Why do I recoil at touch

Do I think someone will become diseased

Am I not worthy of compassion

Do I hate myself that much

It's easier to self pity

Than it is to face reality

Reality is that I hate sobriety

Sobriety releases the pain that leads to my insanity

Why do I sabotage a good thing

The scream that hides inside

You deserve to be miserable

It's who you are

It seems to be the only thing in my head and it rings

I have fought it for so long

As I see the leaves change again

Another year in passing

For possitivity I still am grasping

Day by day the voice breaks me down

I am a snail creeping along the ground

I am a worm

Forever spurrned

But as autumn turns to fall

Fall turns to winter

Winter to spring

I sing

I have made it another year

The voice has not claimed me yet

I must not live in fear

Each year down is another one won

But I am still so tired

Tired of the rage against myself

Tired of the molecular breakdown of my self worth

I must rebuild

I must succeed

It's an internal battle that no one can see

But there is a war I am constantly fighting

And it is exhausting

I am so tired.