Chapter song: Matilda by Harry Styles

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I can barely stand the sight of Melissa. For years her presence made me feel anxious but now all I feel is anger. And rage.

I hate her.

"Blade, please."

Don't call me that! I want to scream.

She has no right using my name. Neither one. She has no right addressing me, not after all she put me through.

"I'm still trying to get Faith back. Todd disappeared. No one knows where he is, but I swear I'm doing everything I can to get her back." I walk away from her, going upstairs to my room. I don't care if it pisses her off. I don't care about anything anymore.

I pull out the Ipod from Dustin and select a song from Dustin's Favorites. I let the song flow my ears as I stare at the ceiling.

The lyrics of the song hit a nerve and I start crying for the millionth time this week. I hug my pillow and whimper into my sheets.

I get up, needing to move. If I lay around crying any longer, I'll jump head first out my window and I can't imagine how much more miserable my life would be if I failed that attempt.

"Where are you going?" Melissa asks me but I ignore her and slam the door as I walk away from the house. I'm moving on autopilot, letting the music guide my feet.

I find myself outside Dustin's house and I stare at the door. Before I can think the better of it, I ring the doorbell. When I realize my actions, I turn to leave, but just then the door opens.

"Blade!" Miriam exclaims loudly, pulling me into a hug. "How are you? Are you okay? Dustin, Blade is here!"

Mrs. Swaz and Dustin come from the living room.

"Blade!" He breathes out, coming over to give me a hug. I wave awkwardly when he pulls away, feeling shy from all this attention. "Where have you been? I heard you were dead!"

I laugh dryly. I was so close.

They lead me into the living room.

"Where's Faith?" Miriam asks and I stop in my tracks, my heart clenching painfully as I try my best to keep the tears in. It has been almost two weeks since Todd took her and I feel more lost each day.

"Hey," Miriam says, pulling me in again. "It's okay."

It really isn't.

I sit with them on the couch, leaning into Miriam who rubs my arm soothingly.

"I'll make some tea," Mrs. Swaz says sweetly, getting up. She returns several minutes later and puts everything on the table before heading upstairs. I don't make an effort to move, afraid I'll break apart if I do.

"Here," Dustin says, handing me a cup.

I take it from him, offering a smile as I let the warmth seep into my hands. The tea relaxes me, and finally I sit up, no longer feeling like fragile glass.

"Are you okay?" Miriam asks me again.

I don't respond.

Dustin sighs. "Everyone at school was talking. They said an ambulance was in front of your house. They said you were dead. That you tried to kill yourself." He takes a breath, his voice sounding pained. "Is-is that true?"

Both of them are looking at me with worry in their eyes. I set my cup down, taking a deep breath to keep my tears at bay.

Finally, I nod.

"Oh God," Miriam's voice cracks, hugging a pillow to her chest.

Dustin looks sad as he sits across from me and I want to get up and hug him. I want to tell him it's okay and that I'm sorry. Instead, I remain seated.

"Why?" Miriam finally asks.

I shrug and she scoffs.

"Can you give us a straight answer for once?" She snaps.

"Mir," Dustin begins.

"No!" Miriam cuts him off. "She doesn't get to shut us out like this." She looks at me. "I know we haven't known each other very long, but you're my friend, Blade. I care about you. I thought you were dead!"

I sniffle, surprised by her outburst. She's right, but it's not that simple.

I pull out my phone and type 'An accumulation of things.'

She rolls hers eyes when I show her the screen. "Right." She gets up and stomps off upstairs. The loud slam of her door sounds throuhh the house, and Mrs. Swaz comes downstairs a few minutes later.

"What happened to Miriam?" Mrs. Swaz asks.

"Nothing," Dustin answers. "Just Miriam being Miriam."

Mrs. Swaz doesn't look convinced, but doesn't push the issue and heads back upstairs.

"Please don't take that personally," Dustin starts. "Miriam has been through a lot and given her past... suicide is a touchy subject for her."

I nod, slumping down in the couch.

I feel exhausted. This week has been nothing short hell and I feel like I'm drowning.

"You look tired," Dustin points out.

I nod.

"Are you okay?"

I don't know how to answer that.

Dustin sighs again when I don't respond. "Okay... can I sit with you."

I look at him and see a vulnerability in his eyes that I haven't seen before. I can tell he was seriously worried about me the days I was in the hospital, and he had no idea what happened.

Inhaling deeply, I nod and he sinks down beside me, looking tired as well. I lean into him, and be rubs my arms.

"I'm really glad you're okay."

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