Lindsey

I'm sipping on my second cup of coffee, lost in a daydream, when Taylor waves her hand in front of my face. I snap out of my daze and look across from me to where she tries and fails to hide her smirk.

"So, I take it you and Chase had fun last night? And this morning?" She's now full-on grinning at me.

I immediately feel the color rush to my face as I clear my throat. "We cuddled and watched a movie last night." I try to play it cool, knowing full-well that she will see right past my façade.

Her smile stretches wider across her face, "ah, cuddling, is that what people are calling it these days?"

I blush deeper, "yeah, cuddling...and making out." I bury my face in my hands, trying not to let her see my face. I don't know why I'm hiding like I've done something wrong. Because I haven't. Have I?

Taylor starts giggling. "You are too cute for your own good; you know that?"

I peek my eyes through my fingers, still feeling bashful about the confession I just made.

Her face softens, "you have nothing to be embarrassed about, Lindsey. It's pretty obvious that you two are crazy about each other. Own it! Bask in the afterglow of your love affair!"

I drop my hands and my jaw before I hiss, "we didn't have sex!!"

She puts both hands up. "I know, I know. I'm only teasing. You two made out, and I think that's great. The chemistry between you is off the charts. I'm just saying, own it, girl! He makes you happy; you don't need to be ashamed about that. Don't hide away. Let that smile shine!"

I think I know what she's getting at; I never used to be like this- bashful, embarrassed, timid. I had no problem letting myself feel things or talk about them with other people. It's just that, ever since things went south with Lucas, I shut down. I found myself constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I didn't have anyone I could talk to about things, so I forgot how to communicate with others. I honestly forgot what it was like to have a best friend to dish everything to.

And though things are going amazing with Chase, I can't help but sense the little shadow of doubt that's still lurking in the back of my mind. It's like a poison slowly seeping in and trying to steal the little bit of happiness I've let myself feel. I want to let it go. I want to be the person I used to be, happy, confident, fearless, I just can't, and I hate that.

"I just," I sigh, "I feel like, somehow, I'm unworthy of his attention, like I don't deserve to be this happy. I don't know. It's stupid." I avert my gaze to the table.

She looks at me thoughtfully, almost like she can read my mind. "Hey, I know you may not feel comfortable telling me what all happened before, with that asshat and your two-timing ex-friend, but whatever they made you think about yourself...it's bullshit. What they did to you was wrong. And that's on them."

I look up from the table to meet her eyes; she looks sincere. "You are such a good person, Lindsey, and any guy would be lucky to have a shot with you, Chase included, and he knows that. Girl, you are hot! And smart and kind and talented and so much more. Don't ever count yourself out."

She looks pointedly at me, "and never let anyone make you feel like you don't deserve to be happy."

I feel tears prick in my eyes; I think that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a while, except for the things Chase has said recently. I'd forgotten what it was like to have a friend. I quickly wipe away a traitorous tear that escapes, but not before Taylor sees it. She immediately gets up and moves to my side of the table, and pulls me in for a big hug.

"Hey, none of that!" She squeezes me tightly. "Those assholes didn't deserve you, and they don't deserve your tears."

She pulls my face up to meet hers and deadpans, "fuck Lucas and his tiny penis."

I wasn't expecting that!

I'm shocked by her statement, but I can't help the laughter that starts pouring out of me. I almost double over I'm laughing so hard.

When I finally compose myself, I feel a little lighter, like a tiny bit of the weight I've been carrying is suddenly gone. I know there's still a lot left, but ditching some of that heaviness feels really good. I've already started to let down my walls with Chase, as scary as that is; now I feel like I'm letting them down for Taylor too.

We stay in for the day while the boys are at practice and treat ourselves to chick flicks, facials, junk food, and DIY mani/pedis. I don't know what it is about Taylor, but she makes me want to open up again, to trust again. I think I had her pegged all wrong at first. She isn't anything like Val and Jenna D. She's genuine and kind, and she can somehow see right through my walls and sense just what I need to hear.

The rest of the day, she doesn't try to pry or ask anything more about what happened with Lucas and Nadia, but when I start to feel myself sink back down into the pit of doubt, she notices and brings me right back to reality. She reminds me that I am worthy and beautiful, and there is no reason to keep letting myself doubt that. She then comments that I shouldn't take her word for it; she's sure Chase would be more than happy to prove it to me- while wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

I don't remember the last time I've laughed this much with anyone. Taylor really is a great person, a great friend. I start to wonder why she's still single. Since we've made progress today, I decide to ask.

"Hey, I'm just curious, why aren't you dating anyone right now? I mean, you're awesome. Why hasn't anyone scooped you up yet?"

She waves her hand dismissively, "I just don't feel the need to be tied to anyone, really. I've been on dates and all that since my last relationship, but it's like the guys I meet either only want sex, are intimidated by my job, or can't handle that I hang out in my spare time with a bunch of hockey players."

She laughs, "it's almost like I'm destined to be single forever, or pick a guy off the team and settle with him, and that is never gonna happen."

My thoughts drift to Chase and my reasons for being hesitant with him to begin with. "Why not?"

"There are maybe two guys on the whole team that would even be potential boyfriend material. And there is no chemistry between me and either of them."

I feel only slightly better at her admission, but she continues after grabbing my hand. "FYI, Chase is one of the two, for reasons I'm sure you are well aware. And there has never been anything between us; he's like a brother to me. I only included him in that category for your sake. He's potential boyfriend material for you, not me."

She's told me this before, but it's like she knows I needed the reassurance. "Is the other one Liam?" I'm pretty sure I already know.

She smiles softly. "Yeah, but there's no chemistry with us either. At least, not like that. It's not like what you and Chase have."

"Why not? I mean, you two had chemistry once, right? You guys have made out before."

"That was back when we were both in a very dark place. The chemistry was artificial at best." She pauses for a moment, shaking her head. "No, we're much better off as friends."

I drop the subject but wonder to myself if there is hope for the two of them in the future. I'd like to see my brother end up with someone smart and kind like Taylor, but she seems pretty adamant that they aren't meant to be. Maybe, that will change one day.

We finish up our latest chick flick and start to clean up the living room. Chase and Liam have been gone all day gearing up for their next game tomorrow. I'm sure after their long day of practice, they will be starving by the time they get home, so Taylor and I decide to make a small feast for dinner tonight to appease their unending appetites. As we cook, we continue to chat amongst ourselves.

The more I get to know Taylor, the closer we become. Talking to her is easy. She doesn't speak over me or try to push my opinions aside. She listens when I need her to without me asking. It's almost like she can read my mind; she just knows what I need from her. It's the kind of friendship I've been sorely missing the last two years. Hell, longer than that, if I'm being honest with myself.

I don't remember things with Nadia ever being this light and easy; there always seemed to be this heavy tension between us. I guess I know why that was, though- fucking Lucas. Huh, I guess that's true literally and figuratively. There is none of that tension or awkwardness with Taylor. Maybe she and I will be even better friends than Nadia and I ever were. I guess only time will tell.

By the time Chase and Liam make it home, I have decided a few things:

1. I am ready to let Taylor in and see if we can truly be friends.

2. I can't hold Chase's past against him. People change, after all.

And...

3. I need to allow myself to be happy.