Gray and I step onto the dance floor hand in hand, pushing everyone out of our field of vision so that it's only the two of us. Of course, Lady Gaga's "Just Dance" blasts through the speakers the moment we find our rhythm amidst the sparkling blue strobe lights. I know it's only a coincidence that none other than Lady Gaga is our first song, but it makes the night feel even more special.

While Gray and I groove to the beat, I take in all the lovely decor. The high school gymnasium is decked out in white paper streamers and sparkling snowflakes dangling from the ceiling. A disco ball hangs over the dance floor and shimmers onto us like glistening silver confetti raining down from the sky. We're immersed in a euphoric dream, captivated by the effervescent light that hangs transfixed in the air. All the poetry in this world couldn't describe how magical this moment is.

When the song ends, Gray and I leave the dance floor to find a table. A few students who know Gray from Chicago rehearsals offer us two open seats at their table and we gladly accept. All kinds of cyan-colored candies circle the icy centerpiece. I snatch a blue raspberry lollipop and suck on it while Gray fetches us some punch. He returns with two mesmerizing cups of frosty arctic blue liquid billowing with white smoke. Gray hands me a glass and we each take a hesitant sip, puckering at the strange yet tasty flavors of strawberry, pineapple, and lemon mingling on our tongues. The smoke dissipates and I catch Gray's piercing green eyes even with the indigo tint of the dance floor blinking like a broken traffic light. His eyes send an uncontrollable shockwave through my bones.

Soon, the faculty calls students up by table for dinner. Our table is called first, and Gray and I each scoop a delicious helping of lasagna, garlic bread, and caesar salad. Over our meals, we chat with the students at our table. Gray does most of the talking, but I chime in every once in a while. It feels nice to chat, especially since I've only spoken to Sabina and André over text these past weeks. We answer questions about our relationship, none of them carrying that we're both guys. I wish everybody was that accepting.

Halfway through our meal, Gray mentions that I'm considering becoming a stagehand for Chicago. I grow anxious, afraid they'll say it's a bad idea. Instead, all of them applaud the idea and say I'd be a welcome addition to the drama department. A deep red blush overcomes my cheeks, hidden by the fluttering blue lights.

After we finish eating, the DJ spins Christmas hits, old and new. There's only four more days until Christmas, and it's the first time I've looked forward to the holiday in a long time. At home, a glittering Christmas tree strung with blinking lights of every color is surrounded with dozens of shiny presents. Nessie, my dad, and I put it up, along with all the other Christmas decorations, last weekend. It's the first time we've put up the Christmas decorations since before my mom died. My house finally feels like home again.

The students at our table invite us to join them on the dance floor, and Gray and I happily accept. The energy is infectious, making it impossible for any of us to hold back our ecstatic smiles. There's something magical about the Christmas season that lifts everybody's hearts.

In the heat of our dancing, Gray cups my sweating face with his pulsating fingers and pulls me in for a sultry kiss. The bass booms in my chest and every hair on my body sticks up, my senses awakened by Gray's mouth crashing into mine. When he pulls away, hot sweat drips from our lips. I grab at his tuxedo jacket and pull him in for another kiss, aggressively pressing him into me so I can taste him on my mouth. The dance floor turns into a vibrant green, accentuating the radiant hues of Gray's breathtaking eyes. I'm trapped in a tractor beam and can't get out of his intoxicating gaze.

"Lovebirds! It's time to grab your partner and get on the dance floor!" The DJ hollers over the crowd as Taylor Swift's "Lover" begins to play.

I regretfully wrench away from Gray's lips and let his hands rest firmly around my hips. My hands wrap around his neck and my head fits softly into the crook of his neck. With one whiff, I breathe in his fomenting cologne. It's the crisp scent of the beach mixed with the frothy salt of sea form. We sway calmly together, moving back and forth like the gentle ebb and flow of ocean waves. Tranquil. Steady. Enduring.

I crave for Gray to hold me in his abiding arms forever, caressing me with a beloved and tender care that, hopefully, only I'll ever know. Our bodies fit together perfectly, and I can't imagine myself pressed up against anyone but Gray. I've memorized every crease of his body. Every fold. Every valley. They all fall neatly into place with mine. How many bodies are designed to entwine with mine? I'd like to think only one.

As the song fades into the background, I reach my lips up to Gray's ear and seductively whisper, my lips lightly gracing his right cheek.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Go where?" Gray breathes back. I trace my finger along his jawline, flustering him.

"You'll see," I reply, teasing Gray by trailing my finger down his neck and gently rubbing it along his Adam's apple.

Gray sucks in a swift breath and shakily croaks a one-word reply, "Okay."

***

Gray and I tiptoe out of the gymnasium and make our way to his truck, the keys dangling from his fingers. My heart jolts when I hear Gray unlock the door. He looks flawless in the pale outline of the moonlight, gleaming like a lustrous star. I could stare at him forever, entranced by my shimmering star.

Eventually, the two of us pile onto the bench seat and settle in. Gray switches on the air conditioning, providing cool relief to the heat settling in between us. Since I can't drive, I direct Gray to our destination. He can't hide his curiosity as we drive along the vacant beaches. The roads are empty, except for the occasional car passing us in the other lane.

"Where're you taking me?" Gray questions, practically on the edge of his seat.

"We're almost there," I assure him, feeling my abdomen flutter with enthusiasm. There's a pang inside me that I've never felt before. It's a sense of longing for something I've already felt that I'm dying to feel again. I relish in the amazement that one person can plague my mind with such frenzied emotions that they leave me breathless.

Finally, we come upon a quaint two-story hotel on the cliffside, overlooking the thunderous ocean waves. The Spanish colonial design makes it a natural fit in Santa Barbara, with clean white walls, winding staircases, exquisitely tiled pathways, and crimson red roof shingles. I tell Gray to park and he complies, albeit perplexed.

"What is this place?"

I let out a slight smirk before replying, "It's a hotel."

Gray's eyes blink with hesitation. He's rendered speechless. This is what Nessie told me about. I need to assure Gray that I'm alright. Turning to him, I take his hand and give an encouraging smile.

"I know you're worried about hurting me. But I'm alright. I'm better than alright. I'm ready for us to take the next step again. If you're alright with that, of course."

Gray turns to stare at the crescent moon dangling outside the window, unable to meet my eyes. His shoulders are closed in, and I can tell he's holding back tears.

"Gray," I rest my hand gently on his shoulder, prompting him to turn around, Tell me what's wrong."

Now it's my turn to wipe the tear from his eyes. Softly, I press my lips against Gray's cheek, taking the droplet as I pull away.

"I'm afraid of failing you."

Seeing Gray so distraught, even months after my accident, saddens me. Even though I've healed, he's still struggling with the magnitude of it all. Gray needs somebody to lift the weight off his shoulders, and I'm happy to do that.

"You've never failed me. My depression overcame me. I had no control over it, and neither did you. But I'm not gonna let that happen again. I'm finally in a place where I know how to stay afloat, and I have you, Nessie, and my dad to support me. Don't ever be afraid of failing me. Without you, I wouldn't be here today."

A burgeoning smile comes over Gray before he takes me in his big arms. The two of us stay there for a moment, relishing in each other's touch. Once Gray feels ready, we loosen our embrace and exit his truck. I reach out my hand and Gray takes it, allowing me to guide him toward the hotel. The lobby is devoid of guests, inhabited only by a lone concierge. Despite her solitude, she smiles when we stroll up to the front desk. I tell her my name and she hands me an old-fashioned golden key with "21" engraved on the top.

"Enjoy your stay," she singsongs as we drift outside toward the winding staircase, which leads us to the second-floor balcony. Our room is the one farthest from the staircase and closest to the cliff. When we walk inside, there's a picturesque view of the ocean. The balcony overlooks the cliff, where waves slosh and crash in a raucous fury. Gray wraps his arm around my torso, placing his hand on the small of my back, as we gaze upon the sea. I turn my face toward him and smile, overjoyed at how well my surprise panned out.

"How'd you afford this place?" Gray inquires, heading back inside to take in the expansive room. There's a cozy king bed across from a giant television, and a grand bathroom with marble tiles and the largest bathtub I've ever seen.

"I must've forgotten to mention all the money my mom left me," I explain as I mosey over to the bed, throwing my white tuxedo jacket onto a nearby chair. Gray's green eyes look flabbergasted at my remark, but I simply smirk and sink into the buttery silk sheets.

"I wanna kiss you," Gray proclaims, removing his soft blushing pink tuxedo jacket to expose his muscular frame, squeezed snugly under his white button-down. I gulp, captivated by the outline of his abdomen peeking through the thin fabric.

"Then what're you waiting for?" I offer, sitting up on the bed. Gray kneels down onto the cool tile so that we're eye level, allowing me to clutch his collar and undo his bow tie while he places his lips on my neck and kisses the taut skin there. I shiver, wishing he'd put his mouth on mine. His bow tie falls to the floor, and I fumble with the buttons. Once they're all undone, I bunch his shirt in my palms and pull the cloth out of his pants and off his skin. Gently, I glide my fingers across the naked curve of his chest and the ridges of his abdomen. My boyfriend's body quivers to my touch, desperately craving more.

Gray undoes the buttons of my shirt and slips it off my skin, leaving our torsos bare. I groan as he pushes his hips into mine, laying me down on the bed so that we're both horizontal. Gray grinds into me while finally kissing my lips. I open up to him, waiting to taste his tongue. Instead, he pulls away, flustering me. As Gray moves down my torso, I catch a glimpse of his devilish grin. He adores ruffling me. Secretly, I adore it too.

My fingers undo Gray's bun, letting his blond tresses pool out onto his shoulders. I run my fingers through the long locks as Gray puts his warm tongue on my abdomen, licking at my hairs like they're flames he's desperately trying to put out. Letting out a soft moan, I bring Gray back up to my mouth and press his lips into mine. My hands wrap behind his back, trapping him on top of me. Expectedly, my mouth widens to let our tongues mingle, the taste of sweat and blue punch tingling my taste buds.

While Gray's lips melt into mine, I move my hands down his back and slip them under his slacks, fumbling with the front button until I can push them off with his boxer shorts. Gray shakes them to the floor. Before he can remove my slacks, I take a thin, long tube of lube from the pocket and dangle it in front of him. Gray bites his bottom lip, turning it a dark fuchsia instead of the typical bubblegum pink. He snatches the bottle from my grasp and I unbutton my slacks, pulling them and my boxer shorts off with one swift motion. Now, we're both naked, nothing between our pulsating bodies. It feels like we're back in Gray's bedroom, our first time together, tumbling under the covers after dancing to A Star is Born.

After rubbing the slick liquid through his fingers, Gray expands me. It's a little painful at first, which isn't surprising since we haven't had sex in months. Nevertheless, Gray moves slowly and constantly checks to make sure I'm alright.

"Are you ready?" Gray whispers softly into my ear. I nod and cry out when he enters me.

"Should I stop?"

"No! Please don't!" I implore, wrapping my legs around his waist. Gray listens, thrusting into me. He's hesitant to go faster, still worried of hurting me. To encourage him, I cup his ass in my hands and force him to dig deeper into me. A low moan raises in my throat from the pain, followed by a flash of ecstasy. Sensing my reassurance, Gray kisses me harder and moves inside me at a steady rhythm that sets my abdomen aflame with pleasure.

As his pace increases, I press my fingers into the sizzling skin of his back. Gray trembles, crashing into me like the waves along the cliff. Unable to contain myself, I yelp into his ear, hoping my nails aren't digging into him.

"How does that feel?" Gray groans, striking me in all the right places.

"Incredible!"

***

I've held Gray's hand and felt him beside me in the best and worst moments of my life. I've shared momentous laughs and tears with him. I've kissed his bubblegum pink lips and been touched by him in a multitude of ways. I've felt the fireworks of true love blossom inside me. I've moved on from the past and, for once, looked to the future with a sense of hope. I've bathed in a world of color that I'd never bathed in before.

I've lived, and I want to keep on living.