I wake up to the smell of her hair as my face is in her neck, her hair all over the place. The scent of her shampoo is mesmerizing. The combination of coconut and strawberries never seemed more fitting and addicting before.

But as I open my eyes, I see her already awake. With a book in her hand. Gianna looks over to me as I squeezed her hip with the hand that is wrapped around her, a small blush showing on her face as soon as she noticed that I'm looking at the book she's holding.

"I saw it yesterday when you showed me the room. I had to start it." She says. "You can take it home with you. Just tell me what you think about it." I say as I place a trail of kisses down her bare back.

She's so tense suddenly. "Well then I guess I'll go now." Oh shit. I may be a therapist. And I may teach it but sometimes I am just not good with words.

So I grab her and turn her around, put the book out of her hand and onto the nightstand and kiss the tip of her nose. "I meant that we are going to take a shower now and then eat some breakfast... so you're welcome to stay and it's up to you whenever you want to leave." I assure her.

_____

He drove me home after the shower and the breakfast. So I am just turning the key in the lock of our house as he drives away and Eliana opens the door for me from inside.

She takes my wrist and drags me up into her room. "Hello to you too, my dear sister." I say. "Do you know what time it is?" She asks. It's around 1 p.m. "What about it?"

"I thought you were only going to talk?!" Eliana jumps on her bed and waits for some answers. "We did talk." "Then why didn't you come home?"

Did mom or dad send her to ask me these things? "Because we did more than talking after that..." she scoffs in disbelief as if it wasn't obvious for this to happen. "What's the matter with you?" She just doesn't make any sense.

"I don't have a good feeling about this guy, Gianna." Well I don't have a good feeling about Oliver either. "And why is that? Do you know him?" "No I don't. But he made you cry and made yoi believe you're a whore. And you broke down because you didn't eat because of him. Not to forget he's your teacher. You'll be kicked out of school if someone finds out about this."

Elianas voice becomes louder and louder and I am so sick of her pretending to have to take care of me. "It wasn't because of him! Why would you think that?!" If she's loud... I can be too.

"Then what is the reason you don't eat anymore? Huh? Because if you didn't see him and Keenan's words didn't affect you.. why are you doing it again?"

"Maybe because I never stopped in the first place! Did you already think about that?! No, of course you didn't! Because do you know what your problem is, El? You only see the things you want to see!"

And just as she was about to respond, I add something. "It's not like I'm going to marry him! I'm having fun so why can't you just accept that and be happy for me?! He makes me feel good! Isn't this what all of you want for me?!"

Eliana flinches at the first sentence I said and then I knew why. She's already heard that sentence coming out of my mouth... It didn't turn out good.

"I'm done here." I say as I open the door of her room and run into mom. "Sorry." I say but she holds me on my shoulders and makes me look at her while Eliana also comes out of the room.

"Do you know?" My sister asks her. "Know what?" Mom asks in a worried tone. "She's falling back into old habits." She simply says.

It feels like she stabbed hundreds of knives into my back, the feeling of betrayal causing tears to make their way out of the back of my eyes.

How could she do this to me. Or to mom? I also see the liquid slowly running out of mom's eyes as she looks from her daughter behind us to me. "Is she telling the truth, baby?" She asks me, her voice slightly cracking.

I can't bear looking at her like this. I need to get out of here. So I rip myself out of mom's grip, run down the stairs to grab my car keys and drive off as soon as I am in my car.

The disappointment I feel towards my sister right now is unreal. The fact how often I covered for her when she sneaked out of the house to get drunk, high or get over to Oliver's place. When she just fucked up or even lied to mom and dad.

I never told them. And she just shoots it out into our mother's face. My condition almost got our mother to a point where she could break down with me. My mental health mirrored hers at this time.

I don't know why I drove there. But it was the first thing that came in mind when my brain said 'get out of here'.

I park my car in the parking spot, get an umbrella out of the backseat and open the gates to the graveyard.

My dad and I visit my aunt's grave once a month together. Dad and mom visit it more often. There was a time in my life when I felt guilty for being in this world.

My aunt would still be alive if I wouldn't have happened. But that was years ago. I don't think that way anymore. Dad made sure for me to know my worth in this family. Well- everyone did but especially he did. He said he knows what I feel because he thought the same thing sometimes.

Not that I shouldn't be here. He said that in this time when she died and when he cheated on mom he said he would've done anything to change lives with his sister. And he said as soon as he held me in his arms for the first time- all of these thoughts were gone.

I arrive at her grave and kneel down in front of it. "Hey, Ashley."

____

This part is trash. I'm sorry about that.

But still- what do you think?

Love you!