Nate

I stand in front of the mirror and push the hair back off my face. Maybe I'm ready for a cut, but not quite yet. My hair has always been my thing. Anything encouraging girls to touch me is good, and girls have always touched my hair. It's always been good-at least in the beginning. And right now I have no intention of going further than beginnings because that's exactly what I need.

As I glance from side to side, I'm feeling the date night. "You can do this Nate. It totally doesn't matter that you haven't had a first date since Viv, and she barely counted since you knew each other for so long. You need some fun, man. Lighten up and go play with a hot chick."

Laughter pushes its way up because I'm an idiot in this moment. Who the hell gives themselves a pep talk in the mirror before a date? Or before anything? And why, oh why, did I feel the need to talk out loud?

Man, Brooke is rubbing off on me, because when I step out of the bathroom and walk up the hallway, I'd bet money she does something almost exactly like this before she goes out. I wonder if she marks it off on a list.

I grab my wallet and phone off the kitchen counter when the couch in the living room creaks. What the...? I slowly step into the dark room to see Morsten's backside covering my mom. This definitely falls under the category of bad-naked, and it sucks to know my mom's getting more than me. I shudder as I back up and wish to erase the scene from my memory, but even when I close my eyes, his bare hairy ass is still there.

Nobody warned me that my mom would turn into a horny teenager after I left home. It's ridiculous and probably permanently damaging to my psyche. I really need out of this house. Bad.

***

This was such a good idea. Bar number four, about one a.m., and Darrian and I are both looking for ways to touch each other. Chantele and her fiancé are pressed together on the dance floor of the rooftop bar at The Palms, and Darrian leans over to whisper in my ear. "I think this is the spot for the bachelorette party. Perfect. Thank you."

"So, am I a man of many talents then?" I tease, letting my lips touch her ear. I hold my breath when I wonder if I've gone too far.

"I think we're still testing." Her lips move across my cheek until the side of her mouth nearly touches mine, but just briefly before moving away.

I slide my hand around her lower back, loving the thin strength of her. I also know she expects me to kiss her right now, or to try, and I'm not going to do it. There's something about anticipation that makes firsts so much better.

"Let's dance."

I turn from her, her hand in mine and she follows me to the dance floor. This is one thing I know I'm good at. Dancing and taking pictures. Everything else with Darrian so far has me shocked because I'm not always good with women, and I'm out of practice.

She laughs her perfect laugh again but once I start moving, she's close. So very perfectly close. Her arms wind around the back of my neck, and her body moves against mine forcing me to take some good regulated breaths to keep everything in place. It has been too long.

My hands now have a mind of their own sliding up her sides and down over her hips, across that perfect curve between her lower back and her toned ass. I take a few more breaths, but I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to maintain with her body pressed against mine.

"Are you going to make me kiss you first?" she says in my ear.

I step back, take her hands, and turn toward the railing. She slides her arms around my waist from behind. The moment we step up to the railing at the edge of the tall building, I turn her around, pull her to me and slide my lips across hers.

Darrian kisses me back. Hard. Harder than I was expecting, and it takes me a second or two to find a rhythm with her, with her tongue, her body.

"Let's ditch Chantele and go somewhere," she says, her body pressed against mine.

I'm trying to catch my breath and pretend I'm not dizzy. "Yeah. Good. Okay."

Darrian laughs. "You're funny. This is so perfect. You have no idea."

I pull her to me again and do a half bite on her cheek making her laugh again. "Let's go."

***

I swear I didn't expect that we'd end up in her hotel room or that we'd be slow dancing on her balcony over-looking the strip. My lips feel numb with all the kissing, and if I'd known coming out with her would feel this...good, I'd have come better prepared.

She untucks my shirt and pulls me closer. No deep breaths are going to stop my body from reacting to her now.

"I'm never this forward, but you're a nice guy, Nathaniel, and I really want to spend the night with you."

And this is why you never plan a date.

I slide my hands up her sides and stroke my thumbs just under her chest, waiting for her to tell me it's okay to touch her because now that we're alone and her hands are on my skin, I really want to return the favor.

"My dress is a wrap dress." She nips my ear. "It unties."

And that's all the encouragement I need because after dancing with her half the night, everything in me is ready to feel her against me. I pull on the tie and her dress loosens. My heart starts going a million miles an hour as we stumble back into her room, tugging and pulling off clothing until we're on the bed.

She rolls away from me suddenly, the lights from the city spreading across her smooth skin and the outline of her lace bra and panties. I can't believe I'm here. And that we're doing this.

When Darrian rolls back over she tosses a few condom wrappers next to me and this time I don't hesitate before grabbing her waist and covering her mouth with mine.

She doesn't give me time to unclasp her bra or to slide off her panties, and in seconds she's ripping a condom out of the wrapper, and I'm getting exactly what I need.

***

"Nathaniel," a girl whispers next to me. "You have to go. I'm sorry."

My body is relaxed and rubbery, and...Darrian. Everything in me pools into something warm and perfect as I think about our night together. What might be our morning together...

"Nathaniel." A hand shakes my shoulder.

I roll onto my back and blink a few times. The palest hint of sun is touching the tops of the hotels around us. "Hmm...?"

"My boyfriend just called. He landed five minutes ago to surprise me. You have to go."

None of this is making sense. Boyfriend? Go?

I sit up as shock hits me. I didn't go out with Darrian last night to start a forever thing, but I also didn't sign up to be the other guy. My stomach tightens because I've been on his end, and...

"Boyfriend?" I run my fingers through my hair. "You have a boyfriend?"

"It's not like you were looking to get married, Nathaniel."

Anger pushes through me in a rush. I stand and grab my clothes, very purposefully not looking at her. Now I'm really wishing I'd have taken the time to shower before crashing, but whatever. I slip on my shirt and start buttoning. Just wanting out. Home. Anything. My chest cracks and divides and it has nothing to do with last night and everything to do with Viv. I'd never purposefully be part of putting someone else in the shitty position I was in. Ever.

"You're pissed," Darrian says. "Why are you pissed?"

I stuff on my shoes and head for the door.

"Nathaniel!" She runs up behind me and grasps my arm. "We had sex. I needed last night. You were kind of my last...fling, you know, before settling down. Thank you."

I work my jaw a few times. I should be proud or happy she chose me. I'm a guy. We're supposed to be thrilled when a night of sex comes with no strings. "No one should be in your boyfriend's place right now."

Her eyes widen in shock and I jerk the door open.

Her fingers dig into my shoulder. "You won't tell him, will you?"

I shake my head, making sure I don't look at her again before walking away.

Everything I think says I shouldn't be feeling torn up right now, but everything I've experienced says I should. I hate that such a great night had to turn to shit first thing in the morning.

And because once I'm down, I tend to wallow, I pull out my cell in the elevator and scroll to the texts I've gotten from Viv. Starting with the apologetic ones to the ones accusing me of stealing her favorite LPs (which I totally did) and her grandmother's earrings and necklace set (I'm more ashamed of taking these, but I knew they'd be the only thing that might get me a face-to-face with her) and then the texts degrade into rants on why I have to be so immature about the situation.

Honestly, I still want to pitch a five-year-old fit. We'd been talking marriage, and she was screwing my best friend. Instead, I buy a bottle of Daniels at the liquor store and a few packs of cigarettes and don't even bother to roll down my car window to smoke. I hate feeling pathetic. Before thinking, I pick up my phone and dial the girl who might be able to tell me why Darrian felt the need to screw around on her boyfriend.

"Nate! Dammit!" Viv yells into the phone the second she picks up.

"Yeah. Hey... It's been a while since we talked. I just..." Wanted to torture myself further? I'm driving aimlessly after sex with someone who used me and when I didn't take time to shower and when I feel like I should be enjoying the no-strings situation I found myself in, but I'm not.

"I want my stuff back, Nate. I've left you messages. You don't take my phone calls. Your mother is becoming my friend at long last while she tells me how miserable you are, and all I can think is that you deserve it because you took my grandmother's jewelry!"

There's really no defense and I find myself cringing, hating her voice so angry. "I'm not that miserable." Only in this moment, I am.

She pulls in a long breath and I'm holding mine to see how this conversation's going to go. "Nate. Please. I don't get why you took the set."

"I don't get why you were having sex with Shane." Immature, but touché!

"Is it always going to come back to this?" She sounds bored. She should not sound bored when she's talking to the guy whose heart she ripped out.

"When this is how you end a two year relationship, yes." Why, why, why, wasn't I good enough? Why did we end? That is what I really want to ask, but it makes me feel like a girl just thinking it. I know, I know. I'm sexist. Whatever.

"Keep the damn LPs, but I'm going to sue you for my grandmother's jewelry. She's all I have left of my family."

It's all I have left of you.

But my patheticness in thinking the jewelry is all I have of us is beyond words. "Fine," I mumble. "I'll put them in the mail tomorrow."

"Fed Ex. Nate. With as much effing insurance as they'll do."

"I'm not sure if Fed Ex-"

But the line goes dead.

That didn't go like I hoped, but then it's sort of stupid to have any hope outside of what just happened. Still. I've run and re-run everything between us before the split, and we weren't fighting. We were settled. Happy. Relaxed with each other. It was all good. Well, I guess better for her because she was doing Shane on the side. My chest cracks again so I grab the bottle of Daniels.

What is wrong with me?