He was staring up at me, his lips parted, his eyes full of apprehension. I could almost read his thoughts. I knew what he was thinking. He thought I was messing with him, he thought I was experimenting, he thought I already regretted it.

"I think I really like you." I blurted out before I could talk myself out of it. I quickly scrambled off of him, giving him space to breathe as I mentally scolded myself for acting so quickly.

He sat up slowly, studying me carefully, "W-What?" He asked quietly.

I groaned, turning to face him, "I...I don't know, you...you make me feel weird, okay?" I rambled. "And happy. I have no idea what this is but I really like it, and I guess that means I...I really like you."

He placed his hand tenderly over mine, his fingertips tracing my knuckles absentmindedly, "I th-think I like you too." He whispered.

It felt like the bubble that had been inflating in my chest and restricting my breathing had popped. I was flooded with an indescribable sensation of happiness as a wide grin tugged its way onto my lips. Before I could stop myself, I grabbed the collar of his jumper and pulled his lips onto mine. I had to muster all my willpower to pull away after merely a couple of seconds, knowing Theodore wasn't just another girl I fucked and then forgot. He chuckled, biting his lip to restrict the spread of his smile.

"So, w-what happens now?" He asked tentatively.

I sighed deeply, "I'm not sure. I mean...it's not like we have to label it, can't we just...be us?" I proposed. "You know...hang out and talk and laugh and...do other stuff." I hinted.

His eyes lit up with that familiar flicker of happiness, "That sounds g-good." He agreed diffidently, "B-But, Luca?"

"Hm?"

"Y-You're straight." He reminded me with a suppressed laugh.

"I guess." I shrugged, "Wanna watch a film?"

He looked ready to agree before his eyes landed on the clock and his face fell in disappointment, "I'm sorry, I-I've got to go, I-I'm meant to be picking up an order of d-dog food." He apologised, hopping off the bed as I followed him back downstairs.

"So, d'you wanna maybe...like, get something to eat sometime?" I offered, opening the front door as he lingered in the doorway.

He rose his brows, "A-Are you asking me on a date?" He teased.

"Not so much a date." I blushed, "More like...you know, hanging out-"

"Yeah." He smiled. "I'll go on a d-date with you."

I nodded in relief, "Theo, I've never been in any sort of relationship before." I confessed. "Like...this...whatever we are, it's new to me."

"M-Me too."

"Just...be patient." I ordered playfully. "Because I have no idea what I'm doing. Am I...am I meant to kiss you now or something?"

He giggled, "W-Would be nice." He joked.

I rolled my eyes, leaning down to peck him on the cheek, "I'll text you."

"B-Bye, Luca."

Once he'd gone, I shut the front door behind me, collapsing against the thick wood, a happy smile spreading across my face. He liked me. I was glad my whole family were at the airport with Rosa, it meant I had the whole house to cheer to as I jogged back upstairs.

But then I realised that I knew nothing about boys. Sure, I was a boy myself, but I couldn't be more different to Theodore. What if I was so used to girls, I completely mess up? What if I don't know how everything's meant to work and make a fool of myself? What if Theodore's more experienced than me?

And then I had an idea. A stupid idea, but an idea nonetheless. I rushed over to my desk, flipping my laptop open, already starting to regret my decision. My fingers trembled as I typed. I can't believe I was about to do this.

It was for research purposes. It was to see whether I was even capable of getting off to boys. It was purely to learn more on the subject, to brush up on my knowledge for Theodore's sake. Because despite Theodore being aware of his sexuality for longer than me, I wasn't a hundred percent certain he knew everything about how things worked.

I knew I was probably getting ahead of myself. We'd only just admitted our feelings and I was already jumping straight to the idea of sex. But I was Luca Bakker. Sex was always on my mind. Plus that heated kiss had really riled me up. It's not like I was expecting anything from Theodore anytime soon. But I'd never even explored the possibility of being into boys before. Maybe this was exactly what I needed, just to test the waters.

I clicked on one of the videos that had popped up as a result of my search, making sure to remember to clear my history afterwards. It was a tall black guy and a smaller, skinnier one. They didn't waste anytime before jumping straight in, kissing each other senseless as they tackled each other onto the grotty bed.

It wasn't long before their clothes were discarded and a chorus of pants and moans echoed through the screen. They were rough and merciless in the way they kissed and touched. I knew I wouldn't treat Theodore like that. I knew I'd be gentle if we ever got to this stage. It'd be whispers and butterfly kisses, laughing and making sure he was comfortable. I wouldn't rip his trousers off like the muscular man was currently doing.

Maybe this did turn me on. And that was a little scary. So I slammed the laptop shut and sighed in relief. How had it taken me seventeen years to realise I wasn't straight? Was that normal?

I flinched when I heard a knock on the door, cursing under my breath as I ran my fingers through my hair and descended the stairs.

"Daya?" I frowned, revealing a mess of frizzy, ginger hair on the other side of the front door.

She shoved past me, storming into the house, her expression hard and stony, "Why, Luca?" She demanded as I shut the front door. "Why did you do it?"

I stared at her in exasperation. I'd never seen her like this before. It was always smiles and giggles and pink binders. "I don't...?"

"Were you trying to kill your classmates? Get out of school for a week or two? Prove to everyone that you're not a-?"

"I don't know, Daya!" I snapped. "It wasn't planned, I acted on instinct, okay?"

"Instinct to light shit on fire?" She scoffed.

"It's called pyromania." I shot back sharply.

"It's called arson."

"Same thing."

She rose her brows, "Is it?"

I tugged on my hair in frustration, "Look, Daya...I feel guilty enough, okay? I ran away from everything, only to get this great life that I don't deserve! I deserve to be labelled as a weird kid, the guy who gets bullied and beaten up. But the opposite's happened and I almost wish it hadn't."

"I don't understand you, Luca."

"Neither do I." I barked. "And I have enough shit going on right now as it is."

"Yeah, like what?"

Maybe I wasn't as ashamed as I thought I was, because I thoughtlessly blurted out, "I just made out with a boy."

Her face fell into a blank expression as she stumbled back, her hip hitting the armrest of the sofa. She watched me, her mouth agape, her pale, lime green eyes focussed intently on my face. "What did you just say?"

I was about to deny everything, gather up my previous words and throw them away. I was about to pretend nothing had happened, I'd just messed up. But I didn't have the energy. So I merely sighed and turned to her with pleading eyes. "Theodore Hart." I choked out. "He's...he's a boy and...and I like him." I stammered. "And I don't know how or why or what the fuck any of this means but-"

"Isn't he a stalker?"

My eyes snapped to hers, my blood boiling with anger, "No." I spat. "He would never do something like that."

"It's just that my friend's brother told me about when he used to-"

"Well, it's not true." I hissed. "He was set up."

She nodded vaguely in acknowledgement before the room was flooded by thick, awkward, unbreakable silence. "So...you're like...into boys?"

I shook my head, "No." I breathed out quietly. "Just him."

"And...he likes you?" She asked. I nodded. Daya smiled softly to herself, "That's really great, Luca." She observed. "I'm happy for you."

"It's not like we're together or-"

"But you like him. You've never liked anyone before. Not beyond sex." She added, "This means something to you."

I gulped as her words washed over me. Whatever I felt towards Theodore, it was serious. "You can't-"

"Of course I won't tell anyone."