Dear Notes app on my phone,

I'm watching "The Little Prince" with Drew right now. Well technically I'm in the bathroom because I "had to pee," but in reality I just wanted to write because I'm feeling overwhelmed. I was laying next to him and my mind wouldn't stop running. He is so mesmerizing to be around. His voice is so perfect, the way he enunciates every single word, and his cute little gestures. Fuck, I really like him don't I? I've been getting a little carried away flirting this evening, and I really don't want to scare him away. I wonder what's going on in his mind and if he is feeling anything or if I'm just imagining things. I better try to contain myself. I can't lose any more friends because of my dumb shit. I really just want to watch this movie with him and enjoy the moment. He seems so happy right now. His smile is so warm and contagious, and I'd rather keep it that way.

Drew walked back over to his bed and laid down on his back next to Drew. The movie was a little more than half way through, and Drew was getting restless after a long calm silence. He knocked twice on the bed frame and relaxed facing Greyson.

Greyson turned his body to slightly face Drew, but not to directly in order to maintain a friendly distance. "Why do you do that, you know the knocking thing?"

Drew paused for a second and cocked his head slightly in confusion, then suddenly appeared to have had a realization. "Oh you mean the, tap tap. I'm sorry, I didn't even realize I'd been doing it. I'll try to stop, it's a bit hard to control."

Greyson turned the rest of the way over to Drew so they could talk face to face. "No, no. Stop apologizing to me when you've done nothing wrong, okay? You know what? I think it adds character, and it's grown on me if I'm being honest. I just kinda wondered if it was just nerves or if it was something more."

Drew hugged the pillow to his chest and let out a little smile, followed immediately by a frown. "Well, actually, it's called stimming. It's part of the autism bundle. I do it a lot when I'm overwhelmed with sensory stimulation, or emotions, or on the more rare occasion that I'm under-stimulated. It's a bit different with everyone from what I know. I don't like doing it. I always wished I would grow out of it."

Greyson brushed the hair out from in front of Drew's eyes and held his hand at the side of his face. "Just so you know, I like hearing you talk about your life, and I don't want you to feel that kind of shame over something you can't control. You can always talk freely to me, and I'll always listen."

His hand dropped to Drew's shoulder. Drew looked up into Greyson's eyes, with the light shimmer of a pooling tear. Greyson reached over and paused the movie. "I've always felt like such a burden because of how I am."

Greyson moves Drew's pillow and pulls him into his chest. Drew relaxed and rested his chin against his chest. "When I was a kid, and I was diagnosed, my parents were incredibly disappointed. They thought I just had some behavioral issues that would be a quick therapeutic fix. They weren't prepared to take care of a child with a developmental or neurological disorder. They just tried to ignore it for a while and continue to discipline me. They always told me when we were in public how to act and they told me that if I didn't stop pacing, or repeating myself, or whatever the next annoying thing was, then I would be in trouble. They knew absolutely nothing about Autism, and still don't. When I had meltdowns, they yelled at me for 'crying for attention' or 'stalling for time' when I didn't want to do something. No matter what I did, they would always take me home and beat me senseless until I was a hyperventilating mess. I didn't even feel like a human. When I was 7, my dad told me to stay out of the basement because there was rat poison and it would kill me if I got into it. I figured if I ate some I could just die like the rats and go to heaven and escape. I got sent to the hospital when my mom found me on the floor clenching my stomach 30 minutes later. I was fine because the dose was too low to do me any real harm, but once they figured out what my parents were doing to me, they took me out of their care immediately. I was upset and confused. My parents didn't even put up a fight. They even told me that this was clearly what I had wanted, otherwise I'd have acted my age and not tried to show off. I'm just so afraid of getting hurt. I honestly don't know how much more ridicule I can take from people before it all goes boiling over for the last time." Tears began streaming down his face and he tried to look down at the mattress.

"7 years old? I assumed you were a teenager, and I thought you said it was a narcotic overdose or something like that." Drew sniffled and wiped a tear from his eye before it had a chance to fall.

"I didn't really want to remember the first time. I probably shouldn't have lied about it though either.

Greyson lifted his chin and wrapped his other hand around Drew's back. "None of that was your fault. Never worry about having to change yourself for my comfort. You have to exist for yourself, and your comfort comes first. I'd always listen to how you are feeling and try my best to make sure you never get to the point of boiling over. And when it does happen, we can talk and hug as much as you want, okay?" He wipes Drew's eyes off with the corner of his sheets.

Drew sniffles and rests his face against Greyson's chest. "Please squeeze me as tightly as you can." Greyson squeezes Drew against his chest and runs his hand through his hair. "Does this help you?"

"You make me feel safe. I don't know what it is exactly, but I feel like I can just let go and relax with you right amidst my chaos." Greyson pulls him in tighter until their legs become interlocked.

"I wish I could just stay a kid a bit longer, and be nieve to all the growing pressures in my life." Greyson rubbed the back of Drew's head. "I know, me too."

Greyson grabbed at Drew's pile of sleepover stuff and pulled out the blanket. "Holy shit this is heavy as hell."

Drew giggles. "Yeah, that's my weighted blanket. It makes me feel secure and weighed down which helps me relax and destress and all that stuff... I should really stop talking about myself for one minute." Greyson pulled the blanket up over both of them.

"This is quite nice actually. I can see why you like this so much. You know what else is nice?" Drew looked up at Greyson and smiled.

"I don't know what you are referencing, but I assume you're about to share." Greyson messed up Drew's hair. "Your voice. You could talk for hours and I would still listen, might not remember what you just said, thank you ADHD, but I still enjoy hearing you talk."

Drew snuggled himself closer into Greyson and moved himself up so they were looking eye to eye. "I've never wanted to look someone in the eyes more in my life. Is that weird?"

"I noticed that. You always look elsewhere. That's why it's twice as satisfying when you look me in the eyes. Your eyes are so big and grey, but not in a dark way. More deep and beautiful... like the moon."

Drew pressed his forehead into Greyson's forehead and soon their noses were touching. "I wish you could hold me all the time, you're like a space heater that radiates... whatever is making my heart beat out of my chest right now."

"Anxiety?" Greyson chuckled. "No, not that. It's a good feeling. Ok maybe a little anxiety, but not in a bad way. More of a: I'm trying not to freak you out with my inadequate masculinity kind of way." Greyson blushed and smirked.

"I like you the way you are. You don't need to be a lumberjack for me to appreciate you. You smell almost as adorable as you look. You are a genuine person and that's rare. Never compromise that for other people."

"But you’re such a man, and you seem to be really good at it, and I'm over here being a cheerleader and wanting to wear skirts like a complete freak." Drew frowns at his own disappointment in himself.

"I'm no more of a man than you. You do what you do because it makes you happy, and that requires a lot of strength and motivation. Masculinity isn't what makes you a man. Having traits that are more feminine than mine does not make you a freak either. I've done plenty of things that made me think of myself as a freak, but now I think maybe being a freak isn't so bad anyways. If being happy makes someone a freak, then maybe the normal people are missing out." Drew pulled the blankets up to their necks.

"I've never met anyone who has been so okay with everything about me. Are you sure none of this bothers you?" Greyson runs his hand down the side of Drew's cheek and rests it at the back of his neck.

"You have a beautiful soul, and again, you smell so good. I seriously can't stop smelling you. I'm sorry if that was a creepy thing to say. I've never had a cheerleader in my room before." Drew blushed bright red and turned his hips away from Greyson.

"No it's okay. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that a really, really... good guy... like a real human man, is saying nice things to me. Especially a football player. Hate to toot my own horn, but like... I bet the cheer girls would be jealous."

Greyson rests his hands right above Drew's hip bones and pulls him in tighter. Drew nervously gasps and tries to look away behind Greyson. "Hey, it's okay, just relax. I know all of this is sudden, and it must be overwhelming to you, but guess what? I'm feeling the same thing right now. I honestly just want to hold you against me and fall asleep, is that okay?"

Drew relaxed and untensed his muscles. "Thank you for not judging me." Greyson pressed his face closely against Drew's face and squeezed his arms tightly around Drew's waist, causing him to look deeply into Greyson's eyes.

They held eye contact for several seconds, slowly moving their lips closer together. Finally Greyson gave into the moment and pressed his lips into Drew's and they slowly interlocked into a gentle warm kiss lasting about 30 seconds before either of them pulled away.

Greyson felt the warmth rush throughout his body. "Holy shit, my heart is racing right now."

"Me too. Can you hold me like this all night?" Greyson blushed and pulled Drew over so that he was slightly on top of him. Drew felt his heartbeat try to escape his chest.

"Is this any better? You can use my chest as a pillow, if you want." Drew rested his thigh against Greyson's groin, shaking a little. "I'm sorry, I'm just very overwhelmed by my feelings right now."

Greyson flipped over on his side and motioned for Drew to turn the same direction. "What if I spoon you? This way I can hold you as firmly as you want." Greyson wrapped his arms around Drew and gave him a tight squeeze.

Drew felt his blush deepening. "I like this... this... yeah this is, this is pretty good I think." Greyson laughed and grabbed right below Drew's hip to try to calm his shaking. "If you don't want to feel me pressing against you like this we can lay another direction. I didn't mean to get a..."

"Please don't move, I just want to lay like this all night, if that's okay." Greyson pulled Drew's hips tighter into him.

Drew looked back into Greyson's eyes and tried to stop trembling. "You're okay, you can give in to your feelings, I'm not judging you."

Drew took a deep breath in and out and groaned softly as he felt Greyson rubbing against him. Drew kissed Greyson and allowed himself to enjoy the feeling. "I really wish I could feel you closer against me." Greyson brushed light kisses against Drew's neck. "Maybe one of these days we could get a lot closer."

Drew shivered, and Greyson smirked. "What is going on in that mind of yours?"

"Seeing your perfect body in one of those cheer skirts. I think that image is going to be my best friend."

Drew blushed and whispered back to Greyson. "You are such a flirt, i'm enjoying this."

They slowly eased back into a gentle cuddle and began to fall asleep.