“Snaggy, move the target back further” yelled the Queen.

“Yes, your royal highness” said Snaggy.

The highest-ranking jester ran into the range knocking over the three bales of hay. A picture of the king had been pinned into it with bolts.

“You fool, could you be any clumsier?” she screamed.

“Uh, maybe with some more shlock in me queen” he stammered, dragging the hay balls further down range one at a time.

Snaggy doubled his pace as he heard the Queen loudly click her next crossbow bolt into place.

“Bootlickers, where have you gone?” she asked.

The Bootlickers ran out from the stable where they were having an afternoon snack.

“You two run off and fetch me the master general for tea, and more military planning” she said.

The Bootlickers ran off on their mission.

“Thwack!”

Snaggy jumped in the air as the projectile flew past shooting the king's portrait in the eye as he was still adjusting the last bale into place.

The master general sat down beside the royal bog, as the queen poured hot tea into fancy crystal. The table was stacked with a food tray set up twelve floors tall, a different appetizer on each level. The servants brought in the main course last from the kitchen. A tray with charred and seasoned honey roaches that took up the remaining real-estate on the emerald covered tabletop.

“Your highness crystal communication with the army has still not been established” said the soldier holding the blue salute by her side.

“You're behind schedule yet again, master general” said the queen as she ripped the head off a stink bug with her teeth and sucked out the succulent juices from the red shell.

“I know, I know. Look, communication crystals are hard to get set up in the field, I'm sure everything is still going according to plan” he said buttering a crumpet.

“Slurp oh that's much too hot” said the queen, setting down her steaming tea.

The guards behind them led the royal donkeys to the pond for a drink as another began to shake fish food into the water. A Bootlicker emerged to the surface from underneath the stagnant murky waters gobbling it up.

“Humpy, what did I tell you before?” she said looking back at the master general.

“That this mission is the last straw before I will be dropped off the tallest castle wall” he said between mouthfuls of moth casserole.

“You don’t seem too worried about any of this?” she said.

“Your highness why worries about our troops when they are the best of the best, better than all the rest” said Humpy Dumpty with confidence pounding the table with his fist.

They sat under a grand old tree, its green needles blowing back and forth in the late summer's breeze. The queen played with her long fingernails, sharpening them with a file as she waited for the tea to cool and the other began to nervously tap his foot.

“Servant, get me some shlock at once! This tea isn't cutting it” Humpy cried.

“What do they all say, master general?” asked the queen.

“Who says what, how would I know?” He stammered looking confused.

“All the jesters even the young ones still studying the books at the academy, they all say that if you want a job done you have to do everything yourself” she said staring him in a single eye as the other had been patched over.

Three soldiers with gold trumpets ran up beside the table and started to blow. Another man took out a scroll and Un scrolled it until it hit the dirt.

“Your excellency we come with news of your son arriving safely home from the lost castle and marrying his next bride at once” said the royal speaker doing the blue salute when he was done.

“Hmmm which one again?” she said, clapping enthusiastically.

Acid rain had begun to drop slowly from above one droplet hitting a plate and melting through. Snaggy already had the royal umbrella extended over the queen head. The soldiers all around put up their hoods and put one metal face masks with glass crystal goggles.

“Prince Edward Longbottom is to wed” said the speaker.

“Ah good for him. Master General ready my battle train, and instruct the blacksmiths to build twice as much railroad to be laid to dwarf mountain” she instructed.

“Yes queen” said the master general.

He was on top of his donkey now covered in protective cloth as they rode off. The servants began to clear the table as Snaggy and the Elizibethy the 6th boarded the royal carriage that set off for the train station.

The streets of downtown Capital City blew dust, and tumbleweed as vendors packed the sidewalks. The royal carriages rode by in a convoy of five as crowds gathered to watch. Around the bend Royal Bank came into view with its magnificent carved columns and statues standing tall outside dwarfing the guards who stood below them on the polished stone steps with their weapons drawn.

The queen’s carriage stopped in front of the bank as the guard descended and drew off the crowd. Snaggy opened the door and got out before he started jumping about on one leg.

“There's shit on my royal slipper, it's ruined” he cried.

The queen laughed as she let herself out the other door and walked up the steps alone.

Inside the bank leprechauns in green suits worked hard. Three did spreadsheets out front while another carried a wagon full of Dyno crystals inside the vault.

“Hello what can I help you with today, Elizibeth?” said one from behind thick glasses and a typewriter at the front desk.

“Yes, I'm here to check our joint account again and see if my husband has been up to no good,” she said.

“You truly have an instinct for ruling us all, your majesty. He was just in here this morning taking out a bunch of Dyno” said the leprechaun.

The queen's face was bright red cutting through all the white makeup applied, and a murderess look was in her eyes.

“Very well Marshmallow, and how many did he take?” she asked.

“All the crystal he and his right-hand lizard could carry madam, and if you ask me it looked like they had climbing and spelunking gear on”.

The queen was already out of the building; she knew exactly what was going on. King Mardin had gone back to visit the dragon and took more crystal to please her. The train could wait while the ruler started hatching another plan. This time to kill the dragon, and lock her husband up in a tower with no key.

Up on the mountain top overlooking Capital City the sounds of fire and ice could be heard loudly going on inside the cave. The queen listed outside where her ships had landed, a face full of betrayal and disgust.

The next morning king Mardin the 4th and his dragon exited for an after breakfast walk. A large harpoon flew past and stabbed the creature to the cave wall.

“Nooooo! Martha, what have they done to you my love?” the king cried before he was ensnared in a launched net.

A group of soldiers surrounded the wounded dragon who engulfed them in fire. The rest of the party dove between the mountain rocks for cover as the dragon limped around before attacking one of their ships biting it in half.

“Oh shit” cried a soldier as the queen scowled at him.

“Get up and finish off that bitch!” she screeched.

A soldiers body shook gripped in fear as he slowly lifted his head above the hiding rock.

“It’s flown off your majesty, and I think it took the king with it” he finally said.

Queen Elizibethy got up and dusted herself off. The king was dead, and she was now fully in charge. An empty casket funeral would happen at once. The trash had been disposed as far as she was concerned.