Harry pov

I never imagined being so nervous visiting zayn's old pack, but as we sat in the car my heart was pounding in

my chest.

"Somehow, I think you're more nervous than I am." Zayn pointed out.

I let out a deep breath, "I don't know why I'm so nervous to be honest."

Zayn chuckled, "It will be fine. When I left there wasn't anything laying around that would traumatize you. I buried my pack members." Zayn paused before continuing,

"They didn't burn everything down either, there are just some abandoned buildings. The pack house is the biggest thing they burned down but I bet that's partly taken over by nature at this point."

I nodded in response. How come I am the one who needs a pep talk. We're going to the place where zayn's

pack and family got massacred, I should be supporting him. I let out a quiet sigh and looked out of the car window.

We had decided to head to zayn's pack on Tuesday. Zayn was driving, since he knew where to go and because he wanted to get more driving experience.

Apparently, his pack wasn't far at all from where we lived, only an hour drive. I guess it makes sense when you

consider that Alpha Ray and zayn already knew each other, their packs were close together.

Zayn left the main road and entered an old abandoned dirt road. He groaned, "We might not make it the whole way by car. No one has been on these roads in six years and I can't see much through the snow."

"That's fine. I don't mind walking."

"I don't think you realize how big my pack was, harry. Shifted it took an hour to run the perimeter." Zayn

explains further.

I hum and pause for a moment, "Could I ride on your back?"

Zayn glanced at me with an amused expression before focusing on the road again, "I guess you can. Though I'd rather get as far as possible by car."

"Sure. "

We ended up reaching his pack border, but not the pack house. The road was completely overgrown and we could only continue by foot.

"Just keep a tight hold on my fur and you'll be good. I won't let you fall."

Zayn spoke as he started taking off his shirt. We had decided that me riding on Cade's back would be the fasted way to reach the center of the pack.

I simply nodded and turned around so zayn could shift. I mean, I know I've seen enough to not be embarrassed at

this point, but it's the principle. I could hear zayn let out an amused chuckle before his bones started breaking and he shifted. I turned around when I felt Cade's big soft

head touch my hand.

I collected zayn's clothes and placed them in my bag and held his's jacket, which was too big to fit in my bag, before looking at the wolf in front of me. It seems suggesting the idea is much easier than actually doing it.

Cade lowered his body as I climbed up and tightly grabbed his fur.

'When zayn said 'tight hold', he didn't mean pull my fur out!' Cade growled.

I immediately loosened my hold, 'Sorry. I'm not good at this kind of stuff. I've never ridden a horse before either.'

'Don't compare me with a horse. You'll be fine. I'll make sure you won't get hurt.' Cade spoke.

'Ok.' I responded through the link and with that confirmation, Cade started running.

He was fast. Holy shit he was fast, but I somehow knew this wasn't at all top speed for him. He was careful, avoiding uneven ground and keeping me steady. I had unknowingly grabbed his fur tighter again and leaned close to his head to stop the cold wind from hitting my face to harshly.

After a while I got used to the feeling and relaxed slightly, I noticed Cade speed up whenever I relaxed more, and I wasn't afraid at all of the increased speed. The woods were beautiful. The snow was undisturbed and it made the forest look like a winter wonderland. You could really

see that no humans have been here for a while.

'Do you still remember the forest?' I asked Cade.

'Yes, these woods were our home for twenty years. I still remember them.' Cade responded.

'Did they change much?'

'They just got wilder. The normal tracks that we used during patrol aren't there anymore.' Cade explained as we zoomed through the woods.

Just like zayn had said, it took a while before we reached the pack house, but we eventually did. Cade slowed down and I gaped at the burned building. There was nothing left of it, just a bunch of burned wood in a

massive pile. Snow covered the bit of wood that was left, making it hard to make it all out. But it was more than

clear; that building must have been massive!

I jumped off of Cade's back and Cade ran behind a bush to shift and put his clothes on. In the meantime, I walked

closer to the burned building.

"It had four stories." Zayn started as he walked up to me, "The top floor was for the Alpha family in case they

wanted to sleep there. The Alpha's study was also on the top floor. It's where I was most of the time."

I nodded to let him know I was paying attention and zayn continued, "The third floor was for the higher families. The Beta and Gamma family as well as the warriors. The second was for anyone else who needed a place to stay and the first floor was a massive community space. Ray's pack house is nothing close to it."

"I bet it was amazing." I tell him.

Zayn gave a sad smile, "It was."

I look around the clearing. There were a few other run down buildings, some still standing and some burned to

the ground. "Did you live at the pack house permanently?" I asked.

Zayn shook his head, "No, my parents had a house in the woods. Most Alpha's get their own space, in case they want to get away from everything for a while. It's a

demanding job and even Alpha's want to go home and spend time with family without worry."

"Have you been there since..." I trailed off.

"No. I couldn't back then..." There was a silence before zayn spoke up again, "I want to show you something."

I simply nodded and followed zayn into the woods. Cade must have been right, because zayn was a natural

navigating through the overgrown path. He definitely knew exactly where he was going.

"My friend Noah and his mate lived some way over there." Zayn started pointing things out, "The training fields were in front of the pack house, and there was a small day care that way." He continued talking as we got closer to wherever zayn wanted us to go.

We eventually arrived at a cute cottage covered in snow. It was two stories high and nature had clearly moved in but it was still standing. There was a small porch up front

where zayn walked up the stairs.

He then turned around with a deep breath, "What do you think?"

"It's cute." I voiced the first thought in my mind, "What is it?"

Zayn actually let out a genuine smile, "This would have been our house."

I frowned, "What?"

"Like I said earlier, every Alpha usually builds their own house at some point. When I turned 18 I started working on this house. The house where I would eventually start a family with my mate." Zayn explained.

"You built this yourself?" I asked with wide eyes.

Zayn nodded proudly, "Yep. I had help from my dad and Noah of course, but it's kind of tradition to build your own

house as Alpha in our pack. To show you're strong and wise enough to take care of your mate and pups. Took

me two years."

I walked up to zayn and stepped onto the porch. The floorboards creaked under my feet but I didn't let it stop

me. Zayn built this house for us, so that we could have lived in it once he had found me.

"You just got a whole lot more romantic." I mumbled as I looked back into the woods. The porch had a great view.

Zayn chuckled, "Anything for our mate." He started walking to the front door and carefully opened it. "Want to

see?"

I enthusiastically nodded and grabbed zayn's hand in mine. The inside of the cottage was overgrown and mold

and moss was all over the floor and walls, but I could still get the main idea. The cottage really had a forest cabin feel. Most of the furniture was made out of wood, including the couch that seemed to have some sort of fabric cushioning that had mostly faded away.

The cottage had an open floor plan it seemed, the kitchen was cozy but still big enough to be in with multiple

people. There was a kitchen island as well. I walked over to the living room and looked at the broken television and moldy bookcases on the wall.

Zayn had made his way into the kitchen, "I made it all one room, so that I could watch my mate play with our pups when I was in the kitchen."

"That's sweet." I said as I walked up to him. "I could have watched you cook while having my morning coffee."

"Precisely my point." Zayn said with a smirk before he grabbed my hand again and led me to the hallway.

There was a study that zayn said would be for him to work at home. The room besides that was completely empty.

"Kids room?" I guessed.

Zayn chuckled, "No. This would be your study. Of sorts at least." I raised an eyebrow at zayn and he continued to explain, "I wanted my mate to have a room for themselves. Where they could work on whatever they liked. I kept it empty because I obviously didn't know their hobbies yet. I

guess I never thought about teaching, the room is too small to be turned into a classroom."

"I would have loved it. And hey, I could use my own study as well. Have to grade papers almost daily and our dining room chairs really aren't that comfy back at the apartment." I said.

Zayn shook his head in amusement and led me back out. We carefully climbed the stairs, and made it without falling to our deaths. The longer I was upstairs, the more I

started wondering about zayn's ambitions regarding kids.

"Zayn? I get that having kids is fun, but five bedrooms?"

Zayn frowned as he looked at me, "I've always wanted four or five pups. Even as a pup myself."

My eyes widened and my hand went to my stomach, "I hope you know I would be the one giving birth to all of

those babies."

Zayn put on a sweet smile, "And I know you'll do a wonderful job."

"Nice try. I'm closing the baby factory after two!" I spoke, leaving no room for arguments.

Zayn started chewing on the inside of his cheek before grinning, "I bet I can convince you to have more eventually."

"In your dreams!"

"Oh yes. In my dreams we might even have more than five of them." Zayn teased, his eyes twinkling with

mischief.

I huffed and opened the next and final door on our tour.

The room was bigger than the kids rooms, and if was beautiful. There was an old king sized bed in the middle of the room and on the left side there were two doors, to a closet and a bathroom I assumed. On the other side of the room stood a couch and a tv.

"It's beautiful." I mumbled as zayn hugged me from behind.

"What I wouldn't give to have lived here with you." Zayn said as he kissed my mark.

"I would have loved it." I tell him truthfully. I made my way towards a dresser that stood in the room, dragging zayn along as he was still holding me. There was a photograph

on it that hadn't been destroyed by natures advances.

It was a picture of zayn and another boy. They looked like they'd just turn 18. "Who's this?"

"Noah. That was my 18th birthday. I didn't think this picture had survived." Zayn mumbled the last part of the sentence.

"Do you want to take it with us?" I asked as I opened the photo frame and carefully took the picture out.

"Sure, thank you." Zayn said as he kissed my temple.

I carefully placed the photo in my bag and looked up at my mate. Zayn smiled before letting go of me and

grabbing my hand again.

"Come, I want to show you a lot

more."

We ended up going all around the pack. Zayn would tell me all about it, places he used to train or play as a kid, times he got in trouble. Where certain people used to live or were certain necessities were. We spend hours walking across the pack lands. We eventually had a quick lunch

outside and I was really starting to feel the cold.

Maybe going here at the end of November wasn't such a good

idea. It was absolutely freezing and snowing outside. Zayn had been holding my hands for the past thirty

minutes warming them up, but my feet were ice cubes by now.

"Maybe we should start heading back before you freeze to death." Zayn teased.

I nodded, "If you've shown me everything."

Zayn looked in the direction we were walking, "Almost... we can head back though."

"What is up ahead?" I asked. Zayn seemed like he was fighting with himself on visiting the place, which made me believe it was some place special.

"The place where I grew up in, my parent's house." Zayn breathed out.

I blinked and looked up at my mate. He looked lost in thought as he stared up ahead, "The place you couldn't

visit back then?"

He nodded, "This might be the only time I'm ever coming back here. I feel like I owe it to them to go home

one more time."

I squeeze zayn's hand softly, "If you want to, let's do it."

Zayn lets out a breath before continuing into the direction of the house. It wasn't long before it appeared in front of us. It was smaller than the house zayn had built, but had a similar style. Zayn clearly took inspiration from it.

"It's pretty."

"Yeah. Dad didn't want a big house. Just a small house for our family. My mom and dad never wanted many pups,they were satisfied after I was born." Zayn explained before walking towards the porch and into the house with me.

Just like zayn's house, the house had a cottage feel to it, and most of the furniture was made out of wood.

Instead of walking around together, we both kind of went our own way. I could see that zayn needed some time to take it all in, so I wandered off into the study.

Most of the books were worn, wet and moldy from the weather, but I could vaguely read some of the labels on the spines. There were some really interesting books, most of them about werewolves. History of werewolves, a book about mating and pack ranks. Books I never knew even existed.

Eventually I walked over to the desk and out of curiosity I opened some of the drawers. It was as if time had stood still, papers from six years

ago were placed all over the desk and in the drawers.

I frowned when I saw a leather book. It looked like a diary of sorts. When I opened it that thought was confirmed.

Twentieth of June,

Zayn called us again today, he's currently in Ohio at the Silverwood Forest pack. It appears his mate wasn't there either. I could hear that zayn was getting impatient. Most of the people his age have found their mate without much trouble. The Moon Goddess must be testing him. He never

had much patience to begin with. Stubborn pup. I hope he'll find his mate soon. I don't think I can hear more

of his complaints.

~

First of July,

Zayn didn't have any luck at the Brown River Pack either.

At this point, I think zayn believes his mate is hiding from him. Silly boy, I bet they is looking for him as well. I hope they will be able to challenge him in ways no one else can. My boy has too much pride and is too stubborn for his

own good. I can't wait to see him wrapped up in his mates arms, following them around like a lost puppy. Zayn keeps telling me he will never become that type of wolf, but I know how loyal and caring he is to the people close to him. I bet his mate will have to lock him up to have any time alone. I wish them the best.

~

This must be the diary of zayn's mother. I had realized. Her handwriting was smooth and cursive, and even though the weather had made the letters a bit unclear, they were still readable. I skipped some pages back.

~

Fifteenth of March,

Zayn finally finished his house. He worked on it for two years, and I've never seen him so dedicated on something besides ruling the pack. He barely asked for help, and when he did, it was only from Noah or his father.

I'm proud of him, the house looks beautiful. His mate will love it.

Now that the house is finally finished, zayn has gotten even more impatient. He says he's ready to travel around

the country looking for them. I don't think I can stop him, He is incredibly stubborn and once he sets his mind on

something, it has to happen.

When Yaser told him that he had to be more patient, zayn had become so angry I was afraid he'd challenge his own father to a death match.

That pup... After all these years he still doesn't have control of his emotions. It doesn't help that his wolf, Cade is such a wild one either. I guess he'll be fine eventually. Cade and zayn have a great bond together, and even though Cade

manages to break zayn's barrier and take over quite a lot, I know they would be able to get through any challenge.I pray for his mate though. I pray that they will be able to calm him down easily. Poor mate doesn't know what they are getting into.

~

I chuckled as I read more entries. Zayn always makes it seem like he was a great kid, but he seemed to be quite a rebel.

When I heard footsteps down the hall I quickly placed the book in my bag. I wanted to read more later but wasn't

sure if zayn would like hearing what his mother wrote about him. It might be too much for him right now.

Zayn gave me a smile when he entered the room.

"Found the Alpha's study, huh?"

I nodded, "I didn't know there are actual books on werewolf history and stuff." I spoke, nodding towards the

bookcases.

"Yeah, every pack has them. If you want I can ask Ray if we can borrow some. That way you can read them." Zayn suggested.

I beamed, "I'd love that. I want to learn more about werewolves."

Zayn chuckled and placed his hand on the wooden desk. His smile faltered as if he remembered where he was.

"Are you ok?" I asked, walking up to zayn.

He simply nodded, "It's weird being back here. I remember having to come into this office whenever I got

into trouble. My dad's face was terrifying." He spoke with a soft chuckle.

I laughed too, "I bet you were mischievous as a kid."

"I wasn't that bad. I did like to push my limits from time to time." Zayn spoke. "I was pretty bad in school. Always testing my limits with the teachers."

"I'm glad I never had to teach you in high school." I tell him and he laughs.

"For you I would have been the perfect student." Zayn says with a flirty smile on his face.

"A teachers pet, how ironic." I tease.

Zayn looses his smirk and frowns, "You're never letting the pet thing go are you?"

"Someone needs to keep you on your toes."

---

When we reach the apartment again I rush towards the couch and wrap myself in a blanket. Zayn joins me after a few minutes holding two cups of hot cocoa. I thank him before snuggling into his side.

Zayn has been quiet since we left the pack, barely saying anything during the drive home. I think he's thinking about everything, and I can see that he's hurting.

"Are you ok?" I ask him softly.

Zayn let's out a breath, "Yeah, I'm fine."

I sit up straight and face him, "Don't lie to me. I know it must have been hard being there again."

Zayn forces a smile, which doesn't reach his eyes, "I just miss everyone. I'll be fine."