I felt an overwhelming feeling of shame as I drove home, my fingers curled tightly around the steering wheel. It was that nagging sensation of guilt again. I felt bad for leaving so hastily. I felt bad for leading Theodore to believe that he's done something wrong. I felt bad for leaving him to clear up the rest of the graffiti alone.

It was such an abrupt and unplanned exit. I knew it was a shitty thing to do but if I stayed a second longer I knew I wouldn't be able to control myself. I probably would have done something insanely stupid and unforgivable. Like kiss him.

Because that's exactly what I wanted to. Pin him up against the brick wall and press my body against his so he had no escape. I would have leant down and captured his lips in mine, my fingers knotting into the soft hair. I would have kissed him senseless, desperate to feel every part of him unless I never touched him again.

"Fuck!" I hissed sharply as I pulled into my drive, staying completely still even after parking and turning the engine off. I was too confused to go inside. I was wet too, I noticed. My whole body was soaked, my shirt clinging to my abs and dripping onto my shoes. I thought of Theodore again. How he looked, drenched in water from head to toe. His dirty face, tinted red from the soapy liquid. His baggy jumper, heavy with water, his hair, curly and scruffy.

What was wrong with me? I couldn't stop thinking about the boy and it scared me. He was a boy. And I was a boy. I was interested in girls. I always had been. From my first kiss to my last fuck with Sam, it was always girls.

But what scared me more was the fact that my strange, growing feelings for Theodore weren't born out of sexual desire. I liked him in a romantic way. I wanted to see him smile, see him happy. I wanted to hold him and protect him and watch trashy movies with him. And that was something I'd never felt before. Sure, I liked girls, but I never really liked them. It was the idea of them, their bodies, their clothes, their smell. I wanted to feel them and touch them and have sex with them. But I'd never had the urge to do anything else. Hell, I'd never even had a girlfriend.

As much as I tried to ignore my confused longing for Theodore, it was growing impossible. I could ignore the bright glimmer of hope in my chest when I found out he was gay. But I couldn't ignore the way my whole body buzzed with electricity whenever we touched or the way his smile made me happier than any girl could. I liked him. I liked him in a more-than-friendly way. And that honestly scared the shit out of me.

I wanted it all to just go away. I wanted to look at Theodore without wanting to touch him. I wanted to go to sleep without the fear of dreaming about him. I wanted to be into girls again. I'd felt next to nothing when Sam had touched me this morning. I pretended to be enjoying it, for my sake more than Sam's. I tricked myself into believing that if I tried to enjoy it, I would. But it didn't work. And it was probably the first time that I didn't enjoy having sex.

I needed to stop thinking about him. So what if I liked him? I'm just confused. I'm a teenager, it's natural to want to experiment, it doesn't mean anything. Plus, let's say there's a chance Theodore likes me, too. Then what? We date? I almost laughed out loud at that. Nothing could ever happen between us, we were too different. Firstly, it would ruin our friendship, especially if things went tits up. Secondly, we'd have to keep it a secret, because no way would I be ready to tell anyone about my attraction towards a boy. A relationship behind closed doors is not a relationship I desired, like I was ashamed and hiding - which I was. Thirdly, how did I know Theodore would keep it between us? I knew he wasn't the spiteful type, he knew how to keep a secret. But what if the shit hit the fan and he wanted revenge? It would be easy for him to tell the whole school I was suddenly into boys.

I groaned as I let my head fall onto the steering wheel, still reluctant to move. All I could think about were those bright green eyes. How I'd left him. I'd left him to clear up the last three letters on his own. 'GOT'. It took the pair of us almost an hour to do the first three, by himself that would take at least double the time. Plus, he was wet, with no spare clothes. And it had just started to rain. He'd get a cold if he stayed out there for too long.

I was about to start the car and turn back around when I heard a knocking on my window. I jumped, turning to see Rosa, her brows raised expectantly. I sighed heavily as she walked around the car and slid into the passenger seat. "Why are you wet?" She asked curiously, scanning my attire.

I stared up at my house blankly, not daring to look at her. I shrugged, not capable of coming up with an excuse.

"Why do you avoid me, Luca?" She asked cautiously.

"I'm not..." I started sharply before stopping with a sigh. "It's hard for me, Rosa, okay?" I admitted. "You represent everything I had to leave behind. I was so stupid."

"You were not stupid." She corrected. "You were a kid. And everybody was okay."

"That's not the point. People could have died. So what if they didn't? It could have happened and that would have been all my fault. And now I'm here, leading this great life, scared about what would happen if my friends found out."

"Your friends will not care." She assured me.

I rolled my eyes, "You don't know that."

"I do know that." She countered. "Daya already knows. She is not angry."

I twisted around to face her incredulously, my eyes wide and threatening, "What?" I snapped.

"I am sorry, Luca." She said with a kind smile. "I did not intend to tell her. It was an accident. But she does not mind."

I sighed heavily, "Well, that's just great." I hissed before buckling my seatbelt back up, "How do you 'accidentally' tell someone that?"

She looked down at her lap in shame, "I forgot it was a secret. I am so sorry, Luca." She sounded genuine.

"I'm going, you should go back inside."

"Where are you going? Your parents are very angry."

"Fuck them." I shrugged. "My friend needs help."

"Then I come." She declared. "I help too."

I was about to protest before realising I seriously lacked the energy and so, I just started the car instead. I was beginning to shiver form the cold water and I could only imagine how Theodore felt, out in the rattling wind. I drove slower than usual, as if trying to delay the inevitable task of seeing the blond boy. In some ways, I was glad Rosa was there. She'd be my lifeline, holding me back.

When I arrived, I felt guilty all over again. He was scrubbing at the G, his arm working fast as he shuddered in the cold. I didn't waste any time hopping out of my car, but not before grabbing a blanket from the boot. "Sorry, Theodore." I called over as he twisted around in confusion.

"Y-You're back." He observed.

"Yeah, I had to pick up my cousin." I smiled encouragingly. "My Mum said I have to spend more time with her."

His eyes seemed to brighten at the thought that I didn't abandon him for no reason. "H-Hi." He greeted Rosa who smiled warmly.

"Here." I offered, unfolding the green, checkered blanket and draping it over his shoulders. My fingers lingered as I tightened it around him, making sure he wouldn't get too cold.

"Th-Thanks." He smiled shyly.

After introducing Rosa to the kittens and grabbing her a sponge, the three of us cleaned up the remaining letters. "There's only four." I commented to Theodore as my arm started to ache from the work, "What happened to the other two kittens?"

"P-People took them." He told me.

"Really?" I rose my brows. "That's great."

"What did this paint say?" Rosa asked as she worked on the 'T' vigorously.

I exchanged a look with Theodore, which was simply begging me not to say anything. So I just sighed and told her it was English slang and it didn't mean anything important.

With three of us, it didn't take long. And soon we were finished, leaving the shop sparkling clean and hoping with everything we had that it wouldn't happen again.