y/n: your name

tws: swearing

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y/n's pov *

i woke from another dreamless night in clay's arms to the sound of glass shattering in the kitchen followed by muffled swears. considering the barely visible morning light filtering through the windows and the absolute deadweight that was the blond-haired boy latched onto me, it was safe to assume that it was not an acceptable time to be awake and that somebody was definitely scrounging for snacks. either that or somebody was robbing us of our generous monster energy drink stash.

i was in a precarious position at the moment, settled against clay's chest with both his arms around my waist and patches at my side. somehow our hands were still laced together even after tossing and turning all night long.

i couldn't even bring myself to resent liking sleeping next to clay because it was genuinely one of the only times i slept well. he was warm and comforting and reassuring and i didn't understand what it was about him that made me feel so okay but i didn't really care. it was just the way things were, and i couldn't be mad about it.

even though i didn't want to, i unpeeled his arms from my torso and slid out of bed— mainly to make sure my brief idea about there being a real robber in our kitchen wasn't true— but also because i felt guilty about the awkward position clay was sleeping in because of me. he was still upright, his head was cocked to the side, his hair was sticking up in all sorts of weird spikes, and, to top it all off, his lips were slightly parted, small snores escaping every time he inhaled and filling the otherwise silent room with a low humming. i stifled laughter and snapped a picture of him with my phone before shoving it back in my sweatshirt pocket. knowing me, i'd probably make it his new contact photo.

after quietly sneaking out of my bedroom, i crept down the hallway and cautiously peeked around the corner and into the kitchen, my fists raised in case anything happened. i scanned the dim space, and a breath of relief left my body as i was met with the crouched over form of nick sweeping the floor and not some ski-masked monster thief. i lowered my hands.

"hi," he said flatly, dumping a dustpan full of broken glass into the trashcan.

"you're up earlier than usual," i acknowledged.

"yeah, well, cash was being antsy so i was gonna take him out, but then he had to be a little butthole and trip me!"

i looked over at the dog in question, who started wagging his tail faster at the sudden attention. "he doesn't look guilty to me," i smirked.

"no, that's cause he's never guilty. no he's not," nick replied, slipping into a baby-talking voice as he directed his words toward his pet.

i chuckled and knelt down to carefully pluck the glass shards off the floor.

"let me get it, you're gonna cut your hand idiot," he warned, swatting me away.

"impossible. calloused gamer fingers," i countered.

he shook his head chuckling. "whatever." he paused for a second. "you feel okay after last night?"

"yeah, a lot better actually." i recalled clay's adamant embrace and comforting words as i struggled to start streaming. "i'll post something about the tweet later to clear things up."

"that's good. but," he said, dragging out the u, "since it's not later yet do you want to walk cash and dog with me?"

i looked from the brunet to the pets, who were waiting excitedly by the door after the mention of a walk, and smiled. "sure."

we finished sweeping the floor of glass shards and when we were sure nobody was going to get a nasty prick in the bottom of their foot when they came to get their cereal, we slipped on raincoats and trudged out into the warm but humid florida air. the skies were threatening to open up and pour again, but for now they seemed to be holding back while nick and i leapt over shallow puddles and chased after the dogs as they tried time and time again to roll in the mud.

"okay, okay," i laughed, shaking the sludge off my dirtied boots, "you didn't get a chance to tell me about your date yesterday. how did it go?"

"really really really really really well," nick beamed. "i can't believe i only met her two days ago. she's so easy to talk to."

"hell yes! gah— i wish i had been more sober so i could've gotten to talk to her more."

"no! honestly if you were sober we probably wouldn't have talked much in the first place," nick laughed. "i don't think you understand how much conversation we got out of watching you guys be idiots."

"oh god, i don't even want to know— i don't even want to know!" i joined his laughter, and when it finally settled, he bumped his shoulder against mine, a wry smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"when are you going to make a move on clay?"

"excuse you!" i laughed, bumping him back. "i'm not making any moves. he—"

"y/n, i swear to got if you're about to say "he doesn't like me like that" i'm going to have to bitch-slap some sense into you."

when i didn't say anything in response other than a breathless wheeze, he kept talking.

"you are so unbelievably smart but you're dense as a brick if you think that he's not falling head over heels for you." he stopped in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. "you forget i'm the middleman here. i have the info from both sides—"

"if you relay any of this conversation back to him—"

"i won't. scout's honor or whatever the fuck they say." he held up his hand in a promising salute. "but i'm telling you. you don't hear how he talks about you or they way he looks at you when you're not paying attention. trust me."

i sighed, and as he noticed my resolve crumbling, he dropped his hands and started walking again. i could barely catch glimpse of the smug smile growing on his face. "hey, i'm not saying i believe you!" i called after him, jogging a couple steps to catch up.

"yeah, but you're thinking it." he turned to me, the smug smile only growing more grossly smug.

"okay, you know who's gonna get bitch-slapped now?" i laughed.

"hey, i'm only stating the facts! you're usually the ballsy one! be ballsy and kiss him or something!"

"alright, that's it—" i picked up into a run and chased after him, a huge smile on my face.

by the time we reached the house we were sufficiently muddied and out of breath from both running and laughing. there was sweat on our brows and rainwater in our hair. cash looked more like a rat than a dog and his fluffy white fur had been dirtied into a crusty brown color while dog's light brown fur had only darkened. we hung our wet raincoats on a hook next to the door and crashed onto the couch where clay and george were sitting, looking at us like we were crazy.

"honestly, we considered the possibility that you guys might have gotten abducted," george said, petting dog and then wiping the dirt on his pants. "who leaves the house at five thirty in the morning?"

"productive people," nick said proudly.

"yes.. productive.." clay echoed, rubbing some mud he picked up off of the brunet's shirt between his fingers before flicking it at him.

"you tryna start something dream? you wanna go bro? you wanna like.. cuddle or something?"

"no-o-o!" he protested through giggles, pushing nick off him has he continuously tried to smother him in a muddy hug.

i wheezed and eyed george with a suggestive look, arms open wide.

"don't you dare come over here!" he pointed at me and started scooting farther down the couch.

"she won't, but i will!" nick yelled. "c'mere gogy!"

i doubled over laughing again and crashed against the cushions because i was too breathless to stand anymore.

our amusement with each other lasted for hours after that until we were too distracted by how much mud we were tracking through the house to continue conversation. one by one we all took a hot shower— clay getting the short end of the stick because the three of us used up all the hot water— and then gathered back into the living room again with scruffy hair and sweet smelling lotion scents to continue our antics. george was releasing new merch and, since we were all in high spirits, we decided we would be up for a discord call in his server to promote it. it took less effort than streaming and we could all kick back and be a little more relaxed with what we wanted to do since there weren't really any limits.

"are you sure you're up for this?" george asked me again, still worried about how i was feeling after my face reveal got leaked.

"definitely! it's water under the bridge now. i took care of it." i assured him.

"yeah she did!" nick exclaimed as he flopped down on the couch, "george, you have to respond to the F U chain."

"the F U chain?"

nick was referring to the tweet i had send out in response to the exposé. it was not some long drawn out sappy paragraph detailing the miseries and woes i was feeling because of it, but instead just a picture of me, both middle fingers raised, with the caption "yeah that's me." it was completely unprofessional and petty, but that was my brand.

since i had posted that all my fellow streamer friends had replied with a picture of themselves in the same pose with the caption "yeah." even clay had busted out his smiley face mask to add to the chain. out of all the replies from my friends though, my favorite was bad's, who responded with "yeah (language)" and posed with a thumbs down instead.

"oh, okay, i'll add to it," george said after nick showed him what he was talking to about. he held up his phone camera, smiled into the lense with what i could only describe with an expression that looked like ":]," raised his middle finger, and snapped a photo. after two seconds of typing my phone buzzed in my pocket and i opened it to see a reply from george with the same photo i had just watched him take.

"thanks gogy," i smiled, reaching out to fist bump him.

he fist bumped me back. "of course."

"let's get this party started!" clay called as he came in from the kitchen, doing a spin with a bowl of chips and some kind of drink jug in his hands.

"that's not alcohol is it?" i asked, eyes wide.

he looked from me to the jug he was holding and flashed the label at me. it was apple juice. "god no, i'm still on day two of my hangover. i don't think i'll be drinking again for a long while."

"mmph, wimp," i said through a mouthful of chips.

"wimp," clay mimicked in a higher pitched voice. he plopped down on the couch seat next to me.

"are we all ready?" george asked, his mouse hovering over the voice chat in his server where many fans were already waiting to listen to us talk.

the three of us gave him an affirming thumbs up and he joined the call.

"hello!" he said after a second of silence, laughing under his breath as chat erupted with responses.

"hi!" clay chirped.

"heheh, hi!" nick followed up.

"hEY—" i cleared my throat as my voice cracked— "hey. wow, i swear i'm not a thirteen year old boy, jesus christ." i cleared my throat again.

clay wheezed.

"yes this is special cause it's the first time the roomie squad is together, yes!" george exclaimed as he read the few chat messages that acknowledged it amongst all the "hEY" and teapot emojis, "but you know why else this is special?" he let the question hang in the air. "because there's merch! swagged out merch! go—" he started spamming the link in the discord chat— "georgenotfound.shop people! georgenotfound.shop! right now!"

we laughed as george promoted his new sweatshirts, butting in with just how swagged out we were once we put them on and how they totally changed our lives. eventually that topic of interest derailed and we started laughing about other things like memes sent in chat, clay's stories, and tweets from our friends saying how they were offended they weren't invited to the party. it wasn't long before we turned up our background music and started singing along in between sentences.

chat started spamming "KAROKE NIGHT" and at the mention of that nick turned up the music and blurted the lyrics to the song that was playing as loud as he could before shying away into a fit of giggles.

"keep going!" i encouraged.

nick vigorously shook his head no as he tried to catch his breath from laughing.

"boo!" i flashed him a thumbs down.

"hEy thERe deLILah, whAT'S it liKE in nEW yORK ciTY—" george started to sing after skipping through a couple songs, his pitch changing every two seconds.

we all tried to keep our composure as he continued to sing in his most off-key voice, but every other line somebody would break and we'd all lose it. by the time the first verse ended, george was out of breath, and at that point we just let the song play normally as our giggles fizzled out.

as the acoustic part between verses strummed, clay leapt from the couch and stood in the open space in the middle of the living room with his hand gestured out to me. it took me a second to realize what he was asking.

"you want to dance?" i sputtered, leaning back into the couch. "i don't dance."

"then what was that you were doing at applebee's—"

"shut up!" i interrupted nick.

"oh come on y/n. one dance with me?" clay asked, a small smile on his lips. i took a mental note of how especially green his eyes were in this moment.

my gaze flicked from his freckled face to his outstretched hand. i thought he might have been joking or goofing off, but there was no hint of that in his expression. he just wanted to dance.

i hesitantly pushed up off the couch and took his hand in mine. his smile grew wider.

"okay, so how do i—" i started to say.

"this hand goes here and this hand goes here—" he placed one of my hands on his shoulder and the other in his hand— "and then you just.. move to the music."

"move to the music huh?" i looked up at him skeptically.

"yeah! and then you can slip into the tango—" he extended our linked hands out and paraded to the right— "or the cha cha slide—"

"we are not doing the cha cha slide to hey there delilah," i laughed, and he readjusted his hand on my waist. i tried to move with the beat but i was way more uncoordinated than i thought i was, and i stepped on his foot instead. "sorry—"

he threw his head back with a wheeze. "ow— okay, no, so the rhythm is— wait, george, what's the rhythm supposed to be?" he turned to his friend, who had his hands steepled beneath his nose.

"it's like one, two, three, one, two, three—" he chuckled as he watched us try to keep up with his count— "you guys are so off beat it's not even funny."

"okay, hush, we've got this!" i said.

"one, two, three, one, two, three—" clay repeated under his breath, and when we fell into the rhythm, he looked down at me with a proud smile. "yeah! so this way you won't step on my feet. unless you're trying to do this—" he pulled me closer to him so that both my feet were on top of his and started waddling around the room.

"no-o-o! stop it!" i laughed, and wrapped my arm that was on his shoulder around his neck for support.

he chuckled and raised our linked hands into the air to twirl me into a spin before bringing me back to his chest. we swayed like normal after that, both intensely focused on our footwork, my eyes locked with his green ones. hey there delilah was still playing in the background, george and nick occasionally adding their own vocals, but we tuned them out to stay steady with the beat.

hey there delilah, i've got so much left to say

if every simple song i wrote to you would take your breath away

i'd write it all

even more in love with me you'd fall

we'd have it all

"oh, it's what you do to me," clay sang quietly, laughing under his breath between words. his voice was low and deep, sweet and saccharine like a summer day, and his tone was weirdly hypnotic as the lyrics lilted off his tongue. but maybe it wasn't his singing voice that was enchanting, but the fact that he was directing the words at me, his eyes yet to break contact with mine. it was subtle at first, but the same intensity and heat that had been building this morning and in the car had returned. the only difference was that my eyes were on his lips too.

this was something new and bold. something more intimate than we had ever experienced. there was a magnetic pull between us that grew stronger as we continued to dance, and each effortless twirl landed me closer and closer to him. our laughs blended with the melody of the song until we found ourselves breathless, the music faded to the background, eyes searching each other's faces looking for anything that just said "kiss me already."

the searching didn't last long.

"LET'S GO! WE'RE POPPING OFF!" george yelled from the couch, "THE SWEATSHIRTS SOLD OUT!"

clay and i broke from our bubble and turned away to look at him.

"george you idiot!" nick facepalmed, head in his hands, "they were so close.."

he was laughing and yelling too much to care what he was saying.

clay looked back at me with a small smile and spun me one last time before leading me back to the couch, where we sat next to each other but seemingly worlds apart. our hands unclasped, the redness left our cheeks, and the ambiance of acoustic guitar and heartfelt vocals changed to upbeat pop and catchy electronica. the moment had slipped through our fingers. i could still feel the ghost of his hands on my waist, the warmth of the touch replaced by coldness in the lack of its presence. there was a buzz still humming in my body— from nerves or adrenaline or ecstasy i wasn't sure— and i tried to channel it into comedy for our viewers instead of thoughts of clay. thoughts about what would have happened if we had kissed and how electric it would have felt. thoughts about how i liked him so much it felt like my heart was on fire.

the rest of the night was nothing out of ordinary. we stayed in the merch discord server voice chat for a little longer until we found ourselves yawning more than talking, and then we said our good nights and split off into our own bedrooms to rest, or in my case, toss and turn.

i stared up at the ceiling as my thoughts raced. i couldn't get his stupid face or that stupid song out of my stupid head. it was etched into my memory in permanent marker, and i couldn't erase it.

i flipped my pillow to the cold side and squinched my eyes shut. the night seemed to wear on in slow motion. my mind was whirring with thoughts and my body was begging for sleep, but neither were listening to the other and i found myself caught in-between the battle of the two. even when i finally started to tire and the typhoon in my head calmed, i kept asking myself the same questions over and over— questions related to the one regret that was pooling in the pit of my stomach.

what if i had taken nick's advice?

what if i had just kissed him?

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clay's pov *