《Her Boyfriend's Girlfriend (GirlXGirl)》Chapter 40

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"Do you have much more homework to finish?" Peyton asked Sadie over breakfast on Sunday morning.

She shook her head, "no... maybe about an hour's work. Why?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me?"

Sadie beamed brightly, "are you asking me on a date Peyton Saunders?"

Peyton blushed, "yes. Is that okay?"

"I was wondering what was taking you so long." Sadie teased.

"What? So you couldn't ask me on a date?"

Sadie shook her head with a smile, "you're the one with the charm."

Peyton chuckled shaking her head when she noticed a sudden downturn in Sadie's emotion. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I... I was going to read Astrid's letter today..."

"Why does that make you sad?"

"I don't want to spoil the day..."

"You won't. I am here. Maybe you could read it before we go on the date."

Before Peyton had a chance to continue Sadie cut her off, "what sense does that make?! Then I'll spoil our first date. I'll read it when we get back."

"But then it will be on your mind the entire time. If you read it first then the date will serve as a means to cheer you up." Peyton smiled.

"Why can't I ever argue with your reasoning?" Sadie asked with a smile.

"Because love, while you may be a cunning linguist, I am a master debater."

"Peyton!" Sadie cried as she turned bright red and threw a piece of toast at her. "You are too dirty minded!"

"Yeah, but would you have me any other way?"

Sadie smiled as she shook her head.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

With a shaky hand Sadie removed Astrid's letter from the envelope and unfolded it. Her eyes immediately welled up when she saw the familiar handwriting. She could not bring herself to read it before they left home so Peyton had convinced her to walk with it.

She handed it to Peyton, "I can't..."

"You want me to read it to you?"

After a moment of thought Sadie nodded.

Peyton adjusted herself against the tree - she took Sadie to have a picnic at her secret hiding place; her reasoning being that is where they had their first kiss - she cleared her throat and read:

My dearest Sadie,

I am sorry. I was wrong to push you. I knew better but I was selfish. Please don't hate me. Please also do not blame yourself for this. I do love you and I know you love me too. I had hoped that you would love me as a girlfriend too but I understand that you do not. I am not mad or upset. I just, I can't live without you Sadie. You are my world. You are the only person who accepts everything about me. I came out to mom and dad and they just laughed. I can't deal with that Sadie. I can't deal with the pressure of rejection. I cannot take one more person telling me that I am wrong. I am weak and I know it but I cannot be strong. I am not like you Sadie. Please don't hate me. I love you and I always will. I know you will find someone one day who will love you the way I do, maybe even more than I do, and you will be able to return that person's love with the same fervor. You deserve to be happy Sadie and that is all that I want for you. Please don't be sad about this, be happy. Be happy for me that I am now free. Free of the chains that bound me in this world. When I was with you I was truly happy and I thank you for that. Now, go on and have a happy life filled with love Sadie. When you find someone who you love, please don't run. Stay and love them with all your heart. I love you Sadie. Goodbye.

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Forever and For Always,

Astrid.

Both girls were in tears by the time Peyton was done reading. She folded the letter and put it back into the envelope before carefully setting it aside and pulling Sadie into her arms.

Sadie broke down completely and Peyton did the only thing she could think of; she held her close.

Peyton lost track of time as she drifted off in thought about Astrid's letter. She was brought back by Sadie's soft voice, "Peyton?"

Peyton released her as she turned and looked Peyton in the eye before whispering, "I love you."

Peyton smiled now with tears of her own, "I love you too."

The two shared a short but deep kiss before Peyton spoke, "so you're okay?"

With a smile Sadie nodded, "surprisingly."

"I guess you have your closure now?"

"Yes." Sadie nodded, "and it was easier than I had anticipated. I thought that letter was going to rip me to shreds..."

"You thought Astrid hated you? You thought she died mad at you?"

Sadie nodded as a tear fell, "I did... but I know different now. Thanks for encouraging me to read it Peyton because truthfully, I never would have if it was left up to me."

Peyton smiled, "I know. And to think people call me stubborn..."

"You are." Sadie chuckled. "But apparently I am too."

After sharing their meal - most of which they fed to each other - they sat against the tree just enjoying being in each other's presence.

"Hey Sadie? Could you do me a favour please?"

"Sure."

"Could you reach into my pocket there and pull out the thing in it please?"

Sadie looked at Peyton in disbelief, "what the hell? Why?"

"Aww come on please Sadie... I don't want to move my arms from behind my head. They're comfortable there." Peyton sent her puppy dog eyes.

Shaking her head Sadie asked, "which pocket?"

With a triumphant smile Peyton looked at her cargos and answered, "lower left leg."

Sadie cautiously did as she was asked and pulled out a small dark blue velvet box.

"It's for you." Peyton said in a serious tone as she sat up and faced Sadie.

With a small gasp Sadie looked up, "Peyton!"

"Calm down. It's not what you think."

Sadie slowly opened the box and emitted another gasp. "Peyton! It's an engagement ring!"

"Okay... so it is what you think..."

Sadie looked at her in complete and utter shock. She could not understand her feelings at the moment. It is safe to say that she is confused to say the least.

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Peyton spoke softly, "well, it's not exactly an engagement ring because I'm not asking you to marry me. Yet. It's more like a promise ring I guess. I'm asking you to be my girlfriend." She put her hand under Sadie's chin and lifted her head until Sadie made eye contact with her. "Sadie Wells, will you be my girlfriend?"

Peyton felt a horrible twist in her heart at Sadie's nonresponsiveness. She didn't even have an identifiable expression on her face.

Sadie opened her mouth but before she could utter a single word Peyton spoke again, "before you answer there are some things I need to tell you about me first. It would be unfair to you if I did otherwise."

Sadie looked at her and all she could manage was a weak, "okay."

With a heavy sigh Peyton turned away from Sadie. "I'm not the best person but I do love you. I have issues Sadie. As you know, I have my horrible temper but I am also seeing a psychiatrist because I'm... I'm broken. I know this is unfair to you but I feel that I have to tell you so that you can make your decision." She turned back to see Sadie looking at her intently. "I have a weakness for overdosing on sleeping pills and I tried to commit suicide once... I have not really overdosed since I moved in with Kimmy but I can't make any definite promises for the future. I have no idea what I will do if certain things happen but I do hope that with what I have learned I would be able to be strong and do the right thing. Oh, and your mom knows that I was going to ask you this. The first day we visited her I asked her permission."

Sadie's eyes were full with tears by the end of Peyton's confession. She could not believe her ears. 'Why is she telling me this?! I cannot deal with this right now!' "Do I have to answer now?"

Peyton shook her head sadly, "take your time. I'll be here."

They sat in awkward silence for several minutes before Peyton broke it, "do you mind if I sing you a song?"

Sadie shook her head wondering what in god's name Peyton was going to sing.

"Do you know Jason Mraz?"

Sadie nodded, "kind of."

"Okay, well this is one of his songs - I Won't Give Up." Peyton leaned against the tree and closed her eyes as she began to sing.

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

When I look into your eyes

It's like watching the night sky

Or a beautiful sunrise

There's so much they hold

And just like them old stars

I see that you've come so far

To be right where you are

How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space

To do some navigating

I'll be here patiently waiting

To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn

Some even fall to the earth

We've got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it

No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily

I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use

The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake

And in the end you're still my friend at least we did intend

For us to work we didn't break we didn't burn

We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in

I had to learn what I've got and what I'm not and who I am

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

Still looking up

I won't give up on us

God knows I'm tough enough

We've got a lot to learn

God knows we're worth it

I won't give up on us

Even if the skies get rough

I'm giving you all my love

I'm still looking up

♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

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