The backing lights bathed the massive garage doors behind them in red. The big rig and her equally big trailer came to a hissing air brake stop. The driver threw open his door, angled himself, and then dropped to the street landing on all four hooves.

“You are a pro when it comes to backing in this big rig here Mule, I would have been here all night trying to get it right” said Jed walking around the front of the truck.

He leaned up against the bumper next to where a metal cast statue of a bear played with a circus ball. The manufacturer’s mascot slapped onto the hood from somewhere back in a factory district. Jed took out a milkshake he had picked up at a farm stand on the way here in his fast death dealing car slurping it down. The sign out front said “Crayzies garage”.

“So Jed we drop the citrus load I got out here, then we do our next mission on the run eh” said Mule.

“Yeah you're picking up a load of jungle juice to run to the other tribe from what I have now been told is a peace offering” said Jed.

“Another key reason they need outsiders like us” added Mule.

“Exactly,” said Jed.

His straw began to loudly sputter out, having slurped to the bottom of the cup.

“Enough I can not stand that sound” said Mule.

Jed threw his mug on the ground. Mule gave him a look of disapproval, and many shakes of the head. Jed sheepishly retrieved his trash, lighting the paper cup on fire in his hand, before it was burning up on the ground.

“Good boy,” said Mule.

Jed looked at the ground then the tree line where lights moved casting shadows. Beat… Beat… Beat. Beat. A steady thump rumbled throughout the thicket.

“Those must be our men” said Mule standing by Jed's side.

Ricky approached out of the dark, his teeth white as ghosts reflecting the idling truck. Neither Jed, nor Mule had noticed the tribal leader’s tattoos in the previous encounter. Now they flashed, and pulsed blue along a hairy chest looking purple as ever, and his skulls shining no doubt freshly polished.

“You look fabulous” said Jed doing the purple salute the best he could remember from the academy.

“Oh a purple bow just for me, I will match you” Ricky said.

He was already in the process of doing a quick stretch.

“And you?” asked Ricky pointing a finger at Mule before launching into his routine.

“Hah, Chacha, Gacha, Mah” said Ricky doing a series of kicks, smacks, and chops, before six backflips, and the same number front.

He bowed in front of Jed, before performing a perfect rotation of all 12 color salutes. He then remained still. Jed and Mule clapped their arms together.

“He haw he haw. What a show, what a show” said Mule laughing as he rolled over breaking apart a bundle of hay.

The donkey rolled back and forth scratching his back in front of the truck.

“Ahh good you loved my intro show” said the purple painted man crossing his arms.

Nearby at the big rig the Crazin warriors ripped open the garage doors, while others climbed aboard starting the engine, and beginning to reverse the load of citrus. With the truck parked inside workers ran out from hiding to the trailer working her over, while one rolled down the stopper on the trailer propping it off the ground. The trailer full of citrus fruits was detached, as a spiked grill of cutting crystals meshed to metal was welded on. A warrior in oil stained overalls greased the axles, and then dumped in a fresh jug of oil under the hood. Now that the hood was propped open a Crazin ran out with a sparking plug connected by long electrified wire. The warrior ran to the vehicle inserting the plug directly into the crystal engine. It sparked, and briefly shows his skeleton. The warrior walked it off seemingly facing no ill health except crazy hair.

The truck drove out, and the Crayzin warrior inside quickly shifted gears, reversing into a different garage department. This other section had a fresh trailer sitting. A large contained barrel on wheels marked for transportation of liquid of a drink quality.

“That must be the jungle juice I’m trucking,” said Mule.

“Yes Sir it is” said Ricky.

Mule nodded in relative contentment. The three unlikely allies watched as the trailer of jungle juice was connected and hooked together with the truck. It drove out of the parking at the foot of 8 legs.

“Get in there Mule and give that horn a few honks" yelled Travis pulling a fist up and down.

“Come on my man I hate to be a beacon of greed, but you gotta pay us a little something more for a smuggle all across the kingdom” said Mule waving a hoof at the leader.

“Oh of course, I thought Crayzin generosity was too well known thus I planned to shower you with surprise rewards as we went on” said Travis.

“Like?” asked Jed, frowning.

“Well let's start with the big prize. If you can get this load to Upot in 12 days or less with the jungle juice I will make you very rich” said Travis. .

“Wow, that sounds like a deal,” said Jed, extending himself to do the blue salute.

“Now not so fast this deal is phantom meat, a nothing burger, an impossible task that has never been trucked that quickly” said Mule.

“Well that’s true, however there’s a wedding that needs that jungle juice, and if you get it there then you will be two very wealthy gentlemen. We are talking Elven crystal stashes” said Travis, his eyes gleaming with glee.

“Your eyes betray you for it's obvious you will also be getting a reward percentage, but nevertheless we will give it our best. Jed it’s time to get trucking” said Mule.

“Well that’s true, however there’s a wedding that needs that jungle juice, and if you get it there then you will be two very wealthy gentlemen. We are talking Elven crystal stashes” said Travis, his eyes gleaming with glee.

“Your eyes betray you for it's obvious you will also be getting a reward percentage, but nevertheless we will give it our best. Jed it’s time to get trucking” said Mule.

A third arm detached itself from his body to pull a map from out of another crevice.

“So anyway take my map just in case. Good luck to you two” said Travis shaking two hands, opening the truck door, and leaving his map on the seat at the same time.

A loud club beat began to pulse with ceremonial lights.

“We are under attack from the empire” said Jed, unsheathing his sword he took cover.

Mule clenched his teeth as the racket revealed itself from the top of the nearby temple towering over them. A thick head sized ball was being kicked around at the apex by a bunch of jersey wearing Crayzin athletes.

“You guys tribe really got it going on” said Mule as he struggled to climb into his big rig.

“Well that's my cue” said Travis, prancing off.

“Nice guy, but now it's time to drive” said Jed.

“Agreed Jed we are about to have a real cool time even clearing out any obstacles and I will keep the juice from spilling at high speed” said Mule, slamming his truck's door.

“Just one more thing” said Travis rushing back to the scene with a package.

“What is it?” asked Jed as he took it.

“Your first reward is a pistol packing weapons package” said Travis.

Jed unwrapped the gift paper. Mule climbed back out of the truck in order to not miss anything. Underneath the wrap a paper box with a diagram of the party's newest weapon. The cover came off revealing a tiny tipped semi-automatic crossbow shooter.

“What ammo do you load it with?” said Jed inspecting his 12 shooter.

“It can take anything you throw in its hopper, however seeing you on the road I figured explosive bolts would be the most useful concoction” said Travis.

He removed several boxes of ammo from his deep trench coat pockets.

“The color tips will clue you in to what the arrow will do if you stumble across more in your travels. Matter of fact I may have stuck a few other varieties into the opened ammo box to make up for what I used” said Travis.

“My man thank you for saving us, now we got a delivery to make in record racing time” said Jed, jumping in his car.

“No problem, here Mule let me help you” said Travis walking to the truck.

He cupped his hands for a platform that Mule stepped on climbing in. The donkey took off the brake before shifting her into first and slowly letting off the clutch.

“Take care out here” said Mule pulling away.

“Good luck,” said Travis.

A large party of warriors had arrived to escort their chief to his party. The big rig’s horn let off many blasts driving away onto a dark jungle dirt road.

“Wooooooo!” screamed all the warriors in celebration.

Meanwhile Jed roared in his fast car. He came down a hill, and drifted around a corner. The front wheels went off road, almost falling into a sinkhole gaping open. The momentum was enough to clear the danger, returning all four tires to the ground.

“Can you hear me Mule, there's a wash out ahead you're going to want to go slow around it. Over” said Jed into his royal band radio.

“Roger, I think I see your tail lights up there. Over.” said Mule, downshifting.

The big rig and its full load of jungle juice slowly cleared itself around the corner, and the sinkhole. Outside the monkeys did their best to drum up enough noise to distract him as Mule fully concentrated on making the tight turn. Eventually the rig pulled itself straight, before upping speed.

“Adventure is back in progress buddy, over” said Mule smiling.

His receiver was propped in the cup-holder, and always recording.

“Yup you keep me in the loop back there, and I’ll extend the same courtesy, over here” said Jed.

The truck had caught up to the car. The back of Jed's head found itself engulfed in crystal beamed lights. He pressed harder on the accelerator shooting out far ahead.

“I think it will be smooth sailing from here on out, or trucking that is ha ha ha” said Mule.

“We just gotta get to Upot in the allotted time frame breaking records, no biggy over” said Jed.

“We got it,” said Mule.

Meanwhile in far away lands the Queen was just waking up from plastic surgery. Her hands trembled as she felt her face, but she could feel nothing but bandages. The queen went to scream, but nothing came out. She felt her lips covered with thick threaded stitching, sewn together. The recovery room she found herself was covered in every wall with mirrors. On seeing herself she stumbled and hit her head. Returning unconscious.

King Edward had got himself in hot water with the Elf authorities. For over twenty hours he hung from the dam above the rapids. It took until the other elves to become bored of the spectacle, and his lawyers to show up for the king to get down. He unhooked himself from a crane hook that had lowered him safely to the street.

“You must be my lawyers?” asked the king.

“Yes we are, for if you have the capital we can protect you better than any sword” said one doing the green salute most commonly found in elf law.

“A clever madman with money is what you have to become to avoid the already much more mad ones behind the scenes who plot to take it all” said the second doing the same salute.

“Well gentlemen I really do try to be the maddest of them all” said Edward grinning.

He threw bags of coins at the lawyer's feet. They began to dance in their fancy tailored suits: one foot left, one right, then the space slide. It wasn’t long for the lawyers to translate Edwards crystal to elf currency, and him to be treated like a king. Crystal went just as far here as it did anywhere else on Tenare.

The “Roomy Vista” was the nicest elf hotel for foreigners. It towered on the edge of the city built above a big rock, and to resemble human stone castle designs. Human servants worked the lobby, and all labor except janitor to complete the illusion (custodian duties found themselves done by goblins). A swarm of servants dashed in frantically carrying bag after bag of freshly purchased clothing. Edward pranced in behind them wearing a new mink coat, fancy jewels, and his sunglasses indoors.

A flash as giddy elf scholars snapped photos. Behind them a sign had been hastily hung welcoming "the new human king". Confetti popped slowly drifting by his head.

"Anything else king" said the fat lady behind the front desk.

"Yeah a room service feast prepared, and I'm feeling like some long aged jungle juice for a change instead of shlock" he said.

She took notes. Edward began to walk away before turning at the last moment.

"Oh I almost forgot can you have someone grab my mummy from the plastic surgery clinic where they got her wrapped up. I don't want her staying here around me though lawyer #2 book the second nicest hotel for her" said King Edward dropping more cash at his feet.

"Yes king" said his servants scuttling to preforming the tasks he had paid for.

On the top floor of the hotel the emperor's suite was the entire floor. The party raged into the night. Edward didn't hold petty grudges, and soon all those who had laughed at his cliffhanger endeavor found themselves plastered. A specially requested Emperor's bed had been carried in by cutting out a wall. The bed was big enough to fit 100 bodies onboard.

Servers interrupted by wheeling a special feasting tray six feet long into the room at midnight.

"The chefs special is here" said the servant in front tired from wheeling.

"Hide that body of meat in the back just for me" said Edward slurping jungle juice.

He sat in a steaming hot tube nude, surrounding him was a diverse harem made up of many cultures.

"Tomorrow I have to get back to leadership, but tonight we party!" He yelled at the groupies cheered.

The hot tube relaxed the bubbles as a bootlicker came to the surface. A new song started being played by the band on the balcony outside. The king scrambled to the side spilling his juice in the process.

"Turn that tune up, it rages really hard" said Edward slurring his speech.