I sit on my bed, staring at my phone, at the message I just sent to Flynn.

.

My heart is filled with restlessness. I can't stop thinking about Aiden, it almost takes my mind off the consequences I'll face with my family.

Flynn's reply pops up on the screen, and I swallow.

I take a deep breath. No matter how messy everything is and how painful it feels right now, I can't deny my feelings for Aiden.

It takes a long time for Flynn to answer, but then his reply comes again.

My eyes water again. I should hate Aiden after what he did to me tonight. But deep inside my heart, I know who Aiden really is. I still haven't forgotten the moment I saw him breaking down at the altar two years ago.

That night, it was as if I could rip his chest and see what was inside it. It was as if I could see his heart.

Ever since I saw him at the altar that night, I've always known what kind of man he is, so I answer Flynn's question without a doubt.

I toss my phone onto my bed and bury my face in my pillow. My tears are flowing, and I let them be. Before I know it, I'm crying to the point that I can't breathe because of my sobs.

I've never cried for a man except for Aiden.

Even two years ago I cried hard for him.

Because I know how much pain he's been through.

Almost a day has passed since I ignored Nevaeh after the party.

What I did to her was the exact thing I was afraid I would do to her, and sorry wouldn't be enough to make up for the horrible thing I did.

Yet, I've been avoiding her.

I didn't go out of my bedroom to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner today. Instead, I'd ordered Ian to bring them to my room.

Now, even though it's almost midnight, I can't go to sleep. The only solution is working, but instead of going to my home office like I used to do, I'm now here in the living room with my books and documents scattered on the coffee table.

Why the fuck did I choose to do my work here?

Because I fucking miss Nevaeh.

Because I'm hoping to see her passing by even though she might only get some water in the kitchen.

It's quite pathetic, isn't it?

I'm such an asshole.

I lean back against the couch and sigh. I close my eyes, running my fingers through my hair. The chaos I did yesterday at the party keeps playing in my head.

It was the result of all the insecurities inside me. It was the result of my fucked up mind.

I'm scared.

I'm fucking terrified of these feelings. I don't want to follow whatever my heart wants.

Fucking stupid heart.

Fucking foolish.

I hate losing control, but that's exactly what I do every time she's around. She's going to be the death of me.

The sound of footsteps echoing in the room makes me snap my eyes open. To my surprise, Nevaeh walks into the living room.

She doesn't look surprised to see me, as though she already knows that I'm here, as though she's here to see me.

But being the jerk that I am, I shift my attention back to the documents on the coffee table.

Be careful of what you wished for, I mutter to myself.

It's so damn hard to look at her. I don't want to lose myself.

Nevaeh is silent as she walks toward the cabinet. My heart is racing inside my chest -- it's ridiculous.

"Aiden," she calls, and I feel like all the organs in my body stop functioning.

I look up at her and find a soft smile on her lips.

"Can I turn on the record player?" she asks.

I nod like being hypnotized. My eyes don't leave her even though she has already looked away from me. I watch as she plays with the equipment until a soft melody plays through the speaker.

Nevaeh didn't yell at me. She didn't even glare at me. Instead, she gave me her beautiful smile, one that I didn't deserve.

My heart clenches with pain.

Just as I look down at the table again, she asks, "Dance with me?"

I freeze. Slowly, I look up, and the hopeful look on her face triggers something inside me.

"Please?" she whispers.

We stare at each other for a moment, but then my legs bring me to her even though I didn't remember moving them.

Her face brightens as I approach her. When we stand in front of each other, she beams like she can't believe that I'm willing to do it.

But then, she looks down. I watch the muscles on her neck move as she swallows. Reluctantly, she takes my hand and puts her other hand on my shoulder. She's nervous, and so am I.

Now that I think about it, this is the first time that we're properly holding hands.

For fuck's sake. It feels fucking good.

I place my other hand on her hip and pull her closer to me. That movement makes her let out a small gasp. I don't know why, but other than the fact that this is the basic position for the dance, having her close to me feels like the most natural thing to do, like a need I can't explain.

We're now slow dancing to the music, and Nevaeh gradually becomes more relaxed. She sighs softly and lays her head against my chest. She must be feeling how hard my heart is beating.

It's crazy that I was trying to deny my feelings just now but end up like this a few moments later.

I'm aware that the way my heart is beating isn't healthy, but I don't want to detach myself from her even just for one second.

"Nevaeh," I call.

She looks up. Our gazes meet as she stares at me with wonder. I look into her eyes, wishing that this moment would last forever.

I've lost someone. I don't know if I can do it again. With her.

Nevaeh's eyes are glinting with sadness, and I wonder if she could feel my fear.

Will she promise me that she would never leave me?

I pull her to me again by the waist, closer than before that her cheek is pressed on my chest.

Is there a world where I won't see her disappear from my life? Because I would buy it in a heartbeat.

I step back, hold Nevaeh's arm up and twirl her. As the turn finishes, I step to the side and dip her. With one hand wrapped firmly around her waist and the other cradling the base of her neck, I gently lower her while she hugs my shoulders.

Her face is so close to mine, and my breath catches in my throat. The need to kiss her clouds my mind, and my lips almost touch hers.

But then, I pull her up. For a split second, I see the sadness and disappointment crossing her expression.

We resume swaying. I keep her close to me as we continue slow dancing. I swallow, thinking about the next thing I'm going to do to her. Fuck with everything else. I don't think that I can hold back anymore.

The more I'm trying to deny these feelings, the stronger they come back.

"Nevaeh."

She looks up at me, and her expression is a mixture of confusion and hope.

"Have you ever been kissed?" I whisper.

My words make her taken aback. For long seconds, she doesn't give me an answer. A blush creeps on her cheeks.

But then she finally shakes her head, signaling that the answer is 'no'.

My fingers brush across her cheek, and she gazes at me.

"Will you do me an honor by letting me?" I ask.

Our gazes are locked, and I can see disbelief in her sky blue eyes. They're so beautiful, I feel like I want to stare at them forever.

Again, Nevaeh doesn't give me a verbal answer, but she nods, giving me her permission.

I take a deep breath, and it's a shaky breath. I've never been this nervous about a kiss, not even for my first one. This one kiss with her will probably make me explode in no time.

I cup her cheek, inch closer, and tilt my head. The world around us seems to stop, and I know very well the consequences of my action. But I won't back down like before. No fucking way.

My lips brush against hers.

Our first kiss is so soft, and her lips tremble after I kiss her.

Heaven tastes just like her. She's everything I need to feel.

My arm around her waist pulls her closer to me when I kiss her again. This time, she returns it, and I feel like being resurrected.

Nevaeh kisses me back slowly, circling her arms around my neck. The scent of lavender, honey, and coconut drug me while I'm lost in our kiss. I almost let out a groan of desperation.

Before I know it, I'm kissing her like she's the last air I need to breathe.

Hold me tight. Don't let go.

It's a fucking selfish request from a man like me to a girl like her. What have I done to deserve her?

I've never thought that kissing her would make me feel this whole. All this time, I've always been afraid that she would be another poison.

But now, I've never felt so alive. She doesn't taste like venom at all. She tastes like a cure, like life. A new life that would make me fucking wholesome.

I need you.

My heart bursts as I push her against the wall without stopping the kiss. "Fuck," I curse.

I don't want to break her, and myself, so I pull away from the kiss. But Nevaeh prevents me from doing so.

"Aiden." Her voice is shaking as she stares at me with the same fiery need in her eyes. She's telling me not to stop, still hugging my shoulders.

Then I lift her legs, making them wrapped around my waist as I kiss her hard. I shove my tongue into her mouth, and she whimpers in my arms.

I can't help it. I need to taste her. I need to hold her. I need to feel her.

I need you.

Our first kiss has turned into something wild and unbreakable. I'm kissing her like I'm dying. I don't want to stop. I'll never ever get enough of this kiss.

I need you.

Be with me.

Stay with me.

My heart screams for her. The need is so strong, it's driving me insane.

Nevaeh and I continue kissing like nothing else matters, like there's no tomorrow. I keep ravishing her mouth, bruising her lips. It might be too much, but I need her so fucking bad.

From now on, there's no turning back. This kiss has broken all the walls I've built so high around me.

But right now, I don't fucking care about anything else.

Because I have Nevaeh in my arms.