《Why Did I do This to Myself?!? (One Piece Fanfic)》Is This Legal?

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Light filters throw the doors of an old bar, the wind pushing softy agents it drafting in the pungent smell of sea water. A small clank is heard as an white haired man sets his empty glass on the worn counter.

The elder signals the bartender to give him another glass, which they do. Running his finger along the rim of the glass, smile broadening, he glances at the door.

It suddenly bursts open.

"Fuck my life!" The voice of an old man echoed about the bar.

Ignoring the annoyed and confused voices of the bar patrons, he furrows his brows at the unfamiliar voice.

Im not old enough to deal with political stuff! Sure, if you add how old I was before I ended up here I'd be 31 but I'm not. I'm 13 gosh diggity darn it! Stupid people not being able to do simple political things, leaving it to a random child.

Taking quick small steps, I go over to Rayleigh and sit next to him, pulling the most grumpy face possible.

Rayleigh turned to face me. "What...?" He chuckled out confused.

"What? Can you see I'm mopping here!" I say continuing to sound like the old guy I passed on the way here.

He raised an eyebrow. "Why... Do you sound like that?"

"I don't know, maybe it's because you ditched me and my obviousness to others problems was obliterated... ness!" I'm so tired.

Slamming my forehead onto the counter for dramatic effect, I instantly regretted it. The headache that's been developing just got a knife and stabbed my brain, pain is all I know.

"Why did you add ness at the end of obliterated?"

Resting my head on my arms I respond. "My, think... Hurts. End me..." I respond without using that random old man's voice.

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He laughed a little. "Why would I end you? Isn't that a tad over dramatic?" Taking a swig of his alcoholic beverage he place the glass back down.

"Probable eh... I, juice wat seep. Ehs hasbent sloped in soo loug." I think I'ma pass out soon... That's mostly good I guess.

"What-"

"Ohs! Be bor I forgut i's newd you's too remumber thus. Thew wuldber ut de biiiigggg plus owes meeee u usesss tu malk stoof." I send a closed eye smile, at least I think I did.

My vision got blurry and I don't completely remember.

------------

"You can't sue ME! I'm the law!" Sitting up after that random outburst, I sneeze for some reason.

Is someone talking about me? I wonder if- "Good, your awake." What?

Turning my head towards the voice, I spot Rayleigh sitting at a desk with... I-is that 3 empty bottles of vodka?!? Who long- is he holding another bottle- why are there so many empty alcohol bottles in this room!? It's not even that large a room! Is... Why???

"What?! How are you still functioning?!? That's enough alcohol to kill a small village if they consumed it in a short period of time. How are you able to form a sentence?" My brain is melting.

"It's not that much, this is the accumulation of drinks I've had in this room for the pass three days." He says setting the large vodka bottle on the table next to Lad- *internal gasp* LAAADDD! He looks so sad- did Rayleigh not give him lettuce? Wait. Did I leave him on the RAFT?!? I'm such a bad parent- person. I'm a bad person.

"You do see how that makes it worse, right?" I retorted, raising a eyebrow.

He mumbled something about me being ungrateful and took another swig of his drink. "Hey," he glanced over at me. "Do you know why I feel like someone kicked me through 3 iron walls?"

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He started to turn away from me so I now know he's guilty of something. Why do people do that? Were they just try and get out of a conversation because there guilty. It's way more affect to go through the conversation and then act like you had no idea there were cookies in the house, not that I'm speaking from experience and have pulled many successful food scandals. Nooo, couldn't be me.

"What happened when I was out?!?" I say doing little hand gestures to help get my confusion across.

"When you passed out you fell off the stool and onto the floor." He stated matter-of-factly.

I did a slow nod giving him the 'yep, ok bro' look. If my existence has taught me anything, falling out of a chair wouldn't cause this much pain. I've fallen off thing a lot and have created an automatic response to coat the area of contact with haki, Garp-sama is to thank for that. And if he's telling the truth I've lost my touch, but whatever I guess.

... OH RIGHT!

Word count: 867

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