Goblins are SUPREME!

Well, they are when Dagger isn’t about to fall to his death… I might want to help with that!

We climbed up the side of the building with relative ease, except for Dagger, who placed his hand on the wrong scaffolding and is currently dangling from the side of the large human barn with one hand, threatening to take Spoon with him when he falls… oh wait, he already kicked her in the head a few times as he desperately tries to pull himself up…

I love Dagger.

So I dive to grab him before he falls, catching his one arm while trying to pull him up. I’m Level 3. This should be easy until I realize Spoon is hanging on to his foot and attempting to climb up. One arm isn’t going to do. In fact, I’m sliding toward the edge, about to fall myself.

“Grab on!”

But he doesn’t actually grab my free hand. Instead, with a grunt, he swings and smacks the top of my head, digging his nails into my scalp while he pulls himself up.

GODDAMN IT, DAGGER!

We both go sliding down instead of up, climbing up, and in the midst of our panic, I hear Spoon, who is halfway up Dagger’s waist, say three fateful words—

“Spark BOOM BOOM!”

And suddenly, she jets up and over me while carrying a screaming Dagger, who is suddenly moving much faster and with more force than he expected. With a giant ‘THUNK,’ they land next to me in a heap of limbs and smoke-

Spoon has taken 1 damage from Improper Spell Cast.

And leaving me absolutely stunned!

“What the hell was that?”

“Pain,” grunts Spoon while batting the smoke trailing from her feet, “many pains.”

Dagger rolls from underneath Spoon and lifts his arm in a stiff salute. “Do again!”

We both groan. Goddamn it, Dagger!

*******

Now for a moment, I consider sitting here, laying on my back and resting, having grown tired of back-to-back adventure and near-death experiences. But then again, Goblin Supremacy is not for the lazy.

So I get up and help Spoon and Dagger to their feet as we make our way to the center of the room. I’ve been on top of barns before, but this is the first one that isn’t slopped but perfectly square. There’s a chimney on one side, and a window in the middle pops up in its weird shape, inviting us to lean on it as we look inside.

But what we find is stranger than the roof itself. This reminds me of the inside of the last human household we were chased out of. But bigger. Much bigger. Where the grass village humans dedicated one side of the house to the kitchen, the entire room we’re overlooking is a kitchen! Pots, pans, fires that burn softly, and even stranger boxes with little slits and large tools like forks, knives, and even… spoons. I look at Spoon and Dagger, whose eyes are fixated on sharp and round utensils, and shudder to think what’s going through their heads.

Not that I blame them, I’ve been picking up various rocks discretely during our walk in the city, so this place must be a grand hall dedicated to sharp daggers and big spoons. Even I can’t resist a decent size pile of rocks stacked perfectly with oddities of different shapes and sizes. But then again, would I let rocks distract me from the very large and round human sitting in the middle of the room? Hunched over a big wooden barrel with a handle that he pushes the top of over and over? Yes! But that’s beside the point!

I take Dagger and Spoon’s attention from their namesakes and focus them on the human and his wooden barrel.

“What do you think he’s doing?”

I look at Spoon and Dagger for consensus, and to my credit… they have no idea. Only blank expressions are returned as they’re now mesmerized by the human pushing the little wooden handle up and down up and down. Or maybe it’s the sheer size of the human; round face, balding head, and tall despite sitting down. His face is bright red from exertion, and the muscles in his arms are large and bulky, like the front legs of an angry bull. In fact, he is more intimidating than any of the other humans we’ve seen today in full armor! And he is only wearing a bright pink apron with a simple brown tunic underneath!

“Many dangers,” Spoon whispers.

“Indeed.” Dagger agrees, nodding his head in solemn solidarity.

I shake my head. We’re not going to fight him, just steal from him. Easy.

“We wait for him to leave”—that’s the hope—“then find a way in.”

They both look at me with fear in their eyes, but they nod in agreement. I honestly don’t blame them. The human is scary. And isn’t liable to leave. But—

“There’s more food down there,” I say, pointing.

And Dagger notices it first, nose smearing the glass attempting to catch the smell. It is almost lost among the tools and the largeness of the human in the middle of the kitchen but to the far right side, covered in a cloth, is the telltale sign of food just sitting there waiting to be stolen. Even Spoon perks up once she realizes the bounty below our feet. Cakes, bagels, donuts, and weird liquids in jars of every color we can imagine. We all drool on ourselves, just imagining the taste, the feel of the sugar icing on our lips, and the texture of the sweet bread on our tongues.

Dagger is motivated. Spoon is motivated. I am motivated! And it’s probably because we’re hungry, but what other reason is there to steal?