/Because you guys deserve this I guess... Dedicated to all my readers ♡/

Donghae pulled his legs more tightly on to his chest. His whole body hurt and he could no longer feel his arms wrapped aroud his knees. His lower lip was bruised badly and he was pretty sure he looked like a corpse. A sudden soft unlocking sound alerted him of the door opening and Donghae let out a sigh.

He knew it was Tanaka, but he had no more energy to even raise his head; let alone say anything to the old man. All Donghae wanted to do was curl up into a ball and try not to cry out too loudly.

It had already begun to rain outside and a growling thunder rolled all across the maranzano manor. Donghae concentrated on the patterning sound of rain hitting the window. Like his thoughts, the bed also felt cold and empty, making him grip his bedsheets in frustration.

"Here" said Tanaka and Donghae raised his head slowly, only to see him gripping a mug of steaming coffee.

"It'll help you calm down son" he said kindly, nudging the cup gently into Donghae's frozen cold hand.

Donghae felt nauseated but he took the cup from Tanaka without complaint. The ceramic mug was the only warmth in the dark room, and Donghae looked out of the grey window, willing Tanaka to leave him alone.

But instead, he felt his bed shift and saw Tanaka sitting down cautiously on the other end of the bed, occasionally giving him worried looks.

"Does it hurt badly?" Asked the old man, his face filled with a hundred lines of worry.

Donghae shook his head, wishing that he could bury himself deeper into the blankets. He didn't know what to think, his thoughts were tangled up in a depressing mess and he couldn't for life see how he was going to survive. Donghae shifted his weary clear brown eyes towards the half-fogged window... rain still slashed against the glass with torrents of droplets running down the pane, and Donghae saw the trees swirling outside in the wind.

Luca knew who he was now, and it was impossible to escape him. And Luca would keep a hawk eye on him hereafter, making it imposible for Donghae to sneak out. Though the pressure of his thoughts crushed him internally; Donghae somehow didn't panic like he ought to, he just felt empty and faraway from anything happening in his life.

Lightning flashed across his window again and the sky further dimmed, making his room even more darker and drearyer than before. If it got anymore colder than this, Donghae thought he might see frost blooming on the window panes

'How much longer do I have Jake?' he thought, his eyes losing focus on the steaming mug he was holding, 'If you could just give me a chance I might-'

His shoulders slumped forward in defeat...

Suddenly a new feeling arrested his thoughts, making him look up. He wanted it. Needed it badly. His body craved a comfort and reassurance he'd never had from anyone in his life. And there was nothing anyone could do about it except for Hyukjae...

"Wha- Donghae!" Gasped Tanaka when he saw Donghae scramble out of his bed, flinging off the bedsheets in a half crazed motion. Pressing the coffee cup back to Tanaka wothout a word, the boy flung open the door and walked out of his room.

After he got outside, the first thing he did was run through the hallway towards the main hall. His breath came out in painful gasps so he slowed down in to a walk; the sound of his footsteps echoing off the gloomy walls. He didn't look where he was going which made him bump headfirst into the white clad house-maid who was walking towards him.

"Sorry" muttered Donghae, bobbing his head in a quick apology. He was just about to walk away when a thought occured to him.

"Wait!" He called out, running back towards the young girl. The maid glanced up, blushing; and apparently surprised, but Donghae was too occupied with other things to act gentlemanly.

"I was wondering if you know where master Maranzano is?" he asked slowly and she nodded.

"Master is up at the eastern wing; in his old bedroom" she said in a milk sweet voice, "go up the stairs and turn right. It's the second door from the left"

Donghae nodded and thanked her before turning away to leave

"You are hurt!" She called out after him but Donghae ignored her as he almost ran up the whirling staircase. He knew where the bedrooms were although he never had the time or courage to go near them. He slid slowly towards the door and held his breath. If Luca was there; which he probably is, Donghae would have to look like nothing ever happened between them. Besides he really wanted to see Jake. So taking a deep breath he knocked twice before grabbing hold of the crystal door handle.

♤

His dream wouldn't end. It was like a never ending nightmare. Feverishly, Hyukjae slashed to his side on the bed, his midnight hair flying across his sweating forehead. It cannot be true. It simply cannot!

Though he tried hard to think otherwise, the dream continued in a merciless manner. He was fully conscious but utterly helpless, his throat felt constricted though he'd screamed enough times for this ridiculously delusional dream to stop. But it didn't. He plunged right back into it like a drowning person, letting go of his last ounce of sanity.

But he knew this wasn't a dream at all.. it was a memory.. a memory he was trying convince himself as a dream and a lie...

He rembered walking out of conference room after Donghae had left him. Though dead drunk, he was aware enough that he really wanted to go to his room. He remebered turning and walking through the archway to the corridor... suddenly stopping mid-stride when he heard the unmistakable voice of Donghae; usually very calm, but now screaming with frustration and a thousand more emotions that Jake had no names for..

In his sleep, Jake squeezed his eyes shut, praying all gods to stop this torment... He cannot be Aiden!! There's no fucking way!

But he stood there behind the wall; helpless, frustrated, his buried anger flourishing through his veins, his heart breaking into a million pieces at the very same time... hearing every single word Donghae spoke.

do you think I didnt have the fucking chances to kill him? I bloody did Tanaka! All this time I was supposed to kill him! I even defied my own mother! I chose him over Cosa Nostra! I protected him with my life! I always gave up at the last moment every fucking time! Becuase I sure as hell din't want to see my Jake hurt!!

In his bed, Jake cried out, a single tear slipping down his eyes. Between sleeping and waking, his thoughts started mixing together like an exotic drug. Everything becoming clear because he finally realized that Donghae had been Aiden Luciano; and unclear too.. because Jake still had feelings for him...

'Is that what you have been trying to tell me all this time Lee Donghae?'

The words echoed inside his mind, but there were no answers... his thoughts were empty and he suddenly heard a sound of distant thunder...

-

The loud clap of thunder echoed off the walls, slashing open the steel blue eyes of Jake Maranzano. He blinked rapidly into the darkness, unable to imagine why his surrounding felt familiar and not familiar at the same time.

Groaning, he lifted himself up, regretting it instantly as his throat felt like it was on fire. He groaned again, clutching his sore throat desperately. All too soon, a brilliant white light lit up the room, and Jake's eyes adjusted to see Luca with a worried face near him.

"Water" he managed to croak before Luca; instantly alert, went near the dressing table to get him a bottle of spring water.

After gulping down half of the cool slushy liquid, Jake slumped back down on to the mattress, eyeing Luca from the corner of his eyes.

The familiarity of the room still bugged his bloated sensors. Jake let his eyes wander for a moment before they stopped dead at a potriat which was hagging just infront of the bed he was lying down

How dare he!

"I know what you are thinking" cut in Luca but immediately stopped when he saw Jake literally glowering at him.

"I thought I made myself absolutely clear" he said, his voice coming out in a slow, deadly growl. "That this room should not exist in this house?"

"I know" said Luca rather sheepishly, "I'm sorry"

Jake simply scoffed, a vein pulsing angrily in his slender throat.

"Do you know how HELPLESS I feel in this room!?" He yelled suddenly, getting up from his bed, "Damn it Luca!"

Luca still hung his head. It was not very often he finds himself apologizing to anyone, "Im sorry Jake" he repeated, his gravelly voice showing a hint of emotion, "I know you hate this but it was the only place I could think of"

Jake couldn't bare it anymore than he could bare knowing the truth about Donghae... acting like his usual self infront of Luca was making his head hurt.

"Leave" sighed Jake, averting his tired eyes away from Luca.

"Jake" said Luca repoachfully, coming closer but stopped dead when he saw Jake's eyes. Enough amount of common sense told him to leave the boy alone.

"Fine" he said, turning to leave, when suddenly he heard a timid knock on the door. It opened to reveal non other than Donghae standing there like a white sheet of paper.

Rage took over Luca. He was just going to grab hold of Donghae's hand and yank him out of the room when Donghae himself spoke up.

"I just want to talk with Jake for a moment, so please excuse us" he said; his voice controlled and emotionless. But somehow Luca had been trained by enough professionals to know how commanding Donghae's voice sounded. It had to be developed by very young age.

How much things had he been hiding behind his pretty face?

Luca glared at Alexi Luciano's son... the boy looked somewhat like him now that he knew who he was. Luca gave him one last death glare before quietly going out of the room.

Jake followed him with his stormy blue eyes as Donghae slowly walked inside the room and stood quietly infront of Jake's bed.

Donghae stared at Jake's cold blue eyes for a moment. It was utterly hostile. Hatred radiated trough him and Donghae's heart raced with fear. What have he done now? Had Luca told him? Why is he like this?They were staring at each other for a long time till Donghae lost the sense of time. He felt himself wanting to sink down on to the floor and beg for forgiveness.

Jake stared back at the traitor that was standing infront of him. He didnt know what to feel as he looked at the Donghae, he couldn't for life think how he didnt realized when Donghae told him once about his father being murdered by one of his friends.. and Kim JuShin laughing and mocking him saying that Cosa Nostra was already on top of him. And Donghae had been just there standing by his side.. knowing everything and saying nothing... he'd spent billions on finding him.. and Donghae had been literally standing next to him the whole fucking time!

Suddenly Jake heard a sound which made him spin back to this world

Donghae had walked close to him, his clear brown eyes afraid with unfallen tears.

"Jake" he said trying not to sound nervous

Hyukjae closed his eyes to ignore the pain he was feeling in his chest. But memories kept flashing in a thick stream behind his closed eyelids,

'I should have killed him' he thought feverishly, his finger knotting the bedcovers..

Memories came faster.. all making sense now..

"sometimes I think that you should have let me die that day"

"Did you want to?" he'd asked then...

"Somehow I think it would've saved you from a lot of trouble"

"Jake are you ok?" asked Donghae, his fingers moving to touch him...

Hyukjae got up. Anger and heartbreak was drowning him back again; and this time, he wouldn't go down without a good fight with his emotions.

He grabbed hold of Donghae's wrists and dragged him out of the room. Donghae could only gasp at what was happening before Jake practically yanked him with such a force to the underground car park.

Finally, Jake let him go when they got near the tinted windows of the pearly white Defender.

"Get in" ordered Jake, not waiting for his reply. His heart still racing inside his chest, Donghae got in and slowly put on his seat belt without complaint.

Jake furiously put on his own seatbelt before turning on the Jeep. He gipped the manual gear so tightly, that the veins at the back his hand stood out with the pressure. Donghae was distracted for a second, but Jake casually glanced back before saying 'hold tight' which was the least hospitable warning he could've given.

Donghae grabbed the side of his seat with sheer fear. The wheels screeched with protests as Jake started accelerating savagely.

Before Donghae could utter another word they were crashing down the walkway towards the gate. It was nearly impossible to hear anything other than the deafening patter of rain on the roof of the jeep.

"Where are we going?" Asked Donghae when he found his voice back after sometime.

Jake ignored him, still driving dangerously. He wanted to get away from every fucking thing in the world... his home, his position in the Falcon Circle, his parents, Luca.. everything... and shake the boy who was sitting next to him till he admitted that he was Aiden...

Donghae looked fearfully at the surrounding.. trees were swing in the wind and cold purple grey clouds were lined occasionally with a silent crack of lightning...

"Great day you picked up for a drive" said Donghae, his painful attempt to lighten the tensed atmosphere falling flat when Jake still refused to answer any of his questions.

"At least let me drive Jake.. we are gonna end up dead if you go on like this" said Donghae and suddenly Jake hit the breaks so hard that the Defender lurched into a sudden stop.

Donghae quickly looked around while taking off his seatbelt. They were a good 10 or so miles away from the Falcon Manor in god knows where. Donghae had never seen this part of the open country before..

He looked out from his tinted window only to see a rain-blurry reflection of outside. They were right in the middle of a lonely road... the rain was falling heavily on the unkept roadside heather. Making wildflowers droop with too much water in them...

He looked back to see Jake who still had both his hands gripping the steering wheel with a lost look on his face...

Donghae tentatively stretched his hand until his fingers brushed against Jake's shoulder...

"Why did you do this?" Asked Donghae, pressing his hand ligtly against Jake, "why are you like this Jake? Is it because of something I did?"

Jake took a deep breath, running his fingers through his messy black hair. And Donghae noticed his chest heaving heavily.

Without thinking Donghae let his hand stroke Jake's chest in order to ease his breathing, but Jake caught his hand in mid stride,

"I just wanted to-" he stopped before looking away, suddenly Jake threw open the door and stepped out in the rain before Donghae could protest.

Closing the door shut behind him, Jake leaned back tiredly and looked up at the gloomy grey sky. Rain drops kept falling down on him, making him dripping wet withing seconds, but he didnt care, rain wouldn't show the tears that had escaped from his eyes...

His heart racing under his ribcage, Donghae was just about to get out himself when he suddenly stopped. His let his fingers fall off the door handle... he looked at Jake through the window and saw his hunched figure in the rain. Whatever he was going through.. Donghae knew Jake wouldn't like anyone to be with him...

Tears started gathering in his eyes as Donghae watched him for a long time without disturbing, without calling out for him...

I'm so sorry Jake...

Finally the door opened and Hyukjae got in. He was soaking wet, his hair lying around his head in a wild wet tangle and his clothes clinging on to him. But his eyes were hard when he finally looked turned towards Donghae

"I think I don't quite know who you are Lee Donghae" said Jake, looking back at the clear honey brown eyes infront of him.

Donghae felt a shiver run through his spine. Making him feel like someone had dropped his stomach from a hundred feet above ground

"W-what do you mean?" Whispered Donghae too shocked to breathe.

"You wanted to tell me something all this time didn't you?" Said Jake, his voice level and emotionless, "I'll give you one chance"

Jake looked at Donghae carefully. His lower lip was split and he looked sick with fear. Jake waited for his burning hatred to spread inside him like a low flame like it did before. But it didn't. Looking at Donghae, he felt his anger dying against his wish, vanishing into nothingness. He saw tears gathering in Donghae's eyes and thought how beautiful he looked.

Jake couldn't believe himself and that made him angry. Here was the son of the traitor who was the main reason why he'd lost both his parents. He'd vowed to himself that he wouldn't let anyone of the Luciano family live.. but still.. Jake felt his throat shutting up again, suddenly he didn't want to hear what Donghae had to say; whatever it was... he was almost about to say something when he saw the tears streaming down from Donghae's eyes..

"Hykjae" he said and suddenly Jake felt an unknown fear grip him, but he made himself to look steadily at Donghae.

He was crying, his long eyelashes wet with tears.

"I wanted to tell you so much" sobbed Donghae, now sobbing uncontrollably, "but I'm- I'm just so afraid!"

Jake remained silent, looking at him with a calculating look

Taking a deep breath, Donghae began wiping off the tears as best as he could. If he was going to say it, then he might as well not sound so pathetic about it

"I'm.. my name is-

Donghae stoped. Because the world stopped around him. He felt a set of feverishly warm lips press against his own. Light exploded behind his eyes when he finally closed them, and a silent gasp escaping from his throat.

This couldn't be happening... this was not how he imagined this happening!. Donghae felt Jake's fingers caressing his hair, knoting and pulling his closer.

Jake leaned a fraction away from Donghae, staring at his huge honey coloured eyes which were looking transfixed back at him. Then, a small sob escaped from Donghae which broke the last amount of control Jake had over himself. He leaned forward and crashed his flushed lips back against Donghae, moving them roughly against Donghae's pretty thin ones...

Donghae forgot everything he was trying to say... words left him deserted against Jake's rouge kisses, tears streamed down from his eyes. He felt his lust rush up dangerously and Donghae knew it was a risk he was willing to take. Suddenly, resisting the better judgement to stop, he flung his arms up around Jake, running his fingers through Jake's spiky wet hair, kissing him the way he wanted for such a long time...

Rain outside had slowed into a drizzle, making Donghae hear both of their desperate breathing. Somehow this made his heart scream for more..

"Jake..." he moaned softly, his breaths coming out as though he had been running for miles