I must admit, this all feels very familiar. Your mistakes, of course. One would think you’d learn after the first…evidently his death taught you nothing.

…

Serena awoke with a groan that befitted her mother more than herself – a groan drudged up from the bottom of her chest, as horse as she was cold. As she came to, sleep falling away like a blanket slipping from bed, she stretched her arms and legs as far as they could go, groaning once more as they began to tremble. Her head pounded for a moment when she relaxed, and though she felt slightly more awake, the almighty stretch had done nothing to banish the chill that froze her limbs.

She glanced about the room as she rubbed out the cold in her arms and legs, cursing that she’d fallen asleep against the stone. Surprisingly, Serena found that she was the first to have woken up in the tomb-like room; Jo had nodded off in her chair by the door, chin tucked against her chest, while Doriyah and Pavel had remained in their corner, statues carved upright against the wall, sound asleep. Cruck’aa was nowhere to be found, though that didn’t surprise her; he was probably on watch or was just sulking outside, though both were preferable to waking up with him in the room.

Serena dug her knuckles into her thighs, winching at the barest relief that it offered her. Their fire had burnt out sometime in the night, and she was sorely tempted to relight it, had she not felt as though she’d fall as soon as she stood up. Whoever had been on watch last night must have forgotten to put more kindling on it. It was probably Cruck’aa’s fault, given that –

Her body moved before her mind realized it, yanked to her feet by threads of white-hot panic; she moved forward and immediately fell, needles piercing her feet, terror ripping through her heart. Serena stumbled back up and lurched forward, smashing against the table, which screeched violently as it was shoved across the stone; Jo jerked awake then yelled as the table smashed into her, sending her flying to the floor. Doriyah and Pavel flew up from their corner, wobbling with sleep, heads a blur as they scanned the room.

“Serena?!” Jo yelled, leaping to her feet as she stumbled past her. “What in the Nine Hells –”

Her words died against the slamming of the front door, crashing with a horrible crack against the stone. Heart pounding, Serena staggered outside, goosebumps crawling across her skin from the chill of the morning air, her head on a swivel for –

A strangled yelp sounded from the ground; Serena jumped, felt her ankle roll, then fell, head spinning, heart trying to tear a hole through her chest.

Across from her, next to the door and just as surprised, Werond lay on her back, sitting up on her elbows as she stared at Serena with wide, dull eyes.

Relief smashed into Serena, almost tearing the air from her lungs; she sat up and slapped a hand to her still hammering heart, fighting to catch her breath. Werond pushed herself up as well, eyes still wide, staring at Serena as though she’d grown a second head.

Footsteps shuffled behind the door, which had bounced closed; it flew back open as Jo burst from it.

“Serena?!” She yelled. “What’s wrong, what’s going on?!”

Still struggling to breathe, Serena pointed at Werond; Jo’s gaze bounced between them for a moment before she grunted and shook her head.

“Nine Hells, okay…understandable, I guess,” She said. “but I still wish you hadn’t thrown the furniture around like that. Fuck…” She sighed, then grabbed the door handle. “Listen, you two do whatever you need to do, but come back in when you’re done. We’re going to want to leave as soon as Cruck’aa gets back, so be ready. Probably have to catch breakfast though…”

Jo’s voice trailed off into a mumble, brows furrowed; without waiting for a response, she pulled the door closed, leaving them alone.

Breath beginning to calm, Serena remained seated on the ground, scratching at her chest as though it would help; Werond remained where she was as well, staring now at the damp grass beneath her, as though she’d been frozen by the chill in the air.

As her breath gradually came back, Serena couldn’t stop herself from staring. The rays of light that poked through the ocean of clouds illuminated just how horrible Werond truly looked. Her normally glowing skin was dull, pulled uncomfortably tight, the light that used to fill her amber eyes had all but vanished, and her gaunt face betrayed a miserableness that Serena had only witnessed once before. The tattered remains of her tunic – intact but riddled with holes and tears – hung loose on her frame, reduced to a shell of her former self; Werond had been stronger than Serena, somewhat stockier, but now, she was just as thin.

Werond glanced up, caught Serena’s eye, then quickly looked away, gazing across the clearing towards the trees that surrounded them. The scars across her arms became painfully visible as she hugged herself, and for a brief moment, lost in the silence of her thoughts, Serena lost all recollection of the woman sitting before her – a ghost of the proud woman she’d grown so close to.

Serena shuddered as her chest grew tight. She shoved herself up, brushed off her bottom, and stepped towards Werond, who still refused to look at her.

“Hey…” Serena signed, fighting against the tremor that took up her hands. “Uhm…good morning.”

Werond didn’t respond, save for pulling her lips into a tight frown.

“Uhm…I didn’t realize you woke up before me. I got worried, sorry.” She swallowed. “Are you al –”

Werond squeezed her eyes shut just as Serena flinched.

“Right, sorry. Uhm…forgot.”

It was going to take some time to get used to the fact that Werond didn’t have her voice anymore. How easily they took what they had for granted, even something as small as being able to talk, and the moment it was ripped away…

Werond opened her eyes and waved a hand, easing the tightness of Serena’s chest, but still refusing to look at her. A distant look filled her eyes, and though it was difficult to make out, the sorrow that weighed down her shoulders didn’t seem to be directed at Serena’s mistake.

She stepped closer to Werond and reached out, one hand towards her shoulder, the other signing, “Hey – why – don’t –”

Her hand hadn’t been on Werond’s shoulder for but a second before the older woman shot off the ground, leaping to her feet away from Serena like an animal fleeing from an abusive master. She pulled her arms tighter across her chest, turned, and retreated further away, as though she’d planned on running off into the woods.

Serena could only stare, hand hovering in place, chest feeling as though it would collapse any second; Werond flipped back around, caught Serena’s eye – the whites of her own showing – then flinched as though she’d been struck.

Something flapped to the ground behind Serena as Werond trudged back, eyes fixed on her feet; the door opened then slammed shut behind her, but Serena gave it no heed as Werond halted just slightly out of reach.

“Werond?” She asked. “What…what was that?”

She knew Werond couldn’t answer, yet she asked all the same. The love of her life looked up, eyes suddenly glassy, before looking away once more; she shifted her weight from one foot to the next, biting her lip, head rolling with the weight of whatever was rattling about her mind.

“Werond, you’re scaring me,” Serena’s voice fell. “what’s going on?”

She stepped forward as she signed, causing Werond to mirror the step away. She shook her head and ran a hand through her thin hair, mouth working as though it were useful.

“I-I know you can’t…” She found herself unable to say it. “Can you just nod yes, or no? Please? For me?”

Werond nodded, though it looked painful to do so.

“Are you hurt? Do I need to heal you more?”

Werond shook her head.

“Okay…are you scared of something?”

Werond shook her head.

“Did,” Panic flared in her chest. “did Cruck’aa do anything to you? Say anything?”

Werond shook her head, pulling a tiny sigh of relief from Serena.

“Okay…then, did I do something?”

Werond cringed.

“D-did I? If I did, I-I’m sorry, I didn’t…” Her voice trailed off; it was hard to apologize for something you weren’t aware of, but if it meant helping Werond, Serena would do it in a heartbeat. “I don’t know w-what I did but I’m s-sorry Werond. I didn’t mean it, I…I didn’t…”

Her voice trailed off as Werond shook her head and finally met her gaze, eyes filled with a pain that she couldn’t express. She stepped closer, though doing so seemed to pain her more, and opened her mouth – out of habit perhaps – before snapping it shut with a grimace. She pointed to her lips, and, as slow as she could, mouthed a single word – it took five times for Serena to understand what she meant, the weight of the word forcing her back, smashing her heart like a hammer.

“W-what? Werond I – what do you mean, I…” She moved forward, unable to stop her body from trembling. “can you just –”

Werond took another step back, face twisting in pain; she shook her head and stepped back again as Serena continued to move forward, her eyes pleading.

“Werond –”

The door to the stone building burst open, startling both of them; Pavel poked his head out, gold hair a mess of tangled locks, eyes only half open.

“Hey, Cruck’aa got back,” He said, stifling a yawn. “Don’t know if you guys heard. Says he found a good path to follow. We’re about to head out, so whenever you two are ready to go, pop back in here. Jo’s getting antsy.”

And with a thumbs up, he disappeared back into the building, not bothering to close the door.

Without a shred of hesitation, Werond moved towards it, pausing only to brush Serena’s shoulder with a hand, before ducking back into the building.

Serena found herself unable to follow, rooted in place as her heart hammering. Every bit of feeling within her had fled before the tendrils of numb that crept through her chest, the echo of a feeling that was all too familiar, an emptiness she wished she’d never shoulder again. And as she turned to drag herself through the door, that single word cut those numbing vines, the confusion it wrecked upon her the only thing keeping her sane.

Everyone was up yet no one was awake, the shock of Serena’s panic long since faded. Pavel had retreated to the corner he shared with Doriyah, leaning against the wall with half-lidded eyes. Beside him, Doriyah mirrored Pavel, though he appeared to have actually fallen asleep, propped against the wall at an odd angle. Across from them, Jo had retaken her seat, chair flipped around so she could lean against her hand, eyes barely cracked. Only Cruck’aa seemed fully awake, pacing by the other door, head bowed, arms crossed, angry murmurs falling from his beak like a waterfall.

Werond had already taken a position beside Jo, her scarecrow frame looking even worse next to her. No one so much as glanced up as Serena stumbled in, but the moment she shut the door, Jo shot up from the chair.

“Okay,” Her voice was thick with sleep, and even now she stood with slouched shoulders. “I know none of us slept all that well –”

“Or at all.” Doriyah grumbled.

“Or at all, I know.” Jo cleared her throat and straightened up. “But regardless of our current mental…” A yawn overtook her words, sending a chair reaction through the rest of them, save for Cruck’aa. “current mental state, we need to get moving. Cruck’aa’s been scouting ahead and thinks he found the best way forward for us to hopefully find some civilization out here…but it’ll be a long walk, and an unpleasant one at that. Best we get to marching now, can’t waste any more daylight.

“We’ll figure out breakfast on the move, but before we leave, we need to lay out some ground rules. First,” Jo stuck up a finger. “No straying from the group unless you can fly. Second,” Another finger. “we work together as a team. No being assholes just to be assholes. Third,” Three fingers now. “don’t go around eating things we can’t identify. Run it through me or Cruck’aa first. And lastly,” Jo stuck up her remaining fingers. “communicate with everyone at all times and get help if you need it. Don’t feel like you’ll be a burden and stay quiet because of it; you become a burden when we have to carry you the rest of the way, and I’m sure as hell leaving none of you behind.

“Any objections to any of that?”

Everyone save Cruck’aa shook their head, though that didn’t count for much these days.

“Good. Remember, we’re a team first and foremost, and every member of the team looks out for one another. Never forget that. Cruck’aa?” The Aarakocra didn’t look up. “You ready to lead the way?”

Without a word, Cruck’aa stomped out the room, blowing past each of them with a huff of frustration. Jo shrugged and gestured for all of them to follow; Serena flattened herself to the side as Pavel and Doriyah marched past her, Werond on their heels, still refusing to look at her. As Serena moved to follow, heart hammering, the sides of her chest numb, Jo grabbed her by the shoulder and gently pulled her back into the room.

“I did another sweep of the place; your choker didn’t turn up.” She said. “Sorry. I know it meant a lot to you.”

“I…it’s okay, thank you.” Serena mumbled.

Truth be told, and as loath as she was to admit it, she’d forgotten about the choker under the onslaught that was Werond. Jo nodded, however, then clapped a hand on Serena’s shoulder, startling her from the numbness of her thoughts.

“You alright?” She asked. “You look awful, no offense.”

“I…” What was she supposed to say to that? “I don’t know.”

“Werond?”

Serena nodded, looking away.

“Is she doing alright? She manage to communicate anything to you?”

“Not really.”

“Hmm. Does she seem okay?”

That single word flared within Serena’s mind; she couldn’t help herself from flinching or stop her voice from coming out a choked whisper. “No.”

“Oh.”

Silence filled the room as though Jo chewed on her words, finger tapping Serena’s shoulder.

“Well…” She finally said. “if she’s still out of it, try to give her some more time. Keep on her. I’m sure it’ll work out; you just need to be patient.”

Serena nodded, but for the first time since she’d known Jo, she didn’t know if she could truly believe her words.

“Right, we better follow them then. March out of here is going to be hell, and we don’t want to be left behind.”

And hell it was – within the span of a single hour, the grief that numbed Serena’s chest had given away, only slightly, to the sheer frustration of moving through the gods-forsaken horror of a swamp.

It quickly became apparent that whoever had built the stone building had chosen the only habitable spot for it, as outside the clearing was nothing but a watery hell, stretching out for eternity – or at least, as far as they could see through the dense fog.

The ground underfoot was nothing but hill and mud, every inch a struggle to traverse, made worse by the continuous swathes of knee-high murky water that they were forced to trudge through, soaking through their shoes and dampening their spirits. And of course, it was colder than the Nine Hells.

All of this they had discovered within the first few minutes of leaving the clearing; now, perhaps an hour in, if Cruck’aa was to be believed, Serena wanted nothing more than to hike back to the stone building so she could curl up and die of starvation. Even a slow death would be better than hiking through whatever the hell this place was – she hoped she’d never find out either, so the memories could die as quickly as possible.

Of course, despite their watery torture being brought upon by Cruck’aa – it was his path after all – he remained the only one unaffected. The moment their feet had sunk into the water, he had taken the form of a small bird – a hawk it seemed – and flown over them as he guided them through the bog. And despite knowing better, Serena couldn’t help but hate him for it.

Not to mention that he wasn’t put into formation either; Jo had forced them to march in a line, something she claimed to help prevent ambushes, but the notion of such seemed ridiculous to Serena, who occupied the rear. A shiver ripped up her spine as another splash of bog water slapped against her thigh, and she gritted her teeth as she pulled the flame emanating from her hands closer, almost burning her chin. In front of her, Pavel dug his fingers into his arms, shivering in his ragged clothes, and ahead of him, Werond fared no better, mirroring his discomfort. Beyond her, Doriyah seemed too tall to care, the water coming up to only his calf. Despite her own shortness, Jo, leading the line, seemed perfectly content to carry on as though nothing were the matter, her head craned slightly to watch Cruck’aa as he glided over them.

They had marched in complete silence, something that Serena preferred. It gave her plenty of time to struggle against everything that Werond had given her, and quietly panic all the while. If anything, the continuous horrors of the bog kept most of her mind occupied, forcing her to watch her step rather than focus entirely on Werond. Yet it wasn’t enough, and between every other footstep was a maelstrom of worry, a storm of thoughts that refused to leave Serena’s mind.

“For fuck’s – Cruck’aa!” Serena jerked as Pavel suddenly shouted up the line. “Hold up for a minute!”

Werond glanced back, her shivering accentuating the scrawniness of her frame, and almost ran into the mountain of muscle that was Doriyah’s back. She stepped away as he pulled a leg out of the bog, shook his boot out, then plunged it back into the hellish waters.

“Why do I even fucking bother.” Doriyah mumbled.

“Guys!” Jo had halted ahead, a few paces in front of them, while Cruck’aa swooped down to perch on her shoulder; even from a distance, he looked angrier than he had any right to be. “We need to keep moving. Cruck’aa said –”

“No, hold up!” Pavel yelled, splashing his way up the line. “We’ve been swimming forever, and Cruck’aa hasn’t said anything else! Are you sure this is the best way to go?!”

“Well, considering he’s the only one who’s seen this place with a literal bird’s eye view, I trust that he’s leading us the correct way.”

“Great! So why hasn’t he said anything?” Doriyah leaned back as Pavel trudged past him. “No mention of how far we are, or how close we are to dry land, nothing! It’s starting to look like he’s picked the worst way through on purpose!”

“Why would he do that?” Jo crossed her arms as Pavel splashed to a halt before her.

“Because he’s fucking Cruck’aa!” Pavel yelled. “I wouldn’t put it past him to fuck with us just because he didn’t get his way!”

Werond jerked then ducked her head while Jo shrugged.

“Sure, it’s entirely possible, he’s pissed and messing with us, but what other choice –” She yelped as Cruck’aa pecked at her neck. “Ow! Ow – you god damn shitbird!”

She flung Cruck’aa off her shoulder, who let out a squawk as he almost plunged into the bog; his form undulated as he shifted back to his normal, larger self, flapping over the water with a look that could freeze the blood within Serena’s veins, had it not already been frozen from the water.

“Yes, Pavel,” Cruck’aa spat. “I am absolutely sure that this is the right way to go. It just so happens that it’s also the worst way to go, but there isn’t much I can do about that.”

“And you didn’t think to mention it?!” Pavel yelled.

“What would be the point?”

“The point – Cruck’aa, all of us are freezing and miserable!” He threw his hands up. “None of us knew it was going to be this bad! Had you just told us –”

“What? You’d find a different way?” Cruck’aa scoffed. “No, you wouldn’t. Had I told any of you this, we’d still be sitting in that shack arguing about what to do. Silence was the best choice.”

“Silence over how your friends feel?!”

“You’ve already proven that none of you can think clearly for yourselves.”

“Oh fuck!” Pavel spat. “Give it a rest already, no one –”

“Has this family’s best intentions but me!” Cruck’aa growled.

“Alright –” Jo butted in, moving to stand between them, only for Pavel to shove past her.

“You?! The best intentions?!” He jabbed a finger at his own chest. “It seems to me that I’m the only one here that cares about everyone else! We’re miserable and you couldn’t care less!”

“Correct.” Cruck’aa shot back.

“Guys –” Jo tried again.

“No, no, hold up,” Doriyah’s voice boomed over the bog, sending all of them flying. “better for the idiots to argue now and get it out of their system than later.”

“Idiots?!” Pavel bellowed.

“You?!” Cruck’aa spat.

And within a heartbeat, their voices whirled together in a cacophony of outrage, a storm of furious argument that rivaled the chill that permeated the air.

Serena sighed as their voices drifted over the bog, and, before she could stop herself, glanced at Werond. The touch of numbness grew within her as she took in just how miserable she looked, a violent shiver rocking her hunched body.

Without thinking, Serena forced her way through the chilly water towards Werond. It took a moment for her to realize, but when she did, Werond straightened, facing scrunching in pain, and turned away, beginning to force her way towards the still arguing group.

Just the sight of her back set Serena’s heart into her throat; she pulled a hand away from her flame and twisted her fingers, sending off a short whistle into the air. Werond flipped back around on instinct, a fact made abundantly clear by how hard she cringed.

Serena held her flame towards Werond; she hesitated, long enough for a dagger of panic to sink into her, before finally making her way over to Serena.

There was nothing warm about her expression, however, as Werond held her hands towards the flame. She looked closer to a cornered animal, ready to bolt at any moment, and while she sighed in relief as the trembling of her fingers faded before the flame, the grimace painted across her face remained.

Serena glanced over at the storm of anger ripping through her friends; though she wanted to march over and call each of them ridiculous and demand they continue, truth be told, it was all Serena could do to continue functioning. That single word still burned within her mind, halting the ever-creeping fingers of numb that wrapped about her chest, but hadn’t yet reached her heart. How much of her felt the yearning to understand – to understand just what Werond had meant by that single word, to finally cease the arguments and tossing and turning that had filled her head ever since they left that damned stone building.

But how much of that understanding would hurt her?

Serena bit her lip, breathing in sharply through her nose.

What did that matter when it came to the woman she loved?

“Do – you – want – walk – together?” Serena signed with one hand.

Werond deflated, squeezing her eyes shut; when she looked back at Serena, her eyes had resumed their glassy look, lips pulled into a tight frown. She shook her head, and the flame within Serena’s hands flickered as though blown by the strongest wind.

“What…” Though it was difficult already to sign with a single hand, the tremor that took up Serena’s body made it altogether worse. “did – I – do?”

Werond shook her head – pointed to Serena, then shook her head again, long enough until she understood.

“Then – what – matter?”

Werond wilted under the question, ducking her head. She pulled her arms back and wrapped them about herself as she sloshed backwards from Serena. The obvious shame that was etched across her face was strong enough for Serena’s flame to wink out of existence, lost amidst the trembling numb.

“Werond, please, I…” Serena splashed closer to Werond, who thankfully stayed in place. “Can’t we just walk together? I don’t –”

Werond shook her head.

“Why not?” Her voice cracked. “Why not?! You’re miserable Werond! I don’t –”

Werond looked up, caught her eye, and mouthed the same word as before, tightening the tendrils around Serena’s chest.

“I…” She swallowed. “I-I know, but are you…sure? A…break?” Tighter around her chest. “Werond, you don’t…mean that, do –”

Her words died upon her fingers, frozen in the frigid air, as Werond nodded; her gaze was filled by a misery shackled by silence – of a watery plea to ask no more, a look that wrapped the tendrils of numb around Serena’s heart, leaving her nothing more than a walking void.

Jo’s voice rang out – or was it Pavel’s or Doriyah’s, she couldn’t tell; the world around her became a blur, a whirling mass of greys and whites and browns, sound dying upon her ears against the hammering of her heart, perhaps the only part of her she still felt within the numb that consumed her, the same feeling from before, creeping back like the gentle tug of a blanket over her arms, her body, her face, choking her with that same realization she’d felt so long, long ago, that familiar dread that pushed her so close to the edge, so close to releasing her grip upon the world, so close to collapsing upon herself and never getting back up, for it became clear now, clear within that numbing fog, that Serena had once more found herself alone.

A hand – around her arm –

She jerked, the world reforming around her, the dense fog materializing into view, the distant and fading voices of her friends still locked within their argument, and –

Werond, staring at her with eyes wide, lips slightly parted.

A heartbeat passed – then another, and another, before Werond released her grip; her hand jumped to Serena’s face, fingers towards her cheeks, before she caught herself. She flipped around and sloshed away, pausing only to look back at Serena.

Cheeks frozen with a dampness that couldn’t have come from the fog, Serena sucked in a breath – difficult when her body felt nothing – and trudged after her, feeling the numb eclipse her mind, and consume her utterly.

How difficult it was to continue when she had nothing to continue for.