I am not the type of person who excels at remembering things. Yes, I may be good at school but that's only because I read my notes everyday but not because I have it stuck in my head.

If one would ask me about my breakfast this morning, I would respond with something vague. Question me about yesterday's hottest gossip at school, and I'll give an inaccurate one.

People call me a dance machine because they say I can easily memorize the steps by just watching it once or twice. But they don't know that I don't rely on that. In every thing I do, I associate it with a particular feeling. For example, a move that contains tapping your head makes me feel like I'm above the clouds. It may not make sense for anyone, but for me it does. And that's how I learn the steps.

Associating things with a feeling makes me remember it. But then again, I rarely do that since I don't perceive everything as necessary.

But with Y/N, I surely remember everything about her. Not only because I know she's important but also because a single act from her brings out different multiple feelings in me. And that, that is how I knew that I am in love with her.

The first time that she smiled at me, I remember it. Until now, the feeling of the soft blue sky looking down upon me is embedded in my memory. Her smile is like a cotton ball, so soft and pure.

My younger cousin yelled at her brother as Ten ran away with Minnie's ball in his hands. Ten and Minnie are my younger twin cousins and unlike the other 6 year old girls, Minnie prefers playing ball than dolls. That is why Ten always teases her and steals her ball.

I'm on my summer break, going to sixth grade. My family moved here in Korea when I was the same age as the twins. But then, this school year, I'll be enrolled in a different school, on a different town so it'll all be new for me. I am quite nervous but I know that I'll find new friends.

Uncle made me babysit this troublesome twins so we're here at the park. I'm sitting underneath a tree while I watch the two headlock each other.

A soft voice spoke beside me that made me squeal. I swear to all the Gods and Goddesses, that I was alone here a while ago. Where could this person come from?

I turned my head and saw the pair of eyes that I have never seen before. They are a perfect shade of brown. Now I understand why people say that brown eyed people have the best eyes since when the sun shine upon them, they're like a pool of honey. And at that moment, I know that I will never forget these eyes, so sweet and gentle.

I then heard the most angelic laugh in my whole life. Cliché as it may seem but that will surely be the sound you'll hear when you enter the gates of heaven, relaxing and beautiful.

This stranger said. I know I should be offended but the way she said it, it's the compliment that I would forever remember, a genuine one.

And then she smiled at me, soft and pure.

She added and that's when our friendship started.

Y/N has always been good with words. She expresses herself well. From the years we have spent with each other, I have only seen her once being at lost for words.

That first and last one one, it was the same time I had my heart broken. It was the time when I witnessed how she confessed her love for Mina.

I was walking alone in this quiet part of the school. No one goes here except for the squad since this place is kinda hidden. I am somehow upset since Y/N said she can't go with me right now because she has things to do. While the rest of the squad have their own classes, Y/N and I have free period. So now, I'm all alone.

I reached the fountain that was placed in the middle and sat at one of the benches that surrounded it. I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I was actually doing a good job until I heard a very familiar voice.

The voice kept stuttering. I can't help but peer on the other side of the fountain. And that's when I saw Y/N, holding Mina's hand.

"What is she doing?" I thought but it got answered when she spoke again.

I covered my mouth as tears fall from my eyes. Y/N likes Mina? Why didn't I see that coming?

Y/N never stuttered. I mean yes she does when she's embarrassed but not this bad. She always knows how to make out proper words with the same emotions in it.

Hearing that felt like the world fell on me. All the hopes that maybe Y/N would like me back just got ripped into pieces, just like how my heart teared apart.

I thought that hearing that would be the worst thing that could happen to me. But no. Every time I see Y/N making subtle efforts for Mina, breaks me in every single way possible.

If you think that being rejected is the worst feeling ever, you're wrong. Because in that case, you would only be stabbed once. But when you see the person you love show how much they love another person, every single day, it feels like you've been stabbed a million times. And pretending that you don't know anything when you're actually being torn inside, is a whole different kind of excruciating pain. Pretending to know nothing is worse than pretending to be happy.

When I found out that Mina and Y/N broke up, I didn't know whether to be happy or sad. Happy that Y/N is no longer in a relationship, or sad that the person who holds my heart just got hers broken.

All I know is that I would be there for her. I would be her strength. I would be anyone she wanted me to be, even if it meant that I'll have to endure the pain of seeing people flirting with her.

I chose to love her from a far. And that's why, I'll be hurting from a far.

"Lisayah?" I blinked my eyes as I saw Y/N waving her hands in front of me. Staring at her for too long made me get into the trance, the trance that she always put me in.

I looked around our surroundings and we are still here at the cliff. But unlike before I got into a trance, Y/N already had her eyes open while looking at me.

"You've been quiet for like whole 5 minutes. Where did you go?" Her brown eyes kept staring into mine and I can't help but melt.

"Tell me, Y/N. Do I have a chance?" I repeated the question in my head. It's the question that I can't find the courage to ask. I can never risk our friendship. Y/N is too precious for me for us to turn into strangers after I confess my true feelings for her. I can't handle that.

So just like before, and all those times, I will be whoever she wants me to be, even if I'm hoping for something more. And even if I'll be hurt again because I know deep down that Y/N is once again in love with someone, someone that is not me.

"Ah. Nothing. I was just so into the nature that I zoned out. Mianhe."

Y/N sat up and pinched my cheeks. "Kyeopta, Lisayah."

My face turned into fifty shades of red but luckily, her phone rang that she failed to notice.

Watching her, I saw how her smiling face turned into a frown then panic. Without anymore words, Y/N held my wrist and made me run with her back at the entrance of of the old tunnel.

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