail was just going nuts at this point. “That is precisely what you should do, yes.”

Bex glanced around, taking pains to make sure that no one else was around. Then she leaned in, a conspiratorial gleam in her eye as she whispered behind the mask of her hand. “Tasan Okaa keeps calling me and hanging up.”

“What.”

“Right?” Bex shook herself, seeming a bit overwhelmed by the idea. “I mean, I’m basically a Super Paladin, so it’s not weird that the Goddess who Blessed me would make contact now and then. But, like, every couple of hours? Without actually saying anything? I’m actually kinda freaked out about it.” She frowned briefly, then glanced up at Shin with slightly folded ears. “Do you think we should ask Momo–”

“Yes lets go ask Momo right now let’s go.”

—————————————————————————————————

Shin fussed at his ear, certain that he must have misheard. “Sorry, what was that?”

“I said,” Momo replied, her normally welcoming eyes fixed in a flat stare. “That I’m not entirely sure what is going on with the Goddess. Your guess is as good as mine.”

Nope, Shin sure hadn’t misheard. “You’re the High Priestess.”

Momo offered the tiniest possible bow. “Correct.”

“How is it possible that my guess is as good as yours, then?”

The woman heaved out an uncharacteristically peeved breath, reaching out to flick an incense ash off of the shrine’s offering table. “My connection to the Goddess has been…strained the last few days.” The words came pouring out of Momo before Shin could respond. “When the attack on the docks happened, though, I was able to commune with her again and so I thought everything was better, but now I don’t know and it’s just so frustrating and–!”

Momo sucked in a lungful of air, faintly bobbing her head as she silently counted down from ten. The High Priestess then released her breath in a much more controlled exhale, taking a moment to adjust her robe before continuing on. “I’m sorry, Bex. I’m not sure what those Contacts might mean.”

The honorary kobold put on her best smile, attempting and failing to hide how stupefied she was by the typically more serene woman’s response. “Oh, um, no! It’s totally cool! I’ll just, you know, wait to see if Tasan Okaa wants to call again, and if she does that’s–”

“Wait though,” Shin cut in, a thought blooming, “Couldn’t we ask Her Avatar??”

Momo pursed her lips. “You want to ask Rippana Choujo.”

Shin tilted his head as Bex tried her best to silently warn the Schemer, the latter clearly picking up on the Priestess’s abrupt shift in attitude even if the former did not. “Well yeah! Why not! That’s the whole point of an Avatar, isn’t it?”

“Is it.” Momo fixed Shin with a hard stare for a long moment, then took hold of the hem of her robe and imperiously breezed towards the back of the shrine. “Well if you think She’ll talk to you,” the Priestess asserted in a clipped tone. “Then by all means”

“What do you–”

Momo released a mote of golden energy, the orb cascading in dulcet bell tones as it slowly etched a door frame into the back wall of the shrine. “Go, then.” She reached out, the wall section sliding away at her touch to reveal a portal into endless White. “Talk to Rippana Choujo.”

Shin blinked, his ears unsure whether they should fold in concern or perk forward in excitement. Judging by Bex’s completely unsubtle head shakes, her opinion on the matter was clear. It was probably correct, too; Momo was obviously upset, and exacerbating that could only bite Shin in the ass, in the long run.

But, you know, come on. Mysterious Goddess. Secret door. Portal into Endless White.

“Okay. Um, be right back?”

—————————————————————————————————

For a brief moment, Shin thought he might have been an amorphous being of sentient light once again. Gosh, he’d forgotten how much he missed that! But before he could gratefully sink into his freshly renewed life’s work of being sparkling, the scent of plom blossoms reminded him of who he was.

Oh. That’s right. He wasn’t an amorphous being of sentient light. Shin inhaled deeply with the nose he’d just remembered he possessed, a familiar haze of fruit blossoms and salt air and the laughter of children and the mud from Moots’s farm and waking up in a giant pile of kobolds suffusing his very being. It wasn’t just a scent, it was all of his senses all at once and then some. And it was unmistakably Shinki Itten.

It was also…wait, what was that?

Shin’s ear twitched. Was that music? Was that singing?

“…Last night I felt

Real arms around me

No hope, no harm

Just another false alarm…”

The kobold flinched as he realized that he was standing outside of an oddly normal looking door, and his foot was smooshed into one of the untouched bowls of rice and vegetables that had been set out in front of it. He grimaced, pulling himself free as he made a valiant attempt to call out over the music that was absolutely blaring from being the door. “Um, hello?!”

Someone yelled back from inside, but even with his Enhanced Senses Shin couldn’t make it out over the impossibly loud singing.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear that!” Shin shouted back, reaching out to knock on the door as well. “Hello?!”

The voice from inside was incensed now, but not even slightly more audible.

“I’M SORRY?!” Shin all but screamed, his voice going hoarse as he banged on the door. “I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER–”

The door flew open. “Omigod, MOM! I don’t want to talk right now!” The skinny kobold girl huffed in Godly annoyance, brushing her choppy black bangs out of her eyes so she might better glare at her interloper. “Why don’t you just–?!” The girl balked, shock overthrowing irritation for mastery over her expression. “Uncle Shin?!”

He’d only seen an outline of Her before, it was true. And she’d been significantly better behaved. But there was no question about it: this was Rippana Ch–

…wait. Uncle Shin?

Wait who was Mom?!