I haven't left my home besides to get more amber colored alcohol. I have been drowning my sorrow in it. Ignoring everyone.

Its been three days since my mother died and I have spent them getting drunk, being drunk, or throwing up. The liquor helps numb myself. I know it's not healthy, but I just want to get rid of the pain. Eric and Harry both have tried to contact me and make sure im eating.

I haven't ate since she died. I can't.

My body is slowly shutting down and I don't care anymore. I feel like a zombie. My phone goes off next to me in my bed. I'm still drunk from last night it feels like.

I groan removing the covers from myself. I shower as quickly as I possibly can before starting to sober up and do my hair. I put on some make up to hide my feelings and put on one of my favorite black dresses that I wont be able to wear again on. I lean over the sink scrunching my eyes up. I'm so over crying.

"Ave we hav-" Eric cuts off mid sentence noticing me crying. His rigid body immediately softens as he wraps his arms around me.

"I know this sucks, but we just have to go to do this. We are also getting you something to eat." Eric observes me before leading me to the front door. I slip on my gray jacket and black heels. Today is going to suck.

-

Harry POV

"Come on, Mate. She will be okay." Niall claps my shoulder dragging me into a bar. It is only like 11 am and niall is dragging me out to drink. I should be messaging Ava amd making sure she is okay. I roll my eyes sitting the booth in this awful bar. The waitress shirt is cut far to short and she is pushing her breast in my face.

"We'll have two beers, love." Niall chirps up noticing my discomfort. She waltz away shaking her hips far to much.

"I haven't talked to her in three days and I'm worried." I groan pulling at my hair.

"She has that one Eric kid she's okay." Niall takes a drink from his beer in front of him. How can he be so insensitive to Ava? She just lost her mum for fucks sake.

"Where is she at anyway?"

"I don't know! That's why I'm going insane right now. I need to know she is okay." My body is tense and exhausted from the last three weeks. I have gotten so used to getting a full nights rest with Ava beside me and now im lucky to get 4-5 hours a night. My mind is constantly on her. When I have a match I always look at her chair to see if maybe she just showed up. She never has. I don't blame her though. She did the most vulnerable thing someone can do. Ava confessed her love for me and I just shut her out.

"You know mate. You probably don't want to hear this but I think you love her a lot and you are just to scared to admit it. You don't want to admit that a girl has you wrapped around her finger and I know you would do absolutely anything for her. Stop being an ass and tell her." Niall says bluntly taking me of guard. I close my eyes resting them in the balls of my hands.

"She drives me crazy in the most magical way." I whisper to my self. Tears springing to my eyes. Some how Ava has made me completely change for the better. Before her I never saw myself settling or having a girlfriend or saying I love you or doing any of that shit, but now I want nothing more than to have her be mine forever.

Ava is the most amazing woman. She is so complex and unlike anyone I have met. She accepts all my demons and loves me for me. She doesn't just admire me for my appearance or my boxing skills like most women, she loves the real me. The me that I don't even like sometimes. Her beauty and strength marvels everytime I see her. That day when I told her I could never love her I saw that strength vanish. She broke in front of my eyes. I never wanted to put her in any pain. Not my Ava. She is precious to me and the thought of someone let alone me hurting her makes my blood boil.

I completely adore everything about her. All of her "flaws" make me fall for her more. I love the way when we are sitting on the couch eating oreos she counts to ten when she tips in it in the milk because it's the perfect time. The oreo isn't hard or soft but right in the middle. I love when she calls me Bear. Sure it's a pretty wimpy nickname especially if she calls me teddy bear. Nonetheless her nickaname for me makes mybheart flutter everytime she calls me it.

I love how her head goes back when she laughs. Fuck don't get me started on her laugh if I could only hear one thing before I died it would be her laugh. It's the most breath taking sound. She hates it, but I would do anything to hear it. I love her smile too it makes me smile. When she is really happy and she does a big toothy grin.

I love her beauty. Her curves that she hated when she was younger that she still sometimes today doesn't like. I love them. I love the soft curve of her waist and how her skin feels under my touch. I love the feeling of her hand in mine or her head on my chest. I love her little double chin too. It's honestly so cute. If she tilts her head just right or smiles really big it shows. I know she hates it, but I couldn't adore it more. She doesn't like her butt chin either, but I always tell her how beautiful both of her butts are.

I love the way she looks at me like I'm the only one she would ever want. Her eyes are so bright and full of life. I see the way they light up when she sees me just the way mine do for her.

What I admire most about Ava isn't her beauty though it's her strength. Her confidence and how she doesn't let anyone push her around. She doesn't need anyone to protect her. I love how smart she is and how she completely lets a book control her, or when she watches a movies she gets completely invested.

I love that she loves me for everything I am, even all the fucked up shit.

"You love her don't you?" I look up at Niall wiping under my eyes. My tears were streaming down my face thinking about my lovely Ava.

"I love her so fucking much." I admit to myself and Niall for the first time. I love her. I love Ava.

-

Ava's POV

I'm going to be sick. I don't know if it's not eating and drinking the last three days or seeing my mother get lowered into the ground, or both. I run as fast as I can in these damn heels loosing Eric. I don't look where I am running into before I storm in.

"Bathroo-" oh fuck. My hand flys to my mouth. I spot a trash can in front of me. My contents of my stomach emptying. I don't want to face these people. I can't face them. I don't realize there is a hand on my back until I stand up. To my surprise it's Harry. Why is he here? Fuck my head hurts. I think im going to pass out. My vision starts getting spotty causing me to blink rapidly.

"Ava are you okay?" I shake my head no wrapping my arm around his neck so I don't fall.

"Im going to pass out. Please help me." I say weakly. He holds me up bring me over to the bar and helping me on the stool. Harry is barking out orders toward the bartender. My mind is fuzzy and I feel a bit wobbly.

"When did you eat last?" I shrug an answer. Harry groans. I shrug off my jacket the best I can. It's so fucking hot in here. My eyes start fluttering shut. I'm so dizzy. I just need to close my eyes for a bit.

"Kitten No! Please stay awake. Keep your eyes open." Harry use of my nickname makes my heart jolt slightly. I haven't heard that in so long. I nod slowly doing my best to keep myself awake.

-

Harry takes care of me. He puts a cold rag on my forehead forces me to eat a granola bar while they cook me a cheeseburger and drink water. I start feeling better when Eric walks in.

"Oh my god Ava! Are you okay?" He rushes over grabbing my face making me groan in pain.

"Shit im sorry." Eric starts glaring at Harry as soon he notices him. If it weren't for Harry I would probably be passed out and at the hospital.

"They are cooking her some food. She should be okay." Harry turns around to walk away, but I grab his wrist pulling him toward me.

"Please don't leave me." I sound pathetic and desperate but I need him and Eric will just have to get over it.

"Ava... we talked about this." Eric sends me a warning glare. Rolling my eyes I have Harry sit next to me.

"Eric please, just if it weren't for him I would be at the hospital in who knows what kind of state. Just go back to the lunch. I'll be back soon." He sighs nodding before wrapping his arms around me.

"I trust you to know what is right for you." He whispers before walking out.

-

"Jesus women I have never seen you eat like that." Harry chuckles as I finish the last fry on my plate.

"I haven't exactly had the most nutritional diet lately." I mumble slightly.

"Yesterday when I was sleeping I walked into my kitchen and ate a whole row of oreos and then woke up throwing up on my couch." Harry's story makes me laugh, really laugh for the first time since we broke apart.

"How did you-?" I cut myself off covering my mouth with my hand as I laugh more. Harry giggles next to me shrugging his shoulders.

"You're so weird." I chuckle wiping under my eyes. I miss him. I miss us.

Why can't Harry just fucking love me?

"What time do you have to get back, kit- Ava?" Harry corrects himself awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"I should probably go I guess." Please tell me to stay. I sigh standing up putting my jacket back on.

Fuck I hate today. I hate everyones pity. I my sister for still being a bitch to my dad. I hate Eric for not wanting me to be around Harry. I hate my mom for leaving me with all these dickweeds. I hate Harry for making me love him so fucking much that I am blind to all the pain he has put me in.

"I love you, Harry. You know that right?" I whisper as soon as he wraps his arms around me. His body tense slightly before he nods. Harry's arms are warm and familiar around me. He never ceases to make me feel completely safe.

"I know, Ave." He whispers in my ear. I didn't expect him to say it back or anything but atleast he is understanding that I do love him. I kiss his cheek lightly before walking away from my heaven and back to hell.

A/n sigh I love Harry. Maybe he won't be an ass for once. Boring af chapter sorry m8