Peyton gulped. She did not say anything for fear of saying the wrong thing. She just waited in the awkward silence for Sadie to explain.

"You hate me don't you?" Sadie said in a broken voice as she turned to look at Peyton.

"No. I don't. Explain it to me love."

Peyton heard nothing from her passenger so she stole a glance at her to see her in tears as she fiddled with the hem of her skirt.

'Shit... I've gotta do something.' She looked back at the road and as luck would have it she saw a mall just up ahead. So, she pulled off of the highway and into the mall's carpark where she parked and proceeded to undo her seat belt and turn to face Sadie.

"Why'd you stop? We'll be late." Sadie said finally meeting Peyton's eyes. The scared, confused, broken look Peyton saw there almost freaked her out.

'The fuck is going on?' Quickly she pulled out her bandana and offered it to Sadie. Who chuckled slightly, "do you purposefully have those for me?"

Peyton smiled at her, "maybe I do maybe I don't."

Sadie smiled as she dried her eyes. "When I was a kid I had a best friend. Not like Casey. We were closer. Like you and Kimmy. We met in first grade. So we were... five? Yeah, five. Anyhow, like I said we were extremely close. As we got older we started... experimenting I guess you could say. We kissed, stole a touch here and there you know?" She looked at Peyton.

Peyton smiled at her, "I understand. My first kiss was with Kimmy."

Sadie was not surprised by that bit of information. She studied Peyton's face for a few seconds. She didn't seem to be freaked out or anything. So Sadie continued, "the first day of summer when we were fourteen - just before the whole thing with mom - we were hanging out in her room and she told me that she was a lesbian and that she was in love with me and that she had known for a couple months."

Sadie covered her eyes with Peyton's bandana as she began to cry. Talking about this brought all the pain back full force. She had tried to not even think of it too much in the last few years. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this... I never told anyone... I swore I never would."

Peyton reached across and undid Sadie's seat belt before pulling her into a hug. When she pulled back, she kissed Sadie gently on the forehead, "maybe it's because you trust me. Maybe it's just beaten you up enough and you're ready to get it out. Maybe... you're trying to get closure. I can't be sure but those are all possibilities. And remember, I am not judging you. Continue when you're ready and stop when you're ready."

Sadie smiled as a tear rolled down her cheek, "thanks Peyton. And I think you're right. About all of it." She took a few deep breaths before continuing, "I didn't answer her for a while and then I told her that I loved her too but that she knew that. And then... she told me... to stop being..." Sadie let out a sob, "naive..." She glanced at Peyton then who just looked at her with a look like, 'I'm still into you, carry on.' So, she looked away and did just that, "she told me that she knew I wanted her just as she wanted me but I told her no. I told her that I only loved her as a friend. Nothing more. I told her it would have been a bad idea for us to get into a romantic or sexual relationship and she started to get frustrated and told me that we already were and then she said..." Sadie paused for a moment as she cried, "she said... 'all I'm asking you is to make it official. Be my girlfriend Sadie. Please?' She had begged me. She got down on her knees and begged me to give her a chance. All I had to do was say yes right? I mean, it wasn't going to hurt anyone right?"

Peyton reached across and took Sadie's hand in her own. She rubbed the back of her hand with her thumb as she spoke, "you say you loved her right?" Sadie nodded. "Did you love her more than a friend? Do you think you were in love with her? Did you feel for her what she said she felt for you?"

Sadie shook her head, "I honestly loved her. I did. But only as a friend. I was not attracted to her. I did not like her that way. Honest. Plus, at that time I was not even thinking about relationships. I was content with just being a kid."

"So then, you did nothing wrong. You told her the truth. I know how much it hurt her because after everything you guys did together she probably thought you felt the same way she did and you were just scared."

Sadie smiled, "thanks for this Peyton. I never thought of it like that in all these years."

Peyton gave her hand a squeeze, "that's what friends are for love."

Sadie smiled, "I know what I said before, but I love it when you call me love."

Peyton smiled, "well i'm glad to hear that because I love calling you love. So, what happened after you rejected her?"

"Well... I told her 'I can't. I don't love you like that. It will be unfair to both of us.' And then, she tried to kiss me. I slapped her in the face and left. Actually, I ran. I proceeded to avoid her and ignore her calls and messages for four days. Then... then... oh god..." Sadie broke down into an uncontrollable sob then.

Peyton got out of the car and walked around to Sadie's side. She opened her door, took her hand and tugged on it. Sadie didn't understand why but she knew Peyton wanted her to get out so she did. Peyton opened the backseat door and pointed in so Sadie climbed in and Peyton followed.

Peyton proceeded to wrap Sadie in her arms and rock her gently. After a couple minutes of that she whispered, "you don't have to continue."

Sadie shook her head, "I need to."

"Okay. Take your time."

Several more minutes passed before Sadie spoke up in a hoarse voice, "her mother came over to talk to me. She was distraught and told me that... she had... she had killed herself Peyton. She fucking killed herself! I killed her! It's all my fault Peyton! All I had to do was tell her yes. I just had to put myself aside and I would still have my best friend! Why am I such a fucking selfish cunt?!"

Peyton pulled Sadie away from her and looked her in the eye, "hey hey hey. It was not your fault. You had no control over what your friend did. That was her choice. Please trust me when I tell you that. You did not kill her okay?" She got no response, "Sadie! It is not your fault. Please, you have to understand that."

Sadie just began to cry again as she held on to Peyton as if her life depended on it. After some time she spoke again, "I never read her note."

"Her suicide note?"

Sadie nodded against Peyton's shoulder, "she left two. One where she apologised to everyone for being a burden and that sort of stuff and saying that they would all be better off without her and stuff like that. Her last line before she officially said goodbye was, 'Mom, please give Sadie the envelope with her name on it.' She gave it to me the day she came over to tell me what happened. Her name was Astrid by the way."

"That's a pretty name." Peyton said softly. "I guess you just couldn't deal with everything and so you didn't want to see what she said?"

"Precisely... but I wanted to read it after a couple weeks but I lost it... When we moved."

"Damn. I'm real sorry about that. That must hurt like a bitch."

"It does."

"It makes total sense now why you didn't chose to live with your mom. Aside from the fact that your dad was hurting. Perhaps you could not deal with that after what had just occurred with Astrid."

"I love talking with you. I love the way you actually respond intelligently instead of just saying some generic shit like I'm sorry. And you're right by the way. That is the only reason I chose not to live with mom. It honestly had nothing to do with dad. Well, maybe it did a little because I do love him but I just could not sit around and watch my mom being happy with a woman when the girl who loved me and who I loved killed herself because of me and my stupidity and insecurity."

"Hey, you've got to stop blaming yourself. Please."

"I don't know if I can Peyton."

"I know... it's okay. I'm here for you. Always. That's why you had a hard time accepting me too right?"

Sadie nodded, "yes."

"I'm sorry for pushing you."

"You didn't know. Plus, I am glad you did. If not I would still be in a mess. I would not have made up with my mother and I would not have you as a friend. I did mean what I said to you on Monday. I do love you Peyton and I am in love with you. Please believe me."

"Well I am glad I did too because I really enjoy spending time with you. I love our conversations. I love teasing you. And I do believe you. It means the universe to me that you return my feelings. I never thought I would be granted the opportunity to have someone as amazing as you to love me."

"Peyton?"

"Yes?"

"I have to pee."

"Really? Now? Well we don't have time, just pee right there. The seats are absorbent."

"Peyton! Oh my god! I cannot do that! I will smell of pee. Plus, this is Kimmy's car. And you told me that we had time!"

Sadie pushed Peyton playfully and pouted when she burst into a fit of laughter, "oh my goodness Sadie. When will you see through my jokes?"

"You meanie!" Sadie cried as she got out of the car in a huff.

Peyton just chuckled as she got out and locked the car before they headed into the mall.

"Oh, and we do have time. We only have about half an hour's drive left and it's only nine. We left early remember?"

"Yeah, how could I forget you dragging me out of the apartment before the sun even woke up?"

Peyton chuckled.

When they returned to the car and pulled back onto the highway Peyton suggested, "perhaps you should just call your mom to tell her we're nearly there."

Sadie nodded, "good idea. I'm really nervous. You think she would still like me?"

"Or course she will. She loves you remember?"