~ Flashback to three months ago ~

I am just sitting in English class, however, I can not focus, all I can think about is my boyfriend. I think it is me. I always do this, whenever someone begins to get close to me I just always push them away. It always happens. And Gwinam and I are getting pretty close, because you see, I really like him. Maybe it could be more than like at this point...

I leaned over and whispered to Nam-Ra, "I don't know Nam-Ra, he is just seeming really distant kind of. Is it me? Did I do something?"

"What? No, of course not. Why don'y you just talk to him, tell him what's up. He seemed fine with you to me, maybe you're just over thinking this."

"Okay." I said to my friend pulling out my phone to text my boyfriend. However, just as I was about to search his name to send him a quick message, his notification appeared on my phone.

Gwinam: Hey, can we please talk after school :))

Oh shit, I thought to myself. He is so going to break up with me. I began to feel myself panic, like a wave rushing over me. Drowning me. I looked up at the clock, we only had five minutes of class yet. I know that he is going to break up with me. I took a deep breath. I am going to do it first.

Y/N: sure. where at.

I dryly responded to him. To him. Only minutes later the bell rang and I knew what I had to do.

"Hey Gwinam." I said, he opened his mouth to respond, but I didn't let him get a chance to say anything. "Are you breaking up with me?" He opened his mouth again, but I cut him off... Again. "Well, let me save you the trouble. We're done." I harshly whispered before pushing past him and making my way over to my car to go home.

Shit. I though to myself, that really wasn't what I wanted, but that was what he wanted... right?

I just broke up with him before he got the chance to break up with me. I am not getting dumped by gwinam.

I tried to blink the tears out of my eyes but it was too late, they were already streaming down my face. Why did I do that? Why the fuck did I just do that?