It's been almost a month since Trevor kidnapped me. I've tried to keep track of the days with little carvings in the wall, a slit for each day that passes that I can remember. So far it's been 27 days, so basically a month. I usually hide the carvings with a painting.

We've gone through the city plenty of times. We've never had many problems other than other gangs and people not wanting to pay for their drugs, but that's about it. I've been thinking of Jackson a lot, I wonder how he's doing...

"Marti," Trevor said, snapping me out of my thoughts, I looked up at him, he handed me my mask and I slipped it on. He hopped out of the truck and I walked next to him. He still cuffs me to his belt but my hands aren't stuck together anymore at least. We arrived in the warehouse to pick up the usual drugs from his dealer.

"Clown Man" boxes. One was handed to me and three more were handed out.

"Thank you, as always," Trevor said and handed over cash.

We walked out of the warehouse and I got a weird feeling so I glanced back into the small crack of the door. I saw they were all standing very still, just staring at us. Then saw a gun get put to the leaders temple inside.

I stayed silent until we got into the truck and I finally spoke out when all the doors were shut, "drive away now! There was a gun to one of their heads!" Oliver immediately turned on the car and sped off as quickly as possible. A black car started following us. I looked into the side mirror and saw how close the car was to us...

Fuck what if they shoot our tires or something? Who could be driving that car? It couldn't be a cop could it?

"Fuck... thank you for saying something Marti," Trevor said and patted my head. I scooted up more so I could see the mirror more clearly and Trevor just pulled me into his lap. He rebuckled us and wrapped one of his arms around me just in case. He pulled his gun out and rolled his window down at bit. "Just in case," he said, winking at me. "Shoot their tires," Trevor said to Alex in the back.

Alex in the back moved the little window in the back of the truck and pointed his AR15 out the window. He shot once, twice, finally got one tire and the car spun out of control and crashed into another car.

Holy crap... that did not just happen did it? What if they're dead?

"Holy fucking shit! Haha!" Trevor was laughing like a maniac. "Dumb fuckers trying to mess with us! Get fucked bitch! Hahaha!" He pulled down my mask and gave me a rough kiss, he bit my lip and pushed his tongue in my mouth. He kept making out with me as he was moving his hands up my shirt, "Fuck Marti I feel fucking ALIVE!"

He seems so psychotic now... could it be his extreme protectiveness to where he takes it to a psychotic level and wants to kill those who try to harm those he loves? I don't know if he loves me as much as he loves these guys, I can tell he loves his friends a lot. Maybe it's also a power thing. Maybe I'm thinking too deeply into this.

He snapped me from my thoughts by kissing me again. I laughed a bit nervously with a red face and Trevor gave me a soft smile.

We turned down a corner and Trevor got out, he brought me with him and Alex in the back walked with us. We had to pass over the train tracks and go down the trains tunnel for this delivery. It's extremely dangerous but they loved the adrenaline with it.

"Man that was fucking insane it was awesome," Trevor said as he took a small swig from the bottle he had.

"I can't believe that actually happened bro it... it was crazy!" Alex exclaimed.

"Agreed... I couldn't believe it eith-" I stopped as we were halfway down the tunnel. "Guys, we have to get off the tracks now."

Trevor and Alex scoffed at me, "c'mon Marti don't be a baby, the trains don't come this late anyways," Trevor teased. Waving the bottle at me, "take a shot and chill." They started chuckling a bit and I rolled my eyes.

Not even a second later we froze as we heard the trains horn go off. "Oh fuck!" We all started running out of the tunnel as fast as possible. Trevor and I jumped out of the tunnel quickly. Alex was still running out.

"Hey Alex come on!" Trevor yelled desperately. I've never heard him sound like that before. I bit my hand and grabbed onto Trevor and held tight. We saw the big train light approaching and Alex disappeared in the light. The train came quickly, killing his friend. I pulled Trevor back as the train came out of the tunnel and held onto him as he was yelling and screaming. I felt tears roll down my face. He slumped back and I could hear him crying.

What the hell is going on tonight. I looked up at the full moon and shook my head and held onto Trevor tightly. I could feel his heart, I don't know how... but it felt like it was breaking.

I faced him, "Trevor, hey," I said trying my best to calm him down.

"He was such a cool guy," was all he could say. He took another swig quickly. I put the bottle down, rubbed his head and held him in my arms again. He was shaking and cursing the world.

I-I can't believe that just happened... the train never comes this time of night... this shouldn't have happened.

We finished the delivery, Trevor was cold as ice for the moment. Trevor picked up pieces of Alex's clothing. His neck lace, shoes, T-shirt, and his wristwatch. "We'll use this stuff when we bury him... but I'm keeping the necklace on me forever," he said as he put it on and placed it inside his shirt for safe keeping. "He'll always be close to my heart." I hugged him and he hugged me back.

When we arrived back at the truck I explained what happened. Trevor couldn't speak anymore, I could tell he was in pain. Oliver and Richard in the back seat held their heads down in silence for a few minutes.

At least this tells me that Trevor does have feelings. He's just been quiet this whole time. I let him have my hand and he's just been gently playing with my fingers and zoning out. I really hope he'll be okay...

But god he still did do that to his own father... I mean his father was a serial killer but I still can't get that out of my head.

I glanced up at him and I could see tears slowly streaming down his face. His eyes were so dull but so bright at the same time.

"Are you alright?" I asked him.

"I'll be alright, we need to make sure we have a moment of silence for him," Trevor mentioned. The other guys in the truck agreed. We sat back in silence. I looked out the window at the city lights and watched the people walking. Trevor put his hand on my neck and massaged slightly.

I don't know how to feel right now, I feel so upset, Alex was such a nice person and didn't deserve that... I'm also confused about Trevor. But I know he actually does care, he can't be faking these emotions.

We arrived home with no worries and no more being followed. We got inside and the guys complimented what Trevor did to the place. They grabbed their drinks and we all poured a drink out for Alex outside and Trevor and them said a few words. I held Trevor's hand during that and he was squeezing tight.

We went back inside and they got more drinks, started mixing and lit their cigarettes. I went to the bedroom and changed from a tie and a button down really quick to something more comfortable. I picked out a cotton t shirt with a cartoon design on it and some black sweatpants.

Trevor came in and did the same, "I'll have to buy you some clothes for you that fit you better, you're not as big as I am," he said, chuckling a bit.

I glared at him, "not everyone can be a fucking mammoth."

"Oh yeah?" He asked and grabbed my chin, he pinned me to the wall and leaned down to my lips, "I sense jealousy."

"You wish," I said smiling and rolled my eyes.

He chuckled and gave me a kiss, pushing my hands above my head and pressing his body against mine. He whispered against my lips, "So cute."

I rolled my eyes and looked away, my face getting red. I let out a grunt of pleasure when he gripped my throat, he kissed my cheek and then my lips again.

I kissed back and his free hand moved down my body and into my pants, gripping my member, he also bit my lip. I let out a moan and got a chuckle from Trevor.

"You know your friends are still out there," I whispered.

"I know," he said and backed away to look at me against the wall. I know my face was red and he saw that in the dim light. Trevor smirked, "let's go back out and join them for a bit."

I nodded and we walked back out and Trevor sat on the couch and flipped the TV on. It was playing adult swim so I just sat back and relaxed. Trevor pulled a box out of the table and it was full of polaroids of Trevor with friends. He pulled out the ones with Alex and just stared at them. "I saw it with my own eyes and I still can't believe it."

I patted him, "he loves you," I said. "Not to be that person but, what's going to happen with his body?" I asked.

The driver, Oliver spoke up, "we already got that being taken care of. When you told us in the truck I immediately texted some guys and they're setting up a grave spot for him right now and the funeral services."

I smiled, "that's amazing."

He smiled back at me, "Alex was basically my brother."

"Same here," Trevor said with somber eyes. I rubbed his head and he hugged me again.

I picked up a Polaroid of all of us together, you could see my cuff in the photo but it was attached to Trevor so it's a little humorous if you don't understand. I suppose that's a weird thought to have but that's what I think when I see it.

I'm holding up a peace sign and Alex is laying across the table in the "paint me like one of your French girl" poses. It's a goofy fun picture. I handed it to Trevor and he smiled. He got a tear and wiped it quickly.

"Thank you Marti," he said.

"Anytime."

———

I woke up extremely late, it was already dark out when I finally woke up, I saw the clock it was around 7pm. He was most likely in the kitchen. I stepped out of bed and pulled on a sweatshirt and boxers. I walked out of the bedroom to see Trevor in the kitchen baking.

"Good morning," I said jokingly

"Hey there babe, you okay? You slept a long time," he said and came over to me, he gave me a quick kiss and bit my lip.

"I mean we did get home at 7am-" I felt his hands going down my body and wrap his arm around me.

"Go sit down I'm making food, spaghetti and meat sauce, and cookies," he said with a smile.

I smiled as well and sat down on the couch. I snuggled into the blanket that was on the couch and flipped on the tv to the news.

"Oh hey Trevor they have the list of victims out!" I said. I suddenly heard glass shatter on the ground, I gasped and looked over at him. "Are you alright?" I asked.

"Yes! I'm fine!" He said and ran over. He yanked the remote out of my hand and flipped the tv to cartoons.

"Wha- I wanted to see the list!" I said.

"You don't need to see the list," he said to me with a serious tone.

"Trevor please, I want to s-"

"You don't need to see the list okay? It's for your own good that you don't see it," he said serious but a bit softer this time. "Please understand." He dropped the remote on the couch. I nodded and sat down on the couch, I waited for him to walk back to the kitchen before I flipped the channel back.

As I stared at the screen my blood ran cold. I got goosebumps all over my body. My hair stood up.

I can't believe this, I saw a picture of me flash across the screen with my name and birthday. I saw people chasing after Jackson trying to interview him. He was refusing everyone. Reporters at my parents house.

My heart is breaking.

This can't really be happening... why is everything so chaotic. Jackson doesn't deserve this. I'm so sorry Jackson. Please forgive me. I'm gonna get out of here soon. My parents. Oh god my parents I can't imagine how they must feel.

Trevor came over with a plate of cookies and stopped when he saw I had the TV at the news. He bit his lip, "Marti I can explain-"

"You put my name on the list." I said quietly. I looked at him shocked and hurt. He looked down and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Marti... I'm sorry... it's the only way we can be together." He explained calmly but his voice was shaking. I could tell he was upset.

"But that means everyone thinks I'm dead," I said. "My best friend, my parents." I slumped back on the couch and held my face in my hands. He sat next to me and offered me a plate of cookies.

"I'm sorry Marti. Please, here, eat something okay?" He said and rubbed my back.

"No," I sobbed out. I got up and ran to the bedroom quickly and changed into clothes that were warm and sturdy. I popped on the boots when I heard Trevor knock.

I need to get the fuck out of here.

"Marti I'm really sorry, please unlock the door," he said calmly. "Please talk to me." His voice cracked slightly, "Marti please. Marti I love you. Please open the door Marti."

I'm not opening that door.

"Give me a few more minutes," I said as I looked around. My heart is beating so fast.

"Okay..." He said and I heard footsteps.

No one is even looking for me anymore. I need to realize he can kill me soon. He's going to kill me most likely. I need to try and leave right now. I need to go now.

I pulled at the cuffs and unpinned a spot I had been grinding at. I knew I'd be able to get it off and I did. I was a bit annoyed because I still have a cuff on my wrist with a bit of chain but I'll be able to get it off when I'm somewhere safe. I grabbed the backpack I've kept packed and hidden. Then I kicked out the window. The glass shattering made too much noise.

Shit... I gotta jump now.

"Marti?!" Trevor shouted and started hitting the door. I jumped out the window, scratching my cheek and my hands but I ran. I ran as fast as I could away. I winced from the stinging. I felt stinging on my ankle as well as my face and hands.

He can't catch me, I'm a dead fucking fish in the water if he does.

I ignored the burning tears down my cheek and tried to keep going. I almost froze when I heard Trevor shouting my name.

No. No. No.

I hid under a tree trunk and pushed myself under the dirt and pushed leaves over my tracks.

He can't get me. He'll kill me for sure.

I heard foot steps on top of the trunk and slowed my breathing down.

"Marti..." He said with a sinister tone.

"Where did my precious prince go?" He asked.

My heart was beating so fast. I wanted to burst out crying. This is so horrible. Why am I in this. Is this my karma? Is this my fate? What did I do to deserve this? How can I get out of this situation and redeem myself?

Please have mercy.

Not even a second later, he walked off and I waited for about ten minutes before I moved. I looked out of the trunk and didn't see anything out in the darkness.

Thank you.

I sighed as I got out of my hiding spot. I bolted from the trunk, almost instantly I heard a crossbow go off. I froze and looked back at him. He was wearing the clown mask and holding a crossbow.

No... no way he brought a crossbow.

He put it on his shoulder and charged at me. I ran off and jumped to the side as I heard another shot go off and saw the arrow stick in the tree next to me. I looked behind me as he was loading another shot. He also passed by the tree and pulled the arrow out.

"Shit... fuck..." I breathed out and continued running. He shot again and I jumped again. This time I tripped over a log I didn't see. "No," I said as I jumped up as quick as I could and tried to run. I wasn't quick enough he grabbed me by my hair making me scream out in pain. "T-Trevor please don't!" I begged as he pinned me to a tree and he pointed the crossbow to my head.

"Hmm... I won't kill my toy," He put the crossbow down and took off the clown mask, "such a bad boy either way though, I'm gonna have to punish you when we get home," he chuckled and smirked at me. I stopped covering my face and looked at him with fear. He expression softened a bit with worry, "your face," he said, he grabbed my chin with his gloved hand and looked at my cut cheek closely, "My beautiful toy is marked."

I gulped and looked down at his crossbow. He was wearing thick leather gloves.

The same style gloves he wore with his father.

I felt myself getting light headed and almost passed out. He held onto me and flipped me over his shoulder easily.

"Let's go home Marti."