《Behind the mask》Shattered
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"I have something to tell you,"Astrid said, her eyes nervous. Hiccup frowned, leaning forward to take her hands.
"Are you okay?" he asked her in a concerned voice. Astrid was very anxious and that alarmed him. He stared into her eyes. "Please...you've helped me so much...I want to help you..."
"You can't," she said in a choked voice. "I-I'm a horrible person, Hiccup..." He crouched to stare into her blue eyes, seeing them swimming with tears.
"Astrid..." he said gently. She blinked and a tear rolled down her cheek.
"I was the one who told Mr Treacher about Snot and Dagur starting the fight!" she blurted out.
He stared at her and pulled back, her hands falling from his. He shook his head.
"Y-you...told Al...?" he mouthed, his face stricken.
"It-it was an accident!" she said urgently. "I-I didn't mean any harm...and I-I thought it was unfair that you were being blamed when it wasn't your fault..." He stared at her.
"I stepped up and took the blame...because I knew what would happen if the real people got blamed," he told her in a toneless voice.
"I-I only realised that when I saw how everyone was treating you..." she said and his brows dipped.
"Yeah..."he said, his voice growing cold. "About that...you saw how badly everyone treated me...I was abused, ignored...I was literally on everyone's hit list. Snot and the team were after my ass. And Dagur...well, he threatened that if I didn't find who turned him in, he'd kick the crap out of me."
"I-I'm sorry..." she began but he rose to his feet and glared down on her.
"Sorry? I supposed you are," he said coldly. "But did you for one freakin' minute think how absolutely hellish my life was as a result of that? Did you consider for one minute standing up and being honest?"
She nodded her head, tears trickling down her cheeks. "But-but...I knew they would all turn on me..." she whispered. He stared at her coldly.
"What?" he snapped.
"I was afraid everyone would turn on me...and I-I didn't think I could stand that..."
"And it was only Hiccup Haddock...and he was a pest and screw-up anyway so it wouldn't make any difference, right?" he asked her acidly. "It wouldn't matter that he was punched or abused or threatened. That everyone blanked him, that even his friends blamed him and ended up kicking the shit outta him? Was that what you were thinking?"
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"I-I..."
He gave an angry sound. "Astrid. For once, try being honest with me...because at the moment, I am having difficulty believing anything you told me was nothing but a lie..."
"That's not true...!" she protested.
"Then answer!" Hiccup snapped. She paused and nodded.
"I was scared to step up because it would affect my popularity...and you were so unpopular anyway...I didn't think it would make a difference..."
"And when you got to know me...? What then?" he asked.
"I-I felt terrible..."
"But not bad enough to tell the truth!"
"And what would that have done?" she retaliated desperately. "It would have turned everyone against me...they would all look at me like a sneak for telling the Principal and a coward for not owning up sooner...but it wouldn't have made you any more popular! So what would have been the point?"
"The point?" he asked softly. "The POINT? Maybe that I was telling the truth...that I didn't betray my friends. Maybe so they would trust me, trust my honesty. Maybe they wouldn't have had such a downer on me. Maybe they would have been a place for me to stay when I was thrown out of my home..." A horrible thought hit him. "Was that why you took me in? Because you felt guilty about dumping me in the shit and not owning up?" She shook her head. "THE TRUTH!"
"NO!" she shouted back. "It was because you saved me...when Dogsbreath attacked me!" She jumped up. "I am so a-ashamed..." He backed away from her, his face cold.
"You went to that party by lying to your parents, didn't you?" he asked her sharply. She stared up at him and nodded, scarcely able to breathe. "So you could be the popular party girl at the best party of the year...and still be Dad's perfect little girl as well? And because you were there, you were attacked by Dogsbreath, were almost raped by Dosgbreath...and I saved you...and ended up with Dog after my ass as well. So they reason why I ended up beaten up so badly...was you both times..."
"I'm sorry..."
"STOP SAYING THAT!" he shouted at her and she recoiled back at his rage. "Please...stop saying that," he repeated more calmly. "I mean...you did take me in and you did save my life...and I knew popularity was everything for you, maintaining your Miss Perfect mask at the expense of my self-respect. And I did everything I could to protect you..." His voice was suddenly sad and defeated. "I fell in love with you, Astrid..." he admitted. "But was that a lie as well...?"
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"No," she breathed, shaking her head and taking a hesitant step towards her. He stiffened and she froze. "Please-that was the truth. As I-I got to know you, I realised who you were...smart and brave and caring and funny and...and I fell for you. I love you, Hiccup. Please..."
"But you didn't love me enough to tell me until now...almost at the Prom, so many months after you betrayed me to Alvin," he said sadly. "And I-I don't know what to think, what to feel now, Astrid."
"Please forgive me," she begged.
"I did everything I can for you," he said, shaking his head. "That project...the one in Art where we scored well enough to get you that A? My idea because I knew my talent at Art would drag you up to the grade you needed. The revenge on Lilah and Savannah because they hurt you. Walking you home every evening so you were safe. Hauling you away from that Visithug Quarterback when you were drunk...and getting my ass handed to me...and I find out, all the time...you had this HUGE secret that you could've shared, could've come clean on and maybe allowed me to get something back. But your popularity was more important that everything I suffered."
"Hiccup, I never meant any of this to happen," she said bitterly.
"What...lying or getting found out?" he asked her sarcastically. "Because you did a lot of one and everything to avoid the other!"
"Oh, it's so easy to judge!" she snapped, going on the attack. "Because you never screwed up at all?"
"I never said that," he retorted.
"I got Gobber to talk to you!" she hissed. "Gods, I had to argue until I was blue in the face to get him to give you a chance. But I did-because I hated seeing you so unhappy. I made sure my Mom treated Toothless when the Vet wanted to euthanise him! My parents really like you..."
"Leave them out of this...this is between us," Hiccup said coldly. "Astrid...I don't know if I can trust you. I don't know if anything you say is the truth. When did you last lie to me?" She gulped.
"When-when I said I fell for you when I got to know you...because I was falling for bad boy Hiccup as well...no matter how crazy that was...because I could tell there was more to you even then. Because you were right that you weren't worthless. And you made me feel ashamed and think about what I was doing..."
"Well, that makes me feel so much better,"he said sarcastically.
"Hiccup...please...I wanted to tell you so many times but I knew this would happen...I knew you would feel hurt and upset..." she told him urgently, reaching for his hand. He pulled away from her, his face absolutely stricken.
"And you were right," he said in a shaky voice.
"I love you," she begged him. He blinked and turned away.
"I know," he said softly. "I-I think that is genuine...but I have to do some thinking, Astrid. I have to try to decide if I can trust you. If I can risk my heart to someone who betrayed me and abandoned me to such pain and abuse for so long..."
"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears streaking her cheeks again.
"You know...when I said I wouldn't let you get hurt, that I would take any hurt for you, I meant it," he said tonelessly. "I didn't realise I already had. And if you had told me...been honest when I came to live with you...maybe I could've understood...but now?"
"I wanted to get rid of that horrible secret hanging over me so we could be honest going forward," she whispered. "Please, Hiccup...c-can't you understand?" He turned and walked to the door.
"Oh, I understand," he said bitterly. "I understand you wanted to relieve yourself of your little secret so you could be Miss Perfect Prom Queen with your rich boyfriend on your arm!" She stared at him in utter shock.
"Hiccup...that wasn't the reason..." she sobbed at him. "I love you. I just wanted us to be happy..."
"I need to think," he said sadly. "I need to decide if there is any us."
And then he walked out without another word, as Astrid collapsed onto the chair, shattered.
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