She was the light and I was the darkness

Ever dripping putrid by nature

She illuminated me

By illumination it revealed what I reviled about myself

But still she loved me

Still she cared and caressed me with her warmth

The darkness receded

But that was just appearance

Like a jester joking but dead

Making others laugh so their tear stained eyes could not see mine

It never really disappeared from me

Only condensed into an impenetrable orb

An orb of malice, anger

Hatred, self-loathing, and depression

A lesion upon the soul of a man once good

Once so kind so gentle to all things

Hardened to an edge I have become

And yet she is still there glowing

Glinting off my edges

Pushing that putrid thing inside farther into the recesses of my being

Is this good?

Or has it just constricted all that vileness into a bomb

A bomb that wants to ignite

It wants to detonate so badly

At times I want to let it out

Let the rage take hold of me

DESTROY DESTROY DESTROY

Like a little boy that lost his favorite toy

Throwing an unbridled fit

Red faced teary eyed wild hair

Flailing limbs begging to connect with something

But that glowing ember keeps it in check

Like water separating oil

She keeps that obsidian orb away from who I was

And who I am

She keeps me a good man

An honorable man

What a burden has been placed upon her

Always having to glow

Always having to be ready to take action

Snuffing the flame that threatens to detonate

Here I am just a man

A man so full of disappointment and hatred for himself

But a woman, no not a woman a goddess

A saintly goddess so self-sacrificing

As to put herself in the path of this poison

Never worrying about her own toxicity level

Just to keep this man whole

Just to keep this weak man whole

This man of emotion and self-destruction

She keeps me whole

She keeps me grounded in what is

And what will be

If I can just stay the course

If I cannot destroy myself

If I can just become who I was

And stay as I was

A good man

An honorable man

HER man.